My Name Is Serena
by Mst2006
Summary: The Manhattan Special Victims Unit prides themselves on speaking for the victims. Some of us can speak for ourselves. My name is Serena and this is my story.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I couldn't get this idea out of my head! Yes, I will continue Full Circle (in fact, the next chapter is almost complete as I type this note) but this was nagging me. It will be a longer story and although you may think you know where it's going, it will take a sharp turn left. It's not the same ol' typical fic and the title will make sense soon. Constructive criticism is always appreciated and I love reviews!

That being said, here's the obligatory disclaimer: the only characters I own are the ones you've never heard of.

Chapter 1

Olivia Benson's apartment

203 West 89th Street, Manhattan

May 31st, 2004

A very loud, high pitched, repeating rhythm was blaring in her ears. It could only be heard vaguely because the throbbing behind her eyes and the incessant pain in her head drowned out almost all other stimuli. She slowly came to realize the blaring she heard was her alarm so she tried to silence the offending mechanism. Unfortunately, she was unable to move her arms. She wasn't tied up or restrained in any way, but damn her arms were too heavy to lift. Using all the strength she could muster, she flared up her arm and hit the button, effectively throwing her back into silence. She wanted to fold herself back into the bliss of sleep but now that she had been disturbed, the silence was deafening, magnifying the pain in her head. What the hell?

Olivia began to take inventory. Okay, massive headache, check. She tried to pry open her eyes and once she was successful, she immediately slammed them shut from the blinding light that came shining through the open curtains that she neglected to close before going to bed last night. Last night? She always closed her curtains before getting into bed. Why didn't she remember getting into bed last night? In fact, she didn't remember where she went let alone how she got home. Wait, was she even home? Olivia eyes flew open at that thought and she fought through the painful haze of light to try and focus. Yes, she was home. Good. Okay. She turned her head into the pillow and slowly tried to lift herself up. She almost never slept on her stomach—only on the rare occasion when she fell asleep after sex if she rested her head on the lucky guy she happened to share her bed with. She always woke up before him, on her stomach out of his grasp and always successfully made it out of bed, either to leave herself or wake him in order to kick him out. As she pushed herself up, she turned to her side and saw that she was alone. Damn, if only her head would stop pounding she might be able to focus. Almost every muscle in her body ached in some way.

As she tentatively lowered her left foot onto the floor in an attempt to stand, her comforter fell away and the first thing Olivia noticed was she was naked. That was new. She didn't like to sleep naked, even after sex because she never knew when she would get an emergency call in the middle of the night. She would just throw on some jeans and sneakers when that happened because she couldn't be bothered with finding undergarments when a victim was waiting. The second thing she noticed was the soreness between her legs. Now, she was fully awake, aches forgotten. She did a quick visual inspection. No bruises or scratches on her inner thighs. No bleeding. Okay. As she straightened, she noticed her breasts were sore; her nipples swollen and red. She made a beeline for the full-length mirror on the back of her bathroom door. She felt stretched and used and hungover but she didn't remember drinking. In the mirror the only thing she could see besides her breasts was some redness on her upper arms, her knees were red and there was some bruising on her neck consistent with a hickey. A hickey? Fuck. Rough sex? Every aching muscle in her body and the soreness between her legs led her to that conclusion but why did she feel so out of it? Without realizing what she was doing, Olivia picked up her phone and dialed.

"Hello?" came a very drowsy voice on the other end. Shit. She forgot how early it was.

"Hi Melinda, it's Olivia" she said as she noticed how hoarse her voice sounded and it hurt to swallow. Then again, everything hurt so why not? "I'm sorry to wake you but I need a favor."

The M.E. on the other end of the phone was instantly alert. Olivia didn't call for early morning favors. In fact, Olivia never asked for favors. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" Melinda asked with concern in her voice.

"Yes, I think so. Can you meet me in your office before my shift this morning? There's…I…please? Olivia was vaguely aware of how desperate she sounded and didn't want to make her friend worry until there was reason to. "I'm fine Melinda, really. Can you please meet me?"

"Of course, let me make sure everyone is up and ready and I'll meet you in an hour."

"Thanks" Liv said as she hung up. Add the fact that Melinda had a family to take care to the list of things Olivia didn't remember. She felt bad but she had to make sure that she hadn't become the thing she fought so hard to protect-a victim.

-SVU-

Stabler Residence

72-12 Castleside Street

Glenoaks-Queens

Same Day

"Elliot!"

He was having the greatest dream. She was shouting his name over and over and, wait. This sounded different.

"Elliot, come on! You're going to be late!"

This time he heard it more clearly as he felt someone shaking his arm, hard enough to move him side to side. Oh, he was no longer dreaming. Kathy sounded irritated, which wasn't so unusual nowadays but this time he couldn't figure out why. He was sleeping, what the hell did he do to irritate her? He couldn't focus too much because his damn head hurt. Fuck! What hit him?

"Mmmmph" he managed to say. After a moment he became a bit more coherent. "What time is it?" He managed to open his eyes and immediately knew that was a mistake.

"Time for you to take the kids to school. I have an early shift today, remember?" Kathy was all ready for work, in her scrubs with keys in her hand. As soon as she saw her husband's bloodshot eyes and truly assessed his demeanor, she had second thoughts. "Are you hungover Elliot? How much did you drink last night?"

"I don't remember drinking anything Kath. What time did I come home?" This didn't make sense. Elliot didn't drink himself into a stupor. Apparently, his wife knew this as well as became troubled. He slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position with his back against the headboard. He kept his knees bent and leaned forward onto his elbows in order to hide the raging hard-on he was sporting. It's been a while since he woke to one of those. No sense in getting Kathy any more irritated.

"Around 1. I didn't think anything of it because you didn't smell like liquor when you kissed me goodnight but obviously I missed it since I was exhausted myself. You literally fell into the bed, kissed me, rolled over and started snoring-loudly. How do you feel?" Her voice went from irritation to concern.

Elliot became a bit distressed and as was his habit, he began to knead the back of his neck. "I don't think I drank anything! God, my head is pounding, my neck is killing me" he complained. "Wait. 1:00? Where was I coming from?" He furrowed his eyebrows as he frantically tried to piece together his actions last night.

"El, you're sounding crazy right now and you're scaring me. If you didn't drink last night, and now that I can see you clearly, I believe that, then what the hell happened to you?" Elliot looked so out of it that if she didn't know better, she'd swear he was coming down from a high. "Honey, were you drugged?" she asked timidly.

Drugged? Fuck! It would explain a lot right now but how could he not know? "Jesus" Elliot scrubbed his hands down his face, only accentuating the throbbing in his head. "Kathy, I need to get checked out."

"Okay, come on. I'll get the kids moving and you can come with me to the hospital."

-SVU—

"Hi Melinda. I'm so sorry to pull you away from your family so early." Olivia managed to pull herself together and arrive at the M.E.'s office just after Melinda got there. The cab ride was a horror show since the driver managed to find and hit every pothole on the way downtown. The ride took 25 minutes in morning traffic and the pain between Olivia's legs intensified as each block passed. She felt like her tailbone was bruised and no amount of Excedrin would relieve her headache right now.

"It's nothing they're not used to Liv; but I must say that I have a feeling this isn't work related." For the past three years, Melinda has always been the one to call Olivia.

"Right. Melinda, I need a favor but I need it kept off the record for now." As Melinda looked skeptical, Liv explained everything she knew, but more importantly, everything she felt. "I need to know if I was hit over the head causing me to black out, if I was drugged, if I was…assaulted (although she said the word rape repeatedly every day, she couldn't apply it to herself). Did someone break into my apartment or did I invite them in? Melinda please."

"Stop" Melinda interrupted. "I'll do anything to help. First, you should call in because you're going to be late for work. Tell them I need you or something, I'll back you of course. Then give me a urine sample so I can run a quick analysis while I check the rest of you over. It's much faster than the blood screen so we'll know where to start." As her friend called in to Cragen, the M.E. was meticulous as she took urine, blood, and saliva and immediately ran the lab analysis. She then checked Liv for a concussion, various bruises, etc.

After what seemed like forever to Olivia's throbbing head and fired-up nerves, but was in reality only about a half-hour, Melinda finally took a step back. "Well, you don't seem to have a concussion but there was quite a bit of bruising. You have contusions on both triceps, friction burns on your knees and upper back, broken blood vessels in your right eye commonly known as 'pink eye' but definitely not conjunctivitis. There are bite marks on your breasts and neck. The pain you're experiencing between your legs is most likely tightened or pulled muscles and you could possibly have a bruised cervix and some tearing. Without an internal I can't be sure." Melinda couldn't rule out rough sex. "Liv, do you want me to run a rape kit?"

Olivia wasn't going to put herself through that unless she absolutely had to. "Shit Mel! What the fuck happened last night? I don't remember going out let alone having sex, rough or otherwise. No, I'm not having a kit Melinda. My clothes from yesterday are still on the floor so I'll bag them with my sheets. This is so embarrassing!" Olivia was mortified, and confused, and she still couldn't think straight. "God Melinda, can you give me something for my goddamn headache?" She was shouting now. Her heart was racing and it caused the pulse to bang in her ears. She started to breathe quicker.

"Yes, I'll get you a banana bag. It'll not only hydrate you, but it'll also help flush out whatever's in your system. I'll have the urine test results rather quickly, but the blood tox will take a while. You need to calm down Liv, sit here." Melinda led Olivia to the sofa in her private office. It was considerably softer than the exam table so she was able to sink into a cushion and spread her legs a bit to relieve the pressure. After Melinda inserted the IV into her arm, Olivia bent her head to lean on the back of the couch and closed her eyes, trying to regulate her breathing as she tried to piece together the last 12 hours from a blank slate.

-SVU—

Thanks to his wife, Elliot sat in a private room in the ER attached to his own banana bag. Kathy had to start her shift, especially since thanks to him she was already late. She was able to make sure he had his bloodwork taken but now that they were alone, the doctor was giving him the oddest look.

"Mr. Stabler…" the doctor who could be Elliot's grandfather began before being interrupted.

" _Detective_ Stabler doc."

"Yes, of course" the doctor said nonplussed. "Detective Stabler, your wife said you came home in the wee hours of morning and fell right to sleep. You two didn't have relations then?"

Elliot and Kathy's 'relations' were few and far between nowadays but Kathy gave no indication that they had sex last night. "No, between our schedules we haven't had sex in at least a week." He wasn't about to admit it had been way longer than that.

"Other than whatever is in your system, you have scratches on your upper back and the back of your thighs consistent with fingernails. You also must be in a bit of pain from the erection you've had since you came in. How long has it been exactly?" The doctor didn't look accusatory; he just looked bored like he's seen it all, which he probably has. Elliot chose to throw on sweats because ever since waking up, his member has been standing at attention. He didn't want to draw Kathy's attention to that fact. Yeah, he's woken up with boners before, but this one is different, and yes, it damn well hurt.

"Umm, I woke up with an erection. A full one actually, along with the train wreck in my head."

"Well whatever drugs are in your system might explain the prolonged erection but the marks are indicative of rough sex. What you do in your private life is your business, but if the drugs caused you to act differently than you normally would, well detective, I don't have to finish that sentence do I?" The doctor looked Elliot straight in the eye knowing Elliot knew what he meant.


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Sheesh! My apologies. I know I haven't updated in a while but new school year, new curriculum (which I hate), new very social children. Have to make time to sigh let alone write. I'm also finishing up Full Circle so that I can truly concentrate on this story. I know exactly where this is going and what it will take to get there. I just have to find time to do it all._

 _Anyway, enjoy! I will assume that you all know the disclaimer in my first chapter still applies. Thanks for reading (and reviewing!)_

Chapter 2

The 16th precinct

Downtown, Manhattan

November 24, 2004

"Finally!" Elliot exclaimed as he threw his completed DD5 to the side of his desk. He'll give it to Cragen on his way out. "What time can we expect you tomorrow Liv? Dinner is at 3:00." His words came out a bit garbled as he was talking through a yawn while standing and stretching.

"Thanks, El" Olivia replied wearily. But I'm catching tomorrow and Friday." She always volunteered to work the Thanksgiving holiday. As she had no family to break bread with, she enjoyed being able to give her coworkers the peace of mind of not being pulled away from their turkey dinner. Munch would be on call to come in if needed, but every other year she had managed alone. It seemed most would-be rapists fell into a turkey induced coma after dinner. Elliot knew this, but he invited her to their family meal every year. Unfortunately, Olivia knew that things were anything but 'happy' in the Stabler household lately and she wasn't about to make it anymore uncomfortable than it was bound to be.

"Well, if it stays quiet, you're welcome to join us; even if you eat and run." He grinned while walking to the captain's office before leaving. Olivia watched him walk away.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Elliot" she called after him as he turned around in the elevator and waved.

oooooo

2 days later

Olivia had been dreading this moment for the past 6 months. The squad room was empty as it was after 8 on Black Friday. There was only one call that she and Munch practically jumped at, but it turned out to be a false alarm. She had the weekend off and it might even snow, which was fine with her. She was exhausted and planned to hibernate. Olivia couldn't put it off any longer so took a deep breath and walked towards Cragen's office. Munch left earlier and since it was practically just the two of them, he left his door open.

"Cap, I need to speak to you" she said timidly causing Cragen to raise his eyebrows as she closed the door.

"Of course, come. Sit." He gestured to one of the chairs as he came around to the front of his desk. "What's going on Liv?"

"I. Umm. Fuck. Cap…" She had no idea how to explain herself but his gaze never wavered and he didn't say a word. Cragen always found it best to let his detectives explain themselves _before_ he chimed in. He usually avoided a screaming match with this tactic.

Olivia was suddenly on her feet suddenly lifting her oversized sweater. "Don, I'm pregnant." To say Cragen's jaw dropped would be an understatement. Olivia was most obviously very far into her pregnancy and she decides to tell him now? He couldn't stop staring at her stomach.

"Detective" he had to remain professional at the moment. This wasn't Olivia sharing joyous news; this was one of his best detectives revealing a secret that should have been shared months ago. "I can see that. How far along?" He knew he sounded callous, but he couldn't help it. Why didn't she tell him sooner?

"I'm due March 31st, give or take" she stated as she readjusted her clothing and sat back down. She was exhausted and clearly trying to keep her emotions in check in front of her captain. This was clearly written all over her face and body language so Cragen softened.

"Well, congratulations Olivia. I'm truly happy for you." She would of course have to be assigned to desk duty, leaving the rest of the squad shorthanded during the holidays. But before he could say anything else, Olivia interrupted him.

"Thanks Cap. I just needed to let you know since I'll be unable to hide it much longer" She stood up to leave but Don pulled her back.

"Liv. I don't mean to pry or sound indelicate, but is the father involved?" Admittedly he didn't keep track of his detectives dating habits, but he was pretty sure Olivia wasn't seeing anybody.

Olivia looked at her captain and started shaking and although her eyes pooled with tears, she would be damned if she let any fall in front of him. "No Cap. I'm alone in this. I will raise this child on my own." She seemed to shrink a bit while saying the words but her voice was steady, strong, and unwavering.

"No, Olivia. You are not alone. Whatever you need." He looked so genuine that one rogue tear slid down her cheek. She of course, quickly wiped it away.

"I should go, I'll see you Monday."

"I'm assuming you'll be telling the rest of the squad? I mean, the oversized sweaters can only hide so much." He couldn't help a small smile.

She's thought about that quite a lot ever since the morning sickness started in August. Thankfully, it was truly only in the morning and once the vomiting was done, she was good to go for the rest of the day. Everyone just assumed she was hot and tired like the rest of them. It had been a busy summer for the SVU squad but now, all she wanted to do was eat and sleep.

"I need to talk to Elliot, then I'll spread the word." Cragen was a bit surprised that Elliot wasn't the first Olivia told, or that he hadn't already figured it out since he's with her almost all the time. Then again, he knew that if Elliot had any idea, he would have been the first (after himself) to glue her ass in a chair months ago, let alone allowing her to catch practically by herself these past two days.

"Sooner rather than later Olivia. He and Fin are catching this weekend. Tell ya what, I'll send him to check on you as soon as he comes in tomorrow. I'll let Munch know he's on standby just in case." He began to escort her to the elevator after stopping at her desk to gather her belongings.

"Thanks Cap. For everything." She quickly gave him a one-armed hug right before the elevator doors closed leaving him to wonder just who the baby's daddy was and why Olivia felt like she had to be alone.

oooo

Elliot stood outside Olivia's door with his hands full. Cragen called him very early asking him to check on Liv before coming in. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" when she left yesterday so Elliot brought her some turkey soup that Maureen had helped him make this morning from the myriad of leftovers still in the fridge. He knocked several times and was becoming impatient.

"Liv, it's me. Open up!"

Finally, he heard the locks click and she opened the door. She really did look tired. She was wearing a very large baseball jersey over a pair of blue pajama bottoms. "What time is it?" she asked wearily while rubbing the sleep, or lack thereof, out of her eyes.

"It's 7:30. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Cragen called and told me you weren't feeling well so I brought you some provisions. Jesus, Liv. You look terrible!"

"Thanks so much" she said sarcastically as she plopped back on her couch while Elliot walked into her kitchen. "I feel fine actually, just tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately" she admitted. Truth be told she hadn't slept well since waking up bruised, naked, and confused.

Elliot joined her on the couch and put the back of his hand on her forehead, the same way he does for his kids and Olivia tried to shake him off. "Yeah, well he called, I came. I brought you some turkey soup." A wide smile spread across his face at that moment because Olivia's stomach growled, loudly. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"No. I mean yes, I'm okay but there's something I need to tell you. Cragen didn't send you here because I'm sick. He sent you so I can tell you that…I..." Olivia looked down at her hands fidgeting in her lap. "Elliot, I'm pregnant. I'm due in early spring." She finally looked into his eyes. He flickered his gaze from her face to her stomach and back again.

He was surprised, but he didn't show it. He couldn't remember the last time Olivia went on a date. He didn't miss a beat though. "Congratulations, Liv! I'm so happy for you." He reached over to pull her into a hug. Her response however, came as a bigger shock than her revelation. She balled the front of his shirt into her fists and burst into tears. Not the sweet 'Oh, I'm so happy,' pregnancy hormone tears, but these gut-wrenching, body shaking, soul-crushing sobs from deep down in her throat. What the hell? Olivia Benson didn't cry; not in front of anyone anyway. He knew she cried, alone in her apartment after shooting Eric Plummer. And she even held it together after her mother's passing. This hysterical Olivia Benson was way out of his comfort zone. All he could do was hold her tight, rub her back, and tell her everything is going to be all right because he had to believe it would be.

Her back started to ache. She had been bent over sobbing into Elliot's chest for almost a half hour. Her throat was dry, her eyes were swollen, and again, her back hurt.

"I'm sorry, El. It's just..." She was trying her best to slow her breathing and avoid the hiccups. "I haven't told anyone. I mean, anyone until I cornered the Captain last night. It all seems so unreal." Saying it out loud made her feel better. There was no turning back now.

"Who's the father?" He didn't mean to ask like that, but they never pulled any punches with one another so why start now?

Other than Melinda, no one knew about that morning. She wasn't about to tell Elliot, he wouldn't understand A) how could she let, whatever happened happen and B) how come she didn't report it?

"No one you know and he's not in the picture anyway." She finally pulled far enough away from his chest to look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, I've ruined your shirt." That was an understatement. Not only was it soaked to his skin from her tears and various other liquids that leak when you cry uncontrollably, but it was beyond wrinkled where she crushed it in her fists as if he would float away if she didn't hold on tight.

Elliot didn't push her on the father issue, not now anyway. Instead, he smiled and joked. "Well, at least I don't have court this morning. I'll change when I get to my locker. I'll take the casual weekend look to a new level." That got a smile from her. "Seriously, Liv. Everything will be okay. I'm here, Cragen's here. Munch and Fin are here. This baby will have so many father figures, he or she will not know how to handle all of us."

"I know. Sometimes, I need some reminding that I am not really alone." She tried to stifle a yawn but was unsuccessful so she skootched towards the other end of the couch. She was beyond exhausted, physically, emotionally, and probably mentally since lack of sleep will do that to you.

"When was the last time you got any sleep?" It was a legitimate question. She never seemed this tired before.

"Hmm..aan..in..num"

 _That cleared that up_ , he thought. He wasn't about to let a pregnant woman who was this exhausted sleep on her sofa, although after looking around, it's clear that this is where she has been lying her head as of late. He got up, unnoticed, and went into her bedroom. He was right. Her bed hadn't been slept in, at least not last night. He pulled down the covers and fluffed the pillows. He made his way back into the living room where his partner lay dead to the world.

"Liv, let's get you to bed." He waited for a response but only got the same incoherent mumbling so he did what any decent partner would do. He picked her up bridal style, carried her to her room and tucked her in.

oooo

St. Mark's Hospital

263 West 78th Street

New York, NY

April 7, 2005

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Fin, get the fuck away from me or I swear instead of your hand, I'll be squeezing your nuts!"

Fin didn't have to be told twice. Where the hell was Stabler? This was his job after all, that's what partners did right? When Munch has to push a baby out his dick, Fin will be there to hold his hand. Olivia had been in labor for over 12 hours and she was a week overdue. As a result, everyone was miserable. Maybe not as much as Liv, but miserable. John and Elliot had to drive to bumblefuck Pennsylvania to inform a victim that her assailant was due to be released on parole. Of course, while they were there, they were asked to help the local PD negotiate the capture of a pedophile who locked himself in a room with three kids at gunpoint. As soon as Olivia's water broke, Cragen called Elliot but was unable to get through. Twelve hours later, Cragen was still making calls and Fin's manhood was being threatened for the umpteenth time. Thankfully, Elliot was finally on his way; most likely breaking every motorist law on the books.

"Fin?" she screamed, again. "I..." Her sentence was cut off when Elliot stormed into the room, trying in vain to dress himself in the gown they threw at him as he ran past. Fin walked over, straightened him out and pat him on the back.

"Good luck, brotha" and promptly left to wait with Cragen.

As soon as she saw him, her eyes threw daggers. It wasn't his fault she was here. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't get here sooner. But, one look and he would gladly take all the rage she threw his way because behind the death stare and threats, she was scared. He held her hand as was his duty.

When the time came, after several pushes, Elliot had to climb up behind Liv to give her leverage. She was tired and not getting very far, but she couldn't stop pushing. Having been through this three times (four since Dickie came out right after Lizzie), he put his hands flat on Liv's stomach and smoothed them down. This had such a calming effect on his partner that she stopped screaming bloody murder. She was able to bear down and push as long as she held onto his forearms. He just kept moving his hands down her belly. Finally, Liv collapsed against his chest. Elliot knew the baby was out but the room was virtually silent.

"It's a girl!" pronounced the doctor as he held up the wrinkled little red bundle. Still, silence.

"Is she okay?" ask Liv. After all, don't newborns cry when they come out.

The doctor quickly gave the baby to the attending nurse for evaluation without laying her in Liv's arms first. After the nurse took the newborn, he concentrated on cleaning Olivia up. "She has a perfect 10 on the 1-minute Apgar scale!" The nurse shouted over her shoulder as she ran the proper tests. She then wrapped the little human tightly and laid her on Olivia's chest. The baby wasn't crying, but Olivia was. Her hands were shaking so badly that Elliot had to cover them with his since he was still positioned behind her.

"She's beautiful Liv" he said as he kissed the top of her head. He didn't care what a mess she was, he always loved having this moment with his own kids and was delighted to share it with his best friend.

"Yes, but why is she so quiet? Isn't she supposed to be screaming?" Liv looked so dumbfounded and in awe and full of love all at the same time.

"Not necessarily, Olivia. Her breathing looks good, she is responsive to stimuli. You just have an old soul here Detective." the doctor reassured her as he finished up. "I had to give you a couple of stitches, nothing to worry about but you won't be running any marathons anytime soon. I can't say you'll feel good passing urine, but it was necessary.

Liv hadn't heard a word the doctor said. The little creature in her arms had 10 beautiful toes, 10 long fingers, one beautiful nose and a mouth that Liv could swear was sporting a smile. She hadn't opened her eyes yet though.

"Hi Serena." she cooed. I'm your momma!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Those who still are, thanks for sticking with me!

Chapter 3

Olivia Benson's Apartment

April 7, 2009

Olivia entered her apartment as quietly as possible. It was 12:30 in the morning but all her paperwork was completed and filed so she could enjoy her day off. She couldn't believe her baby was four years old. She ordered a special doll that looked just like her and they were going to pick it up and have a special brunch with the doll at this huge store, get matching outfits, etc. Liv didn't see the appeal, but she knew her baby would absolutely love it.

After seeing the nanny to the door, Liv jumped into the shower. It was always the first thing she did when she got home, before hugging her daughter if she was early enough or before sticking her head in Serena's bedroom if she was sleeping. She didn't want Serena to touch any part of her that was exposed to the atrocities she dealt with every day. Olivia knew it was a ridiculous notion, but that was how she felt.

When she walked into her bedroom after her shower, she was surprised to see Serena laying in her bed looking at her. Serena was the mirror image of Olivia in miniature form. She had long brown hair that caught waves when it got wet. She sported the cutest set of bangs that Liv kept trying to tuck behind her ears. They never seemed to grow out and Olivia couldn't bring herself to cut them. Her eyes were the exact almond shape as her mother's and the same deep chocolate brown. Her skin was naturally tan and she had perfect baby teeth.

"Hello, sweetheart! What are you doing up?". Liv noticed that Serena seemed deep in thought. Her little eyebrows were furrowed and she wore the oddest expression.

"I couldn't sleep" she said. "I have an important question."

Liv threw on a black t-shirt and green pajama bottoms before crawling into her bed. She sat up and faced her daughter. "It must be very important to keep you awake this late. Or, rather, this early. Happy birthday angel!" She said lovingly as she tweaked Serena's nose.

Serena smiled but it faded quickly. She really did appear troubled and that didn't sit well with Olivia. Serena was an extremely calm and quiet child; one would say her name was perfect. She was always so thoughtful, analyzing everything she saw. Like her mom, she thought of others first. She sported a smile that was infectious and melted the heart of anyone who was privileged to see it. Serena hardly ever cried, even as a baby. She would fuss a bit when she was hungry or needed a diaper change, but outright crying? Nope. Not as long as her immediate needs were met and Olivia doted on her every need. Her baby was just serene. At times, Elliot would remind Liv of the doctor's words, " _She's an old soul_."

"Tell me honey. What's keeping you awake?"

"We are talking about where we live and stuff. Mrs. Greene said it's important to know our address in case of emergency. She was saying something else too but I was going over my German lessons in my head because I already know all this stuff. You know, some kids just only know that they live in New York?" She said this part with exasperation. Liv had to chuckle. She really was too smart for her age.

"Anyway, I was sitting next to Alice and she knew the street she lived on but not the number. She also said her parents' names are "Just Mommy and Daddy." Lots of kids said that. Then it was my turn and I told Mrs. Greene where I live, your cell phone number, the house number, and the number to your desk and Elliot's. Then I said, "My Momma's name is Detective Olivia Benson of the 1-6."

Serena stopped talking for a moment and looked down in her lap. Liv was listening intently but couldn't see what would make her daughter wake up in the wee-hours of the morning on her birthday to talk.

"I'm so proud you knew all that. I guess being a cop's kid, I went a little overboard making sure you had all the necessary information, especially since your classmates barely know their own last names."

Serena continued. "Right. So after I finished, Owen said that I didn't tell them my daddy's name. I told him I don't have a daddy and he started saying that everyone has a daddy and maybe he wasn't around because he didn't love me cuz I'm a know-it-all." She took a deep breath before asking, "Momma is that true? Who is my daddy?"

Olivia knew this day would come and she was dreading it. She felt guilty and unworthy of this beautiful girl who was her entire world. She tried to stall. "What did Mrs. Greene say to Owen?"

Serena was quick to answer. "She said that everyone's family is different and some other stuff about using nice words that I really wasn't paying attention to because I was thinking. Do you even know who my daddy is?" She looked at Liv with anticipation. Olivia has never lied to her daughter and she didn't want to start now. She always found an easy way to answer honestly.

"No baby. I don't. I may not know who he is, and we will discuss that more when you get older, but I am eternally grateful to him because he gave me you and you are so loved. Never, ever forget that." Liv was ready for more questions, confusion, perhaps a bit of a breakdown. None of that came. Instead, after a moment's contemplation, Serena looked up at Olivia with her big, beautiful smile. Now, Olivia was confused.

Serena giggled. "It's okay Momma. That makes me feel better. If you don't know who my daddy is, then how am I as'post to? And our family is perfect anyway. We have Carmella and Elliot and Uncle Fin, and Uncle Munch. Even the captain treats us like a daddy. Nobody else has a family like that!"

Olivia let out the breath she had been holding and had to chuckle herself. Today, it didn't matter if she never pursued her partner in her rough night of sex. Melinda tried to get her to report the drugs and bruises, but Liv couldn't, wouldn't put her sex life under that kind of scrutiny with the people she worked with. With the people Serena (and she) considered family. Today, her daughter was happy and logical about the whole thing. Today is what mattered.

Liv turned off the light and cuddled up with her baby. When she heard the deep breathing, cute little snores coming from the bundle wrapped in her arms, she renewed her vow to be both a good mother and father. Her daughter would never want for anything.

-SVU-

"Come on, baby. Let's go!" Olivia started shouting to her daughter as she rummaged around the living room. "Where the hell are my keys?" she mumbled. "Serena!"

Liv didn't notice that her daughter was standing by the front door, having been ready to leave for the last 20 minutes. Serena was the ultimate girl. She never wore pants, not even pajamas. She loved making her skirts, dresses, and nighties swirl around her and her shoes had to be shiny. Today was definitely no exception. She had been waiting to wear her birthday dress since Liv bought it over a week ago. It was lavender with white ruffles. She wore white tights and black Mary Janes. Her hair hung loose down her back while the front held two ponytails to keep it out of her face. Olivia thought she was too cute for words.

She even carried a small pocket book that held some crayons, pencils, stickers, and paper. Serena was extremely bright; she could read on her own before most children could form a full sentence. She was always coloring or writing and had no interest in television. Her current concentration was languages. She wanted to work for the United Nations when she grew up and of course, she had to speak every language on the planet. She had Uncle Munch to thank for the subscription to the children's version of language CD's that she listened to every night. The thing is, she was good at it. It was like her brain just absorbed the information while she was sleeping. She could even do pretty good accents. Her nanny, Carmella, has been speaking Spanish to the child since Olivia went back to work. Serena was three months old and she understood both languages completely. Naturally, in her brilliant little mind, other languages should be as simple. Elliot laughed and Liv of course went along with it. Uncle Munch however, took full credit and encouraged her every whim.

"Momma, relax. Your keys are on the counter, but your gun is still in its box." Olivia's hand immediately reached to her side holster. Of course, her daughter was right so she spun on her heel and ran to the bedroom leaving Serena still waiting patiently by the door, with a smile on her angelic face.

-SVU—

Once they got off the elevator, Serena let go of Liv's hand and ran into the squad room. They had to stop there so Liv could re-sign her last DD5, but the child didn't mind. The 1-6 was her favorite place to visit. As soon as she ran in, she ran straight into Elliot.

"Ooof! I'm sorry. I...Elliot!" she shouted as she lifted her arms and jumped up high, knowing he would catch her.

"Hi baby! Happy birthday!" Serena, like her mother, had a calming effect on Elliot. She would always bring an immediate smile to the faces of all the guys in the unit. "Let's see...are you one?" he teased as he simultaneously blew raspberries on her neck while tickling her sides as he counted. "Are you two? Are you three? Are you four?"

"Yes" the child could barely get the word out between fits of laughter. "But you know that a'cause you were there!" The story of her birth was her favorite at bedtime. She knew she was so loved by the men her mother worked with. They were the only family she had, and in her world, all she would ever need.

"I wouldn't have missed it" Elliot confessed as he pulled her against him for a real birthday hug.

"You almost did" interrupted Fin. "My hand is still recovering and my manhood cringes every time Liv screams at someone. Now, hand her over" he said as he took Serena out of Elliot's arms. "Happy birthday, baby girl."

"Thank you, Uncle Fin. How come you call me _and_ Momma 'baby girl' when neither of us are babies? I'm four now, you know."

"You're both special, that's why. Besides, you both love it." He was validated when Serena threw her arms around him as Liv flashed him a huge smile as she looked up from behind her desk.

"Playing birthday hookey?" asked Munch as he and Cragen walked out of the captain's office. "What's on today's agenda?" he inquired as he walked over to where his partner held his favorite child and rubbed her back while kissing her cheek.

"Momma won't tell me" she confessed with the saddest pouty face any of the men had ever seen. They all turned to look at Liv as if she committed the gravest of offenses.

"It's a surprise!" Olivia said, suddenly on the defensive. She started to walk over to claim her daughter and continue her special day. This morning was rushed due to Serena's late-night Q&A. They both slept in causing the mad run around in the living room.

As Serena was midair between Liv and Fin, Cragen interrupted. "Sorry Olivia, but we have a vic down at St. Catherine's. She'll only talk to a female detective. I wouldn't ask on your day off, but the MO fits the midnight rapist. I need you to go down and get a statement, then the guys can take over."

Liv's face fell. She loved being a mom so much that she considered this her special day as well. The victim may have needed a female, but Serena needed her mother. However, the child being the way she was, chimed in.

"Can I wait here with Elliot?" Olivia's heart melted. Any other kid would have thrown a tantrum, but not her baby.

Liv looked towards Elliot who just stood there holding his arms out with a smile on his face. Whenever she brought Serena to the station house, the child's feet never touched the floor. The squad adored her, they just couldn't help it and they loved to show it. Liv once again faced Serena. "I'm sorry baby. Statements like this don't take long. I'll be as fast as I can so we can still have our day."

"It's okay, Momma. Go help the lady. Me and Elliot will have fun while we wait." She hugged her mother and Olivia returned the hug fiercely. "Momma, you're squishing my lungs" Serena chided.

She trusted Elliot implicitly, especially given how much he loved Serena, but she never left her daughter with anyone except Carmella. Ever. If the kid didn't mind, then why should she? Liv handed her little girl over to Elliot as she continued kissing her face, well after she was back in Elliot's arms. Cragen cleared his throat and told Munch to go with her. Out of the three men, he was the least intimidating, but just as competent. John grabbed the keys to the squad car as he tried to get Liv to leave.

"That's my heart, my life in your hands, El" she said as she walked backwards. The room turned quiet. She didn't have to say anymore. Elliot nodded and held Serena tighter as Liv was led out the doors.

"Can we get something to eat? Momma was rushing this morning and I only had a toaster pocket. She said we'd eat wherever we are going, but now I'm hungry." Serena put her little hands on Elliot's cheeks to get his attention as his eyes were glued to the doors.

"We sure can," he said as he gave Liv's little girl his full attention.

-SVU—

It was 90 minutes later when Olivia and John finally left St. Catherine's. Liv was beyond pissed. The girl wasn't raped. She was having rough sex with a frat brother and cried rape when her boyfriend got suspicious when he saw her bruises. The midnight rapist has been all over the news so she ran with it. It was actually John who called her out on her lie. He could see the rage rolling off Olivia. Her day off was half gone, her time with her daughter ruined. He jogged to keep up with her stride and was silent as she pulled out her phone.

"Hey El, is Serena okay?" She didn't offer pleasantries, not today.

"Of course," he replied. "Hold on" he told her as he walked around to her desk and put the phone against Serena's ear.

"Hi Momma." To Liv, her voice was a calming melody. "Are you coming to get me now?"

"Yes, baby. I'm on my way. Whachadoin?" Liv kept the conversation going as John started the sedan and began to navigate their way back to the station.

"Coloring. Uncle Fin said my last picture was 'lonely' and needed some company on his fridgerator. He's so silly" Serena stated as she started to giggle.

"Yes, Uncle Fin is very silly. I..." Olivia's sentence was cut short when she heard a bang and a commotion on the other end of the line. She listened as chaos reigned and she was stuck in the car with Munch. "Serena?! Baby answer me!" Liv screamed into the phone. "John drive faster!" She continued to scream, beg, and plead for her daughter to come back on the phone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	4. Chapter 4

Elliot was transfixed with Liv's little girl. He honestly loved her like one of his own. He never understood how Liv could not know who her father was. She wasn't the type. He really thought that she just didn't want to tell anybody. If that was the case, then she had her reasons and he respected that, but this kid should have a dad. He's always happy to fill in where needed.

After they came back from the deli with a bagel for her, she sat at Liv's desk and entertained herself. He had 5 children, not a single one of them can sit more than 10 minutes without guidance on what to do, asking a million questions, or sighing heavily to convey their boredom (well, he still had hope for Eli). Not Serena. She watched what was going on around the squad room, opened her book and switched between writing and coloring. He was able to catch up on quite a bit of paperwork thanks to his babysitting duties. Every time he looked up, he saw mini-Liv concentrating on what she was doing with her tongue slightly sticking out between her teeth. He used to do that. His father told him it was not something he wanted to see so Elliot made every conscious effort to break himself of that habit, lest there be unwelcome consequences. He would never say anything like that to any of his kids, and he wasn't about to correct his partner's child either. Besides, she just looked too damn cute. He also noted that the girl was left-handed. Where did that come from? He and Kathy used to contemplate the same question because Kathleen and Dickie were both left-handed when everyone on both sides of the family were righties as far as they both knew. Liv was a righty so it must be her father. Elliot thought of him as a sperm donor because who wouldn't want to be a part of this child's life? She was amazing.

"Elliot, I need to pee" she said suddenly, breaking him out of his reverie. He did what he used to do to his girls; he picked her up, covered her eyes and ran her into a stall in the men's room. Apparently, this was the funniest action on the planet as it elicited a plethora of giggles. However, when he saw the condition of said stall, he had second thoughts.

"I gonna have a accident, Elliot." Serena started to look a bit frantic as he hesitated. He hated seeing any look on her face that wasn't joy so he did what any good dad would do, he held her up and she held on tight. When she was done and hands were clean (again, with covered eyes), she put her hands on both his cheeks and gave him a kiss. It was the best thank you he's ever gotten and no words were said. Like mother, like daughter.

It was a quiet day at the 1-6. Other than the call that Liv and John were on, no new calls came in so it was time to do research on open cases and catch up on paperwork. Elliot noticed how many people were just milling about. Who were they here to see? He hated these types of days; it made him uneasy to just sit, watch, and wait.

Fin had just finished speaking to Serena and when he left her side, her beautiful smile was plastered even bigger. He was just about to ask what was so funny when his phone rang. Liv. So, now he sat on the edge of his partner's desk listening to her child speak to her. Fin, silly? He somehow had a hard time reconciling his fellow detective with that description so he got up and began to walk back to his chair. Suddenly, the loudest bang filled the air so close that if it was tangible he would be able to touch it. That bang was followed by another and another, not as loud but popping and fast. Smoke was everywhere. Elliot knocked Serena out of the chair and practically threw her under the desk as he looked all around, prepared to take out the shooter. Everyone was taking cover, shouting orders, or running around; ironically, he also heard laughing. Above it all, he heard a sound that practically ripped his heart out. Heavy breathing and a slight whimper coming from right behind his back. He turned and bent down to see Serena under the desk. He caught a glimpse of a bag that seemed to be on fire but his attention was on that baby as she was biting her bottom lip, trying not to cry. He went to say something to console her, but he saw the reason for the whimper. Her right arm was waxy looking and bright red. It was burned and it looked bad.

-SVU-

John pulled the squad car up to the back of the precinct and Liv jumped out before he even stopped. She saw the ambulance and Elliot helping load the gurney with the EMT's. He would only be out here for one reason: her daughter was getting in that ambulance. No matter what was going on inside, he wouldn't leave her for a moment so she ran towards them and her feet didn't even touch the ground. She pushed past him and into the back. He didn't say a word, just moved out of her way, closed the doors and gave the signal to go.

-SVU-

Back upstairs, Fin was laying into the reason for the commotion. "What the fuck did you think would happen?" he questioned. "Bringing homemade fireworks into a police precinct you ass! Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?"

The 17-year-old that sat in front of him looked about as high as a kite. A uni tackled the kid while another found the source of the bangs. Not gunfire, fireworks, and not the professional kind. Set off in a backpack that was placed on the floor near Liv's desk. It caused a small fire and a hell of a lot of smoke but no one really cared about that. What they were concerned with was Serena caught the explosions as Elliot knocked her off the chair for cover. He was so busy trying to find what he thought was a shooter that he didn't realize the baby's arm was burned, badly.

"Dude! You don't appreciate how awesome that was! I made those. Got the instructions from the internet. I didn't think it would work but man! Wasn't supposed to be inside though. I just put the bag down to use the can and I was looking around for it when the cherry bomb went off. Look" he held up a reddened palm which Fin grabbed and shoved back in the kid's face.

"A four-year-old was just taken to the hospital, you idiot! Do you even understand what's going on?" He took the stupid look on the kid's face as a no before he walked out of the interrogation room, slamming the door. He told a uni to process him first, they'll get answers later, after he comes down from the high.

-SVU—

Elliot was finally allowed upstairs after the ambulance left. The events of the last half-hour were running through his head in slow-motion. After briefly listening to Serena talk to Liv, he was about halfway to his desk when he heard the bang. He quickly turned and saw Serena's eyes open wide as she dropped the phone and looked down. He thinks he heard her scream. He did a quick scan of her surroundings and began to close the gap between them. The sounds, which he now knew were fireworks, were so close but he had to get Serena out of harm's way immediately. Under the desk was the safest place to keep her until the threat was neutralized, so he grabbed her with one hand, shoved her under Liv's desk, and assumed position in front. He could kick himself for not realizing that the move he meant to protect her with, was the one that ended up hurting her.

It was only when the popping sounds stopped that he realized his tragic mistake. When he bent down to look, he ended up kicking the burning bag out of the way. He thought that was the reason for Serena's whimpering; she was practically face to face with a small fire. He was only partially right. He was so concerned with getting her under the desk and out of harm's way, he threw her right on top of the bag of fireworks. She managed to push it away but not before several practically blew up right on her arm. Since they were homemade, who knew what was in them? He was blocking her in so it was like an oven under there. When he caught her eyes, that's when realization hit.

Elliot immediately grabbed her up by her other arm and held her close to him. "Let me see" he insisted but Serena just buried her face in his neck and held on with her left hand. Her right arm was immobile and untouchable. Her tiny legs were wrapped around his torso as far as they would go, and she was pumping them up and down as if jumping on a hoppy ball.

"Call a bus!" he screamed. Now that the noise was gone, his voice boomed. Fin came running over and took a quick look at Serena's arm. He caught Elliot's gaze which prompted him to shout louder, "Get a bus here, now!" That was the moment the happiest, most calm child on the planet started to cry. She didn't even wail as one would expect. Hell, even a full-grown man would turn into a baby if that happened to him, but Serena bunched up Elliot's shirt, stuck in it her mouth, and cried. He wouldn't have even known if her mouth was not right by his ear and he felt her body shaking with the effort.

The building was on immediate lockdown. Whether a shooter or a bomb, procedures were in place. No one in or out. This was not boding well with Elliot. He couldn't wait for the "all clear" because her nerve endings were being tortured. So, he ran for the stairs, daring anyone to stop him. He heard the captain call after him, but that was immediately followed by Fin's voice. Elliot didn't even care; he just had to get Serena medical attention. He was sprinting down the stairs while trying his best not to jostle her arm. Unfortunately, he kept bouncing and he felt her grip tighten even more and her crying getting steadily louder and more guttural. By the time he made it outside, he saw the ambulance. They were waiting for the go-ahead to get inside, but once they saw Elliot, they rushed the gurney right over. Serena did not want to let go, so he laid her down and held her hand. He ran with them right up to the point that they lifted her inside. That's when he caught sight of Liv and got out of the way.

Now, he was going to find out who before meeting them at the hospital. When he got back upstairs, he caught sight of the uni taking a kid to holding. He then saw the look on Fin's face and before anyone could stop him, his right hook connected with the kid's jaw, sending him to his knees. It was all done in stride without missing a beat. No one said a word, that is until he saw Tucker and IAB.

-SVU—

As soon as Liv felt the ambulance drive away, she grabbed Serena's hand and sat up by her head. "Was she shot? What happened?" she questioned the EMT's. They were busy talking to the hospital and working on her arm, so they didn't answer her. She watched, and felt, her little girl go limp and pass out. She needed answers.

"What. The. Fuck. Happened?" she said in a voice that no one could ignore. The EMT closest to her filled her in on the little he knew. Fireworks. Direct hit to the child's arm. Smoke. She just seemed to pass out from the pain. _Fireworks?_ That didn't make sense, but Serena's arm was looking worse by the minute. Passing out was probably the best thing for her right now. Liv tried her best to stay calm and in the moment. She could deal with her emotions later; after her baby was taken care of.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks to all who are sticking with me. I have to establish background in order for Serena to speak for herself later on.

This chapter is close to my heart because as a kid, I remember my nephew going through everything Serena is going through (of course, for him it was his idiot cousin's fault :) Happy to report, he is perfect now. Enjoy!

Chapter 5

It was almost an hour later when Elliot was grabbing his jacket to leave the precinct. IAB was not on a witch hunt for once. They got everyone's statement quickly and seemed to ignore the fact that Elliot punched the perp. He called Kathy and told her what happened before she heard it elsewhere. He tried to hold back, but he made a promise to be more open with her so he let it all out. She understood he felt guilty and he hated putting it on her, but they were trying to make their marriage work and honesty was the only way to do that. He was almost out the door when he heard his captain call his name.

"You headed to the hospital?" he asked as Elliot nodded. "Hold on, I'll go with you."

He was preparing himself for seeing Liv. She could never forgive him because he could never forgive himself. All he had to do was keep her little girl safe. They were in a fricken police station and she still got hurt! It was a good thing that Cragen was driving because Elliot's mind was stuck. He was preparing for her anger. He was preparing for the slap across the face, the punch to the stomach, the kick to the shins, the pounding on his chest. He knew Liv could do some damage and he would not even fight back. He deserved everything.

All the preparation in his head did not get him ready for what actually happened. Upon entering the hospital, they were directed towards the burn unit on the fifth floor. The elevator ride up was silent. Elliot didn't even look at Cragen; he set his jaw and steadied himself. He saw her as soon as the doors opened. She was pacing down the hall and hadn't noticed them yet.

"Olivia." Cragen called and she looked up. Elliot didn't recognize the look in her eyes. He was so caught up in the emotions he was expecting that he couldn't read the emotion she was expressing. She locked onto his gaze and came straight for him. He braced himself for the onslaught but what came was even worse. Olivia slammed into him and threw her arms around his neck. Her whole body started shaking but she wasn't crying. It was like she was trying to hold it all in but was failing in stages. He knew no one around them would have any idea of the turmoil she was in, but since her arms were wrapped around him, he felt it all. She rested her chin over his shoulder; the same one her daughter cried on not two hours ago.

"Liv, I'm so sorry" he said over and over as he held her just as tight as she was holding him. He felt her shake her head.

"Elliot, it's not your fault. You know that right?" The words didn't come from Liv, they came from Cragen. "No one blames you."

"He's right." Liv said. "I don't blame you El." She let go and turned her body around to face the captain. "I blame you."

Both men were stunned silent. There was no visible sign of her distress if you looked with your eyes, but Elliot just had her in his arms and he felt it. Her back was facing Elliot, but she kept one hand wrapped around one of his, behind her back. Her voice was unwavering.

"Detective, I.."

"No" she interrupted. "We weren't supposed to be there. I had the day off! Every year, same day but no. You called me in to fix a clerical error that _you_ made. Then, let's see. Liv doesn't have a penis so we'll send her on a call on her day off. So being the only female in the unit is like a punishment, but I went because it's my job." You could hear a pin drop on that floor, only you heard the reverberations from her voice. "My baby was hurt on your watch. This is your fault."

"Listen, Olivia. I understand that…" the captain tried to defend himself and not accuse one of his detectives of insubordination, but again, he was interrupted.

"You need to leave. There are strict rules of visitations in the burn unit and you can't be here." She held his gaze and for a moment, Elliot thought his captain would protest. Instead, he put his hand on Liv's shoulder and he felt her stiffen. Then, Don walked away.

Once the elevator doors closed, Elliot heard Liv let out a sob. He felt her knees go weak so he instinctively turned her around and held her close. He rubbed her back and stroked her hair as she cried into his neck. Her whole body was shaking once again as she could no longer keep up the charade of being brave. He looked over Liv's shoulder and saw his wife coming his way. Hugging his partner was not something he did every day, but he was not inclined to let go. Kathy walked right up to them and whispered.

"Come with me."

Liv was inconsolable at the moment and did not see or hear Kathy approach so she made no move as Kathy began to walk away. She turned back to Elliot, "Bring her this way."

He did as his wife asked. He bent down and scooped Olivia up and that only made her cry harder and latch on tighter which Elliot didn't think was possible. Kathy led them into a private room.

"You can wait in here for Serena to come out of surgery." Elliot sat Liv down on the couch and kept his arm around her. She buried her face in his chest and tried to steady her breathing.

Kathy continued, "As soon as you told me what happened, I came up here to see if I could get any info for you. I know it's none of my business but…"

"Oh my God, Kath. No, that's…that's great. Thank you!" Elliot said.

Kathy smiled and continued. "The doctors have her on oxygen to clear her lungs from the fumes she was breathing from the fireworks. Whatever was used was very toxic and she inhaled quite a lot. The oxygen will also be very helpful in clearing her blood flow, which is necessary with tissue damage." Liv was listening intently but still not looking at her partner's wife. "She has second and third degree burns on her right arm. The doctors are removing the dead tissue as we speak and will treat her with antibacterial creams and bandages. The damage will be assessed later to determine if a graft is necessary. I didn't see it, so I can't speculate."

Liv was looking directly at Kathy now. "What." She cleared her throat. "What will she need? What can I do?"

"Well, I'm not a burn expert but I do know that you'll need to make sure her arm remains still for a couple weeks. She will most likely remain on oxygen, for a few days at least. Infection is a possibility. I'm sorry, Dr. Phillips is really the person to speak to. As a mother, I knew you'd be desperate for any information. She shouldn't be much longer. I told her you'd be waiting in here." Kathy stood up and looked uneasy.

Liv jumped up and pulled her into a fierce hug. "Thank you, Kathy. You didn't have to do that and I appreciate it so much!"

Kathy hugged her back. "If you need anything, call me or just tell Elliot to let me know." With that she smiled, gave Elliot a quick kiss, and walked away.

Liv stood staring at the closed door long after Kathy left. Elliot couldn't remain silent any longer. "You okay?"

She took a deep breath before answering. "I have to be, don't I? She's going to be in so much pain and she'll try not to show it."

"Just like her mom." Elliot said. "I'm sorry Liv. I didn't even know she was hurt. She didn't scream or cry out. I happened to look under the desk to check on her and the look on her face told me everything. She was trying so hard to hold it in when all I wanted to do was scream." Liv turned to look at him again. She did not have the accusatory look in her eyes that Elliot was expecting. The look she did give him let him know that she wanted him to continue.

"I saw her arm and she was breathing heavy and I just grabbed her up. I think I jostled her arm as I was trying to get to the doors and she started crying. Not crying like any other four year old, let alone a four year old in pain. Instead, she like gagged herself with my shirt and wailed that way. No one heard her but me. She didn't want to let go so the EMT's could check her out, so I didn't let her go."

"When she went limp in the ambulance, I thought, 'I'm losing my baby! I'm not going to be a momma anymore so what's the point?' They were getting ready to shock her when she came out of it on her own. She didn't wake up, but she didn't leave me. She's my whole world Elliot." Liv choked back a sob so Elliot grabbed her into a hug and sat her down again. "That sounds so selfish."

"No" he said emphatically. "It sounds like you are a wonderful mother who puts her daughter above everything else in the world. That is the epitome of selfless." Before she could respond, the door opened and a doctor walked in.

"Serena Benson's family?" Liv and Elliot both stood up.

"I'm Olivia Benson, Serena's mother. This is my partner, Detective Elliot Stabler. How is she?"

"Well, she has third degree burns on her forearm and elbow, second degree burns on her upper arm. It looks like her arm brushed over the device so the burns are on the underside all the way up. I don't believe she'll need grafting, but that may change as we see how she heals. She will need extensive physical therapy, pain killers, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, and love." With that she smiled and it took a moment for Liv to catch up. A small smile flitted across her face. "I am concerned with her breathing. I have her on an oxygen mask right now and she will remain in the trauma room for a few days."

That's all Liv really heard. She stopped listening. Her baby was alive and wouldn't need more surgery and grafts. The rest, they can deal with.

"Ms. Benson?" Dr. Phillips apparently asked a question that Liv was unaware of.

"Detective Benson. I'm sorry." She really hoped Elliot was paying attention.

"Don't apologize Detective. It's a lot to take in all at once. Just know that I'm here to answer any questions later on as well. I just wanted to make sure you understood that she needs her bandages changed twice a day and that will be the most painful. The room temperature is kept at a steady 85 degrees, but when the body's covering is burned away or damaged, even that can cause a patient to be cold because the body is trying to compensate. The IV will prevent a loss of fluids. While healing, we don't realize how much fluid we lose. It's difficult for adults to endure, let alone a child. We may have to sedate her more often than not." Dr. Phillips let that sink in.

When Liv didn't respond, Elliot spoke up. "So, she'll need lots of painkillers and hopefully she'll be out of it most of the time."

"To put it simply, yes" the doctor responded. After the first couple days, her body will adjust, and she should only be in pain if she moves incorrectly and when the bandages are changed. I'm just preparing you since she is your child. There'll be nothing you could do to ease her pain."

-SVU-

It was another hour before Liv was allowed to see her daughter. She had to cover her head, clothing, and shoes with special coverings. Elliot was allowed in as well, but he opted to stay outside to give them time alone. Besides, once inside the trauma center, he could see everything clearly. Serena was in an enclosed glass room that reminded Elliot eerily of a bubble. Liv had to walk through a "cleaning area" before being allowed to be next to the baby. He watched as she tentatively sat down and grabbed Serena's left hand in her own. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, further breaking Elliot's heart. He sat and watched his partner sit and hold her daughter's hand for quite some time before Kathy returned with Dr. Phillips. He knocked on the glass to get Liv's attention and called her out.

"Detective Benson, I was looking over Serena's files and I noticed that you do not have her father listed. In the event of another surgery, specifically grafting or any lung issues, we may need to contact him."

Elliot didn't want to intrude on Liv's private life; at least not right now so he and Kathy went to excuse themselves, but Olivia grabbed his arm. Even with no eye contact, he knew that she did not want to be alone. Besides, he's wanted the answer to this question for years.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Phillips. I really don't know who her father is." As she glanced around the tiny group with inquisitive, or what she felt were accusatory looks, she got defensive. "Look, all I know is that I woke up one morning feeling terrible. My head was pounding and I could barely stand straight. Melinda said I had bruising consistent with rough sex, but honestly, I have no recollection of that, but it wasn't totally out in left field at the time. She also said there were drugs in my system but no alcohol. Whatever happened that night is a mystery, but it gave me my daughter and I don't regret it." She finally looked at Elliot, but he seemed lost in thought.

She felt the need to further explain. "It was embarrassing so I didn't say anything. No, I didn't report it, much against Melinda's advice. Next thing I knew, I was pregnant. I was drugged but not raped. It wasn't my dream to be a single mom, but she's everything." With that, Liv stopped talking.

After a few moments of silence, Kathy spoke up. "Wait. Serena just turned four so we're talking 2004?" When Liv nodded, she continued. "Elliot, I had to take you to the ER with similar symptoms in what, June of that year?"

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	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A/N: Yes, it's been a while, sorry! All the previous disclaimers still apply.

Elliot barely heard Kathy's words. He was already two steps ahead. He remembers that day clearly. Unlike Liv, he _did_ report his condition. He really had no choice since Kathy already knew and the hospital was not about to keep a drugged cop quiet. Thankfully, it stayed out of his precinct out of professional courtesy and Cragen kept it confidential. The captain didn't feel the need to share Elliot's extra-curricular activities with the detective's female partner. They were very close and if Elliot decided to share it with her, he would never know because neither would tell.

The doctor was convinced Elliot had rough sex. The man had no bedside manner. There was no beating around the bush, walking on eggshells for patient privacy, he was too old for that. He let Elliot know exactly what was happening and how he felt about it. Hence, the police report. Elliot felt terrible. He would NEVER consciously cheat on Kathy, let alone with some random woman. If he was going to step out on his wife, it would have been with someone he knew well; someone he had feelings for. It would have been...shit. The timing is perfect. He remembers being pissed off because although he was late for work that day, when he finally got there, Liv had taken the day off. Not a sick day, no, because if she called in sick, she knew he would have gone over and checked on her. By taking a personal day, she was guaranteeing herself a phone call, which of course he made. Neither mentioned anything of the previous night. Why would they? He was beyond embarrassed and felt extreme guilt and as far as he knew, all was well with Olivia. That day she told him she was pregnant, he thought she made the same mistake he did. In those days, Liv was no stranger to the occasional one-night stand from a bar. Dammit! He never put the two together. Some detective he is.

His thoughts were interrupted when Liv smacked him on the arm. "Elliot, why were you in the ER? Wait, never mind" she said as she turned to the doctor and continued. "Look, no one has more questions about my daughter's parentage than I do, but over these past four years, I've learned not to give a shit. She is the sweetest, kindest, smartest little girl on the planet and since she looks just like me, I don't have to be reminded of my lack of judgment when I look at her. I am no longer the same person and I have no regrets. That baby changed my life."

Elliot was speechless listening to her. She was right after all, who was he to question? As far as Kathy knew, he was drugged on a case. After hearing Liv's impassioned speech, hopefully his wife wouldn't look further. He, however, would indeed find out the truth, but now was not the time.

"Forgive me detective, I didn't mean to pry, and I am certainly not here to accuse or pass judgment. I must cover all bases in the event of another emergency" Dr. Phillips explained.

"Of course," Liv responded. "Is there anything else? I'd really like to be in there when she opens her eyes." As soon as the doctor nodded, Liv turned around and went through the procedures once again to go sit by Serena. As Elliot watched, he knew she would not move from that bedside until her daughter did.

As the doctor excused herself, Kathy spoke again. "I can't believe you didn't pursue it Elliot, but I really think now you should. You and Olivia were both drugged. Thankfully, all you suffered was a hangover, but Olivia...whoever did drug you is possibly that child's father. Why? What did he gain? As far as we know, he's still out there tight? Elliot?" _Wishful thinking._ Elliot knew Kathy couldn't let it go, but thankfully, she wasn't making the same connections he was.

He turned around and pulled Kathy into a hug. "When Serena is out of the woods, I'll get Liv to tell me every detail of what she remembers and then I'll talk to Melinda. But for now, let's just pray for that baby in there." Kathy nodded into his chest as they stood there for a few moments longer before giving him a kiss and getting back to her shift.

-SVU—

It was another three hours before she heard it. Three hours of sitting and watching her baby struggle to breathe. Serena looked so tiny. The oxygen mask covered practically her whole face; the tube longer than her body. Each time she took a breath, her little chest shook with the effort and the noise made Liv's skin crawl. All she wanted was to trade places, to take Serena's pain away. This wasn't even the worst of it—well not exactly. According to Dr. Phillips, her little one is going to want to die, and of course, Liv will too. She would do anything to spare her daughter the pain to come, but she knew to get through it, she had to be strong when her baby can't be. So here she was, six hours after she kissed her daughter goodbye and handed her to Elliot, she felt pressure on her hand. Then she heard the sound. It nearly broke her already damaged heart, but she was so grateful to hear it. That little whimper; a small cry. Looking at her daughter's face, Liv saw her little brow furrow and she knew immediately Serena was going to wake up shortly and in great pain.

All Liv had to do was look up. She knew Elliot was still standing there watching. He was like a sentry, standing guard. He didn't move a muscle, neither to sit or change his stance. As Olivia watched her daughter, Elliot watched over both of them. She knew he blamed himself. She blamed herself, but not him. She also knew that one word and he would personally see to it that the person responsible, she still didn't have the details of what actually happened, would be put permanently in his own hospital bed. Hell, she probably won't even have to say the word because Elliot's next stop would be the tombs. Once she heard that heart wrenching sound come from the perfect little creature on the bed, she looked up and Elliot went into action. She knew, he and the doctor would be in momentarily.

Serena's whimpers got more frequent and louder. Her grip on Liv's hand got tighter and she began to shake her head from side to side. Any moment now and her eyes would open, but before Liv could finish that thought, they did. Serena's eyes went wide and her breaths came in short bursts as she frantically tried to focus.

"Ssshhh sweet girl. You're okay. You're okay. Momma's here." Years of practice compartmentalizing her feelings for the victims allowed her to sound soothing and in control, even though inside she was screaming.

Serena's eyes finally landed on Liv's. "Momma? Mmmm, Momma, Elliot okay? Fire, mmm..." She tried to finish her question but had to squeeze her eyes shut tight and try to breathe. It came as no surprised to Olivia that she would ask for Elliot's safety before she gave into any pain. Pain. Liv had no basis for comparison on how to handle her daughters discomfort let alone excruciating pain. Serena never complained of a papercut or caught a cold, so this was new territory for both mother and daughter.

"Elliot is just fine little one." Before Liv could answer, Elliot was back in the room, reassuring her daughter much the same way he's been doing for her all these years. "You never have to worry about me and that's that. From now on, it's all about you. Got it?" Olivia watched her daughter settle a bit. Now that Serena knew her favorite person was fine, she was able to focus a bit more. She answered Elliot's question with a grunt, so the doctor took over.

Liv did not want to let go of Serena's hand but she had to step back so the doctor could check her. Again, Elliot came to the rescue. He reached down and covered both mom and daughter's hands with his. He leaned down and kissed Serena's knuckles and in the same moment, managed to slip Olivia's hand away and pull her back. Dr. Phillips was at the ready and wasted no time checking Serena over. Olivia's arms were wrapped around her torso as if she were about to come apart and Elliot's arms were wrapped around her from behind. They stood out of the way as the doctor barked orders, poked, prodded, and asked Serena questions. For her part, Serena tried her very best to answer honestly and thoroughly as always, but she was trying so hard not to cry. Not before long, an injection was put in Serena's IV and Dr. Phillips stepped back. Immediately, Olivia broke Elliot's hold on her and went straight to her daughter's side. As soon as she grabbed her hand again, Serena started to cry. It was hard for her to do since breathing was difficult, but she couldn't hold it any longer. Olivia leaned down and wrapped her baby in her arms. She didn't hear the doctor excuse herself, but she felt it when Elliot took her place on the chair and laid his hand on her back. That's when Liv lost the battle and started crying with her daughter.

-SVU—

The handful of times he witnessed his strong as nails partner cry always took a chip out of his heart. He knew how much that little girl meant to Olivia and seeing them both like this is something he knows will unfortunately be more frequent in the weeks to come. Sure, they'll both try to hide their pain because that's what they do, but he's not going anywhere. Right now, all he can do is be here.

Whatever the doctor put in Serena's IV took effect rather quickly and she fell asleep once again. Liv, however, continued to hold her and cry for all the pain her baby was experiencing. He managed to gently break Olivia's old on Serena's tiny body and coax her back to the chair. In doing so, she ended up sitting on his lap and continued to cry. If one was to look through the window, all they would see would be their embrace, Olivia always made sure never to cause a scene when she got emotional. However, as earlier, she was all wrapped up on him and Elliot could feel her body shake, her death grip on his shirt, and the hiccups that rattled her chest as she tried desperately to calm down. He rubbed her back and said soothing words until he felt her grip loosen a bit, but she didn't let go. Her body continued to tremble periodically, and she still had a pained expression, but her breathing evened out and exhaustion took over. Elliot shifted her weight on his lap, made himself as comfortable as he could, and let darkness pull him under.

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	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I know. I'm lucky Serena isn't a grandma since it's been so long since I updated. Partners for life means Lewis never stood a chance of getting anywhere near Olivia, so that arc never existed. After this chapter, we will see things through Serena's point of view. The action will pick up and the title will make sense.

Also, I know I need to update Full Circle. I know exactly how I want it to end in the next couple of chapters, I'm just not quite sure how to get there...

Chapter 7

Elliot Stabler's Apartment

140 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn

November 26th, 2015

"Okay everyone. Settle down and let's join hands." Elliot was extra thankful this Thanksgiving. He was able to find an apartment that he can both afford and fit all his kids when they came to visit. The divorce took a lot out of him, but he didn't complain. Kathy was his first love and the mother of his five children after all, so he wasn't going to fight her on much of anything except for visitation with Eli (the rest were old enough to come and go as they pleased). Plus, Kathy put up with three decades of his temper, silence, and virtual absence that the least she deserved was to keep the house that she made a home. This third-floor walk-up had a crappy façade that hid a real gem; it was spacious, close to all public transportation, and was within walking distance of the Williamsburg Bridge making his commute to the precinct very quick.

But that wasn't the only reason Elliot was thankful. Maureen was finally getting married. She waited until she finished every ounce of schooling and was steady on her feet in her job before wanting to settle down. She always was a perfectionist. This year at his Thanksgiving table, he had all 5 kids, his future son-in-law, and Olivia with Serena. It has been 6 years since that day in the precinct. 6 years that Elliot was still trying to make amends for. Liv kept telling him to let it go; neither she nor Serena ever blamed him but that didn't assuage the guilt he felt. Serena was now a beautiful 10½ year old who still only wore dresses, whose bangs never quite grew out enough to tuck behind her ears, and who could always put a smile on everyone's face. She instilled a sense of calm in every room, but Elliot still worried about her, and Liv for that matter.

It was a long recovery for Liv's baby but not because of her arm. Fortunately, she didn't need any skin grafts, but the healing process was just as bad as the doctor explained it would be. Of course, Liv didn't leave her daughter's side until she was out of the trauma room. Once Serena was able to "hold the pain in" as she put it, the healing of her arm was textbook. They were both such strong females, always putting up a brave front for everyone else, but he was Elliot and they didn't have to hide or pretend with him. Liv was as strong as one could be for her little girl, however Elliot knew she would often cry herself to sleep well after Serena was out cold. The burns on the upper part of her arm were now nothing more than skin that looked sunburned all year round, but the burns on her lower arm left bumpy discolored scars that she would hide under long sleeve sweaters and various coverings. What put grey hairs on his head was that there was thermal damage to Serena's airways as well as damage to her lungs due to the toxins she inhaled from the homemade fireworks. As a result, her voice was lower and a bit raspy. Whenever she caught a cold, which she was now very susceptible to, she would sound like an 80-year-old who smoked three packs a day for 50 years. She slept with an oxygen mask nearby and kept a "cannula set" on hand in a backpack just in case.

Liv changed after that day. It wasn't just Elliot's perception, everyone noticed and made comments. She took quite a bit of her decade's worth of overtime vacation to care for Serena of course. As far as Elliot knew, she never apologized to the Captain for her accusatory outburst, but he never held it against her either. She was right as far as anyone was concerned. Olivia no longer went on calls when she wasn't specifically on duty at the station or on call, and Serena hardly left her sight. She still had Carmella since Serena didn't play after school sports and couldn't participate in dance or gymnastics and of course, Elliot was the only other one allowed to watch her. They had a very special bond that couldn't be severed, much like Elliot and Olivia themselves did. Unexplainable. Liv still fought for the victims and gave them her all, but they always came a distant second to the wonderful child sitting between Liz and Kathleen.

It was part of the reason he and Kathy divorced. Since the conversation in the hospital corridor, Elliot felt more connected to Serena than ever. He didn't confront Liv about it at the time of course, and once things got back to relative normalcy, he didn't see the point. He couldn't love Liv's kid any more than he already does, and he knew he would always be an important part of her life, so DNA didn't make any difference. He once questioned whether Eli was his son and he came to the same conclusion then, it didn't matter. Liv still seemed as clueless about her daughter's parentage as she ever did and as long as they were both happy, so was he. Kathy, on the other hand, began to put two and two together when Elliot became "unusually attached" and practically lived at the hospital with Olivia. Again, nothing was proven, but accusations were thrown, and one thing led to another until it was all too much to get passed. Years of work absence from his own wife and children plus spending so much time with his female partner and her child was the icing on the cake.

"Eli, would you like to say Grace this year?" Elliot asked his youngest son who was beaming.

"Great Dad" complained Dickie. "Our thanks is going to be a nursery rhyme. Rubba dub dub... OW!" Dickie was cut short by a smack to the back of his head from Kathleen. "What?!"

"Go ahead Eli" encouraged Elliot who shot Dickie a stern look.

"God is great. God is good, and we thank God for our food" Eli finished proudly as Dickie snorted.

Dinner was tasty and a group effort. The girls took care of most of the meal while Serena took care of the pies. She was quite the little baker, often making treats for the squad who would of course gush over them. But they had good reason because they really were delicious! Elliot knew how much Olivia loved his kids, she tried her damndest to keep them close and he felt extra blessed that Serena fit right in with everyone. She was the little sister they didn't know they had.

"Okay, let's go around the table saying what we are most thankful for" Elliot said but was sidetracked by the look on Olivia's face.

"You actually do that?" she questioned. "I thought that only happened on TV."

"Dad makes us do it every year" answered Lizzie. "It always ends up being the same: family, home, jobs, blah, blah."

"Yeah, but this year we have you two" said Dickie as he looked between Olivia and Serena. "So, a little variety should be exciting!"

Liv felt herself blush and she saw her daughter try her best to blend into the tablecloth. Neither of them liked being in the spotlight. Knowing Liv the way he does, Elliot sensed her discomfort. "I'm thankful that my family still enjoys coming together with their old man for food and that we fit around this crappy old table. I'm thankful that Maureen has found her soulmate. And I'm thankful to have Liv and Serena here with us. I know Liv saved my ass, not an exaggeration, more times than you kids will ever know, and I can never thank her enough for that. She made sure I came home every night, even those nights I didn't want to." He made sure to catch and hold Olivia's eyes while he spoke. He wanted to make sure she knew the meaning behind his words and of course, she did.

"Damn Dad!" exclaimed Dickie. "We all knew Liv was brave but how many times has she kicked someone's ass to save yours? How many perps has she shot for you?" This question elicited laughter from the adults at the table while Serena and Eli just looked confused.

"Wait. Momma, do you really sacrifice yourself or run in to save Elliot? I understand that is your job but isn't that what he is supposed to do for you? I mean..." Serena seemed genuinely upset by Elliot's statement. She understood the job of a police officer, and she was infinitely grateful that Liv never got shot or seriously injured but Elliot made it sound like her mother had a bullseye on her back.

"Serena, Elliot and I watch each other's backs. Always have, always will and because of that, no one at this table has anything to worry about" Liv firmly stated as the table grew uncomfortably quiet.

"She's right baby. Partners for life means we always look out for one each other, no matter what." Elliot tried to reassure her. He knew it worked when she looked at him and smiled.

"Yes Elliot. I'm thankful for that too."

"Told ya it would be interesting" interrupted Dickie as the tension broke. Liv kept an eye on her daughter as she knew there would be lots of questions once they got home.

-SVU—

Serena always got a bit melancholy on her birthday. Being such an inquisitive and extraordinarily bright child, she was way ahead of her age group at school. She never wavered on her desire to learn as many languages as she could. She could now fluently speak Spanish, Hebrew, German, and French as well as American Sign Language. Thanks to Carmella and John, she could also read and write in Spanish and Hebrew, but she still struggles a bit to read and write in the other two. Her next conquest is Russian. Uncle Munch beamed with pride, almost as much as Olivia. Her intellectual superiority coupled with her breathing issues, raspy voice, and fashion choices didn't exactly attract a plethora of friends to her. She was invited to parties and never seemed left out, but girls her age should be giggling at sleepovers and watching YouTube videos. Instead, Serena read. She wrote in her journals and she analyzed everything alone.

Olivia wasn't a popular child either, but when you are the daughter of an alcoholic you tend to keep others at arm's length by choice. She worried about Serena, but the child always put her at ease. She never asked for a birthday party and didn't beg for any specific gifts. What kid does that?

"Happy birthday angel!" Liv cried as she crawled into her daughter's bed before the sun came up. She knew Serena would be awake. Like her, the kid woke up as soon as she heard a door open and/or footsteps.

"Thanks" Serena said as she rolled over and Olivia enveloped her in her arms. They both snuggled comfortably in silence. Neither realized they dozed off again until they heard the ringing of the house phone in the living room. Thankfully, Serena didn't have an extension in her room or the volume would have been far more annoying. Liv made an incoherent grunt and reluctantly opened her eyes to see her baby, who in truth was no longer a baby, looking right back at her.

"Good morning Momma" she chirped.

"It will be as soon as the ringing stops and I get some coffee" Olivia mumbled. "What time is it?" she asked as her daughter giggled and stretched.

"If the ringing is any indication, it's time to get up" Serena replied as she slowly sat up. "9:32 by the way" she stated. They both relished the fact that they took off on her birthday. It was Serena's only school absence all year and other than the occasional summer getaway, the only planned day Liv took off work. "It's probably Elliot. Uncle Fin and Uncle Munch always wait until lunchtime to call" she stated as she made her way out of bed and into the living room. The ringing had stopped by then of course.

Olivia made her way to the coffee machine in the kitchen and Serena had just come out of the bathroom when the ringing began again. "Hello?" her mini-me said. "Thanks Elliot." Liv watched her daughter smile and have a pleasant conversation with her partner. Serena was so loved by the men in Liv's life and she felt it too. After she hung up the phone, Serena walked into the kitchen.

"Can we just...stay home today? I know you probably made some grand plans for my birthday, but I'd rather just have a 'snuggle in our pajamas day' with you." Serena had an odd look in her eyes that made Liv think that she knew something no one else did. Old soul indeed.

"I am not going to say no to that" Liv said. After she made her so-not-famous waffles for breakfast, they cozied up on the couch and had a movie marathon. Fin and Munch called at lunch as predicted and Cragen not long after that. Elliot stopped by after work with presents from everyone and stayed for dinner. They all had a small cake before he departed with lots of hugs and kisses. In his eyes, she would always be that beautiful four-year-old. Serena kept in physical contact all day and even climbed into bed with Olivia at night. Liv kept asking about her well-being, but like her mom, she was "fine". She said she couldn't explain it, she just wanted to feel her.

"Again, I say that I will never say no to that!" Little did either of them know that like that birthday seven years ago, their lives would never be the same.

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	8. Chapter 8

Whoops! Had to repost this due to some formatting issues.

A/N: Italics are people's thoughts

Chapter 8

 _Ow! Goodness, my head hurts._ "Ma..." _Wow, that's some coughing fit. Now not only does my head hurt, but my chest hurts too. Why is it so dark? The night light in the living room must have burned out. I can't see the glow under my door, but it's never this dark. I can't even see out my windows. Where are my windows? If only my head would stop pounding. Okay, take a deep breath Serena or you'll start coughing again._ "Momma!" _She had to hear me coughing. She always comes running when that happens. Unless she got called in. Funny, I didn't hear her leave. "_ Carmella?!" _Ouch. I gotta stop trying to shout. Okay, get up and find her. Wait, I'm not in my bed. This isn't my room. Why am I on the floor? Where am I? Slow your breathing Serena. If I'm not home, I don't have my cannula or my oxygen mask. I. Can't. Flip. Out. Don't panic. I'm the daughter of a great cop and I am prepared for emergencies. My whole family are police officers so nothing bad will happen to me. Now li..._

A door in the ceiling opens and a rope ladder is lowered. Serena can see that she is in what is essentially a hole in the ground. There is nothing but dirt surrounding her. She can see roots and rocks packed solid to form walls. There seems to be room to move around, but her eyes are focused on the shoes descending the ladder. A man climbs down about 5 steps before he reaches up and closes the makeshift door above his head. Serena is thrown back into darkness until she sees the man turn on a large flashlight and work his way down. He reminds her of a grandpa, but an active one like Uncle Don, not the ones in the old people's home.

"Oh, Heaven! You're finally awake." He speaks in a singsong voice as he walks over to a lantern across from where Serena lays and fills the room with light, causing her to squint. "Here, let me take a look at you Heaven girl" he said as he knelt in front of her and pulled her into a sitting position.

"My name is Serena Ben..." she began before she was backhanded across her mouth.

"You were not given permission to speak!" The singsong voice was gone and replaced with a deep growl. Serena's eyes went wide, and she was shocked into silence. The last time she cried, she was in the hospital getting her bandages changed, but that was years ago. Tears worried her mother. Olivia Benson was known as a badass and Serena wanted to be just like her. Strong. Brave.

 _Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Momma, where are you? I've never been slapped before. I've seen Elliot and Uncle Fin grab the bad guys a few times, I even saw Momma knock someone out with her elbow once, but I never realized how much that stings. Don't cry, just pay attention and stay quiet. Okay, I can finally see so look around. Dirt, dirt, dirt, lantern. What is that a hole in the ground over in the corner? Hopefully some animal doesn't live in there and decides to pop up. Look at him. I'll need to be able to describe him to Elliot when Momma finds me. Short white and black hair with the same kind of bushy moustache. His eyes are green and there is a part of his left eyebrow missing; like he was cut a long time ago and the hair never grew back in that one part. His belly hangs over his belt a bit. His shoulders were wide, even wider than Elliot's and I think he's taller than him too. Oh Elliot! Please come get me!_

"Now Heaven, does anything hurt?" The singsong voice was back, and he was feeling all around Serena's body. She just stared back at him, trying to fold in on herself. Her eyes were trying to catch his. "Oh, you can answer when I ask a question."

"My name is Serena Benson and..." she was once again cut off when he jerked his hand up.

"I asked you a direct question Heaven, and you will give me a direct answer. Do you understand?" he asked sternly. She nodded. "Good, now Heaven, does anything hurt?"

She was visibly shaking as she nodded her head. "My head really hurts. My chest hurts too. I have breathing problems" she explained as she started to cough again and wheezed.

The man just nodded. He took a small plastic bag out of a backpack that she just noticed was on his back, He shook out three brown pills and a bottle of water. Serena just stared at the pills in his hand. Taking anything from strangers was a big no-no engrained in her head since before she could walk.

"Take these. They are just ibuprofen. I'm giving you three adult ones because it will help the pain that's already in your head and loosen up your chest. It will also head off the pain to come." He lowers his gaze when he talks but especially as he said the last sentence. It gave Serena chills, but she took the pills from his hand and drank the water down.

' _The pain to come?' Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Is he going to beat me? Leave me here in darkness for God knows what to come eat me alive? He just sat down. Why is he staring at me? He's looking at me now but not when he was talking to me. Momma, I'm scared._

They sat staring at one another for about a half-hour before he spoke again. "Well, those should be in your system by now. We can get started."

-SVU—

It was one of those quiet days that Elliot hated. Sure, he was a sergeant now but all that really meant was more paperwork. To him it was just a title and a pay raise. Munch was officially "retired" even though technically he was working cold case and Cragen has one foot out the door. As long as he was still on the street with his partner, Elliot could take the changes. Yesterday he helped Fin wrap up two open cases while Olivia took off for Serena's birthday. Today felt off causing him to feel uneasy. He would rather have the room full of perps than just the squad milling around. He would never wish harm on another human being, but he would give anything for a case call right now. He thought to himself how that was such a horrible thought as he sat and watched his partner chew on her pen cap. She was catching up on paperwork, which is exactly what he should have been doing, but here it was going on 10:00 and the day was already too long. Sighing heavily, he grabbed a file off the top of his inbox and sat staring at it. When he finally decided to put his pen to work, Liv's phone rang. Finally.

Olivia was aware that Elliot was on edge. He was radiating agitation. She read the same line about 5 times and was just about to call him out when her phone rang. "Benson. What? I'm sorry, this is Serena _Benson's_ mother and I think you are calling the wrong parent." She looked up and was not surprised that all of Elliot's attention was now focused on her. It was the school attendance office and they were questioning Serena's second day of absence.

"You don't understand, I walked Serena to school this morning. I kissed her goodbye and watched her walk in. Why are you asking me why she took another day off? She should be in class." Olivia's breathing picked up exponentially and her heart started to pound out of her chest. She locked eyes with Elliot knowing that in doing so, he would help her to calm down. What she saw was her own growing fear reflected back at her. This damn woman was insisting Serena was absent.

"Do me a favor and check whatever class she is supposed to be in now. I'm on my way." She hung up the phone as she simultaneously stood up and grabbed her jacket. Elliot of course was right in sync with her as always as they headed towards the elevator.

As she sat in the sedan, her thoughts began to run away from her. "Serena never misses school, El. Only on her birthday, they should know that." She kept hitting redial to Serena's phone, which kept going to voicemail. Of course, why would she have it on during the school day? Sometimes Liv thought she raised her too well.

"Calm down. It's probably just a misunderstanding. How many Serena's are in her school anyway?" he questioned. Even in his head he didn't sound convincing. It wasn't like her name is Amanda or Courtney or something shared with 18 other girls. Liv didn't answer, and Elliot just drove faster.

As soon as they parked in front of the school, a security guard was there to tell them to move. Elliot flashed his badge. "I'm Sergeant Stabler and this is my partner Detective Benson, SVU. Please take us to the principal's office." Yeah, sometimes Elliot really liked his title. The office was abuzz with activity and it didn't seem to be the ordinary day type.

"Detective Benson, I'm so sorry. I don't even know where to start" said Mrs. Greene, the middle school principal. She was a fair educator who worked hard to keep her school on top and she had a soft spot for Serena, who has been taking classes there even when she was still in the elementary school.

"Where is my daughter?" Olivia asked. She was in no mood to be placated and was ready to dish out some hell.

"I'm Sergeant Stabler, Detective Benson's partner and Serena's godfather. Why don't we start at the beginning? When did you notice Serena was missing?" Elliot interjected before Liv went off on the woman before she was able to give any answers. They stood shoulder to shoulder and he could feel her tremble, but he couldn't tell if it was from fear or anger. Probably both.

"Follow me" said Mrs. Greene as she escorted the detectives to the security office. Along the way she told them what she knew. "When Serena didn't check in to homeroom, they sent her absence to the attendance office who then checked to see if she was in first period. She was not. They assumed she took an extra day since she was off yesterday. It's why her name was one of the last called, we thought she just added on to yesterday's absence."

"I walked her to those doors at 7:50 this morning, like every other morning. I kissed her goodbye and watched her walk down the hall. She came to the intersection, turned around and waved and disappeared to the right down that hall there. Her body was inside this building before I ran to the subway, so tell me where she went!" Liv's voice was strong and firm to anyone who didn't know her. Elliot, however heard the waver.

Mrs. Greene was very nervous, looking to Elliot for perhaps some intervention but his stress level had shot up to meet Liv's. This was not a misunderstanding.

"After you told the attendance office that she was in school and that you were coming in, we checked our security cameras and found this." Mrs. Greene led them to a set of monitors that showed the hallways, exits, and common areas of the school. Right in the center was a recording of just what Liv described. They watched Olivia say goodbye to Serena and Serena turned around to wave before turning down the hall. She then made an unexpected left.

"Wait!" shouted Elliot and Olivia at the same time. "Rewind that" Elliot said. "She met up with someone." As they replayed the footage, they saw Serena walking down the hall when she abruptly stopped and looked left. Her mouth was moving as if she was having a conversation before she turned and walked into another room. Actually, Elliot noticed that she seemed hesitant to go. Serena looked down the hall to her destination and seemed to be called back by whomever was in that room. She did go willingly though.

"Take us to that room" demanded Olivia. As they hurried down the hall, that feeling of absolute dread began to settle in her stomach. _This is not happening. We are going to find her, she may be hurt but we will find her, and she'll be okay._ This became her mantra as they stood where Serena was on the video. When Mrs. Greene opened the door, they found Serena's backpack on the floor of what was a janitor's closet with stairs that led down to the basement. When the detectives left Mrs. Greene in their dust, they found an open door at the bottom of the stairs leading to a small empty back lot.

Olivia's legs went out from under her. _Oh God. Please God no. Not my baby._

Normally, Elliot would've been on the ball and caught her before she hit the ground, but he too was in shock and denial. Serena was gone.

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	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Rated M for a reason! Oh, also this may be a trigger warning. She's just a kid, but implications are made so just in case, heed the warning.

Chapter 9

Elliot could count how many times Olivia had even gotten a little teary: looking for her father, her mother's death, Gitano, Simon, Sealview, and Sonya's death stood out. That was until she told him she was pregnant. If he were being honest with himself, he almost couldn't handle seeing her like that. It was all he could do not to lay kisses on her forehead and squeeze her to make sure she knew he was there for her. Thankfully she chalked it up to hormones and fear of being alone so just having his arms around her was enough for both of them. He didn't count childbirth when he himself cried almost as much as Olivia. Who could blame him? She always made it a point to put on a brave front for everyone else, including him and her daughter. He never understood why; what they do is horrific and some of the things they see and hear would make anyone emotional. He was glad though. Badass Olivia Benson was fierce and fearless, and it made him feel good to stand next to her. To be her partner. He would never be any less proud just because she broke down every once in a while, of course. But seeing her in any other way broke his heart and made his blood boil.

The last time Elliot saw Olivia cry was six years ago when Serena couldn't take the pain of the bandages. Right now, he was a pressure cooker ready to explode and his heart was shattering slowly as he kept his eye on his partner. He felt this way and she hadn't shed a single tear. That's perhaps what worried him most. Most mothers of missing children were in such a state of panic that they couldn't see straight, crying uncontrollably. Ironically, he would have felt better had she been displaying those emotions because Liv's dry eyes were confusing to everyone around them. She was trying so hard, but he knew she was breaking apart. Outwardly, she was determined and stoic, focused on sorting through every piece of evidence, which was practically nothing, Elliot knew better. When he stood next to her earlier and put his hand on her back to move her slightly out of the way because she was reading and walking, he could feel her tremble and try to hold it in.

Elliot thought the day the fireworks exploded in the precinct was the worst day of his life. The car accident when Eli was born was a very, very close second but even then, he knew Olivia was there taking care of both his then wife and unborn/newborn son. His worry never reached panic level. Even when he looked under the desk and had to rush Serena into the ambulance, he hadn't reached panic level because he was able to hold her. He was able to hug Olivia and reassure himself and her both times. Now, this was just off the charts as the ultimate worst day ever. Technically, it's been two days, but sleep was not an option, so the hours bled into one another and they kept on going. This time, he couldn't protect Liv's little girl because she was nowhere to be found. He couldn't hug or reassure Olivia either because she wouldn't let him. There were no words. No one was allowed anywhere close enough to touch her, except when he stopped her from crashing into that group of people.

The school was covered in cops within 15 minutes yesterday. Olivia stayed on the floor where she landed from shock and stared out at the empty lot. Elliot stood sentry; no one came near to question her once they made eye contact with him. He was infinitely grateful for the two new detectives because they were going to handle his and Liv's open cases during this time. Their presence also freed up Fin to lead this investigation, which Elliot knew would end up at the FBI and the Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Cragen was the one to come and get Olivia's official statement. The captain even sat on the ground and allowed Elliot to stay by her side. He had no choice really, since the captain knew he wasn't about to go anywhere. She wasn't crying, but she was shut down, methodical, almost robotic and never making eye contact. Once Elliot helped Cragen back to his feet, he went to reach for Olivia but when she realized what he was trying to do, she shook him off, stood, and walked back to the car. No one dared suggest she go home; she was going to stay at the station house until she found her daughter. Elliot vowed she would not be left alone.

-SVU—

 _Momma it hurts. I'm scared. I'm tired and I want to go home. I'm sorry I cried, it just hurt so much!_ Serena laid silently on her right side, tears still streaking down her cheeks as she curled into the fetal position. "The Doctor", as he told her to call him, had given her a sleeping bag and an extra-large blanket that would have even hung on the floor of Olivia's bed. Right now, she was triple wrapped up in it inside the bag. She was also given more ibuprofen, some white pills that tasted nasty to swallow, and water.

 _I feel funny. It's hard to think, everything is all fuzzy. Those white pills were hard to swallow Momma. I remember taking chewable pills a long time ago, but he said if I didn't take them, I'd regret it. He scares me so much! I don't want to sleep. What if he comes back? What if a critter comes crawling up like a rat in the subway since I'm underground? Actually, I think I'll take my chances with an animal. It smells so bad here. Makes it hard to breathe, like I'm trying to take in dirt._

The Doctor had cleaned her up and dressed her in winter clothes that he brought with him, a sweat suit and woolen socks. She had no idea what happened to her dress after he took it off her, but she was grateful because she was freezing. He told her that although it was technically spring, it was always colder underground. When he climbed back up the ladder and opened the ceiling door, she could see it was dark outside. She had lost all track of time.

He was with her for hours. Serena could tell he was trying to be gentle, almost as if he didn't want to hurt her, but it couldn't be helped. He was so big! In between he would check "Heaven" for any bruises and even apologized as he cleaned out a cut that she got when her back scraped against a sharp rock. He then scolded her for trying to get away from him, but he didn't hit her again. He was violent one minute, gentle the next. She was so confused. She saw the sex video at school last year and she and Olivia had a very open discussion about all the details. Serena even got Olivia to explain more about what she did in the Special Victims Unit. It made Serena so proud that her mother was part of the elite squad, helping all those women and children, and even men (although that was very confusing to her).

 _Momma, I need the elite squad. I'm one of those people who need your help now. People know better than to go against you, not because of Elliot, even though he's a big part of it, but because they are afraid of you! You're tougher and braver than most of them are. I know you will beat the snot out of "The Doctor" when you find me. Elliot will then kill him, no explanation needed, and Uncle Fin would hide his body where no one can find it. Then, Uncle Munch will come back and make up some crazy conspiracy theory around the disappearance that would confuse everyone, so no one would ever want to look into what happened. Nick and Amanda are new, but I believe they will back us up, for you._

 _How will you find me? Oh, why did I go to Mr. Reynolds? Wait, where is Mr. Reynolds? He was always so sickly, and I don't understand how he can continue to be a janitor. Actually, I thought he retired last year, before I was at the middle school full time. But how could I not go to him? He was on the floor, tangled up in his brooms and stuff. Did he let The Doctor take me or did he hurt him in order to get me? Is Mr. Reynolds still alive? If he is, he's probably wishing he was dead right now because Momma surely spoke to him as soon as she discovered I am missing. My name is Serena, not Heaven. I am missing, and I am nowhere they could find me. Momma, you are the elite squad. Please find me. Please find me before he comes back._

Serena kept repeating her plea in her mind, pulling her blanket tighter around her and as best she could move, burying herself deeper into the sleeping bag. Despite the cold, the pain, and the fear, exhaustion took hold and she fell into a fitful sleep, her tear tracks still wet on her cheeks.

-SVU—

Nothing. It frustrated Liv to no end that they had nothing! If they didn't see Serena walk into that room on the video, it would be as if she vanished into thin air. Even with that footage, they were no closer to having any clue what happened. Who called her over? The janitors were all investigated and cleared and there was no evidence of foul play, just her abandoned backpack. Teachers were all where they should be, and every student had been accounted for at that time. Someone she knew was in that room. If someone she didn't know spoke to her or asked for help, she would have helped by going to an adult. Who were they missing?

 _Serena. We are missing my little girl. My little girl is missing. She is scared. Wherever she is, I can feel how terrified she is. It's so odd because I'm just as terrified, but this feeling doesn't belong to me. A therapist would say I'm projecting or something, but I know that I can feel my daughter's terror and I can't do a damn thing to stop it. I can't breathe. Of God, just let me find her. I can help her through everything, but I just need to find her..._

Elliot saw the change in Olivia's state. She started to breathe heavily, almost as if she couldn't take a deep breath and he was worried she would hyperventilate. Her eyes darted across the floor. He had to intervene, even if it meant her anger.

"Liv, I'm going to take you home. Don't argue with me" he said as he thought she was about to protest. Oddly, she did not. "Everyone is out looking for her and Fin isn't going anywhere but you can't be here. Not right now, not like this." He wasn't surprised when she didn't move on her own, but he was surprised when she finally allowed him to help her up. He knew he had to act quickly because she was making these strange sounds and started to visibly shake. Luckily, most everyone else was either off interviewing or had their eyes glued to screens looking for leads.

"Move" he commanded of the crowded corridor as everyone instantly looked up and got out of the way. The elevator doors opened on cue and after he got her inside, the look he gave several others as they attempted to board made them instantly change their minds. Elliot had no idea Cragen had been watching and had called down to Nick, who was coming in from a case, and had him bring the sedan to the back doors so when Elliot got Olivia outside, he immediately opened the passenger door and helped her in before speeding away.

"Stop the car El." She said after just a couple blocks. She spoke so softly he almost missed it. "I need you to stop!" she screamed so he pulled into the head of an alley. Olivia practically tucked and rolled as she couldn't get out of the car fast enough. As soon as she took three steps, she bent in half and vomited. She hadn't eaten since breakfast with Serena yesterday, but bile is always present. She just retched and heaved for several minutes as Elliot stood back. He wasn't sure if she would allow him contact just yet, or at all.

When her convulsions stopped, she turned and leaned her forehead against the wall. The dam finally broke. She was shaking so hard, Elliot felt his teeth chatter and he wasn't even touching her. Her sobs were guttural, gut-wrenching and once again, he saw her legs give out. This time, he was right there to catch her before she hit the pavement. He grabbed her from behind and slowly sat her down in his arms, between his legs with her back against his chest. He had to wrap his legs around her because for some reason, she felt like she was trying to run. This was the only way he could hold her still. Her cries. Her cries will be a part of his nightmares for years to come.

They sat on the pavement at the mouth of that alley for a very long time. The only sounds Olivia made now were residual hiccups and those made as she tried to catch her breath. He loosened his grip on her just enough so they can simultaneously stand. He led her back to the car and drove her back to her apartment. Once he ushered her inside, she went straight for Serena's room and stood in the doorway. It was exactly as she had left it of course. After all, she was only headed to school. Liv slowly walked towards the bed and picked up Serena's favorite teddy, Janey. It was the one thing Olivia had kept from her own childhood. Jane was prominent in several of Olivia's favorite novels and she gave it to Serena because it always made her feel better to hug it. That's what she did now. She held the bear to her chest and climbed into her baby's bed. Elliot didn't think she had any tears left, but he was wrong as he locked up and climbed in behind her. This time she turned to face him as she grabbed his shirt and buried her face in his chest. She knew at that moment her daughter was also crying herself to sleep.

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	10. Chapter 10

A/N: For those of you still with me, thanks so much! Let me know by leaving a review or a simple note. No, I didn't skip a chapter. Serena's experiences will be told through flashbacks in chapters to come. Once again, italics are people's thoughts.

Chapter 10

Fin hated running. He avoided it whenever he could. Nowadays, he let the new guy, Carisi do all the footwork and he just followed in the squad car, getting as close as he could. Today was no exception. The whole unit was spread out in Central Park following a lead on a male on male rapist. He just heard Rollins in his earpiece say that the suspect was apprehended, and they were handing him off to the unis for processing. _Damn, I walked all the way across this field for nothin'. Wait, hold up. What the fuck am I lookin' at?_

Central Park was crowded on any given day of the year. Of course with police activity, crowds had gathered to see what they could. It was so fricken hot out that all Fin wants to do is get back in the car and blast the AC. As he quickly scanned the nearest group of people, his eyes locked on a set of very familiar ones. Ones whose mirror image he has looked into almost everyday for the last 18 years; the one whom he affectionately calls "Baby Girl". In fact, he looked into this pair of brown eyes and remembered that he used to call her little Baby Girl too. But no, he had to be wrong; wishful thinking or something. Those eyes, both sets in fact, have haunted him for the last two years. This girl is probably a look alike, taller and thinner but damn there's really no mistaking those big, brown, beautiful eyes! He was just about to shake his head and turn away to clear his mind when he saw her take off her glasses and move her lips to mouth two words: Uncle Fin.

Detective Tutuola's legs may not be as strong or fast as they once were, but his brain was sharp as ever. He secretly loved being called "Uncle Fin" and he missed it terribly. As he moved closer to the statue that she was standing next to, he saw an older man gripping her bicep. He walked as fast as he could without garnering too much attention.

"Fuck me!" he spoke into his mouthpiece trying to convey urgency without outright shouting. "I need everyone to converge on the Alice in Wonderland statue now! Do you hear me? Now! Now! Now! Liv, it's her. I found her Liv. I need backup!" He moved stealthily towards the statue trying to communicate to his little Baby Girl not to draw attention. She was always so smart, he knew she understood.

He didn't like the grip the man had on her arm. One wrong move and she would be a shield or a projectile for an escape. Fin saw the man look around nervously as the crowd was talking about all the police activity. He said something in Serena's ear, shoved her glasses back on her face, gripped her tighter and tried to pull her away. In that moment, she started coughing. The man immediately made her sit on the edge of the statue and put her head down, placing the backpack she carried at her feet. He kept looking around though. Fin had the idea Serena was stalling as she was turning her head searching for him. The chatter in his earpiece became white noise as he went around to approach them from behind.

"Oh look. One of the cops is coming this way. Man, he looks pissed." Unfortunately, some bystander decided to voice his opinion at that moment, but Fin was still too far away to grab and it was way too crowded for him to risk pulling his gun. Serena's head shot up and The Doctor bolted. The crowd seemed to suddenly interlock and Fin was caught up behind it.

"Shit! Perp is on foot!" he shouted into his rsdio. "SVU portable to central, Male, late 50's, salt and pepper hair, more salt, bushy moustache wearing khaki cargo shorts, green polo, white socks with white sneakers. Headed towards 74th street exit of Central Park. Suspect in kidnapping of the daughter of police officer and a lotta other shit. MOVE!" Fin commanded as he pushed his way forward. Serena was standing looking towards the exit The Doctor ran through with an odd look on her face. As soon as Fin came closer, she moved her body to stand very close to him, without touching. He knew better and stood sentry while they both waited for the rest of the squad to catch up.

-SVU—

Liv and Elliot were down by the boathouse when they heard Rollins say they were handing off their suspect. Elliot was a little ticked off. Ever since he got his latest promotion to Lieutenant, he didn't get much time in the field. Just before Captain Cragen left, he pulled his two best detectives into his office.

He got straight to the point. "22 years Elliot. You put 2 decades of your life into this unit and other than the woman sitting to your left, no one deserves to take my place but you. Take over Elliot, you deserve it. Liv, take the sergeants exam. Be his second. You two have to stay in this unit, but I don't need to tell you that." He spoke confidently as if it were already a done deal.

Of course, there were no guarantees that once they both took the exams that they would remain in SVU. Cragen could get away with appointing Elliot to take over but Liv had no such security. New sergeants were given shit assignments so seasoned ones can be moved around. But Cragen was Cragen and here they were. Elliot had the new title and the office, but everyone knew it was Sergeant Benson, Liv, who actually ran the squad. He would have it no other way.

Since that fateful day Serena was taken two years ago, if it wasn't spent on a case, every minute was devoted to finding her. Once cases were solved, they researched. They made sure the FBI and Missing Persons kept the case active. Elliot never spent another night at Olivia's, but he was always by her side supporting her. Neither gave 1PP or IAB any reason to split them up or transfer either of them out. And when she was promoted, it was a seamless, natural transition from being Benson and Stabler, partners, to being the head(s) of SVU.

Rumors about their relationship ran rampant for years. However, once Elliot took over with Liv essentially by his side, they thought the rumors would swell, but they didn't. People knew that part of Olivia died the day her daughter was taken. She did her job as well as ever, but she was haunted. She spent all hours at the precinct, only going home to drop out cold. Benson and Stabler as partners were still a force to be reckoned with, even though they were no longer technically partners, but Olivia and Elliot were no longer worth speculating about.

After hearing Rollins, Liv couldn't help but let out a small laugh. Elliot was caught by surprise. He rarely heard her laugh anymore and when he looked at her, she really started to crack up.

"You should see the look on your face El!" she cackled. "It's like you were given a lollipop and then had it snatched away." This caused his eyebrows to furrow as he crossed his arms over his chest. He would happily suffer any embarrassment from his detectives who can hear everything over their earpieces if he could just keep hearing that wonderful sound from her. He missed her smile. He was just about to speak when they heard Fin's voice through their earpieces.

"Fuck me!"

Liv stopped laughing immediately as they both tuned back in. When they heard what he said, they took off running. They didn't have to question who "her" was. No words were spoken, but they could hear Rollins and Carisi questioning in the background. The boathouse wasn't too far from the statue, but they had to run up a hill. Elliot got to the top first and stopped. He just couldn't believe what he was seeing. Serena was standing as close to Fin as possible without touching him, and everyone gave them a wide berth. She was no longer the vibrant, smiley little girl he once knew. She was definitely taller, very thin and her hair hung straight down past her shoulders. She was wearing purple glasses that sat just below her trademark bangs. She seemed to be looking everywhere at once. After Fin shouted and barreled through, the small crowd of people dispersed, but were now on the sidelines with phones recording. Elliot didn't have time to react when Liv flew passed him. Flew is the right choice of word. Her feet didn't seem to touch the ground, she didn't even slow down when she got to the top of the hill by him. Elliot knew she couldn't see from that vantage point but she was taking it on faith from Fin. He would never say those words if they weren't true. He began to run after her.

 _Dear God Fin. Please don't be wrong._ Olivia saw Elliot stop at the top of the hill to take in the scene. If it weren't true, she knew he would immediately stop her advance. When she dashed passed him untouched, she knew. She lifted her eyes to focus. At that moment, as if she felt her, Serena took off at lightning speed towards her mother. Not a soul was getting in their way. Liv didn't even stop to take in her daughter's appearance. She just needed to get to her.

Elliot was behind Liv, which was unusual while running since he had the longer stride, but his momentary halt slowed him down a bit. It was a good thing though. Liv needed to get to her daughter first and he would make sure of it. However, he noticed both ladies were running at full speed towards each other and neither was making any attempt to slow down. He picked up his pace a bit and was right behind Liv when she came to an abrupt stop and Serena crashed into her arms. The collision cause Olivia to take a few steps back, right into Elliot who had to brace himself unless they crashed to the ground which would have caused Liv's backside and tailbone quite a bit of pain.

You could probably hear the thud on the other end of the park. Serena was now back in her mother's arms and they were both going down. At least, thanks to Elliot's solid wall of a chest and his grip on the back of her arms, they were descending gently towards the grass. Serena had her legs wrapped around Olivia's waist like she used to when she was little, and Elliot swore Liv might break a few of her daughter's ribs with the iron grip she had around her. Not that the now teenager's grasp was any looser. They each had their faces buried in each other's neck and all he heard was Olivia wailing; from his ear and from right in front of him. Oddly, Serena was silent.

He could hear Rollins and Carisi as they finally reached Fin. All three were looking in his direction. Elliot could also see at least a dozen camera phones now pointed at the emotional reunion taking place on the grass at his feet. Always trying to preserve his partner's dignity and privacy, he reached down and removed Liv's mouth and earpieces. He spoke to his detectives.

"Carisi, get my sedan and bring it around to this spot. Fin, you saw him. Stay here and lead the search, if he's in the wind, get shots from these people who have nothing better to do than record other people's problems. Rollins, I need you over here for crowd control and contacts. Someone saw something." He heard his team's affirmations as he switched positions to try and shield Liv from prying eyes as best he could. It was taking every ounce of his self-control and every technique he has learned from the past few years of therapy not to run out of that park, find the scumbag, and tear him limb from limb with his bare hands. But Liv needed him here and so did Serena.

-SVU—

 _She's real. This is real. I know it is this time because Momma is crushing my ribs. Who cares? I'm not complaining because this is good. This pain shows me this moment is real. Momma won't stop crying into my neck. I've never seen her lose control like this; every time I thought about being back with her I never seemed to imagine her crying. Another good sign._

The Doctor started taking her for short outings on her birthday three months ago. Today was the longest and farthest they have ever gone. Usually they would venture to the grocery store or some other place to run an errand. Last month he even took her to the Guggenheim when they had a special medical exhibit. He said it was shit, but she loved it! Just being out was wonderful! This morning, when he came to get her he said the park would be packed with people on such a nice day and they would all be so caught up in their own distractions that no one would notice the two of them. It really was a nice day and Serena was enjoying the stroll. They had just gotten hot dogs from the cart when they saw policemen tackle a man over by the arch. The Doctor quickly grabbed her arm and moved them away. They ended up at the Alice in Wonderland Statue. This was not one of Serena's favorite stories, but this statue was such a welcome sight and what would happen next would make such an imprint on her brain that she would be willing to name her firstborn daughter Alice.

Serena was surprised to see how many people were either walking or standing around with their faces in their phones. What was on the screen that was better than the view the park provided? Every time he took her out, she never once put her head down. She wanted to take everything in, to remember for when she was inside for a long while again. She always scanned the people looking for her mother, Elliot, or anyone else she knew. Today was no different. As soon as they saw the police activity, Serena waited. If a patrolman came close enough, she was going to say something. Well, she wouldn't exactly "say something" since she learned early on not to make a sound, even the screaming stopped. She's not sure she even remembers how to make sounds come out of her throat, but she would draw attention to herself. Today would be the day she wouldn't go back to that place. True, she said this on each outing, but the police chase solidified it in her brain. The Doctor was right when he said everyone was caught up in their own lives they wouldn't notice. But he didn't count on Uncle Fin.

As soon as they stopped at the statue, Serena went about her routine of scanning the crowd. That's when she saw him, Detective Odafin Tutuola standing not 50 yards in front of her. He looked pissed off but was also scanning the crowd as he was trained to do. Once they locked eyes, she could tell he was in disbelief. _He doesn't believe it's me. Say something idiot! It's okay now. Don't make any sudden moves, he'll pull you away and you'll never come out again. Maybe Uncle Fin doesn't recognize me. Glasses. Take them off, doesn't matter if you can't see squat for a few minutes. Let him know it's you before he leaves._ Uncle Fin. _Good, clear mouthing and that's it! Look, he knows it's me! He's moving. He's coming this way. Uncle Fin is going to rescue me!_

 _No! The Doctor is trying to pull me in the other direction. He said we have to get out of here because it's no longer safe. People have our pictures on their cell phones. I can't go. Uncle Fin is almost in touching distance. Think. My name is Serena and I am the daughter of the smartest, bravest cop on the force. My heart is pounding in my chest and if I'm not careful, I'll start coughing and lose my breath. The Doctor hates when that happens, especially when we are out. That happened once at the grocery store and he showed me his displeasure when we got back. At least he gave me my oxygen before shutting the door. That's it! Uncle Fin just needs a few seconds to get closer. Coughing comes naturally and the burning in my lungs barely registers anymore._

It worked. Once she started coughing, The Doctor took pause. Serena's coughs came from way down in her lungs and since the toxic firework fumes, they were not the strongest organs in her body. Being kept underground and breathing in dirt and God knows what else didn't help her any; neither did screaming or the damage done to her. She could tell The Doctor was angry by the way he tightened his grip on her arm, but people were now staring and offering water and services, so he allowed her to sit. Her coughs made anyone around her uncomfortable and immediately pity the poor girl who sounded like that. This momentary lapse allowed Fin to go around to the back. Someone couldn't keep their thoughts to themselves for two minutes longer and suddenly, The Doctor ran without her. Uncle Fin was an elite and it was all over so quickly. He didn't make a move to hug or touch her in any way, but she stood as close as she could knowing he wouldn't let anyone else get close enough either. As she heard Fin talking to no one in particular, she realized he had an earpiece, which meant he was communicating with the other members of the squad. Olivia was close, Serena could feel it. There. Elliot was standing on top of the hill watching and wherever he was, she knew her mother would be right behind him, so she got ready. The moment Olivia came over that hilltop, Serena took off.

 _That collision hurt! I think I may have re-damaged my sore ribs. But it doesn't matter. Momma is here. Her arms are safety. I can feel her heartbeat against mine and her warm tears on my neck. She's real and I am safe. I am home._

A/N: Okay, let the healing begin for everyone!

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	11. Chapter 11

A/N: This couldn't be Serena's story with some EO!

Chapter 11

Carisi was at a loss. He wasn't around for the infamous Benson and Stabler era, but he knows life at the 1-6 was different than it is now. He's been told those two wreaked havoc when arguing and gave their superiors more cause for disciplinary action than any other team in the history of the unit. He was also told that they would kill, die, and back each other up without batting an eye. Rumour has it that they have been banging for years, but that doesn't seem right to him. He understands they are close in a way that's different from other partners he has seen or worked with, but he can't quite grasp the hype. Carisi only knows his sergeant as a capable cop who is sad all the time. He knows his lieutenant used to be a hothead and he can still see parts of that, but sometimes he feels like the odd man out. At least he knows Rollins isn't that far behind him; she was there for the kidnapping, but not much before that. As he drives the squad car, he can't help but think about what's going on in the back seat. Once he pulled up, Elliot had to practically pick Liv up bridal style from the grass to get her in the car. She ended up on her own two feet, but never loosened her grip on her kid. Carisi thought Elliot would drive or at least sit up front but he physically moved the ladies over and climbed in next to them. Rollins sat in front.

Olivia was no longer hysterical, but the tears were still steadily streaming down her cheeks. It was heart-wrenching for him to see this side of her. Whenever she spoke of Serena's case, it was always with professional detachment. He knew it was to keep herself in check but seeing her so raw right now was disconcerting to say the least. As he peeked in the rearview, he saw Elliot reconfiguring them into a better position since Serena was still wrapped around Liv. He moved his leg behind Olivia's back, so she sat crookedly between his legs, her back to his chest and he had his arms wrapped around both of them. His head was bent at an angle so that the way he was speaking made it impossible for anyone else to hear except the two ladies ensconced in his lap, even in the silence of the car. Carisi glanced sideways at Rollins who couldn't help stealing glances either. This is why most people thought the rumors about those two were true.

"Hey baby. Can you look at me please?" Elliot calmly asked of Serena once they were better situated in the backseat. She didn't flinch when he had to grab Liv and practically carry her into the car so he's hoping she isn't afraid of him. He couldn't tell since she has yet to say anything, but he was rewarded when she raised her head off of Liv's shoulder to look at him with the same inquisitive look she used to; the look Olivia gives him on an almost daily basis. Elliot tried not to react to the pain and sadness in her eyes. He simply said, "We've missed you very much." That was the world's biggest understatement, but it garnered a smile.

Liv moved her hands to her daughter's head to finally get a good look at her. As she brushed her hair away from her face, they both saw tiny marks crowning the skin below her hairline. Bite marks. Scars. She also had four fresh butterfly bandages over her right eyebrow. Neither drew attention to them but Liv finally caught her breath enough to speak.

"W...We have to get you checked out (hiccup) at the hospital. Then we..." she didn't finish her sentence because Serena was vehemently shaking her head. "Honey, we need to make sure you're okay." The look on Serena's face was puzzling and she was waving her hands around in the air.

"Sweetie just talk to us. It's okay" Elliot said soothingly. Serena gave him a look that he couldn't recognize or explain. She sat up in Liv's lap and slowed her hands down to use signals. She used to be so good at sign language, but things have changed.

"Not hurt. Doctor yesterday" she signed as she pointed to the butterfly bandages on her forehead. She wasn't lying, he was a doctor and he treated every one of her wounds during the time she was with him and she was not about to have another doctor poke at her. She has developed a high pain tolerance and besides a few sore ribs from yesterday's fall, nothing bothered her.

"Angel, we just need to see..." Olivia tried again to explain why they had to go to the hospital. Serena needed a full body checkup and as much as Liv tried not to think about it, a rape kit. Who knew the last time someone touched her? _Dear God, I don't know which is worse, to wonder or to know?_ The bandages over her eyebrow looked fresh but if a rape was reported by a doctor, she would have been called in. But like before she didn't get to finish her sentence before her daughter was vehemently shaking her head and gesturing.

"No. No more doctors!" she signed. Serena vowed to herself that she will not have anyone tell her what she has to do with her own body again. "I am fine. Go home. Not hurt anymore." Hopefully, they would get the message. She could always write it down somewhere.

Serena was saying, in no uncertain terms, that she was refusing treatment and although as her mother, Liv could override her decision and it went against everything she believed in as a SVU cop and an advocate, she knew she wouldn't retraumatize her daughter knowing there would probably be no evidence. Serena was clean, combed, and smelled like a combination of Irish Spring and Pantene. Plus, what kind of kidnapper got their victims fitted for eyeglasses? Olivia could tell they were not cheap ones either, with a strong prescription and transitions, which made it even more puzzling. Elliot was about to speak up when Olivia cut him off.

"Baby, when was the last time so...someone touched you?" She didn't really want to know the answer, but she also did. Serena shook her head and waved her hand away, indicating not for a while. "Okay. As long as nothing hurts you right now, we will leave it alone; however, we will make an appointment with your pulmonologist for as soon as he can get us in. I don't like the sound of your breathing." Liv conceded. The excitement of the day plus the high-speed sprint and crash weren't good for her lungs, let alone whatever the hell else happened. "I'll have him call in a new script for oxygen to last until we get to see him."

Serena shook her head again as she reached down for the backpack Fin picked up from where The Doctor put it when she sat down. She reached inside and pulled out her cannula, expertly placing in under her nostrils and turning on the portable tank. Olivia turned around to see an equally dumbfounded Elliot staring back at her. Who the fuck was this guy?

-SVU-

When Carisi finally pulled up in front of Liv's apartment, everyone seemed frozen in place. Since Liv was in front of Elliot, she opened the door and stepped out first, this time Serena stood on her own two feet but held tight to Olivia's left hand and kept looking all around. Elliot got out of the car and made to close the door when Liv held up her hand.

"No, El. You need to get back to the house and find him. Please. We'll be okay." She put her arm around his waist and rested her head against his chest, forgetting the two junior detectives looking on. She was still trembling but as always, he was the only one who could tell. "Come back later."

Elliot didn't want to leave them, but he knew she was right. The sonofabitch was still out there and he needed to get him. Plus, there was the matter of the rapist they were in the park to catch in the first place and a number of other things he needed to get done. It would be a bit more stressful without Liv to work off of and keep him on his toes, but he was the one in charge. Didn't make it any easier to leave though.

"Okay" he said simply as he wrapped his right arm around Olivia's shoulders and held his left arm open for Serena to choose whether or not to step into. It filled his heart with joy when she didn't hesitate. He took a moment to take in the smell of her hair and the feel of her back before pulling away. He took a chance and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and then turned around and did the same thing to Liv, getting a small smile in return from both. "I'll see you later."

Carisi and Rollins both watched the exchange in silence. Elliot continued to stand by the car with the door open well after the two disappeared inside. "Lieutenant? Are we waiting for something else?" he questioned.

"Just wait Carisi" was the only reply he got. The three of them stared at Olivia's apartment building as if it was going to grow legs and run away. Suddenly, they saw curtains on the fourth floor open and lights flash on and off. Elliot then got back in the car and ordered them back to the precinct.

"They're okay for now" Elliot thought to himself, not realizing he said the words out loud. Carisi and Rollins gave each other a knowing look. _Yep, there is definitely some truth to those rumours._

-SVU-

As soon as they came through the vestibule of her building, Olivia pulled Serena forwards, that is until Serena stopped short causing Liv to take a step back. Her daughter was just staring at the closed doors of the elevator.

"Come on honey, let's get upstairs. I for one, really have to pee" Liv stated trying to lighten the mood a bit. Serena looked at her and back at the elevator doors which were now open and shook her head. She turned around and stared up at the staircase before looking at Liv again. "Baby, did you forget you're attached to an oxygen tank? You can't climb four flights of stairs." At that point, Serena took her backpack out of Liv's hand, put it on and started the climb. Years of interviewing victims taught Olivia that her daughter must not want to be trapped in a windowless box, so she removed the backpack, put it on herself, and walked behind Serena in case she needed assistance. It was a painstakingly slow climb and when they reached their floor, Liv could see that it had taken its toll on Serena, so she took her hand and half dragged, half carried her to the door.

"Stay right here" she commanded as she drew her gun from its holster and entered the apartment. _He probably knows where we live. He had time to double back here and I'll be damned if he gets anywhere near her again._

After clearing all the rooms, Liv called for Serena to come inside before she pulled open her curtains and flashed her lights. She knew Elliot would not leave until she did and when she looked out the window, she saw him close the car door and they pulled away. She turned around to find Serena standing just inside the door, so Liv closed and locked it up and gently guided her baby to sit on the couch.

"That was quite a climb! You must be exhausted. Let me get you some water and then I really do need to use the bathroom. I wasn't kidding!" Serena gave Liv a faint smile, watching her mother's every move.

-SVU-

 _Oh my. I'm so tired! I had to swallow those white pills again in order for him to take me out. I can't stand taking them and they make me feel weird. But at least my ribs don't really hurt now. I can barely keep my eyes open but there is absolutely NO way I am going to sleep. I might not wake up. I might wake up from this great dream back into that nightmare. I might fall asleep and wake up in the hospital because Momma thinks that's what's best. Plus, The Doctor ran. Will he come back for me? Can he hurt Momma? Why didn't Elliot come upstairs with us?_

Serena was getting lost in her thoughts as it was getting harder to keep her eyes open and her head started to fall forward just as she would pull it back. This is how Olivia found her when she returned from the bathroom having changed into shorts and a t-shirt. Liv turned on the AC and sat on the other end of the couch.

"Baby, you are safe now. No one is going to hurt you here. I'm sorry that your old clothes won't fit you anymore, actually, you're taller but not much wider so you might be able to get away with the shorts or capris. I can give you something to change into if you want and we can either go shopping at the mall or I can order stuff online" Olivia offered. She was hoping that if Serena was comfortable enough, she wouldn't look like she was about to bolt if a car honked outside. She looked like she needed to sleep uninterrupted for a year!

Serena seemed to contemplate the offer for a brief moment before getting up and walking into her bedroom, knowing her mother would be right behind her. She felt that if she kept moving and kept her mind occupied, she'd be less likely to knock out. Olivia kept her room exactly as she remembered it. As she stood in her doorway, she stared at her bed. _Where's Janey?_

Olivia noticed her daughter's furrowed brows. "I'll be right back" she said and ran to her room. When she returned, Serena grabbed the bear, hugging her tightly to her chest. She closed her eyes and seemed lost in thought. "As I told you when I gave her to you, she always made me feel better when I needed a hug. Plus, she connected me to you and…..Are you hungry? Why don't you change and I'll make us something. You have to be roasting in those sweats." Liv did not want to break down again or make her daughter anxious.

All The Doctor ever gave her to wear was sweats. His old sweats or ones patients left behind. She didn't mind though. Nights got awfully cold, especially in the winter if she was made to stay underground for bad behavior. She did want to change though. _My name is Serena and I am home._ She suddenly wanted nothing more than to change and get comfortable at home. First, she needed to clear her head. Splashing water on her face would wake her up a bit so she handed Janey back to Liv, secretly glad the old bear brought her mom some comfort in her absence. She walked into the bathroom, but she left the door wide open.

Liv saw the open door on her way to the kitchen but made no move to close it. If Serena needed to feel a sense of freedom, she would unhinge every door in the apartment and turn them into firewood. Liv didn't even have the grilled cheese sandwiches flipped when Serena appeared back on the couch looking considerably more comfortable. She was wearing her capri pants that now fit her like walking shorts, Elliot's Giants t-shirt she used to use as a nightie, and long socks. She was shoving her thumbs through the sleeves of an old sweater of Liv's that she used to play dress up in. She even removed the cannula for now. Serena was making it a point to cover up as much as her body as she could. It was almost too much for Liv to think about but if her daughter was strong enough to bear it, she would not look away, but she didn't stare either. There would be time enough for that later. She pretended all was normal as her daughter caught her eye.

"I'm afraid that I haven't kept up with the grocery shopping. The best I could find is ingredients for grilled cheese and tomato soup." The only reason Liv went food shopping was to make sure Serena always had healthy choices. When she went missing, Liv didn't bother much with nutrition. At the mention of food, Serena's eyes opened wide and she gave a cocky grin that always reminded Liv of Elliot. It seemed like forever ago since the kid had the Central Park hot dog. "Good, it's almost done." A few minutes later, they sat on the couch and Serena was slurping the end of her soup. "Wow! I can make more" Liv offered. She hadn't even finished half of her sandwich. Serena seemed to really contemplate taking her up on her offer when Liv put her own cup of soup into her daughter's hands. "I don't know what I was thinking. Soup on a hot day is just weird" she smiled as her daughter inhaled that too.

Olivia wanted to ask a thousand and one questions and all she wanted to do was inspect every inch of her daughter's body, but she did neither. Now was just not the time. She could see Serena battling exhaustion and she couldn't blame her. She barely slept more than 3 or 4 hours a night herself during the past two years and those nights were not consecutive.

"Baby, I know you're tired, hurting, and confused so I'm not going to interrogate you, but there are some things I need to know for tonight. Okay?" It took a moment before Serena nodded.

"Are you in any pain right now?" She asked looking at the butterfly bandages.

 _This? This isn't pain Momma._ She didn't say that of course. Instead, she pointed to the bandages above her eye and waved her hand in a "so-so" manner. Then, she put her hand on her ribs and held up three fingers, hoping Liv would understand.

"You have three broken ribs?" Liv asked incredulously. Serena noted how her voice got louder and higher at the end of the question.

Serena shook her head immediately and gestured back, "Not broken, bruised" and noticed that Liv was holding her breath. She moved closer and put her hand on her mother's knee and intentionally blew out her mouth. Olivia took the hint and released her own breath.

"Did you get x-rays? What did the doctor say?" Liv had asked such a simple question, but Serena seemed so thrown that she physically recoiled, and her eyes couldn't get any wider. "It's okay. It's okay" Liv was using her soothing voice. "I'm your mother and I'm going to worry, that's all."

"Yes x-rays, no broken. No lifting and rest. Hurts to cough" Serena signed a few moments later.

"Okay, that's all for now. It's been a day, hasn't it?" Liv finished smiling at her daughter and getting one in return. "How about a mindless movie?" When she got the nod, Liv walked over to the DVD case and then popped one into the player knowing Serena's eyes never left her. Indiana Jones might just be the distraction they both need.

-SVU-

"Alright. Everybody go home. We'll start with fresh eyes in the morning" decreed Elliot. Rollins got a quick confession out of their rapist who was now in the tombs awaiting arraignment. BOLO's and All Points were coming up empty on the man who took Serena and although he completed a lot, he still had a ton of paperwork to finish. Thanks to several witnesses at the park who got them on camera, they now had a face and a name: Dr. Andrew Carlson. He was a general surgeon out of Westchester Medical Center and Elliot thought that might be why Serena seemed so well cared for in terms of any injuries and her glasses. Barba had no problems securing a search warrant for his home and office which turned up empty. So, as of now unis are sitting on the house, but Elliot knows he won't return. His squad worked admirably as always and there is nothing more they can do tonight.

"Heading back to Liv's?" asked Fin. He knew it was the question on everyone's mind, but he was the only one who could get away with asking it.

"Yeah. I told her I'd come by after work. She needs an update and I want to see how the baby is doing."

"The baby is 13 now Stabler" Fin chided with a grin. "Tell both Baby Girls I'll stop by tomorrow, a'ight?"

Elliot chuckled. "Will do. Goodnight all" he announced as he headed towards the elevator. It was 10:45 and he didn't remember the last meal he had except for the coffee and donut Liv brought him that morning. On the way to Olivia's, he stopped by a hole in the wall Italian place that made the best pasta sauce and got some food to go. It was after eleven when he rang Liv's doorbell, but he didn't have to wait for her to answer because her neighbor was coming out and he just grabbed the door and went inside.

When he got to her apartment door and knocked, he was a little worried that he wasn't getting an answer. He didn't hear a sound coming from inside the apartment when he knocked a little louder, so he got out his key and let himself him. The curtains were still opened from when Liv flashed her lights and every lamp was on. The television had been left on and the little DVD screen saver was bouncing around. When his eyes fell on the couch, he was nearly brought to tears. There was Olivia holding Serena from behind all wrapped up in a blanket, just the way he remembered them doing on movie nights. It's a good thing the AC was on because he doesn't know how they weren't sweating all wrapped up like that, but then he remembered that Liv got a chill if you so much as sighed on her. He walked quietly to the kitchen intending to leave the food for them and go back to his apartment when he suddenly heard rustling behind him.

Serena was standing there looking like she was doing what kids call the "pee pee dance" with a distressed look on her face. "What's the matter sweetheart?" he asked. She kept looking towards the bathroom and back at Liv. "Do you want me to make sure the light is on in the bathroom?" he asked as he went to walk. Suddenly, she had grabbed his hand and walked with him.

After Elliot walked with her to the bathroom, he turned around to give her privacy when Serena wouldn't let go of his arm. She was looking nervously between Elliot and the toilet. "You can leave the door open. I'll stand right outside" he offered but Serena just kept shaking her head and looking at the seat. "Do you want me to check for you?" Elliot could just make out a barely perceptible nod. "Okay" he said as he walked over to the toilet and lifted the lid to look inside. He had no idea what he was supposed to be looking for, but it seemed to be what Serena needed. She was holding onto his right hand with both of hers as she gingerly stepped towards the bowl on her tiptoes trying to peek in. Elliot was confused but went along with whatever Liv's baby needed.

"I'm going to be right outside the door. I'll even leave my arm and leg where you can see them. Don't worry angel" he offered soothingly as he tried to brush her bangs away from her forehead before walking out. The kid had to be the fastest pee-er on the planet because before he had a chance to think about the whole bathroom situation, Serena was standing by his side, her hands wet from the sink.

"Come on kid. Let's get to bed." They both walked towards the couch to look at Olivia. Elliot always loved watching her sleep. She let all her defenses down and looked so peaceful. "I don't want to wake her just to tell her to go to bed." Serena pointed first to him, then towards the bedroom. "Okay, but I'm going to say it was your idea!"

When he pulled back the throw cover, he immediately noticed that Liv was scarcely dressed. Sure, it was summer, and she was home in her own place at night, but damn. Elliot longed for pink, flannel pj's right about now. He carefully lifted Olivia from the couch and settled her in his arms. He was touching so much of her skin that he had to remind himself Serena was watching closely. The back of her shirt raised up as he placed his arm to support her back, causing it to raise slightly in the front revealing her stomach. _God, 20 years and she's still as beautiful as ever._ He watched as her only movement was a contented sigh that he felt through his shirt as she snuggled into him. He knew the only reason she was able to rest, besides the utter exhaustion that would normally knock her out for a couple hours, was standing right next to him. He was sure the last time any of them slept through the night was before Serena disappeared. Together, they walked into Olivia's bedroom and Serena pulled back the coverings. After laying Liv down, he watched Serena climb in next to her. There was not enough adjectives in the world to describe her absolute fatigue. He's not even sure she was really sleeping in Liv's arms when he walked in. Maybe she was just lying there afraid to move or content to stay wrapped. Remembering how every light was left on in the living room, Elliot simply said, "Goodnight. I'll see you in the morning" but noticed that Serena started shaking her head and getting upset, looking between Elliot and her mother.

"Yeah, I'm too tired to drive tonight anyway" he said as he went around locking up and made himself comfortable.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 _Oh, it's so bright. What the hell time is it? I feel like I've been asleep for a week and I still don't want to get up. Wait, is that snoring? What the he..._

Liv was fully awake in an instant and quickly sat up as soon as she opened her eyes. She couldn't believe what she was looking at. Serena, her baby girl was lying in bed next to her, sound asleep. She was still wearing the outfit she put on before dinner, but she had her oxygen mask secured to her face and attached to the machine on the other side. She looked so calm compared to how she was earlier, her breathing even. Her right hand was intertwined to the source of the snoring Liv heard...Elliot. Serena was holding his hand at the edge of the bed. Elliot had brought the chair and ottoman from Serena's room into Liv's as close to the bed as it could get. He was sleeping with his feet up and slouching slightly to his left so that their hands would stay locked. He was going to wake up with a sore back and neck, not to mention a dry throat from the sawing sound that was escaping his throat.

Liv didn't remember going to bed. She certainly would not have left every single light on, well maybe she would have with Serena here. She did remember watching Indiana Jones with her on the couch and now, here it was almost nine hours later. _When did Elliot get here?_ Before she could wonder anymore, she felt vibrating close to her knees. When she lifted the covers, she discovered Elliot's phone. _Damn, he put me to bed and this must have fallen out of his pocket. Now that's embarrassing!_ Seeing it was Rollins and before 8am, she answered.

"Benson."

"Oh!" came the blonde's reply. "I'm so sorry Sarge. I thought I was calling Elliot's phone. I didn't mean to disturb you." Carisi and Fin, having heard Rollins' mistake, shook their heads and smirked.

"You didn't Amanda, don't worry. And this is Elliot's phone, I just got tired of feeling the buzz. Is everything alright?" Liv knew for Amanda to call before the shift started she must have something to report.

"Yeah. We need the lieutenant's approval on some things before we take action." Amanda was curious as to why exactly Liv had Elliot's phone so early in the morning.

"Hold on" Liv said as she reached over Serena as carefully as she could to reach Elliot. "El. El, wake up." She sat up on her knees to whack him in the head. "Elliot!"

"What?!" he grumbled as he began to stir and take in his surroundings. "Jesus" he stated as the full effect of his sleeping position started to sink in. As he looked up, he noticed how short Liv's shorts were by the way they rode up her thighs from the way she was squating. He also noticed the V neck in her shirt went down low enough for him to get a good look. Thank God she fell asleep wearing her bra! _Fuck! Come on, now. Don't go there right now._ "Stop yelling bedhead" he teased to cover up his slight indiscretion as he rubbed his neck and tried to stretch, effectively camouflaging the erection that was quickly taking form.

For that, she decided to give him another whack on the head as she handed him the phone and said, "Rollins." As he began to talk to his detective, Liv took the opportunity to run to the bathroom. When she returned to her room having put on a bathrobe, she noticed Elliot was off the phone and trying desperately to rub the kinks out of his neck. She felt sorry for his discomfort. After all, she knew he only slept slumped in the chair for Serena's sake. She came up behind him, shooed his hands away, and began to massage. "What did Rollins want?"

Elliot was too busy groaning in relief to answer right away. He would have happily crawled into the bed knowing Serena would welcome him, but would Olivia? All sorts of thoughts immediately ran rampant through his mind until he felt Liv apply a little too much pressure in one spot.

"Hello?" She said. "Is everything okay?"

"OW! Yeah." He dropped his voice once Liv shushed his outburst. "We need to get some kind of statement from Serena today. The brass and the Feds need all they can to get this guy for good. I told her no one gets him before we do." They both became silent, lost in thought as they watched Serena sleep.

It was almost 11 when Liv heard Serena making noise. Olivia was already showered and ready. Elliot left shortly after awakening so he could go home to do the same. After all, he was the one who had to be in the office today; Fin would take up her slack for a while. She had plenty of paid leave coming to her in one form or another. She ran into her room and found her daughter with a furrowed brow thrashing about. She began to claw at her mask without opening her eyes. Olivia rushed to her side and sat on the bed next to Serena's legs which started to kick at the covers. Although she was clearly distressed, she was eerily silent.

"Sshhh, baby. It's okay. It's okay, you're safe. You're here with Momma Serena." Liv had to put her hands on her daughter's face to keep her from damaging herself while trying to rip the oxygen mask off. At Liv's touch, Serena stilled and opened her eyes. Her breathing was very erratic so Liv didn't want to remove the mask just yet. "See? You're home. You're okay." she continued to soothe and kept her hands on her daughter to ground her. It took a few minutes, but it worked and Serena was able to sit up and remove the oxygen mask.

 _NO! NO! NO! I wasn't dreaming! I felt Momma at the park and in the car. Elliot was holding my hand so I could sleep. I actually thought he needed to hold my hand so he could sleep too. But no! How could I be back here? It couldn't be a dream. I don't want the nightmare anymore! "_ You're here with Momma Serena." _Momma? That's right. My name is Serena and I really am here with Momma. She's touching me. Good touching. Loving touching. Look!_

As she opened her eyes, she was greeted with the most beautiful sight she could remember, her mother's caring eyes. The eyes everyone said she shared but it's been so long since she's seen her reflection that she can't imagine any part of her looking like Olivia. They were home, those eyes. She hated the big, old, stupid mask she had to wear at night, so she immediately quieted her breathing (another technique she had to learn quickly under duress) and she was able to get it off without damage. She grabbed Olivia's hands before she could let go and just stared at her mother, emulating Liv's breathing patterns. Liv smiled.

"Good morning!" she said and Serena nodded in return. "You snuck into my bed last night. How did you learn to be so quiet?" Liv regretted her question as soon as it left her mouth. She had a pretty good idea of the consequences Serena must have had to learn if she wasn't quiet. Just then, the front door opened and Elliot walked in. "Hey!" Liv shouted into the other room. "Does either of you want to tell me just how I went from watching a movie on the couch to having my bedroom invaded by the two of you?" Serena immediately pointed to Elliot.

"Me?" he questioned innocently. "It was your idea!" and at that, the tension was relieved. "Anyway, I said I'd stop by after work and what did I find? You were loudly snoring on the sofa with the TV on a blank screen."

Olivia smacked his arm. "I do not snore!" and out of the corner of her eye, she saw her daughter smile so she turned. "Well, I don't!" She leaned over and whispered in Serena's ear, "Do I?" knowing the answer, but playing along. Serena shook her hand on a so-so gesture and Liv looked properly affronted. "Speaking of snoring, I didn't need an alarm because I had a jackhammer next to my bed!" she fired back with a smirk. Turning back to Serena, she said, "Let's get dressed, sleepy head."

"Oh! I almost forgot. That's part of the reason I came back. I brought these. I asked Liz to gather some of her old clothes from the attic for Serena until we can take her shopping. I think these might fit better than your clothes will" he offered handing over a bag.

Liv loved the way he said "we" when discussing shopping. He was always such a big part of her daughter's life that she should have hyphenated Stabler to the end of her name. "Just what are you insinuating Stabler?" Liv asked and started laughing out loud at the look of horror on her partner's face. Yes, no matter what their rank or positions, they were 'partners for life.' "What's the other part?"

"Well, the other part is so I can drive you to the station. Everyone is coming in around two o'clock and I didn't want either of you feeling like you're walking into the inquisition. I figured if we can get Serena's statement, in any way that she can give it…" he clarified knowing the girl refused to talk verbally, "then she won't have to face the brass for any more than a cursory greeting."

"Okay then" began Liv "I'll go heat up your breakfast while you get ready. Do you want to shower, baby?" Seeing her daughter's assent, she gave Serena the bag of Lizzie's clothes and went to gather some extra towels while Elliot turned for the living room to give her some privacy. Serena quickly jumped off the bed and ran after him, grabbing his hand.

"I'm just gonna sit here keeping your mom company while you shower angel. I'm not going anywhere" he said to reassure her. Serena studied him for a moment before releasing his hand and walking into the bathroom, leaving the door wide open and stepping into the shower.

"I'll call Liz later and thank her for the clothes" Liv said. "And thanks to you too for thinking of them. She got so tall but she's so thin, El. Her clothes from two years ago will still fit except for being too short! She's covered up, but I can feel her bones right through my fingers." She averted her gaze so he couldn't see that she was getting upset. It was a moot gesture because he was Elliot after all. What she felt, he did,66 no matter what.

"I know. I felt her put pressure on my hand last night and it was barely a squeeze, yet she was putting such effort into it. But she's home now Liv. As you always say, she survived the hardest part and now, you will help her survive the rest. We both will." He whispered the last part as an aside, but Liv heard him loud and clear. She came out from behind the island, put her arms around his waist and enveloped him in a hug.

"Yes, we will. Oh, and about last night. Thanks. I'm sorry you were so uncomfortable, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate you doing that. I know Serena probably didn't give you much choice for sleeping arrangements. If that happens again, just get in the bed." She stated that part so matter-of-factly that Elliot practically did a double take, but Liv was already back in the kitchen putting Serena's breakfast together in a sandwich style so they could get to the stationhouse.

Serena did not take long in the bathroom. In fact, she was so quick that Olivia questioned whether or not she was clean. Her hair hung dripping down her back and although it was the end of June, she was wearing a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved tee and the sweater Liv gave her yesterday. Again, she was fixing it so her thumbs came through the knitted holes. Liv normally got cold easily herself, but Serena was making her sweat just by looking at her. While she sat eating her sandwich, Liv came up behind her with a hairbrush, causing Serena to literally jump out of her seat.

"I'm so sorry, baby!" she apologized quickly putting her hands up. _What the hell are you thinking Olivia? Coming up behind her after all she's been through with a brush of all things!_ "I wasn't thinking! I just thought I might help you with your hair, but I'll just…." she trailed off, chastising herself for her stupidity.

 _Oh Momma, don't be sad. I used to love when you brushed my hair! I'm sorry I got scared but I didn't expect you to do that. Here._ Serena grabbed Olivia's hand that held the brush and put in on the back of her hair as she returned to her seat on the bar stool. It felt good to have her mom brush her hair again, all the little things she missed.

"Serena, are you ready? Momma and I are going to take you to the station so we can figure out what happened to you." He stopped short when Serena's head popped up and her eyes were wide with fear. "Honey" he began again as he gently placed his hand on her arm. "You can tell us anything. Do you understand? Anything. As much or as little as you want, any way that you can. We will be right beside you the entire time."

Serena broke eye contact. She didn't want to go to the station, even though she used to love going there. She didn't want to "tell" anybody anything, verbally or otherwise. She just wanted to stay right where she was with the two people she loved most. But listening to them whisper, seeing the focus in Elliot's eyes, she sighed. She never said no to them and she wasn't about to start now. So, she stood up and walked over to the door to wait patiently for them to catch up.

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	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Shut up!" screamed Carisi at the furious hump they had in the cage. He had been brought in on possession of some disturbing child pornography. Carisi thought ALL child porn was disturbing, but apparently this guy held something extra special. Now he did nothing but cause a ruckus yelling for his lawyer and how he was gonna sue the entire unit. Whatever. Carisi just wanted some quiet. He turned to Rollins, "I swear I'm gonna kill him if they don't get him to the tombs asap!"

"Yeah, well get in line" she grumbled. "Stabler will be here any minute"

He leaned over his desk and whispered conspiratorially, "Hey, do you think now that the kid is back, he and Liv might…"

"Well he was sleeping with her this morning and…" she started before she was interrupted by Fin.

"Hey you two. Don't you got work to do? You shouldn't speculate on what you know nothing about" he admonished. Fin hated gossip from people who really had no clue, especially when it held so much truth. "And you in there, shut that fuckin hole before I shut it for ya!" He was exhausted and worried, but he would never complain compared to what Liv and Serena must be feeling. The other detectives went back to their work and the perp took Fin's warning to heart and finally sat quietly.

-SVU-

About ten minutes later, Elliot pulled his car into his designated space and he and Liv both got out and stopped. Serena was still sitting in the backseat, looking down. Liv climbed back in. "Baby, I know you are scared. So am I. But no matter what you were told, no one will ever hurt you again. What you have been through...I can't imagine, but sweetheart, we have to find him so we can stop him from moving on to someone else." Liv knew the horrors she imagined these past two years and all she could do was hope to hell she was wrong, or at the very least, not that bad. She watched Serena for a few moments as her child kept her head and her eyes down. Slowly, she reached over and opened the car door and stepped out.

All Liv wanted to do was forget this; pick her daughter up and take her home and hold her forever. She had to keep reminding herself that this was necessary. She was a SVU cop and she would be telling any other mother the same thing. She felt terrible as she watched her baby silently walk into the station without looking up until Elliot pressed the elevator button. "No El, we need to take the stairs" she stated as she noticed Serena start shaking at the prospect of riding up.

"No problem" he said without missing a beat and he led the way to the third floor. When he opened the doors to the unit, the first thing he noticed was how quiet it had gotten in the hour he was gone. Either they got the asshole processed and down to the tombs already, or, well he didn't want to think of the paperwork that would be associated with the or. He caught eyes with Fin, who just nodded. Elliot led the way to his office. The unit was equipped with a children's interview room, but Serena was not the typical child and he just wanted both of them in his space with him.

"Hey Baby Girl" called Fin as they made their way across the room. Olivia smiled and ran to embrace him.

"Thank you, Fin. Dear God, thank you!" she said as she nearly strangled his neck.

"Never any need. Besides, you know I like both my Baby Girls in the same place" he replied as he returned her hug. Much to Fin's pleasure, he saw Serena smile at the floor as Liv let him go. "That's right, just like your Momma no matter how old you get, that's what you'll be." He never raised his voice or attempted to approach, but he knew she was listening to everything going on around them.

"I don't know how to take that Fin" joked Olivia as she saw Serena look up and smirk. She slowly walked over to Fin and stood next to him. Just stood there, looking up into his face. At least now, she didn't have to crane her neck so far to look. Fin stood perfectly still, trying to keep his face impassive and friendly. Suddenly, Serena stood up on her toes and kissed Fin's cheek before finding the floor fascinating once again.

"It was you baby. All you, but you are welcome" Fin replied.

Elliot held his arm out for his two ladies to enter the office ahead of him. As soon as he shut the door, Serena spun around and practically burned a hole through the door with her stare. "Sorry, I will leave it open" he corrected as he remembered her reaction to the bathroom and bedroom doors last night. Serena visibly calmed and sat on the sofa instead of in one of the chairs because it gave a view of who would be coming in.

Carisi watched the exchange intently and as soon as Elliot closed his door, and immediately reopened it but stayed inside, he asked Fin, "Hey, why do you call Olivia 'Baby Girl'?"

"More importantly" interrupted Rollins, "Why does she let you?" Fin ignored them both and went to make coffee leaving the two detectives to ponder amongst themselves.

-SVU-

Elliot and Olivia tried every which way to get answers from Serena. For almost an hour, they rephrased, role played, etc but she just wouldn't budge. She kept staring at the floor as if it were going to move. If she even so much as whimpered or moaned, they would have instantly stopped and backed off, but she was silent, so they kept pressing. Elliot was trying and failing to hide his frustration. He paced, he stood like a statue with his arms crossed and listened as Liv tried, he groaned and sighed and felt horrible as Serena flinched at his reactions. _Calm down Stabler. She is Serena yes, but she is a victim of two years of God knows what!_ He never held back with them. Serena has seen crime scene photos on the board and heard every swear word in the book in every language the cops here know. She has seen him put his fists through walls and windows while turning so red-faced he could rival a tomato. He was so used to just letting it out with Olivia and Serena that he almost forgot the reason they were here. He knew Liv felt just as he did, but more importantly they wanted to protect her in every way.

"I'm sorry. What the hell am I doing sweetheart? I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at this situation. But you, you I adore and I have to remember to keep my temper and frustration to a minimum. It doesn't look good if the boss has to reprimand himself, does it?" He knew it was a lame attempt at levity, but he couldn't come up with anything better. "Wanna Coke?" When both nodded, Elliot left the room to go to the machine, Serena right on his heels. "You can stay here; the machine is just down the hall."

Serena grinned as she caught sight of Fin and he winked. She watched Amanda and the man who drove them home yesterday as they tried not to stare from their desks.

"You remember Amanda Rollins sweetie, don't you?" Liv spoke up. "That's her partner, Sonny Carisi. He drove us home yesterday."

That was all the permission they needed to stop pretending to work and openly watch whatever was happening. They both gave warm smiles. When she turned her head, Serena saw Elliot return with three sodas in his hands, so she took one and turned to follow him back into his office.

"About fuckin time, man!" came the voice from the man in the cage who was now being led around by an officer. "How long you gonna keep me here?"

Serena dropped her open coke can and instantly froze. Well, froze isn't exactly the word as her heart was coming into her throat and her chest started heaving. Liv put her can on her desk and faced Serena with her hands on her shoulders.

"What? What is it baby? Don't worry, he won't hurt you."

 _He already did Momma! I'd know that voice anywhere. I hear it in my dreams when my brain lets me sleep._ Her breathing started to become erratic the more the perp yelled. Serena's eyes went wild and she started sweating.

"Hey, get him the fuck downstairs, NOW!" Elliot screamed to Carisi, who was more than happy to jump up and oblige since the officer didn't seem to know what to do. Liv couldn't get Serena to respond or even move. The man walked right up to Elliot, dragging the uni with him.

"You in charge right? Well, how come I asked for my lawyer so long ago and all I get is shit from your people? I swear I…" the perp trailed off as he looked at the girl. "Shit! Mother fucker!" and a long string of expletives spilled from his mouth. "Bitch, where's Andrew? Huh? Where that piece of shit doctor at cause I warned him…"

That's as far as the man got before Fin's fist connected with his jaw, causing him to slump in Carisi's arms. He had a bad feeling about this guy all along and he was just a bit quicker to put the pieces together than his superiors, whose minds were rightfully preoccupied. He's glad it was him though, Liv and Serena didn't need Elliot in jail right now.

"Fin!" yelled Elliot but suddenly, as if he was the one who got sucker punched, the guy's words connected in his brain. "Where's Andrew?" He looked down to find that Serena had wet her pants, unable to hold her bladder out of the pure fear radiating from her wide eyes. She was starting to hyperventilate as Liv tried everything she could to calm her down before her knees gave out. "Move Carisi!" he bellowed as he watched mother and daughter descend to the floor. Sonny half dragged, half pushed the guy out of the room, calling for the officer to get his head out of his ass. "Wait! Put him in the box, I have some questions for him. Fin stay right here. Rollins get me everything you can on that guy."

Olivia fumbled in Serena's backpack and took out the cannula. It's been barely 24 hours and the oxygen was being used far too much for her liking. _Who the hell is this guy and how does he know my daughter? Good God, I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that._ Her hands were trembling, and Serena could not sit still as she was trying to fill her lungs with air. Elliot placed his hands over Liv's and stilled them long enough to get everything in place. Liv started to model deep breathing for the young one and he was glad because it would also calm Liv down, and to be honest, himself as well. He was mirroring Olivia's coaching and breathing and his head began to clear.

"Honey listen to me. That man is NOT going to hurt you. He's not even here on a violent charge. He had pictures of naked kids." He watched Serena squeeze her eyes shut at that bit of information. "Believe me, he is not going anywhere and, in a few moments,, he'll be praying for death. Tell me. Do you know that man?" Elliot held his breath once again as he watched Serena grab hold of Olivia's arm with a grip so tight he thought she may crush Liv's radial bone. She gave an almost imperceptible nod. "Okay. Did he hurt you?" He realized how loud and stern he sounded but it couldn't be helped. You could hear a pin drop in that squadroom as no one was pretending to work anymore. Elliot was trying so hard to keep his temper; he couldn't fly off the handle, especially not when all eyes were on him. But that was all he could ask because at that moment, Serena stopped hyperventilating and fainted.

-SVU-

Olivia knew that the moment Serena passed out, her breathing would regulate, but that knowledge did nothing to quell the heartache she was feeling at the reaction her daughter had to a man arrested for kiddie porn. Elliot had promptly carried Serena to the couch in his office with Liv assuring Rollins that she didn't need to call a bus. Carisi put the now irate prisoner in the box and left him there to sweat and everyone was trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Elliot was just about to step out to get some info when Serena began to stir.

As Olivia coaxed her daughter awake, she mentally prepared herself for what was to come. Since Liv was squatting on the floor in front of the couch, Serena climbed into her lap. Liv made a noise that was a cross between a silenced sob and an aborted hiccup, but Elliot was standing so close he of course heard it. Just like he did in the car, he positioned himself behind Olivia with his legs and arms wrapped around them both. He didn't care at that moment that the door was left open, he just wanted to comfort his family. That's what they always were to him, family, but they meant more than that. The office was silent, and that silence seemed to spill out and continue in the squadroom as well. Not before long, Fin appeared in the doorway.

"Hey, can I try somethin?" When both his superiors nodded their consent, Fin worked his way down on the floor in front of them. "Hey Baby Girl. Amanda asked me to give you these. I know how embarrassin it is to have an accident and have to stay in wet clothes and if you say one word Stabler, I'll clock you" he said evenly, never looking up but he saw Elliot smirk from the corner of his eye. He probably wouldn't live that down. "Amanda is like this thin" he said as he held up his pinky finger "So these leggings should fit you just fine." As he handed her the pants, she took them willingly and made eye contact. He jumped at that opportunity.

"Baby, you saw me punch that guy out there right?" Nod. "I need you to tell me exactly why I did that. I need to know how he knows you so I can make sure my paperwork is in order, because I can get in a lot of trouble for doing that." Fin hoped the side of her that loved him as an Uncle overrode her fear of giving a statement. It seemed that the room stood still for several moments, not even breathing could be heard. Finally, she gave a small nod and looked back at the floor. "Okay, but do you think we can sit on the couch? This floor is killing my back!"

Serena looked from him and side-eyed Olivia. Fin took another chance that he was reading her hint correctly. "How about this? Why don't you change and then you and I can go to the fun room and talk, just the two of us. Would that be okay?" He knew he was going to get ripped a new one by Liv for suggesting it, but he saw Elliot tighten his hold on her arms and she immediately bit back her retort. Serena got up from Olivia's lap and went to pull down her pants.

"NO!" shouted both men out of reflex, making the poor girl jump but Elliot spoke first. "Sorry, sorry baby. Here, you change in here, Uncle Fin will get his things together and I'll stand right outside the door to make sure no one looks in. Okay?" As they hastily made their exits. Serena found her glasses on the arm of the couch and positioned them back on her face. She then sat down to untie her sneakers while Liv stood by Elliot at the door. The only difference was that he was facing outside like a guard dog and she was watching Serena.

Olivia watched as Serena carefully took off her shoes and stood up to remove her wet jeans. Since she was closer to Elliot's desk, Liv didn't have the best vantage point, which she supposed was a good thing right now because she couldn't handle a breakdown at the moment if she were to catch a glimpse of scars or other bruising. The first think Liv noticed was that she wasn't wearing any underwear. Secondly, and more importantly, Serena's legs were so thin, she looked like a walking skeleton. Amanda's leggings that Liv has seen the athletic detective wear to work out, should have been the perfect fit for Serena, but they hung a bit baggy. Liv vowed to keep feeding her daughter seconds and thirds for four, not three meals each day. When she was ready, Serena walked up to Liv at the door, holding her wet pants shyly.

"It's okay, I have a ton of laundry to catch up on when we get home" she said as she took them with a smile. Serena walked out towards Fin, who held his arm out to guide her, but never touching. At the door to the children's interview room, Serena looked back at her mother, who stood with her back to Elliot and his hands on her shoulders, both standing ramrod straight with what were meant to be encouraging smiles. Fin left the interview door slightly open, but neither approached.

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	14. Chapter 14

A/N: We finally get some insight, so this may be a trigger warning. In case you couldn't tell, I love Fin!

Chapter 14

Serena was sitting on some comfy cushions laid out on the floor very close to Fin while he sat on the low sofa, his elbows on his knees so he could hear anything she might say. "How do you want to do this baby? I need to record you, but if you're going to sign to me, then I need to get an interpreter in here so it's all official."

 _I can do this. I can do this. My name is Serena and this is Uncle Fin who would rather die than hurt me._ That mantra was running through her head as she opened and closed her mouth several times. It had been over two years since she spoke to another person, and almost that long since she heard her own voice in private. She wasn't sure if it would even work anymore.

"I...it...it'sssssss o, o, okay Uuuuncle Fin." She remembers developing the stutter one day shortly after she was taken. Her head was spinning and she was freezing. She couldn't seem to concentrate on what she was trying to say. It was right after that she stopped speaking out loud. Every time she tried when she was alone, she just kept getting stuck on words, not even predictable letters. "I c-c-can…..talk to you." That seemed to take a lot out of her. Fin didn't make any faces or comments. In fact, he went on as if it were any other day and any other person. She was really grateful for that.

"Good, cuz I was hoping it would be just you and me. No worries just take your time and tell me anything you want." Fin talked into the recorder stating his and Serena's names and why they were there. "Now, that man out there. The one who asked you "Where's Andrew." Do you know him?"

"Yes." _That wasn't so bad._

"Is he the man who kidnapped you?" Fin knew that this Andrew guy was with Serena at the park, but he had no idea to what role he or this perp, whose name he knew was Amir Whitlock, had in her captivity. He made sure to keep all his thoughts to himself lest he be accused of leading the witness or something later on. He wanted to know just how much Serena knew about the perp that wouldn't shut up.

"No" she said as she vigorously shook her head. "A-A-Amir just c-came….to the sssssscelebrations. He n-n-never mmmmmmissssssssed one."

 _Well, I was right. She does know him._ "Celebrations? Like dinner parties? Holidays? Barbeques?" Fin inquired, hoping to God that she meant something as innocuous as that. In reality, he knew better.

"No" again nearly shaking her head off her shoulders. "I, I, I….mmmm..." _I can do this. There's no more and you don't want there to be anymore. You have to save the next girl, like the elites._ "U-Uncle FFFFFin, he t-took p-p-pictures. Amir sssssaid that if The Doc-doc-doctor deccccided to p-play dirty, he w-wanted to to to mmmake sure he wasn't the only, only, only one g-g-going down." She caught Fin's eyes and pleaded with him to understand, and being the seasoned detective that he is, he did.

"So, Amir would come to Andrew's parties and take pictures of you. Is that right?" he asked for the recorder sake.

Serena nodded, but when Fin pointed to the machine, she said "Yes" barely above a whisper.

"These parties or celebrations that you're talking about, were other kids there?" Head shake. The next question he couldn't phrase any other way, but he knew how smart Liv's baby was before she disappeared, so he was hoping that hadn't changed much. They always spoke the truth to her and he wasn't going to change that now. "Were there men and women having sex and Amir was taking their pictures for insurance? Like if this doctor got caught and decided to rat Amir out, he would point the finger at others too?" Fin knew he could be accused of putting words in her mouth, but he had to clear this up. He was hoping maybe there was some type of orgy swing thing going on. Again, hoping but he knew better.

"Yes and n-no. No w-w-women. Just the mmmmmmmmen." She couldn't look at Fin any longer and he saw a single tear fall down her cheek that she quickly swept away. He wanted to get her out of here, so he can bash in Amir's head before Elliot and Olivia got a hold of him. He wasn't going to push her any more.

"Thank you, Baby Girl, for talking to me. I know how hard that must have been for you. You did great, and I'm not just talking about here in this room with me. We can stop. Now I know just how to deal with that asshole in the other room. Do you want me to get your mom to come in here, or do you want to walk out with me?" He didn't want to face Olivia with this information, at least not now. He would get Serena to Liv so they could leave, he'd tell Elliot and go from there.

"No t-t-trouble now?" she asked as she looked towards the still open door. Just like her mother, she was always worried about everyone else.

"Don't you worry about me. I got it covered" he replied as he lightly brushed her cheek and she didn't flinch.

"C-can wwwwweeeeee go home?" she asked. Fin just nodded and stood up, waiting for her to join him as they walked out of the room together.

-SVU-

For Olivia, time had stopped the minute her daughter disappeared into the interview room with her coworker. She hadn't moved a muscle, just stood and stared at the doorway. Elliot stood behind her and kneaded her shoulders. She barely felt it. It barely registered in her brain that someone, presumably Rollins, had cleaned up Serena's mess from the floor. It didn't matter that her squad was staring sideways at her. It didn't matter that she was being completely unprofessional. She wasn't a cop right now. She was a mother, the mother of a...victim.

"She's with Fin" she said out loud to no one in particular.

"Yes" replied Elliot.

"She'll be okay. It's Fin" she spoke as if she were just trying to convince herself not to rush in there.

"Shit" she heard Elliot breathe out behind her head. It was odd considering she didn't see a trigger for it. She heard them a second before they walked in. It was 2:00 and there stood Chief Dodds, ADA Barba, Rico, the FBI agent who had been working the task force for Serena's case and Charles Messing, the liason from the Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

"Lieutenant" greeted Dodds. "Sergeant, congratulations" he turned to Olivia and shook her hand. "So, what do we have?"

Before anyone could answer, Rico spoke up. "Where's the kid?" There was always something about this agent that irked Elliot. He acted like he was doing them a favor by doing his job and he did the bare minimum at that. Olivia once said he probably resents the fact that the cops were still running the case and keeping it active, showing him up on his job. Elliot heard him mention once that it's rare that cops kids are kidnapped and he hoped to God he wouldn't catch another case like this again because it was a battle of the hardheads.

"She's giving her statement to Detective Tutuola. She'll be out in a bit" replied Elliot who let go of Olivia's shoulders and now stood face to face with the FBI agent. "I'll keep you posted."

"Well, Lieutenant, we came here to get some answers so if you'll excuse me, I'll just go and help out your detective" Rico decreed as he tried to make his way around Elliot. They were pretty evenly matched physically, Rico was an arrogant ass and Elliot knew he could match him there as well, but Elliot had home field advantage as well as he wasn't letting this asshat anywhere near Serena.

"No, Agent Rico. You will not. Detective Tutuola has a rapport with Serena and given everything she has been through, he will be the only one questioning her, so why don't you go back to your office and we will send you the report." Elliot now crossed his arms and locked eyes with the agent, ready to do battle. His unit, his kid.

"Lieutenant Stabler, forgive me but you don't have a say in who questions that child. That is for her parent" interjected Dodds and all eyes turned towards Olivia, who was only half-listening as her eyes were still waiting for Serena to emerge. She did turn her attention to the group of men when she felt their scrutiny.

"Chief, she may not have the last name of Stabler, but I speak for my kid. No one but Fin is questioning her sir, and that's final" he interrupted before Liv even had a chance to gather her thoughts. Everyone was watching this exchange, so no one noticed that Fin and Serena were standing in the doorway. Serena smiled when she heard Elliot's words. She knew the truth. That was one of the first things The Doctor told her.

"Chief, Serena hasn't spoken a single word since she returned. I have no idea how or if Fin is getting anywhere in his questioning, but Elliot is right, no one else will be speaking to her" Liv moved to stand beside Elliot. "And yes, Lt. Stabler can speak for her sir."

"Listen Stabler. You will not keep me from doing my job so either you move, or I go around you" threatened Rico.

"Take a single step Rico, and I will drop you. The consequences don't matter. See, I have over 30 years on the force and I'll be happy to take you out, then take my full pension and retire to my Jersey beach house, so try to go around, take that step." Elliot knew Rico wouldn't, but the threat was real. His kids were all grown, except for Eli who was a happy ten-year-old living in Connecticut with Kathy and her new husband. Elliot got him one weekend a month, all of July, last week of August and every other holiday year. The only reason he stayed on the force this long was standing right next to him. When it came to it, he would ask Olivia to retire with him. After all, she had 25+ years and she will want to spend the next however long a time taking care of Serena, so he really had nothing to lose.

It was a stare down and both men were itching for a fight. "Chief Dodds, The Bureau would expect the courtesy of a full report as soon as it becomes available. If this Doctor Carlson can lead to anything else, we will need to speak to the child." With that, Rico turned to leave.

"Well, Olivia" said Messing, taking that as a hint. "I'm so happy you and your daughter are reunited. If there's any other way The Center can assist, just let us know." He smiled, shook Olivia and Elliot's hands and departed. Liv liked him. He genuinely cared about his job and the missing kids.

"Stabler, we need to…" Chief Dodds began to speak but that's when Serena spoke up.

"C-c-can wwwweeee? Can wwweeee g-g-go beeeeeeeach? P-p-pleease?"

All eyes turned on the child who was silent up until now. Liv ran over, trying not to make a big deal of her words but thrilled nonetheless. She looked to Fin who nodded. "What do you mean baby?"

"P-p-pllllleeeeeeease c-c-can wwwee go bbbbeach? O-o-open, out outside. El, Elllliot, rrrreeeally?" she seemed to beg but in light of the gathering of stern looking men, she didn't want to move from the doorway or Fin's side. She wanted to go so badly. In her mind, a beach house meant open windows that let the sun and wind come in, screen doors, and being outside all day, maybe even at night. No more dark, closed walls. She relished that idea and surely Elliot wouldn't have made it up.

"Of course you can. In fact, Liv you're on leave so why don't you head on out. I'll take care of your paperwork and call my mother to tell her to expect you both by dinner" Elliot spoke directly to them knowing his words would cause a stir, but he didn't care. Serena asked him for something and by God, he was going to do his best to give it to her.

"El, we couldn't impose on your mother like that and on such short notice." She didn't mind Elliot speaking to defend Serena, but she would not be spoken to as a subordinate (even though she technically was) being told where to go and what to do, especially in front of the squad and the chief. "That doctor still out there plus this perp…" she was in full argument mode but all it took was two words from behind her.

"Please Momma" they were perfectly clear and spoken in such a way that everyone in that squad room would have moved Heaven and Earth to make it happen. Liv could only nod, all arguments lost.

"That's settled. Rollins take my jeep and drive them home please. Liv, I'll call my mom now and tell her you'll be on the road shortly. I will see you tomorrow night, but it'll be late by the time I get there." He looked towards Serena and held out his right arm which she promptly ran into. Liv joined her on Elliot's left side. Neither seemed to care who was watching or whispering, which was everyone. "Drive safe and I'll see you tomorrow night" he claimed as he kissed Serena on the top of her head, then turned around and did the same to Liv.

As they approached the exit doors, Serena stopped, turned, and ran towards Fin. "U-unnnnncle Fin" she was suddenly at a loss. She wanted to thank him and hug him and tell him to be careful because those men were dangerous and she loved him, but nothing came out.

"Baby Girl, take care of your momma. Get some sun, eat some food, and…" he leaned down close to her ear and whispered, "Be free." This garnered a smile and another quick peck on the cheek. Olivia approached just then and once again put her arms around his neck.

"I seem to be thanking you a lot today, Odafin" She kissed his cheek as she pulled away.

"Don't think about anything Liv. We got it. Just...enjoy Baby Girl." he smirked and winked. He knew as well as Elliot that as soon as the door closed behind them, Dodds was going to pounce and they would be grabbing Mr. Whitlock and showing him exactly how they felt about him.

And he was right.

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	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Meant to be a healing chapter, not a dark chapter, but it may contain some triggers so warnings apply

Chapter 15

While sitting in the backseat with Liv, Serena suddenly put a big smile on her face. _I've missed that so much!_ thought Olivia. Out loud she asked, "What's so funny?"

"Y-y-yoooouu ssstill have him whi-whipped!" she let out a tiny giggle, repeating a phrase Casey once told Olivia one ladies night in. "Hhheeeee sssstill loves you vvvvvvvery mmmmmuuch."

Olivia laughed at that herself. "I know" she admitted just above a whisper. "Me too."

Rollins was listening intently as she caught a quick glimpse in the rearview mirror. It wasn't exactly a revelation, but to hear her sergeant openly admit it (sort of) was definitely unexpected.

-SVU-

Elliot's head was pounding and all of his nerves were on edge. After getting ripped by Dodds for the way he dealt with the feds, he pulled Fin into his office and got an earful. An earful that he definitely did not want. He listened to Serena on that recording. Her voice was deeper, rougher, like it was damaged and she hadn't used it in a while. And that stutter. Where the fuck did that come from? All these thoughts came second to what the girl was implying. "Rape parties? The fucker was hosting rape parties?" These types of things were not new to Elliot, but to put Serena in the center of them was unfathomable.

"That's the gist of it, yeah" replied Fin solemnly. "Now don't get your head too deep into it right now because we gotta go hang the mother fucker. A'ight?"

As soon as Fin and Elliot entered the interrogation room, the first thing Elliot said was "Ya know that young lady you just called bitch? Yeah, she's mine" and he crossed the room in a flash, but Amir Whitlock folded in seconds. His lawyer finally showed up but Barba would not deal anything less than 25 to life for several counts of rape, filming a sexual assault, and possession of child porn for starters. Once more details emerged, more chargers were sure to be piled on. When Whitlock realized he wasn't getting any special treatment or deals, he clammed up. He knew he was not getting outta the porn charge and as soon as he saw that kid, he knew she ID'd him, and he didn't want to bury himself deeper. They got nothing more from him than Carlson would host monthly parties so guys could "come get what they pay for." Elliot was beyond pissed. His superiors could take his position and shove it because all he wanted to do was get his hands on this prick. Instead, he left the room followed shortly by Fin and Barba.

"Fuck" said Fin. That's about all any of them could say. Whitlock would be in the tombs until the morning's arraignment and Barba would fight for remand. That's all they could do at this point unless he decided to talk, Serena gave more, or they found Carlson. TARU was checking all of his computers for hidden files and photos, and CSU was set to check his apartment and work space, but that would take a while. Elliot had a bad feeling they'd end up with nothing but was saved from having to comment further by the ding of his cell indicating a text from Liv.

-Arrived safe. Mom good, building sandcastles with Serena :) Getting ready for dinner. Call me later.-

He did not want to explain this to Olivia, especially over the phone, besides, he'll be there tomorrow.

-SVU-

Since they didn't leave the city until almost 4:00, it took Liv over two hours to drive to Long Beach Island. Damn traffic on the Garden State and it was only Thursday! It had been years since she's been here and she has had no contact with Bernie Stabler since. She never would have agreed with this for any reason other than Serena wanted it so badly. She didn't even know Elliot's mother, but the idea of being free on the beach was what appealed to her. Serena only said a few more words as she gathered together what little clothes Lizzie had given her, Janey, and her backpack loaded with her equipment. Although the stutter killed her a little each time she heard it, Liv loved the sound of her voice. She wondered what it took to develop one that pronounced when the child was so articulate before.

Before leaving, Olivia picked up Chinese food for dinner. She didn't know what Mrs. Stabler liked, so she got a variety to choose from, and plenty of it. She had to put some meat on her daughter's bones any way she could and she really didn't want to impose on Elliot's mom for anything more than what was already offered, a bed on the beach. The car ride was mostly silent but not unpleasant. Liv put the top down on her Mustang and it was a hot June day. As they drove, Serena had her arms out and her face lifted towards the sun. The radio played in the background, but neither of them sang. Serena seemed to not only dislike the dark, but the quiet as well, even in the light of day. As they pulled into the driveway, Elliot's mom came out to greet them, followed by what looked like a nurse.

"Olivia! It's so nice to see you again" she exclaimed as she went in for a hug. Her hair was completely grey but otherwise, she looked exactly as Liv remembered. "When Elliot called and told me you two were coming, all I thought was, it's about time dear! You must be Serena" she said as she let go of Liv and turned towards the teen standing off to the side. Elliot gave his mother the basics, so Bernie didn't go to hug or touch her in any way. "Welcome. This is Maddie. She helps me out during the day, a few days a week but now that you two are here, Maddie can take a vacation! Come, let me show you inside" and as simply as that, Bernie Stabler turned towards the house and expected everyone to follow. Serena did, but Olivia held back.

"It's nice to meet you Maddie. How long have you been Bernie's nurse? Is there something I should know while we're here?" She knew Bernie was getting on in years and she didn't have the best mindset or track record for taking medications, but if anything else was wrong and the nurse wasn't there, Olivia needed to prepare herself as best she could.

Maddie laughed openly. "It's nice to meet you too Olivia. I'm not a nurse but a trained home health aide. Bernie's friend Gladys, who lives just over there, talked her into allowing the insurance company to provide one. She needs some help keeping up the house, making sure there's food, keeping clean, and most importantly, taking her meds. She's tricky that one, but no, you don't have anything to worry about. She has been a flurry of activity since her son called earlier. It's great to see her this way. Don't let her know I left you a note in the cabinet above the sink"

She led Liv back into the house and called out to Bernie. "Okay Bernie, I'll just be on my way. I'm trusting Olivia and Serena will take care of you just as well as I do. I'll see you on Monday then!"

"No need Maddie. Like I said, they're here now and we'll all be just fine" she dismissed the aide with her hand and continued on talking to Serena. "Have you ever been to the beach young lady?"

"Nnnnnnot for a l-l-loong t-time. Noth-nothing ffffor a long time" She didn't talk at all yesterday and only a handful of words today but those words were like daggers to Olivia's soul. Bernie took it in stride.

"Well follow me young lady!" she said enthusiastically and led Serena through the screen door out back. Just beyond the patio was the ocean. As soon as you stepped down, your toes got buried in the sand. Serena looked as if she was ready to make a beeline for the water, but she held back and waited.

"Do you o-o-own this b-b-beach Mmmmrs. Sssssst-Stabler?"

"Let's get two things straight dear. Mrs. Stabler has been dead a long time. I am Bernie, no, Grandma to you. Second, I own the house and the grounds, but not the beach, although it is a private beach for those of us fortunate enough to live here. No outsiders, no rabble-rousers, just family." She reached out to touch Serena's cheek and Serena leaned into her hand.

"G-grammmmma" Serena said softly, as if she were trying it out.

After bidding farewell to Maddie, Olivia grabbed their bags from the car and put them in the guest room with a queen bed. The other room had a full bed and a set of bunk beds that Liv presumed was for when the grandkids visit. After running to the bathroom, she followed them out back. She found them close to the shore. Bernie was sitting up on a mini stone wall and Serena was kneeling at her feet forming the bottom of a large sandcastle. Bernie seemed to be explaining the best way to build one and she of course was taking every word in. She always was a quick study. Liv decided to give them time and get herself settled. She really hasn't had a moment since she heard Fin's call over comms. She decided to take a nice hot shower and put on a pair of comfy cotton sleep shorts and a t-shirt. She may have slept through the night last night, for the first time in a long time, but emotional stress was just as exhausting as physical stress and she was already tired again.

At just after 7:30, she made her way down towards the shore. "Dinner's ready and I'm starving! Wow, that's amazing!" Her exclamation was not forced. Serena must have taken Bernie's tips and ran with them because the sandcastle really was amazing.

"Can we do thiiiiiisssss a-again ttttommmmmorrow?" she asked as she stood and held out her hand to help Bernie up as well.

"We can make a whole town if you'd like dear" stated Bernie. "We are not on any schedule, except dinner" she added. At that, Serena jumped on top of the castle and flattened it to the ground. She made that disgusted face that always made Olivia laugh when she realized that she now had sand in places that sand didn't need to be.

"Why don't you go take a shower and get comfy while I heat up the food" Liv couldn't help but laugh and Serena wrinkled her nose, nodded and ran towards the house.

"She's a pip that one" commented Bernie when suddenly, Olivia burst into tears. "Oh honey!" was all Bernie could say as she held open her arms and Liv rushed into them.

She thought she was okay. She had a quiet moment to unpack, took a nice hot shower and there was really no trigger for this outburst. She just gripped Bernie tightly as she said while sobbing, "I'm so worried about her. She's so thin, she told something awful to Fin, and that stutter. What could have cause that?" She couldn't stop crying so she just let it all out. Bernie didn't comment or offer advice. She just stroked her back and held her tight. This was not something Olivia was used to. Her mother wasn't the touchy-feely type and she's been gone too long for Liv to remember a time that she was ever soothed like this. Elliot held her of course, but that was only under extreme duress.

"Dear Olivia. All you can do is love her. I can tell she knows that. Her eyes have a darkness that is well worn it's true, but there is a light in them and that light is you. Your love for her. Your eyes are the same dear. Whatever she tells you, shows you or doesn't, don't hide honey. This crying, this is good. She may need to see this too, it could help her realize it's okay to let go too. She needs her strong mother, but she also needs her to be human. This is good. All of this. You, here, and I'll do anything you need and I'm sure that son of mine will be at your beck and call. He always was." It took Liv a few more minutes to calm down.

"Thank you Mrs...Bernie. For this, for letting us stay here, for everything."

-SVU-

By the time Olivia had all the food heated in serving bowls, Serena was sitting comfortably at the table listening to Bernie chat about the upcoming summer season. She was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms that she used to love to wear once she realized that nightgowns were more difficult to find once you hit a certain age unless you wanted to look like a grandmother or were into lingerie. They were too short to be called pants and too long to be called shorts so they were perfect for the cool breeze floating through. She wore one of Lizzie's t-shirts that was a bit too big and unbelievably, a hoodie. It was unzipped but Liv could see that there were holes cut in the cuff of the sleeves so Serena's thumbs could poke through.

"Now dear, I get chilly because I'm old but looking at you wearing that is making me sweat!" stated Bernie. "Are you cold or hiding something? Because you know, you don't have to." Olivia couldn't believe how blunt she was being, but that was the Stabler way.

"Both" answered Serena matter of factly and without hesitation.

"Okay then" said Bernie as she got up and walked away from the table. Since Liv had just sat down, she and Serena looked quizzically at each other but before Liv could voice a question to the older woman, she returned to the table with a very light weight sweater and a pair of scissors. "Try this instead" she suggested holding out the item to the confused teenager.

Serena took the sweater timidly and eyed the scissors. "A-are you shshshsure?" In response, Bernie held out the scissors so Serena ran into the bedroom and emerged just a moment later wearing the light pink sweater. When she got closer, she took the scissors and cut small holes for her thumbs before sitting back down. "Thanks."

They ate while listening to Bernie tell stories of the times the Stabler children would visit. Olivia watched Serena devour her food and then take heaping seconds like she either hadn't eaten in a while (before yesterday) or she knew she wouldn't eat again for a while, or both.

Not long after dinner, Bernie retired for the evening. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted! I'm going to catch some sleep. You?" she asked as she stood.

Serena just shook her head. "I onnnnllly f-f-fall assssleep wh-when the sun c-c-comes up. Good nnnnight" she stated simply as she kissed Bernie on the cheek and walked over to the window.

Olivia and Bernie shared a perplexed and worried look before the older woman turned towards her room. Olivia thought Serena had fallen asleep when Elliot got to the apartment last night and held her hand. She had no idea that she only crashed just before Liv woke up. That wasn't enough sleep by any means! She watched her daughter stare out the window.

"Do you want to go out and see the stars?" she asked and she didn't even have to wait for an answer before Serena was out the back door. "I'm going to turn the lights off in the kitchen and the living room so we can get a better view, okay?" She watched as Serena seemed to debate the view she could have with the darkness that was sure to follow. The patio was just off the kitchen, so Liv ran in and turned off the lights in the living room first and approached the back door. Serena turned her head upwards. Liv took that as consent and flicked the switch before stepping fully outside letting the screen door close behind her. They both remained silent for quite some time.

"It's not too d-dark to ssseeee the the ocean" Serena suggested. "C-can wwweee go for a nnnight walk?" Liv could never say no to her so they walked down to the shoreline and walked along. Many houses had porchlights shining and the stars were so bright that Serena didn't seem bothered by the dark as long as they were not indoors. After walking down to the pier and back, they stood on Bernie's back porch.

"A-A-Amir wwwwon't tell Elllliot any anything that Uuuunncle Fin hassssn't all already." She wasn't looking at her mother, she continued to stare at the stars for so long that Liv didn't think she would continue.

"Well, I haven't spoken to Elliot yet and Uncle Fin didn't tell me anything before we left so I'm afraid I'm the one at a loss here baby. I take it that Amir is the man who shouted at you at the station?" Serena didn't answer, instead she turned towards her mother and looked into her eyes.

"Grrramma sssaid I didn't have have to hide anything, b-b-but nnneither do you. I I know you ssseee a lot of bad things hap-happen to kids, but I know I'm d-d-diffffferent cause I'm yours. Don't hide Momma. I ssssaw yyyou crying with Grrrrammma be before and it'ssssssss okay. Mmmmm…." she let out a frustrated breath as if she was trying and failing to convey a message. It was eerie to hear her use the same phrase Bernie did earlier.

She was always brutally honest with her daughter and she wasn't going to alter that now. "I was crying for several reasons sweetie. I am so relieved and beyond happy that you are here with me. Seeing your face, hearing your voice just fills me to no end." Olivia saw the disgusted look on her daughter's face when she mentioned hearing her voice. "It's true angel. It doesn't matter what you sound like, just the fact that you are talking to me. And if you notice, the more you do, the less difficult it seems to be." She watched several expressions play over Serena's face as she took in that last part.

"I was crying because I am so worried about you too. I understand you're fearful and I am here to help you with those fears. You need to eat more to make me feel better because I swear you are going to fall through a crack in the sidewalk." She let out a small laugh as she saw Serena smile at that. "And then I cried harder when Bernie hugged me like a daughter. That just caught me off guard as I'm not used to that. I only met Mrs. Stabler once and here she is opening up her heart and home to us like family. I guess it got to be a bit too much all at once. I'm sorry you saw that."

"I'm nnnot. I cccried a lot and all I wwwwwanted was t-t-to be hugged." That was an odd statement for both of them since Serean didn't hug Olivia after that initial collision and car ride home. "I'mmmm go going to show you ssssomething and i-i-it's o-o-okay to cry." She didn't wait for a response as she took off Bernie's sweater and held out her arms, palms facing up.

All Olivia could do was stare. The burn scars from long ago that used to stand out to Liv like they were still on fire now paled in comparison to the rest of Serena's skin. There was barely a spot that wasn't covered in marks of some sort. She was glad Serena had chosen this particular moment to do this because of the severe lack of lighting here. As horrible as it looked right now in shadow, Liv knew it would be ten times worse to see in full light.

"3 questions" she heard her say. It took a minute to register that Serena was willing to open up to her. It was a game they would play when one of them needed to talk but was holding back. One was allowed to ask the other three questions to get them to open up and they had to be answered fully and honestly. It always helped whomever was upset to talk and feel better without feeling attacked or ashamed. Liv's imagination ran wild these past two years and seeing her daughter's arms made her realize that she either wasn't too far off or needed to widen her imagination. "Momma?"

It was that word that brought Olivia out of the daze her head was in. "Okay. This doesn't count as one of my questions. but can I touch?" She didn't actually want to feel the scars, but she _needed_ to. Serena nodded, and she tentatively ran her finger over the harshest looking line on both wrists. They matched. She was speechless, which couldn't be worse timing since she's not sure that Serena would be willing to answer any questions if she just stood here staring for too long. She was spared for the moment.

"Y-you all already know wh-what those are" Serena simply stated. Liv just nodded. They were handcuff scars. Unmistakable. Deeply ingrained marks from handcuffs that were fought against because they were way too tight for either too long or repeated use. In Serena's case, probably both. They reminded Olivia of the marks you would find on a dog that had an embedded collar from a neglectful owner. She moved her fingers to a long vertical line on her right arm from the scar on her wrist to the bottom of the burn. It was obvious even in the darkness that it was stitched up several times. This line was what someone did when they wanted to properly kill themselves. Most people slit their wrists across but that only serves to make you pass out and send you for a psych eval. Again, Serena spoke up.

"No. That wwwwwassssn't me. I I I fought, I p-p-prromise."

 _Oh thank God! I mean I would understand if it got so bad she wanted to die, but I couldn't handle it if she tried to end her own life._ She lifted her eyes to stare into Serena's. In the starlight, she had flecks of Liv's favorite color blue jutting across Liv's exact color brown. She used to notice that on occasion when the child was little in the right light, but she's missed it until now. She nodded. "That's my girl."

Olivia wasn't sure she wanted to ask anything. Yes, she wanted to know every detail, but no, she didn't. She was just so grateful in this moment that her daughter was allowing her to do this that she was overwhelmed. She was spared once again but this time by her ringing phone. She just stood there, not answering so Serena took her left hand, grabbed Olivia's phone from the side table and answered it.

"Hi, Elliot" she said clearly. She could tell she caught him off guard and began to smile at the silence. "Hhhhelllllo?"

"Hi baby. I'm sorry, I was expecting your mother. Is everything okay? Is Liv in the shower?" he asked as a million questions started to spew from his brain.

"No, sheeee's rrright here b-b-but I I think ssssshhhhhe needs a m-m-minute. Ev-everything is g-g-goood. Grammma is sooooo n-n-nice and and and the b-b-beach is beautiful."

 _She got her calling her Grandma already? Yep. Thanks Mom._ "I'm glad you like it but why do you say Liv needs a minute? Is she alright?" _Needs a minute for what? Why didn't you answer Olivia?_

Raising her eyebrows at her mother, Liv finally got her head on straight and took the phone, moving her left hand down to hold Serena's right, ensuring that she would not walk away.

"Hey El. Sorry. What's up?" she tried to ask casually but she knew he knew better.

"What's wrong Liv? Is everything okay?" If he got in the car now, he could probably make it down there in about 90 minutes, less with lights and sirens.

"Yes, it's all good. Serena and I were just talking, mother to daughter and the phone caught me by surprise. I promise you, we are all doing well. Your mother is a pip by the way" she said using Bernie's words to change the subject and steer Elliot to the real reason for his call. Their silent way of communicating even worked over the phone as he took the hint and switched gears.

"Yeah, she's a pip alright. Anyway, just checking in. Whitlock lawyered up so we got nothing new. Barba just told me his attorney wants to meet before arraignment tomorrow so maybe he'll give up…." He forgot that Olivia didn't know what Serena told Fin and he was sure Serena didn't mention anything, else the first words outta Liv's mouth would be to question what they got from him.

"Give up what El?" Silence. "What aren't you telling me?" This must have been what Serena was referencing earlier, before Liv got sidetracked.

Elliot wasn't about to tell her anything this late nor over the phone, but he knew she wouldn't settle for nothing. "Give up the whereabouts of Carlson or any other information he has." That would have to do for now. "He's a wily one, looking out for himself but to ask for a meeting could be a good thing. Anyway, sorry I interrupted your talk. I was just checking in."

"Uh-huh." Liv was willing to let it go-for now. "Well here's hoping. We _will_ talk tomorrow, El." She left no room for arguments.

"Night Liv. Kiss the angel for me please."

"Will do. Goodnight" she said as she closed the phone. She leaned closer to Serena and kissed her cheek. "From Elliot" she explained when she received a confused, questioning look before a smile graced her daughter's face.

"He t-told me he mmmmade mmmmee to see if if he could." This time it was Serena who received the confused, questioning look. It was going to be hard to explain to Olivia since she seemed to be in denial all these years. At least, Serena knew Elliot figured out part of it already. "The Doc Doctor sssaid he fixed it ssssoooo yyyou would have mmmmmee with Ellliot. He sssaid he wa-wa-watched you b-both ffffor a lllong t-t-time and knew you wwwwwould mmmake an "ex-excccceptional" child t-together" she stated using air quotes. "He he ssaid it wwwas easy, all he had, all he had to do was p-p-ush."

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	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

To say Elliot had a rough night would be a grand understatement. A run didn't work, punching the bag didn't work, a hot shower didn't work, and finally half a bottle of tequila at least took the edge off. He felt like he was crawling out of his skin. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Serena in pigtails and a pretty dress with those damn shiny shoes looking up at him with the biggest, warmest, most trusting smile. When he blinked, she was screaming. There were hands all over her and she was screaming for her mother, then she was screaming his name over and over again to help her. It was just before 5am when sleep took mercy on him. Unfortunately, it was just after 5:30 when his phone started ringing. _Shit. This can't be good._

He answered just before it went to voicemail. "Stabler. What? Sonofabitch I'll be right there."

When he arrived at Rikers, Elliot felt like he was sleepwalking. Barba never pulled any punches so when he said Whitlock was dead and to get his ass to Rikers, he did just that. Now he wishes he just pulled the covers up and stayed in bed. "What have we got?" he asked no one in particular.

"Word travels fast in prison Lieutenant" answered a detective from homicide whose name Elliot couldn't remember. "Looks like the others found out what this prick was accused of and let him know what it felt like."

Elliot nodded while yawning and walked over to Barba who was talking to Whitlock's attorney. "Hey, did you find out why he wanted to meet you before arraignment?" he asked.

Barba looked at the other attorney, who nodded and answered the question. "Amir knew he wasn't getting out of some serious time. He asked me to plea for him to be out of gen pop. He feared he'd be targeted. Guess he wasn't just paranoid after all."

"What was his bargaining chip? He claimed to have nothing during yesterday's interrogation" questioned the ADA. It was too early to play guessing games and there was too much at stake, even if the guy was dead.

"He was willing to turn over the photos he had hidden and the names of every man in them in exchange for special treatment. Apparently, there are some...influential names on his list. Now, you may never know" he said solemnly as he left the prison.

Elliot walked over to the M.E. "Cause of death?"

The young coroner spoke methodically. "Asphyxiation. He choked on his own vomit. He was gagged with a washcloth. He was also stabbed several times, sodomized, and raped with a foreign object, repeatedly."

Shit.

-SVU-

 _Damn seagulls are so fricken loud! Note to self: close the window before going to bed. Wait, I'm not in bed._ Olivia opened her eyes to the very bright sunlight against her skin. It took a few blinks and sitting up to adjust but she was right, she wasn't in bed. She was lying in one of the chaise lounges on the patio and she had an afghan thrown over her.

"G-good mmmorning!" came a beautiful sound from her right side. She turned to see Serena standing pretty much where she was last night. "The sssuunn c-came up a lllittle wh-while ago and it was amazing!"

"You've been up all night to watch the sunrise? Honey, you gotta stop doing that, it's not healthy. You need to sleep to...you have to be exhausted!" Olivia hated the fact that Serena couldn't let herself relax enough to sleep. She was hoping that staying with her, reassuring her and even having Elliot hold her hand would help. She knew that her daughter needed to build up her weight, her stamina, her muscles but most importantly, Serena needed to sleep-more than 3 hours or so in the morning.

"Y-you ssseeemed upset last nnnight and you sat d-down and ssstopped t-talking. You l-l-looked like you were thinking rrreal har hard so I just watched the ssstars. Then then y-you fell asssleep so I stayed out out here wwwith you." she replied as if it were obvious. Despite her lack of sleep and standing outside looking up all night, Liv noticed that her daughter looked, well, happy. Her few sentences so far seemed to drag out some letters here and there but there was very little 'stop-and-stuck' as she came to think of it.

"Of course you did. So, it was amazing huh?" she asked and got a very enthusiastic nod with a smile to boot. It really was a good morning, despite last night's revelations.

"It's all already hot. C-can wwwee go in the water t-today?"

"Yes" answered Olivia. "But first I also want to take you to get some clothes that fit better and I need to call Dr. Sandrine and see if we can get an appointment sometime before Christmas. But we should be in the ocean by lunchtime. Deal?" Liv was hoping Serena wouldn't complain about the pulmonologist. Her equipment did indeed look new and The Doctor was, well a doctor who seemed to take care of her physically. She watched her daughter contemplate the offer. Serena touched the butterfly bandages that remained on her forehead and press her hand to her chest. Liv almost forgot that she said she had bruised ribs. Getting her to voluntarily see a doctor, even one she has seen for years beside her pediatrician might be like pulling teeth. She was right.

"I'mm fine. Ju-just got checked! No no nneeed!" she whined. She actually whined, and Liv was kind of glad to hear it.

"You don't have to see him today, and if you'd like, we can switch to a female, but I know nothing of your health these past two years and that's not something I can ignore. Your tank only holds a few hours and your last prescription is over two years old" Liv tried to explain but she was interrupted.

"Good morning you two!" exclaimed Bernie as she came out the back door with two coffees, one of which she promptly handed to Olivia. "How long have you been up?"

"I sssaw the ssunrise! Momma just got up" answered Serena and just like that, doctor conversation was over, for now.

-SVU-

Everyone started trickling into their desks before 8:00. After leaving Rikers, Elliot went back to his apartment to shower and grab his weekend bag which he was happy that he packed last night since he couldn't sleep. He had gathered his detectives and was about to fill them in on what happened to Whitlock when he looked up to see Chief Dodds enter the squadroom.

"This is ridiculous Stabler. We should have more than what we have, which is nothing! The kid's not talking and now our only link to her kidnapper is dead. So, what are you going to do about it, Lieutenant?" Dodds knew his question was dripping with sarcasm and he wasn't really expecting an answer from Elliot. He already had his own plan of action.

"1PP has made this case it's top priority. They are pulling detectives from Brooklyn and Queens SVU to cover here for today. We, and that includes you Lieutenant, me, and Tutuola are going to get Benson's kid to give us something to go on. TARU turned up bubkis on Whitlock's computer. Well, kiddie porn yes but nothing we haven't seen before. His information had to be pretty damaging to be so well hidden and for him to think we would make a deal." Elliot was about to interrupt but Dodds put his hand up and kept going.

"I know what you said about questioning the girl, but you also said Tutuola has a rapport with her and she did open up to him so I'm hoping if she's comfortable wherever she is, she will give us some more. I will allow him to lead her within reason."

-SVU-

It was about 10:15 when Elliot pulled his jeep into the driveway of his mother's beach house. He parked next to Olivia's mustang and Fin pulled in behind her in the squad car with Dodds, Carisi, and Rollins. Everyone seemed to give Elliot a wide berth as they knew he was not happy with the situation. He tried calling Olivia several times over the past hour and a half but she either has her phone off, or not on her. That question was answered when he walked through the empty house and out onto the back patio. Down by the water's edge were Olivia and Serena tentatively jumping the waves while his mother looked on laughing. He just stopped and took in the sight. They were happy, together and he knew as soon as she realized they were there, the mood would drastically change for the worse. Elliot was also caught on Olivia's form. She was wearing a maroon two piece that could be called modest because it technically covered everything, but when you are not used to seeing so much skin on your partner, it was a sight to behold. Her legs went on forever, tanned, muscled, and he had to keep his eyes either up on her face or down on her legs because if he stopped to look at her chest in that bikini…

"Wow!" said Carisi from behind. "The sun agrees with the sarge" he managed to comment before getting an arm slap from Rollins and a look from Fin that told him to keep his thoughts to himself.

"Stay here" warned Elliot. "I'll get them up." As he walked towards the water, he began to unbutton his dress shirt. He was wearing a t-shirt underneath to catch the sweat indoors, but it was hot out here already so early. Bernie spotted him first and when she was about to greet him, he put his finger to his lips to keep her quiet. He snuck up behind Olivia, wrapped his shirt around her arms and lifted her feet in the air. You could hear her squeal all the way down the beach, before her laughter. Serena immediately joined in.

"El! Put me down! What are you doing?" she demanded with glee as she tried to free herself from his grip.

"I will, but first please put this on. Dodds and the squad are with me and since you're not exactly dressed for work…" he explained. Olivia stilled in his arms immediately, all laughter gone as she turned towards the patio. She nodded and put her arms through the sleeves of his shirt, closing it in front.

"Well dear" said Bernie as she walked to greet her son with a hug, which he returned in earnest with a kiss on her cheek. "I don't think you need an audience, so I am going to make my way over to Gladys and have a chat. Serena," she said as she addressed the young teen. "I will bear witness to anything, anything you want to tell me or show me. Anytime. But right now, I think it's best if I make myself scarce. Do you understand?"

Serena nodded as she walked closer to Elliot and grabbed his hand. As Bernie walked over to her friend's house, the trio walked back towards the squad on the patio. The free and happy mood now turned solemn.

"Sergeant, I'm sorry to disturb you, but we need to talk to your daughter" began Dodds. "I'm not sure if the lieutenant told you but Amir Whitlock was found dead this morning. It seems his accusation spread quickly among the inmates, as you know these things do. An investigation is pending but he called the DA to arrange a meeting this morning. He said he was willing to trade his pictures and the list of men associated with this Doctor Carlson in exchange for staying out of gen pop. I'm not sure if Barba was willing to give him special treatment. I guess it depended on what he handed over, but supposedly it is an A-list. Anyway, he hid those pictures somewhere and we need to know where and who, etc. We need to find Carlson and anyone he might be associated with. Now, Ms. Benson," he turned his attention towards Serena who promptly hid her body behind Elliot's and squeezed his hand tighter. Dodds took the hint and backed off.

"We need more details, Sergeant" he went back to talking to Olivia instead. "She's the only one who can give them to us."

Olivia appeared speechless. Serena only told them what she did so that Whitlock wouldn't hurt anyone else and now he was dead. She also thought her Uncle Fin was going to get seriously reprimanded for punching a perp. She can only imagine that Serena was thinking she spoke up for nothing. She might even blame herself for his death and Liv couldn't have that. She turned to face Elliot. "You told me nothing, but you brought them here to interrogate my daughter?" She didn't mean to sound so accusatory, but she was getting pissed off. "She just started talking Elliot! Who knows what might happen if forced to relive her experiences before she is ready? And for what, in hopes of finding the bastard that went into hiding? He'll surface eventually, his face is all over the media and we'll make sure it stays there. What "A-list" of people and pictures is he talking about? Someone better…"

"I-it's okay Momma. Uunncle Fin?" She came out from behind Elliot and looked directly at Fin.

"You got it Baby Girl." He held out his arm to have her lead him inside. Instead, she stopped, turned around, and stood on her toes to speak in his ear.

"She said you all can come inside to listen, but I'm the only one who questions. Agreed?" Fin watched as Olivia practically jumped forward with Elliot hot on her heels. The others joined them in the living room.

"Serena? Let's go change first baby." Liv didn't want to sit in the living room half naked in front of her coworkers. Serena was wearing leggings that were wet from her knees down, and a long-sleeved tee that was also wet on her arms. Plus, she was angry at this turn of events. She knew Serena confessed some horrors to Fin yesterday but she expected to be in the know before the entire squad and yet here they all were, and she is in the dark. It was a position that most definitely did not sit well with her.

They came out of the bedroom less than five minutes later. Both were now clad in jeans and t-shirts with Serena wearing Bernie's sweater, her thumbs through the holes in the cuffs. Serena put socks on while Olivia remained barefoot. She walked over to Elliot and tugged his hand in the direction of the bathroom.

"Sweetheart, have you gone to the bathroom since the last time I went with you?" he asked discreetly as she watched him check the toilet.

"I had an axxxxxxccident in the shower last night, but it'sssss o-okay rrrright? It g-goes right down the, down the drain." He just nodded as he wondered what the hell was with her fear of toilets. As they walked back to the group in the living room, Elliot closed the windows and turned on the air conditioner, something that Bernie rarely did. She loved the ocean breeze, but he figured with everyone gathered in the room, listening as Serena answered questions, he felt it would be quieter and cooler. Serena watched him intently. He knew she was probably beginning to feel trapped.

"They're not locked sweetheart. I won't close any of the doors, I'll even leave the screen door open and as soon as you're done, we'll get the breeze back in here" he explained as he walked around the back of the couch. Everyone took their positions. Serena made sure not to have her back to anyone, so she sat on the edge of the couch facing the middle. She seemed to almost fold herself in half. She had one leg bent up under her chin and the other curled underneath it in front of her. Her arms wrapped around herself.

Fin sat very close facing her. He remembered how she whispered last time and he wanted to make sure he heard every word. There was no way he wanted to ask her to repeat anything. He had one leg bent on the couch in front of him with his left elbow propped on the back, almost touching Serena, but not quite. Liv wanted to face her daughter and make sure she heard her statement this time, so she opted to sit on the floor right at Fin's feet. In fact, she placed her left arm up on Fin's bent leg, so her hand touched her daughter's leg. She needed contact; to know that Serena was physically there with her. She didn't ask Fin's permission and he didn't flinch or react in any way. Elliot wanted Serena to be comfortable, so he didn't stand behind her, which made her extremely uncomfortable, but he wasn't going to sit either. Instead, he stood in back of the couch, very close by within her peripheral vision and stood sentry. A position he was glad to hold.

The others had been watching their interactions since they got out of the car. The way Elliot surprised Liv on the beach while covering her up to protect her privacy as best he could. How he stood guard now. How Olivia just made herself comfortable on Fin's legs like they did this every day. The chief always questioned the rumours that floated around once upon a time but since he took the position, he saw none of it and didn't give them any credence. Now, he felt he needed to re-evaluate the closeness of these detectives and their effectiveness as a unit. Later. Now was not the time.

Fin spoke the necessary information into the recorder before placing it on his bent knee. It was as close to Serena's mouth as he could get without holding it directly. "Okay Baby Girl. Tell me about the day you were taken."

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	17. Chapter 17

A/N: For this chapter only, italics are Serena's memories as she answers Fin's questions. We hear more of her ordeal so beware of any triggers. As someone with a severe stutter until young adulthood, if I was singing, reading or telling a very familiar story, I sounded just like everyone else. After years of speech therapy, now it only happens when I am nervous. So, when Serena is telling a story as fact, such as specific memories, it's like reading someone else's words, hence no stutter.

Chapter 17

Serena's voice was barely above a whisper, but she didn't stutter once. In fact, she spoke in a monotone as if she were reading a pamphlet. The only sound in the room was the humming of the ac.

" _Momma took me to school as usual. I wanted to get there earlier, but we stopped for donuts. Momma was bringing donuts to the station to thank everyone for my birthday gifts. I had a social study test that day on westward expansion and gym, which I hated because I wasn't allowed to play anything other than the square-dancing unit. No one actually likes the square-dancing unit. I waved goodbye to Momma before turning the corner towards homeroom, but I heard a sound. Since we were later than normal, the first-floor c-wing was practically empty. The stairs to the main part of the school are on the other end of the hall. I looked and saw Mr. Reynolds in the janitor's closet._

" _I asked, "Are you okay, Mr. Reynolds?" He was really old, and I thought he retired so I was surprised to see him in the closet. He was laying on the floor and some of his cleaning supplies were all over the place. The broom was leaning on him. He said, "Help me Serena Benson, please." That was his thing. He would call all the students by their whole name, so he never got confused. I couldn't leave an old man on the floor, so I walked over to help him. I don't know how I got...I don't remember what happened once I entered the janitor's closet."_

She got quiet for a few moments, so Amanda spoke up. "Reynolds wasn't even on our radar since he retired at the end of the year before. No one even thought to question him until what? Six/seven months later? By then his cancer had taken away his speech and most of his reasoning. He died like, two months after that."

Serena wouldn't look up. Not once. She spoke with her head all the way down, practically talking into her stomach. Fin readjusted the recorder. "What's the next thing you remember?"

Serena recounted her first few moments in the underground room. " _He kept calling me 'Heaven'. I told him my name is Serena and he got so angry. He called me Heaven the whole time he had me and I had to keep reminding myself in my head that I am Serena Benson. My momma is Olivia Benson and Elliot...is my Elliot. There were days that I almost forgot…"_ She paused then, and no one dared interrupt this time. Olivia was breathing deeply, trying to keep her tears at bay. She shifted a bit and leaned into Fin who adjusted his position to accommodate. _"He, he mmmmm...he cleaned me up and put bandages on afterwards. When he realized that I couldn't breathe most times, he brought down a tank and a mask, but not a cannula. He said to only use them when absolutely necessary but my lungs just kept smelling dirt and gross and….Each time he was gentle when he was done and he took care to make me feel better. It was so dark and cold Uncle Fin…"_ She was getting visibly upset trying to verbalize and edit. She knew she was leaving out a lot, but she couldn't go there yet.

No one wanted to make her remember anymore, but they needed answers, so Fin changed tactics. "Tell me about Amir Whitlock."

Serena sighed heavily, still not looking up. If anything, she got even quieter. _"The Doctor came down one day, I'm not sure how long after, I got used to the dark and if he didn't come every day and open the door, I couldn't see the sky to see what was day or night. He always brought a very bright lantern down with him. He said he met up with a friend who had a great idea on how to make good money on the side. On the side of what, I don't know but then he called up and Amir came down the ladder. He just kept staring at me and smiling. The Doctor told him not to worry, he could fix most anything but don't mess up my face. Then he left! He climbed back up, but Amir stayed. First, he just took pictures, but I was trying to hide my face and he got angry. He wasn't gentle…. After, he put me in different poses and took more pictures and he kept saying that I was going to make him rich because he would use the pictures to get anything he wanted. I don't know what that means though."_

Fin stopped her there. He needed her to be specific without feeding the words to her. "Was that the only time Amir took pictures?"

She shook her head into her knee and took a deep breath. _"No. The idea was to have these celebrations, like I told you. The Doctor let me up the ladder and brought me to the room. Men would pay to come and, and...They were all screaming and laughing and...all I wanted was to go back alone in the dark! I couldn't move for such a long time afterwards. Amir took pictures of each of the men taking turns. They didn't question what he was doing, at least not in front of me but I heard Amir say one time that one of the men asked for a printout. They thought that was really funny."_ She stopped talking for a long time.

"Okay" said Fin. "You said The Doctor and Amir came down the ladder. Were you in a basement or some type of cellar?" She shook her head.

He continued. "We were wondering where he may have stashed the photos or the memory card or the laptop, whatever he used to store these pictures. His lawyer said the only thing Amir mentioned was that he 'buried it with the kid.' Do you…" Fin didn't get to finish his question as Serena's head shot up and she looked right into Fin's eyes, hers wider than he has even seen.

When she spoke, she was louder which made everyone flinch a bit compared to the whisper she was using. "I-I-I know where that is Uuuunncle Fffffin. Go out the back of the house." She began to talk faster but not as clear as just a moment ago, like her brain knew it had to get the information out as quickly and concisely as possible. "Turn your body l-left so so so you are facing the point of the mmmmountain in the distance. T-Take 213 steps and sssstop in front of a tree that has has a rrrope ladder wrapped arrrrround the bottom. Stomp around a bi-bit and you will sssstep on the door. Be careful cause cause you break bones when you fall through the open-opening without h-h-holding on. That hhhhurts, trust me. But Unnncle Fin, you you don't have to go down to mmmmmy room. Stand by the ladder and ffface the house. Then turn your body to the right and walk sssstraight 94 steps. There's a p-p-patch of yelllllow flowers there. But if Amir dug to hide the photos, then then the flowers mmmmmight not be there but that's where you dig Uncle Fin. _You_ dig. Please." She was gripping onto Fin's arm as if it were her life line. Her eyes were pleading for him to understand that there was nothing to see in the hole, but she didn't want anyone else to dig up what was buried in the patch.

Of course, he understood. "Don't you worry. I'll be the only one digging up whatever's down there, Baby Girl. I promise you. You did great today, just as I knew you would. We're gonna head on out now, but I have a feeling Elliot is staying." They both looked up at Elliot, who smiled down at Serena and nodded. Everyone began to get up from their positions, but Fin was trapped by the weight of Olivia, who hadn't moved a muscle. "Hey, you okay?" he asked.

Liv seemed to come out of her daze and stood with the rest of the group. Elliot walked everyone to the door and had a few words with Fin and Dodds while she sat on the arm of the couch behind Serena, putting her hands on the girl's shoulders. When the chief turned to thank Liv and say goodbye, he stopped to think better of it when he saw the look on her face. Olivia's grip must have been causing Serena some pain. He could tell by the look on the kid's face, but she said nothing to deter her mother. He turned back and ushered everyone out the door.

Elliot saw the two ladies' position on the couch. Serena was watching him intently, but she did look like she was being squeezed to death. He turned off the ac and opened all the windows once again. He walked over and stood behind Olivia. He squeezed Liv's arms a bit so she eased her grip on Serena and then he wrapped his arms around her and just held on for a while.

-SVU-

Olivia was sweating. She was in complete darkness and couldn't move so she began to thrash around. The nightmare she was having was horrible and she was trapped.

"Momma!" shouted Serena.

"Ow!" shouted Elliot at the same time. "Liv! Liv wake up!" Serena got up from the couch as Elliot tried to wake Olivia without getting a fist to his face. "Liv! Come on, baby. Open your eyes!"

She did. It took her a few moments to separate herself from the dream and realize where she was. After everyone left, Elliot had sat behind her on the couch, but she was stuck on Serena's statement. She must have fallen asleep. She was breathing heavily, and her eyes were darting all around, but once they connected with Elliot's, she immediately began to come back to herself. She let her forehead fall onto his chest. "I'm sorry" she said as she tried not to cry out loud.

Serena never liked seeing her mother upset. Olivia looked so lost to her, scared. She knew how terrifying dreams could be, but she also knew this was all about her and what she told Uncle Fin. She turned and walked out the back door towards the water. She sat down on the beach, just out of the reach of the waves. Suddenly, Bernie sat down beside her.

"Hey there. I saw the car leave, but Olivia and Elliot were sleeping so soundly, and you seemed to be lost in thought and I didn't want to disturb you. What are you doing out here?" she asked.

"Momma had a nnnnight nightmare b-b-because she heard what I told Uncle Fin. She's up-upset over mmmee and El Elliot is with with her. I I I came out here." To Bernie, she looked so sad. She had a pout that reminded her of her son when he was younger. Her wide eyes were glossy with unshed tears. She blamed herself for everything. Bernie put her arm around her shoulders and Serena rested her head on her neck. Other than Olivia and Elliot, she didn't let anyone else touch her.

"Your momma loves you to death, little one. To death. She would take all your pain and bear it alone if it meant you wouldn't have to feel a bit of it. Imagine hearing whatever she heard about your daughter whom you loved like that. Or even hearing that about your momma. It's not you who gave her a nightmare that upset her. It's what was _done_ to you that did it. She wants to know everything sweet pea. Elliot always said the first step in healing is to talk about what's hurting. You've taken that first step and no matter how anyone reacts, it's all good." Bernie felt Serena shake a little, but no tears flowed, and she didn't say anything else. They both stared at the ocean.

It didn't take long for Liv to come back to herself, so Elliot let her go. Thank God she didn't cry this time. She mentally started to compartmentalize all of the emotions running through her. She saw things like this every day, but when it was your child... Bernie said she felt that Serena needed to see Liv get emotional, but Jesus! Elliot pulled her in for a kiss on her forehead. She matched eyes with him. Yeah, that was something else she had to figure out.

"I know" was all he said, as if reading her mind. The sat for a few moments longer before getting up and walking outside. They saw Serena and Bernie down by the water.

"El? I think we are going to stay here for more than a few days. That is, if it's okay with your mom. And you?" she asked looking up at him questioning.

"Liv, you two can move in if you want! Mom will love it, and frankly so would I. I was serious about what I told Rico you know. Stay as long as you want." he stated matter-of-factly as he led her down to the water.

And she did know. Moreover, she was seriously considering it seeing how much Serena loved being out here and how she already felt about Bernie. She didn't have to be a shrink to know the feeling was mutual all around. She was surprised by that knowledge. Being a cop is all she's ever known, but Serena wasn't going to just "get over this." She had a long, hard road ahead of her and Liv wanted to be there for every second of it. To help her through in any way she could. If that meant retirement and leaving the city, then that's exactly what she would do. And knowing Elliot would do the same in a heartbeat… Speaking of Elliot, she remembered something.

"Oh, by the way. I am NOT 'baby'. Sweetie, honey, even luv like the English say will do in a pinch, but not baby" she said with a smirk and she jogged ahead, leaving Elliot to ponder that.

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	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Fin didn't give a shit if the chief of police was with him or not. When he got to Carlson's house, he took over. He made a promise and he intended to keep it. "Rollins, Carisi, follow me closely. You" he indicated to the handful of uniformed officers standing by, "Be ready. We know he's not in the house, but apparently there are plenty of places to hide on the grounds. No one makes a move without hearing from me first." He was pretty good at command. _Liv can take all the time she needs. I can get used to this!_

It only took Fin 186 steps to reach the tree with the ladder; his stride was longer after all. He immediately found the door and when everyone had their guns drawn and ready, Carisi pulled it open. It was pitch black inside. "Police! Come where I can see you!" he shouted down into the darkness. Nothing. A couple of officers brought out the spotlights and shined them down. They were able to see, but Fin had no idea how wide or long this room was, so he knew he had to be careful. He threw down the ladder and knowing everyone was ready just in case, he made his way down.

Carlson wasn't hiding in there, but Fin felt sick to his stomach. As he took a look around, he called for CSU to come down. He wanted to make sure nothing was compromised by clumsy cops who were just lookey-loos. It could constitute being called a room, but the walls, floor, and ceiling were made of packed dirt. He found a sleeping bag off to the side of this 'hole' along with a few blankets, an oxygen tank and a mask. There was a hole in the corner that he assumed was to be used as a toilet. He almost gagged on the smell! Not just coming from the corner hole, the dirt smelled...rotten. He heard a few comments from CSU and decided to leave it to them as he made his way back up.

"Nothing Chief" he mentioned to Dodds when he surfaced. "It's where he kept her, pretty much as she described it, only she omitted the fact it is a dirt hole. CSU will bag everything and get a soil sample. Who knows what the hell that little girl was breathing in?" Fin made his way back to the tree and started walking. It took him 74 steps before he saw yellow flowers that seemed to be stomped, dug up, and just growing as weeds. Everyone backed up as he grabbed a shovel from one of the officers and started digging. It wasn't long before he came upon the reason that Serena asked him, and him alone, to dig.

-SVU-

They all spent a quiet afternoon on the beach. Bernie's friend Gladys brought over some grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup and Liv and Serena caught a fit of the giggles. This was definitely turning out to be their go-to comfort food. Elliot raised his eyebrows in question, but he didn't need a response. Just seeing them both smile after this morning made his day. Gladys was a breath of fresh air and she brought Serena so many clothes that she would fit into. Gladys had four teenage granddaughters who always brought new clothes with them when they would visit, but never brought them back home. After she changed into knee length leggings and a long-sleeved tee, they went for a nice walk along the beach and Serena kept bending down to collect shells and stare at whatever it was that would wash up with the waves. She was very quiet, but he sensed she wasn't closed off to conversation. It seemed unnecessary though. They were just enjoying each other and the gorgeous, albeit hot day.

Elliot was scrubbing down the grill for dinner when his phone rang. Time seemed to stop for all of them. "Hey Fin" he answered.

"I have you on speaker here Elliot" he stated so that his lieutenant knew the chief was listening. "I think I need Baby Girl on the line also."

"Okay. Liv!" he called over. "Fin wants you on speaker."

"Hey Fin" she said as she walked over. "What do you got?"

"Hey Liv. Actually, I meant the other Baby Girl. Sorry, but I need Serena on the line too" Fin said, feeling Dodds' accusatory glare on the back of his head. He didn't give a shit. He loved those two like family. Let Dodds think whatever the hell he wants.

Before Liv could consent or object, Serena was by her side. "D-did you find the flowers Un-Uncle Fin?"

"I did. First, I found the rope ladder and I want to tell you that I did go down. I had to see, ya know? I can't even comment." He paused then. "The patch was right where you said it would be. First thing I dug up was a camera. The idiot buried it but didn't consider weather as a damaging factor. TARU is going through it now hoping they can salvage the SD card." He stopped talking again.

The young teen knew what was coming. After all, she was the one who sent him. "Did you find her too?" she asked clearly.

"I did. She's with the M.E. now." Fin didn't know how to ask the next question. He knew Liv and Elliot were listening and were probably confused at the moment, but that wasn't Fin's concern. He needed only one answer right now; not out of curiosity, but to protect her. "Serena, did she cry?"

The girl did not look up into the questioning eyes of her parents. Instead, she decided to be methodical and separate herself from the conversation in order to convey the necessary information, as she did earlier. If she didn't have to think, she didn't have to feel. "No. No she wa-wa-wasn't rrrready Uncle Ffffin. I I I had no other p-p-place for her." All the adults listening could tell that Serena was struggling now more than she was before.

"Detective" commanded Elliot feeling he needed to be brought up to speed immediately. "What exactly did you find?"

"Well, Lieutenant" started Fin getting a little pissed off but trying to keep himself in check since Serena was listening. He wasn't angry at Elliot; he understood exactly where the man was coming from. "After I climbed out of the 10 X 10 dirt room little Baby Girl was kept in, I found the camera. Underneath the camera I found the body of an infant. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl and it wasn't dressed or wrapped in anything. The only person who can answer your questions now is on your end of the phone."

Elliot and Olivia both looked towards Serena. Liv had her hand over her mouth and her eyes were wide with shock. Elliot didn't move a muscle nor say a word. What the hell was he supposed to say anyway?

Serena finally looked up at them both. "He he he said he c-c-couldn't bbbee sure if it was his and and he wwwasn't going to havvvvvve someone else to c-c-care for. He gave...he made...I'm sorry" she looked right at Liv as if pleading with her, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry Momma! I'M SORRY! I'M SORREEEEE" she screamed louder and louder before she let out the most guttural cry anyone listening had ever heard. The emotions that she must have shoved down for two years seemed to rise to the surface all at once and she wailed from deep down. Elliot was reminded of the day he had to hold Olivia in the alley just after Serena was taken. Serena backed away from them still scream-crying and fell to her knees clutching the sides of her head, knocking her glasses to the floor.

The shock of Serena's words made Olivia take a minute to catch on to their meaning, but it was the screaming coming out of Serena's mouth that spurred her into action. "NO! No, no no baby, shh!" she began as she bolted towards her daughter. Olivia's own tears were triggered by Serena's and there was no stopping them this time as she reached for Serena and pulled her into her lap. "It's okay. You're gonna be okay" she managed to say before the crying made it impossible to speak. After that, the only sound was their combined cries, with Serena's being much louder and harder.

Fin didn't want to listen anymore, and he felt no one else needed to either so he hung up. Elliot forgot he was on the phone. He took a seat on the floor, positioning himself so that he was holding onto both of them before letting his own tears fall.

-SVU-

Serena continued to scream and cry for a very long time. She already had a raspy voice, but it finally gave out on her and all that could be heard was "silent screaming" and cries that reminded Olivia of being in a nightmare. Her baby was raped by the sick fuck who took her. That, she knew the moment she saw the security tape from the school. That, she knew she could get through and help her daughter put it behind her. This morning she found out her baby was gang raped, repeatedly, and had photographs taken while it was happening. Even after all these years it still blew her mind how sick some people could be. Even through that, Serena was able to laugh, be near Elliot and Fin, and she began talking again, living, enjoying the beautiful summer day at the beach. Olivia knew she could help her. But her baby had a baby that was dead, and Olivia wasn't sure that _she_ could get passed that, let alone how to help Serena. Was she alone when she delivered? He was a doctor, did he help? How did it come to be that the newborn baby, her grandchild, oh God, came to be found in a flower bed in the middle of fucking nowhere? Serena said, 'she wasn't ready.' Did that mean the baby came early? She had so many questions. Her heart was absolutely shattered right now, and she couldn't breathe or think straight. She found herself gasping for air right alongside her daughter. She felt Elliot's tears on the top of her head, where his head was resting as he leaned over them both. She heard him try to keep his sniffles inside and he was only half successful. Hearing him feel for her daughter only caused her to cry harder.

While Olivia was trying to breathe, Serena was practically suffocating. The gut-wrenching cries that made her vocals disappear were wreaking havoc on the child's respiratory system. Plus, Olivia's grip was like a vice that she couldn't loosen even if she tried. Elliot let go of the two of them and ran to get the oxygen mask and tank. He knew the cannula would do no good as her nose was stuffed beyond repair and she was practically hyperventilating trying to force oxygen into her lungs. Olivia told him Serena confessed to having bruised ribs, so the kid must be in physical pain right now that rivaled her emotional pain. When he sat down again, it was a struggle to put the mask on her face. Her eyes were closed and with all the crying and screaming, she must have felt like she was back in that hell. Olivia forced herself to loosen her hold and help and between the two of them, they were able to get it on and going. Serena seemed to come back to herself a bit and finally reached out to grip Olivia's shirt. This was the first voluntary hug that she gave after the initial reconnection with her mother. She hugged Elliot and allowed Bernie to hug her shoulders, but not Liv. Technically, it may not even have qualified as a hug, but Liv was happy for any contact. Serena seemed to grab on for dear life as a new wave of sobs broke through. Neither of them knew what was going through her head, but they had a pretty good idea since their own imaginations were in overdrive right now.

They sat there for almost an hour when they realized the room had gone quiet. Olivia lifted her head up, forcing Elliot to do the same as she looked down at her daughter. Serena was asleep. Thank God! She knew she was exhausted, but this was beyond measure. Olivia's eyes were red rimmed and so puffy they looked swollen. Elliot's fared no better. He cleared his throat, but there were no words right now. He got himself up and bent back down to get Serena. The child's hand was wrapped around Olivia's bra strap in front and back. She was "dead" to the world and Liv was able to untangle her from the front, but Elliot had to extricate her hand from Olivia's back. He has touched Olivia in such different ways in the last couple of days than he has in the past two decades. Even under the circumstances, he loved it. He came back around front to put his arms under Serena's knees, which forced his hands to brush up against Olivia's lap and put him within a hair's length from her face. He met her eyes and gave her a quick peck on the nose before giving a shy smile while apologizing quietly. She was taken aback by that, but she shook her head and gave a shy smile back. She hadn't found her voice yet. He managed to pick Serena up and waited for Liv to rise and grab the tank. He carried her to the bedroom where Olivia pulled down the covers and transferred the mask over to the machine for the night. She definitely needed a new tank. Elliot did put the ac on in the bedroom while Olivia covered her. Neither of them wanted to leave her so even though it was early, Olivia changed and got into the bed. Elliot walked out before she had a chance to stop him. Did she want to stop him?

He walked into the kitchen and found his mother. Damn! He forgot about her which made him feel worse than he already did. He threw Liv and Serena on her after all these years and all she saw and heard...She walked up to him and pulled him into a fierce hug. "What are you doing out here?" she asked. "I'll lock up. You go be with them. They both need you, and you may not want to admit it, but you need them. Goodnight son." she said as she kissed his cheek and went back to the task of closing the house for the night. Elliot grabbed his bag from the other room and changed into lounge pants and a different t-shirt. He then went back into the big room and walked over to Liv's side of the bed. She was watching him carefully. He just stood there and looked into her eyes, their silent way of communicating negating the need for words. He was exhausted himself after being up last night and they all had a very emotional day. Olivia pushed Serena over a bit and she scooted herself to the middle of the bed. Elliot climbed under the covers and by the time Bernie finished up and walked passed to go to her room, all she heard was the hum of the machine and her son's snoring.

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	19. Chapter 19

A/N: There is a light coming for my favorite detectives, just not in this chapter.

Chapter 19

It was 4am when Serena opened her eyes. She slept but was still so very tired, right down to her bones. She knew Liv was right in what she said earlier. She really did need to let her body relax and sleep instead of pushing it to its limits and passing out from exhaustion, only to wake a few short hours later. What no one understood was just how dangerous closing your eyes could be. People can do so much to you while you are unconscious! Plus, she didn't want to miss anymore of, well, anything. Despite how tired she was, she couldn't roll over and go back to sleep. She was being squished actually. Hmmm, she slept better squished. Go figure! One of them forgot to leave the light on so Serena was trying to make out everything in the dark. She must learn to leave a reminder that the dark is not good. She turned her head to the side and found her mother was breathing so close that her bangs were moving each time Liv exhaled. She also had her arm wrapped around Serena's chest which put weight on her bruised ribs. Couple that with Elliot's arm on top of Liv's and she was squished. Elliot was snoring loudly, and Olivia must either be used to it or exhausted herself because he was right in her ear and she didn't flinch. Serena found the scene oddly reassuring. She always knew they were meant to be together and since she discovered that Elliot is indeed her father, there's nothing she wants more than her parents together and happy. All she has to do is figure out how to help them see it too.

Elliot made the funniest noise before rolling over the other way. This shook Olivia a bit who rolled over as well, finally freeing Serena. She moved quietly to take off her mask and turn off her equipment, silently slipping out of the bed. She grabbed the flashlight from the floor and made her way back outside. That's what she loved most. The freedom of just being able to move around, feel the sun on her skin and the wind in her hair. For too long she was kept in silence in the darkness. At first, the silence actually hurt her ears and for a long time, she thought she was going to go crazy. But she adjusted. She must remember to thank Uncle Munch for all those language lessons. Practicing those was almost like having conversations. She often hurt too much to move and she never wanted to be reminded of that. Yes, taking these walks and jumping in the waves hurt her legs and gave her lungs a workout, but it was a good kind of hurt is what Olivia would say. She knew she was weak and needed to get stronger. When she was little, Elliot used to use her as a bench press and say, "No pain, no gain" as he lifted her up and down. She needs to remember that now when her limbs and lungs are protesting exercise. She took this quiet time and started stretching, doing sit ups and pushups, and any kind of exercises she could remember watching her mom and Elliot doing in the gym. Her ribs protested but it was a good hurt now.

Sunrise was her favorite time. She got to see the start of a new day and it had so many opportunities. Out here, the sun rose over the ocean and the colors were astounding! They danced over the water before the glowing ball turned her glasses a few shades darker. She knew her mother would be up soo...yep, there she is.

"Good morning my love" said Olivia as she came outside closing a sweater over her pajama top. "How long have you been out here?"

"I woke up aro-around ffffour and c-came out outside sssso I wouldn't di-di...wake you" she said. Her voice was very hoarse, more so than usual after all that screaming and crying yesterday.

"How are you feeling?" inquired Olivia. Serena hoped she wouldn't bring up anything that was discussed yesterday, at least not so soon.

"Good. You? Are you o-o-okay Momma?" She knew Olivia was very upset as well, she heard her crying with her and she felt the tight grip of the hug, but at the time nothing registered but her own anguish, which she is happy to forget today.

"Yes, baby. I am" she replied while checking her phone. "Oh, Dr. Sandrine left me a message. He recommended someone here that is a female and she is able to see you today. She's not that far actually. We need to be there at 9:30. No arguments" she stated because she knew Serena was just about to interrupt. "You need a new tank and a full workup on your breathing. Baby, Uncle Fin said you were kept in a dirt hole, a literal hole of dirt! Who knows what you were breathing in?"

Again, Serena was about to protest but Liv held up her hand and continued, "Yes, you said The Doctor kept fixing you up, but did he prevent anything or just mend broken bones and stop bleeding?" Pause. Silence. "I didn't think so. Baby, it's the pulmonologist. She's just checking your lungs and will probably take a blood sample. Nothing that you haven't had done a hundred times already. You _and_ I will feel better after you get a new script and just…"

"Okay" Serena said sounding defeated. She can handle the lung doctor. Besides, it was still difficult to breathe with these ribs. Maybe The Doctor was wrong when he said they weren't broken this time.

"Okay. I need coffee and I don't know about you but I'm starving!" Liv said just as her stomach growled on cue which made Serena smile. "Hey, I missed dinner, same as you!" Olivia said as she led her daughter back inside towards the kitchen.

-SVU-

It was not just a doctor's office, it was an entire clinic about a 20-minute drive from Bernie's beach house. It was Saturday, but the parking lot could be mistaken for a Wednesday afternoon, that's how crowded it was. Fortunately, it ran like precision and at 9:30, Serena found herself swinging her legs from the exam table. A young female doctor came in and greeted her with a smile. Serena was already on edge with this whole thing, but she needed to breathe so here she was.

"I'm Dr. Brandish. You must be Serena" she stated. _Duh_.

"C-can yyyyouu please take take off your white c-coat?" she asked. Every time The Doctor had to fix her up, he made sure to look the part and flaunt it. The white lab coat stood in stark contrast to the dark room where things happened and especially when he wore it down in the hole. If she had to be here, she didn't want the distraction.

"Sure" the doctor replied as she easily removed her lab coat and handed it to the nurse who walked out of the room, returning empty handed.

Dr. Sandrine had a nice long conversation with Dr. Brandish, so she was well aware of Serena's past as well as what he knew of her captivity that he gleaned from Liv. The exam was nothing out of the ordinary and the doctor was very pleasant, so Serena cooperated fully. She had a chest x-ray (yep, three of them indeed broken-again), lots of probing and touching (which she was not too happy with but endured), and several different breathing tests. It was almost over as she watched the blood drain from the inside of her arm. Her face grew paler with each passing second.

"That's enough!" she shouted as she yanked the tubing from her arm after two tubes were taken, causing blood to splatter a bit. She jumped down from the table.

"Honey calm down" encouraged Olivia who was of course watching closely. Serena looked a bit panicked.

"No more! D-done nnnow" she said, and Liv was inclined to agree. She looked to Dr. Brandish.

"Okay, we got two tubes full. We could test for toxins with one and check her oxygen and other levels with what we have in the other. I'll make it work" said the doctor patiently. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and another doctor made her way in. Dr. Brandish immediately pulled her aside while Olivia coaxed Serena back up onto the table.

A few moments passed before the older woman walked over to Serena while removing her coat. "I am Dr. Paxton. I am the chief of gynecology at St. Mathias Hospital. I heard about this young lady and came to see her" she addressed Olivia. "It is my understanding that your daughter was sexaully assaulted and held captive for some time?"

"Yes. Who told you that?" questioned Liv, always the detective. It riled her a bit to hear those words applied to her daughter.

"All cases of sexual assault are reported to me Ms. Benson. I came down to take Serena upstairs for a thorough examination and collection of any evidence" she stated matter of factly.

"Like hell!" replied Liv just as Serena jumped back off the table. "We didn't consent to a rape kit and it has been too long since anyone has touched her. She's not going anywhere."

"Ms. Benson, victims need…" Dr. Paxton began.

"It's Sergeant Benson, of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. Also known a sex crimes, _Doctor,_ and believe me when I say that I am well versed in the needs of sexual assault victims." Olivia stood to her full height, crossing her arms across her chest. She really was a formidable sight when she defended victims rights, especially when that victim was her daughter.

"That's good Sergeant. Then you should be aware of the pain that she probably suffered considering her broken ribs that Dr. Brandish noted and that she may have irreparable damage to her reproductive system, urinary system, shall I go on?" Olivia visibly blanched. She agreed with absolutely everything this doctor was telling her and more than anything she just wanted her daughter to be healthy and safe. Hell, she wanted Carisi to drive them straight to the hospital from Central Park 3 days ago, but she promised Serena that she wouldn't.

"Look, Sergeant Benson. Now that I am aware of the situation, I cannot let it go. Since she is not in any immediate danger, seems to be functioning normally, and DNA or identifiable physical evidence will most like be absent, I need your consent to examine her. We..."

"NO! NO, NO, NO!" shouted Serena so loudly that Elliot came flying into the room. She ran straight to him.

"What the hell is going on? I can hear you in the waiting room" he questioned.

Olivia took a deep breath. "This is Lieutenant Elliot Stabler. He's my partner and Serena's father." It was the first time she spoke the words out loud. She knew, deep down for years and she just hoped and prayed but after hearing Serena tell her about what The Doctor told her, she couldn't deny it anymore. She didn't want to. She locked eyes with him as the admission spilled forth and she knew that he already knew, probably for quite some time. "El, this is Dr. Paxton. She's a gynecologist who is going to make sure everything is good with Serena after all."

"NONONONONONONONONONONONO!" shouted Serena again as she gripped Elliot's hand tightly, trying to pull him out of the room with her. Dr. Paxton was on the phone and before Elliot could question why Liv had a change of heart (not that he disagreed in any way, he wanted her checked out immediately and would have questioned Liv then if everyone wasn't so emotional) two nurses came into the room. One had a shot ready.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You promised!" she screamed looking right at Liv. "You're a liar just like they are! NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!" she continued screaming and flailing as the nurse stuck the needle into her bicep. She went limp against Elliot almost immediately but didn't pass out. Her glare could stop a herd of stampeding buffalo.

"Olivia!" yelled Elliot wondering how she could consent to this, but Dr. Paxton was the one who intervened.

"I apologize. I knew she wouldn't cooperate and I soon as I got permission, which I feel was implied in our introductions, I had her sedated. I cannot perform an accurate exam if she won't cooperate. The fact that she is still conscious after that shot tells me she's definitely a fighter and probably built some kind of immunity or resistance to certain medications. These are details we need to know. I promise, I will make it quick, but thorough and you can of course stay with her the entire time" explained Dr. Paxton as they loaded Serena onto a gurney to bring her upstairs. All anyone heard was her seething, deep breaths.

Elliot just stared at Olivia who felt daggers in her heart at Serena's accusations. She had so many unchecked tears streaming down her cheeks and looked so defeated. He put his arms around her as she unsuccessfully tried to stifle a sob. "Shh. I understand and so will she. Come on" he consoled as they followed the doctor.

-SVU-

Serena learned a long time ago not to put up a fight. The easiest thing to do was fall limp and go outside your head. It hurt less physically if she didn't thrash or move, and that made it easier to recover from. The Doctor often said she looked dead because her eyes went vacant and she barely blinked. She always defiantly kept her eyes open, but let her mind wander to happier things. She was doing that right now, or at least trying to.

 _How could Momma let them do this to me? I can't believe she's letting them try to knock me out and do things to me that I never wanted to have done again! I'll never be able to trust her again! Not another word she says. And Elliot? He picked me up and put me on the rolling bed! I am so angry right now. OW! This doctor keeps saying that I 'can't feel anything because of the needle.' She's knows nothing. Needles and drugs stopped having an effect ages ago, that's why The Doctor kept giving me more until he finally gave up. Pain I can handle, but Momma's betrayal, no. When this is over, no one, and I mean NO ONE will ever come close enough to put a finger on me. Not even my parents._

There was a physical exam, an internal exam, and a sonogram to endure before the doctor backed away. The whole time Olivia was standing just out of the way against the wall silently crying, Elliot right by her side. "Okay honey. All done. Now didn't I say that wouldn't be so bad?" Dr. Paxton addressed Serena who was playing dead and let her eyes close at the end of the sonogram knowing it was the last thing. She turned towards the detectives. "Let's talk down the hall in my office. She finally gave into the drugs in her system, so we don't want to disturb her since I'm sure sleep time is few and far between. We won't be long, and you can take her home right after." She opened the door and watched as Olivia and Elliot walked over to Serena and each planted a kiss.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Serena was up and running. She pulled out the IV that the doctor put in her as soon as they entered the room. She went through two bags very quickly due to over two years of dehydration. She hurriedly got dressed not bothering to tie her sneakers and walked over to Olivia's pocket book. She took out two twenties and crept quietly out the door. The clinic was very busy which worked to her advantage as she jogged towards the stairs and made her way outside, an ache between her legs that she hadn't felt in a bit.

She walked around the corner and two blocks down before she saw a cab pull up to the curb. Once the other passengers got out, Serena got in and gave Bernie's address. That memory of hers was finally starting to present itself once again as the fog was slowly lifting out of her brain. As the cab driver pulled into traffic, she sat back deciding what to do next. She couldn't/wouldn't run away but she wasn't about to pretend that everything was honkey dorey either. Before she knew it, the cab was pulling up just outside of the private community that her grandmother lived in. The fare was less than twenty dollars, so she gave one to the driver and put the other in her pocket as she began the walk down the road leading to the beach house. As soon as she got close enough, Bernie came outside with a questioning look on her face, but Serena couldn't say anything. All that terror, all that anger took its toll and she fell into Bernie's arms and cried.

-SVU-

Olivia's heart was hammering in her chest as it was simultaneously being shattered to pieces. Seeing Serena's reaction to Dr. Paxton and hearing her daughter scream bloody murder, blame her, call her a liar and compare her to the men who hurt her, well she's not sure if she'll ever get over that. _I had to_ she keeps telling herself. _It's just a few minutes of an exam and we will know how hurt she is and how to make her better. It's okay if she's angry with me. I'm angry at myself. We will talk later. We'll get through this together._

Once they were in the exam room and Serena was in a gown and hooked up to the IV, Liv moved to the side wall. She had her eyes on Serena's face the whole time, trying her best not to let them wander. This was not the time to check the damage that she knew was completely visible. Olivia knew that when Serena was ready, she would show her whatever she felt comfortable revealing, just as she had done the other night. Her daughter wouldn't even look at her and when she did catch her eye, there was pure anger aimed right at her. It could have been called hatred, but Serena wasn't capable of that. Was she? As soon as the gynecological exam was about to start, Serena's whole body seemed to lose control and she went completely limp. She lost her bladder on the table. Her legs spread open easily, her arms lay idly by her sides, her head turned left, away from her parents. But it was her eyes that scared Liv the most. They were open, but blank-vacant, unseeing as if she had detached from the world around her.

"No!" Olivia cried running to Serena's side causing everyone in the room to stare at her, Dr. Paxton stopped what she was about to do. "Don't do that baby! I know you don't want to do this, but please, please don't disappear on me. Please? Please?" She was begging, grabbing onto Serena's hand that didn't flinch. Elliot pulled her back.

"She's okay honey. We see this all the time, it's just harder because we love her so much. She's dealing however she needs to and we'll be here to help her when it's over. We'll all be better for this" he said. He tried to sound convincing and he really was sure they would get past this 'betrayal' as Serena seemed to think it. He just wasn't sure how they would be one the other side.

For all the standoffish behavior Dr. Paxton displayed trying to convince Olivia this exam was for the best, she really was professional and very gentle. She spoke very calmly and soothing as she told Serena everything she was doing before she did it. She moved with precision and care, trying her best not to cause any more harm, physical or emotional to the already traumatized child. When she gave orders to the nurse, they were specific and short, commanding yet not accusing or demeaning as one may expect from their initial meeting. If this were any other victim, Olivia would be very impressed and recommend her in the future. But this was not any other victim. This was Serena and Olivia couldn't help but feel disdain towards this woman who easily convinced her to betray her daughter's trust and put her through another level of hell. All she could do was watch as her daughter seemed to give up and dissociate, probably like so many other times that Liv would rather not consider right now.

Finally, Dr. Paxton sat back and removed her gloves. Olivia knew the moment Serena finally gave in to the sedative from the needle and closed her eyes to sleep, just as the sonogram began. Like she knew this test wouldn't hurt. Olivia let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. She heard the doctor say to meet in her office to talk and Elliot was ushering her out, but not before she planted a kiss to Serena's forehead and said how much she was loved.

In Dr. Paxton's office, Liv's heartbeat sped up again. Would she be able to handle whatever the doctor found? She would have to, for Serena's sake. She sat ramrod straight so close to Elliot that she was almost on his lap. She grabbed his left hand in the vice of both of hers.

"I want to start with an apology. I know that I can come across very demanding, but please know that I only have the needs of my patients at heart. Your daughter, well, I'm very glad you consented Sergeant Benson." She sounded contrite and sad.

"Olivia. Please call me Olivia. Dr. Paxton, what did you find? How is my baby?" Now Olivia was desperate. Desperate to know. Desperate to act. Desperate to just help her daughter.

"I'm not sure what you know of her time in captivity, so forgive me but I need to tell you everything I noted, whether you already know it or not." Dr. Paxton continued on to tell Olivia and Elliot that there was considerable damage to Serena's pelvic area. She had broken bones that have since healed several times over. She has scarring along the vaginal walls and rectum, the damage extensive from being penetrated with foreign objects. She gave birth just over a year ago and it was not an easy delivery, resulting in surgical removal of her uterus. Serena's left ovary seemed to be dead, her fallopian tube collapsed. She seems to have had every common STD at one time or another, probably repeatedly that was treated but left telltale signs behind. She will not get her period, but she most likely suffers intense monthly cramps as a result of the damage. There was also scarring on her inner thighs and buttocks that could only be burns. Her breasts had scars from bite marks and burns that were obviously caused by cigarettes. Her right nipple was partially removed, most likely from a bite. At this point, Olivia had her eyes closed and she was almost hyperventilating. Elliot was absolutely silent; his neck red, his jaw locked, his knuckles white around Olivia's.

"I recommend she see a urologist for bladder issues and possible kidney damage. She will need surgical intervention to remove scar tissue and possibly remove the ovary and tube, but that can wait a while. She needs further testing for that. I also recommend that you take her to the ophthalmologist for an eye exam to let you know her exact prescription and possible cause. We don't know if her vision problems are from straining, lack of light, or something neurological. If that's the case, then you'll have to follow up on that as well. Right now, the important thing is that she heals mentally and emotionally. Physically, she is not in any danger right now, just pain management and making sure she relieves her bladder regularly. That's very important. I took some samples, so she is a bit sore down there. Food, sleep, and exercise are also vital for her right now." Dr. Paxton went on to list antibiotics, antivirals, vitamins, sleep aids, and pain killers and handed Elliot the prescriptions. He already had the scripts for a specialized breathing machine to sleep with, new cannula and mask and medicine for blood detoxing. It was also recommended that she drink plenty of lemon water and echinacea.

"I would like to see her again in six months as you and she monitor her cramps and discomfort. If you'd like a referral in New York instead, I can provide that as well. Right now, take your daughter home and just…" She seemed to be at a loss. This certainly was the worst case of sexual assault that she has ever seen, let alone on such a young girl. Dr. Paxton stood and waited for the detectives to as well. It took them a few minutes, but Elliot pulled Olivia up and they both shook the doctor's hand, thanking her before walking out of the office.

When they got back to Serena's room, they both gasped to find that she wasn't there. They checked the adjoining bathroom, but Olivia noticed that her clothes were gone. "Shit!" exclaimed Elliot as they both ran out of the room. They got security and checked the entire clinic to no avail. When they stopped to regroup, they realized she had at least a forty-minute head start so they ran to Elliot's jeep. He dialed his mother's number on the jeep speaker.

"Mom! Serena went missing. Good God, those are words I never wanted to say again. She left the hospital and we are gonna drive around looking. She may try to contact you and…" Bernie interrupted him.

"She's right here dear, eating a ham and cheese sandwich. She was very upset, and it took me a while to calm her down. We are on the patio, enjoying the outdoors. Just come home." Bernie didn't deal with the why's or what if's; she dealt with the now.

"Jesus!" exclaimed Elliot. "Okay, thanks Mom. We'll be there soon." He pulled over as soon as he hung up. He gripped the steering wheel and put his head down almost on the horn. He had to breathe. Olivia hadn't said a word since she asked Dr. Paxton how Serena was doing. She immediately undid her seatbelt and scooted as close to Elliot as possible despite the console. She placed her arms around his neck and just sobbed. She must be so dehydrated herself with all the tears she has shed in these last three days, but she couldn't stop. She didn't care and when she heard Elliot sniffle, the sobs came harder-for both of them.

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	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Wow! Chapter 20! If you're still reading, muah! Thanks so much. Let me know with a comment or review. If I turned you off somehow, well you're not going to see this note anyway so I am just going to keep writing. We hit a turning point, time for a bit of fluff. I'm a big believer in seeing the light through the darkness. especially for Elliot and Olivia...

Chapter 20

Thirty minutes later Elliot pulled his truck into the driveway and Olivia nearly tucked and rolled to get out quickly. When they calmed down enough, they stopped at the pharmacy to pick up Serena's prescriptions. Olivia needed to get some water and some ice to cool her face and replenish. She found that her eyes were just perpetually red and swollen since Serena's return and it didn't look like that situation was going to change anytime soon. Crying was never her thing, but she can no longer hold her emotions inside. And given the fact that her strong and often intimidating "former" partner cried along with her, well all hope for control was lost. She ran towards the house, but no one was inside. Of course, Bernie said they were enjoying the sunshine and Serena only stayed inside when she was forced to. Forced. Today Olivia felt that word has so many new meanings. She found Serena and Bernie in their usual place down by the shoreline, in the midst of what was becoming a whole sand neighborhood. Liv took a deep breath and walked over.

"Is everything okay?" she asked in general. She felt so awkward suddenly; like the myriad of times she would approach her mother after a night of drinking where she wasn't sure if she would be hungover and angry or exhausted and sullen. She tentatively walked closer. Serena immediately got up and reached for her headphones, placing them on her head and adjusting the volume before going back to work.

"Oh, we're fine. Serena is quite the architect. She reminds me so much of Elliot when he was little. You know Olivia, he used to build the biggest and most detailed structures with his blocks? I always hoped he'd do something with that" she said.

Olivia loved hearing stories about when Elliot was little. He rarely opened up and when he did, it was usually not a happy memory to share. "Well, they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Actually, I just found out about this little seedling" she joked. Bernie looked confused at first, but then you can see the minute she understood what Olivia was saying.

"Really? I knew Kathy had a good reason to fear you. And here I am having her call me Grandma out of the blue. Oh, this is wonderful!" She seemed so excited at knowing for a fact that Serena was indeed her granddaughter. "Olivia, do you think that...I mean she's already a teenager and...well…everyone else has lives of their own..." Bernie couldn't put her thoughts into proper words but Olivia knew exactly what she was trying to ask. She didn't want her newfound granddaughter to disappear out of her life and be just the birthday and Christmas phone call.

"Elliot and I NEVER crossed any line. I never knew who Serena's father was until two nights ago and I don't even know the whole story. You need to know I would never knowingly come between Elliot and his family." Way too much was happening right now, but Olivia defended the relationship she had with Elliot every day since they met. She didn't want any members of his family thinking otherwise, or worse, blaming her for the divorce or accusing Elliot of infidelity when neither of them had a choice.

"We can discuss this later. I've been meaning to ask you something. Serena absolutely loves it here. She loves being outdoors with the sunshine and the wind. I know she especially loves the freedom to be outside in the middle of the night or watching the sun come up. She's been getting plenty of exercise walking along the shore and she just adores you, so I was hoping, and feel free to say no of course, but would it be okay if we extended our stay? I'm not exactly sure how long, but maybe at least for the rest of the summer? If that's too much, then…"

This time Liv was the one who was interrupted. "Oh dear, that's fantastic! You two can stay as long as you'd like! Olivia if you need to get back to work or anything, Serena could absolutely stay with me here. We'll look out for each other. Oh, did you hear that little one?" she asked directly to Serena knowing the music volume wasn't loud enough to drown out their conversation.

Serena looked Bernie in the eye and smiled. "I'd like that very much Grandma" she answered clear as a bell. "Do you think we can rearrange the room I'm staying in?" After eating lunch, Serena took it upon herself to move her bag of clothes and her machine into the guest room with the full and bunk beds. She wasn't about to share a bed with Olivia after her betrayal. She wanted nothing to do with her mother at the moment.

"Of course, dear!" answered Bernie emphatically.

"I'm sorry?" questioned Liv at the same time.

Serena didn't acknowledge; she just got up, grabbed Bernie's hand and trotted off towards the house, not realizing Elliot had held back inside. He wanted to give Olivia space with Serena so he grabbed a beer and sat down. He looked up with curiosity when he saw her and his mom walk straight towards the guest room, Liv hot on their heels.

"What's going on?" she questioned. As soon as she entered the bedroom, she got her answer. Serena had moved all of her things out of the room they shared and up onto the top bunk. If she chose to turn her back to look out the top of the window, Olivia would have to use a step to reach up and kiss her goodnight. It was Serena's way of distancing herself the best she could. She even rigged her machine, so it was perched on the high shelf but within her reach up there. Serena addressed Bernie.

"Do the Stablers come all the time that we need to keep the other beds in here?" Liv noted that she spoke slowly but with perfect clarity. Her speech had changed dramatically. You never would have known she had such a profound stutter not 24 hours ago.

"Oh no dear! They only visit once in a blue moon. We can dismantle the bunks, they're very easy and oh! We can paint! Oh, such bright colors and designs, anything you want! Olivia?" she turned towards Liv. "Will you be wanting to switch up yours and Elliot's room too?" It was such an innocent question, but this whole thing just threw Liv for a loop. She was just coming home to talk to her daughter. To apologize and explain, even beg for forgiveness.

"Mine and Elliot's room? Wait, wait. Bernie, it's wonderful that you are allowing us to stay, I am so so grateful to you for that, but I wasn't planning on being separated from Serena, let alone have to share a room with Elliot!" Liv's voice was rising exponentially.

"Well, you've been sharing since you got here, and you just told me you shared this wonderful young lady that I just thought you two would continue together. I know you love him dear, so what's the problem? I somehow don't see my son spending every night on the couch." She was truly expecting an answer, but Liv was so thrown off that she didn't think before speaking.

"Of course I love him and the sleeping arrangements aren't really a problem it's just that…" she stopped short when she heard Elliot clear his throat from behind her.

"Uh, I don't mind the sleeping arrangements either" he said with that shit eating grin on his face. "I'll take the beds down Ma. Toss them in the crawl space?" Olivia couldn't believe what was happening. She just admitted, out loud, to his mother and _him,_ that she loved Elliot. She joked with Serena in the car about it, but if she were being honest with herself, was she really joking? Well it was always implied, they were best friends and he was always there for her in ways a normal partner was not. Plus, he loved Serena like a daughter before he knew she was. But to say it, to confess, to...well shit. No, she had to regain control, but Bernie was pointing out decorating ideas, Serena was steadfastly ignoring her, and Elliot was inspecting the bunks with a big-ass smile on his face.

"Excuse me, I need take a walk" she said as she brushed past Elliot and made her way to her room. She decided to take a run rather than a walk so she changed into a bikini under shorts. She needed to expel energy, to sweat, to just run.

-SVU-

Elliot tried to make small talk, but Serena kept her headphones on and completely ignored him. While it pissed him off, he didn't want to say or do anything else today. But shit, this was not going to fly forever. Serena moved everything to the big bed while Elliot dismantled the bunks and brought them to the garage which had a small attic type crawl space. He then moved the bed into the middle of the room and rearranged the furniture, per his mother's directions. The whole thing took about 45 minutes and he was done. Not just done with the activity; done in general. He did not like being ignored and Bernie wasn't doing anything to help the situation. She chatted along talking about paints and coverings.

"I'm gonna find Liv" he said as he walked back into the kitchen. While he was going back and forth, he noticed the wind start to pick up and dark clouds way off the horizon. A storm was coming in and it would be a doozy. It shouldn't hit land until well into the night, but the temp did cool down a bit. He grabbed two beers and a throw blanket and headed to where Olivia sat on the beach, he almost missed her, off to the side as if she was hiding in plain sight.

It felt good to run. All the emotions of the past few days, hell, the past two years were built up causing knots and stress beyond measure. Moving her body, building up a sweat, increasing her heart rate helped clear her head. Elliot was right, they will get passed this, as a family. She was no longer on her own and she wasn't afraid to admit that having Elliot and Bernie around like this made her feel good; like part of something special. Now, she sat on the sand just trying to get herself together. It was uncomfortable to sit in her shorts after her run between the sweat and the sand, so she just sat in her bikini. It was a private beach after all and she seemed to be the only one out right now, but still, she moved over to the side of the jetty that made an almost private area. Olivia knew she was not good company and wanted to avoid any chance of small talk with any passers-by. She noticed the clouds beginning to form and the darkness slowly creeping forward from way out on the horizon and shivered a bit. Yes, it was getting chilly, but she wasn't ready to go inside. She would either fall apart at Serena's silent treatment or get angry and do/say something that she will regret. So, she sat, alone, shivering on the beach.

Elliot noticed her shiver as he came up behind her, so he walked into her peripheral vision and handed her a beer as he simultaneously covered her with the blanket. She looked as him quizzically but said nothing as he made himself comfortable behind her. It seemed that almost overnight, gone were the days when they sat next to each other consciously trying not to brush shoulders or have their thighs touch. She can't say she would miss that. She would warm up in no time between the blanket in front and Elliot's body heat up against her back. She silently leaned into him and took a swig of her beer.

As soon as Olivia leaned into his chest, he took that as a thank you and acceptance of his presence. He wasn't too sure if she wanted to remain alone. They sat for a bit, just watching the clouds before he spoke up.

"You know I love you too, right?" he asked nonchalantly. He felt her stiffen, but she didn't pull away.

"Yeah. Why do you think I told Bernie that I didn't mind the sleeping arrangements?" There was no fanfare, no grand gestures of eternal devotion, just simple statements of fact. Of course she knew; it was why it so easily slipped out in the first place. If she was unsure of his feelings towards her, she would have guarded her own more. She turned her upper body to look at him. "Serena said something the other night. She said The Doctor told her he arranged for you and I to get pregnant. He was watching us and felt he could manipulate things so that we would create what he considered to be "an exceptional child"" she said using the same air quotes Serena used. "El, how…"

She didn't get to finish her question before his lips were upon hers. He wasn't even tentative, he just went straight in, coaxing her mouth to open to his. Of course, she complied. It had been so long. So, so long since anyone kissed her, let alone gone beyond that. Once she woke up on that fateful day and realized that she couldn't remember her sexual partner, she made a vow to reign in her tendency to engage in one-night stands. Then of course Serena came along, and all Olivia wanted to do after work was spend time with her. No man was allowed anywhere near the apartment, so she just took care of her needs herself for all these years. But Elliot, he was igniting a fire that would be damn near impossible to put out. She really did know that he loved her back. They were best friends after all, but she could no longer fool herself that it stopped there; not the way his mouth was controlling her. She let it, giving in to the tightness in her stomach and the discomfort that was quickly building between her legs.

Elliot took his chance. They would talk later but damn, she looked beautiful sitting there. Liv was always beautiful: when she was awake for 36 hours running on caffeine and no shower to right now, sitting alone on a private beach wearing nothing more than a tan and a bikini. He knew Olivia was leaning into him, so she could feel his arousal, but she didn't seem to mind so he didn't care. She was kissing him back. His partner was kissing him back! His hands began to wander down under the blanket to caress her stomach. Oh, that beautifully toned stomach that he only caught glimpses of if she reached up high or they worked out together. He ran his fingers across her belly button and she didn't object. He wasn't going to go any further than kissing, but his body seemed to move of its own accord and when his thumb ran across the string of her bikini bottom, his pinky grazed over the front of her mound.

 _Jesus Christ! What the hell am I doing?!_ she thought. _Elliot...Elliot is kissing me. I am kissing Elliot! Stop him Olivia before it goes too far. I need to….stop. No, don't stop. Shit! Shit! Shit! He better not fucking stop!_

Olivia let out a sound that Elliot had never heard before, not even from Kathy. It was a cross between a lust-filled moan and a whimper. Hot damn! He wanted to hear it again. As his lips continued to manipulate her mouth, his hand found its way to untying the string. It was loose so it fell away instantly. His fingers were now grazing over Olivia's most private area. He had to keep reminding himself to calm down and not lose control. His erection was straining against his shorts and thank God he changed out of his jeans in the middle of moving furniture. Elliot ran one finger up her slit and she pulled up a bit and made a surprised sound, which was quickly swallowed by his mouth. He had to come up for air, hoping it didn't break the momentum.

"Liv just tell me…" he didn't want to finish the sentence but he would instantly stop if she asked him to. Her response was immediate as she raised her arm to wrap around his neck. He needed no other encouragement. He ran his finger up her slit one more time before inserting it inside. Olivia was soaking already. He knew she hadn't dated anyone since Serena was taken, but he wasn't sure how long it was before that. The way her body was responding indicated it had been far too long. Well, he had to make this memorable for her then. He moved his mouth over hers once more before nibbling on her ear and moving down to her neck. He could hear her heavy breathing and see that her eyes were closed. He began to manipulate not only one, but two fingers in and out of her opening, eliciting these sounds that he would do anything to hear every fricken day. He accidently moved his thumb over her clit, causing her to flinch and curse in the sexiest way. She turned her head back to the ocean and grabbed onto his forearms, which were wrapped around her waist under the blanket.

"El. we're out...mmmmm...outside" she said breathlessly moving her lower body with every manipulation of his fingers.

"Shhh. No one can see us. You picked the perfect spot! Just let me show you…" He didn't get to finish his thought as he must have hit a particularly sensitive spot causing her to gasp and cry out. Her grip on his arms was unrelenting so he made it a point not to stop until she was sated. He didn't dare touch her breasts, that would have been too much for him. He moved his fingers faster and Olivia's breathing was coming in short bursts, he knew she would come hard and fast and she didn't disappoint. Before he had a chance to switch things up, Olivia let out a scream that was washed away with the tide. He somehow knew she would be a screamer. Elliot quickly covered her mouth again, effectively stifling her as he continued to caress her sensitive areas. He felt the flood just pouring out of her and his fingers became trapped between her muscles as she rode wave after wave of ecstasy. She moaned into his mouth and he released her, causing her to whimper as she came down from her magnificent high. He slowly removed his fingers from inside and deftly re-tied her bikini string as she continued to try and catch her breath, still holding onto his forearms.

Elliot made sure to wrap the blanket around them both as they continued to stare at the horizon. He was still sporting a very strong hard-on, but he was okay with that. He heard sounds coming from his partner that he only heard in his dreams. No, scratch that, he never imagined those sounds before and he sure as hell would never forget them. Now that he knew what she sounded like, what she felt like, the look on her face as she came and came, he would need to take more cold showers.

It wasn't long before Olivia broke the bliss filled silence. "What do we do now?"

"About what?" he asked. He wasn't being facetious, he just wasn't sure what she meant. "Liv, I'm sorry, but I've wanted to do that for such a long time. Please don't say that you…"

"No!" she said a little too loud. "God no. El, you didn't. I mean...me too. That was…" she was stammering and needed to get back control, so she cleared her throat. "I meant, what do we do about Serena? She hates us El. I betrayed her and, in her mind, I am no better than those fuckers who hurt her! What if she really never speaks to me again? What if she can never forgive me?"

"Liv, calm down luv, okay?" he said using one of the terms she playfully okayed. "She is angry. Actually, she's pissed and we both know she has every right to be. No, we didn't set out to trick or 'betray' her, but we are her parents and we have to make the tough decisions to protect and do what's right for her. In this case, to make sure she is healthy, We just...have to act normal."

 _Parents. Plural. Well, I guess that Elliot always was her father, even when we didn't know it._ "Normal huh? After what you just did, I'm not sure we can go back to normal" she said with a smirk.

Elliot laughed in return. "What I'm saying is, let's not walk on eggshells. We never did before, and I really don't want to start now. Call her out on her shit but give her lots of extra love. Plus, if she really wants her own room, I have no objections. You'll find that I'm quite the sharer."

There it was, that cocky grin of his. Sonofabitch. But yes, he was right. Olivia's always been honest and straightforward in everything she's ever said and done where Serena is concerned. They have to get back to that normal so they can all recover. "Thank you, Elliot. I haven't had the chance to say it, but...thanks. For just... everything. I couldn't, I wouldn't have made it without you." His only response was to kiss her again. Deep.

"Come on. I never got to grill for you and we need to batten down the hatches early, those clouds look angry and since our lovely little lady hates the dark, I need to make sure we have enough firewood and flashlights." Elliot made a move to shift Olivia, so they could stand, but she wouldn't budge.

"Wait. El, you...ummm...do you need to…?" she was suddenly embarrassed knowing exactly what she felt against her back. Elliot was sporting a rockhard erection just a few minutes ago and although they were talking, she wasn't sure if he still needed relief.

He chuckled as he managed to stand and held his hand out to help her up. "I'm good, Liv. I'm real good. I promise, another time. Now, let's go inside." After wrapping the blanket around her and grabbing her shorts, they were both smiling as they walked back in Bernie's house, hand in hand.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

When they got back in the house, Serena and Bernie looked like they were ready to go shopping. "What's going on?" asked Olivia.

"Well, we were waiting for you two to come back. We'd like to go to Home Depot for some paint and supplies. Plus, I need some batteries and some lanterns if this storm is as bad as they are predicting" answered Bernie. She turned towards Serena. "Usually during storms, I just shut the shutters, light some candles and hunker down with a good book, but this time, I think we need a bit more than candles." Serena had her eyes downcast, steadfastly ignoring her mother, but they opened wide at Bernie's declaration so she looked up.

"Gramma, do you really think it will be dark, like black? But we are up, not under!" she said in a very high pitched voice. "I hate storms! They are loud and the ground gets soaking wet and it's so, so cold but there's no dry place. It gets way too dark. Gramma, I...mmmmmm…" she looked frustrated.

"Shhh, baby. It's okay" said Liv even though Serena kept her eyes on Bernie. She had yet to wrap her head around the fact that her daughter was kept in a hole in the ground. She never even contemplated how the weather would affect that. "Elliot, why don't you take them and get whatever we need. I really need a shower" she smiled as she said it causing him to grin.

"Let's go!' he proclaimed as he grabbed his keys and headed out. Before he made it to the door, he stopped, walked back to Olivia, and gave her a kiss before resting his forehead against hers. They stood that way for a moment, causing Bernie to smile. Inside Serena smiled to. They were still her parents and it took them long enough.

The Home Depot was packed with residents getting ready for the first storm of the summer. Elliot left Bernie and Serena in the paint section while he ran around collecting supplies to see them through until morning. He wasn't sure what his mom had at home, but he had a feeling that it was no more than a couple of half-burned candles and an ancient flashlight. The worker was just hammering the top onto the paint can when he returned to them. "Ready? I wanna finish cleaning the grill and get dinner going. Those clouds look like they are picking up speed."

As they were piling back into the jeep, Elliot paused and took something out of his pocket. He held a bottle of water out to Serena and he leaned against the back door, giving her no choice but to look up. "You have to take these now, the rest later" he said holding out his palm with three pills: two small, round white ones, one larger oval shaped pinkish one. She just stood staring between the bottle and the pills in his hand, shaking her head. "Yes, the doctor said you needed to take these to…. either cure something or make you stronger. I forget which right now. Here." He immediately noticed how her expression changed from defiance to what could only be classified as fear when he quoted Dr. Paxton. Shit. He just said, "the doctor". Did he give her pills? Did he force drugs into her system? He didn't have much of a chance to contemplate the answer before Serena screamed.

"NO!" She knocked the pills out of his hand and onto the parking lot where she promptly ground them beneath her foot. "I said no doctor anything! You can't make me! I WON'T LET YOU!" she finally stood her full height, which was only about up to his mid chest, and looked Elliot dead in the eye. Dead in the eye was accurate. He just stared back at her, knowing passersby were now looking their way. Elliot shook his head and walked around to the driver's side and started the car. Serena still stood there, looking at the chalky substance left on the blacktop.

 _This is bullshit._ "Get. In. The. Car." he commanded through gritted teeth. As soon as she slammed the door, which she did on purpose, he sped away.

-SVU-

Liv had a genuine smile on her face. She hadn't had one in so long it felt both strange and wonderful. Elliot kissed her. Hell, Elliot had his fingers inside of her, controlling her, making her feel things she has honestly never felt before. She was no stranger to sex of course; every position, every way but this feeling, this was different. This had, well, _feelings_ behind it. Elliot didn't just make her cum; he made her his, and they both knew it. She knew the moment she saw Serena from the top of the hill that she wasn't going back to SVU, but she was okay with that because now they would take on a new partnership. At least, the partnership they vehemently denied for almost 20 years. So, she smiled as she showered. She smiled as she dressed. And she continued to smile as she peeled and chopped potatoes and other veggies to go with dinner. She just mixed the mayonnaise into the potato salad when the door opened.

"Can we get started Gramma?" she heard Serena ask but it seemed she didn't have the same enthusiasm as before. She looked like she was trying to bottle up her anger, but what the hell pissed her off this time?

"Oh sweetie. I think I need a break hon. I'm sorry" Bernie answered. Liv remembered Maddie's note and almost kicked herself for not looking out for her. She was suffering emotional stress as were the rest of them but given her age and the fact that Olivia wasn't paying attention if Bernie was taking her meds, she felt terrible. She walked over to the older woman.

"Bernie, I am sorry. I've been so caught up and selfish and there's so much going on for you too. Please, please sit and I'll make a cup of tea. Or would you prefer lemonade?" She led Bernie to the couch and guided her to sit.

"Oh Olivia. Don't apologize. Your head and your heart are right where they should be, and don't you worry about me. But a cup of tea would be nice dear" Bernie conceded as she put her feet up, looking out the window. "Those are some serious clouds, but nothing we can't handle. Elliot got enough batteries to power Las Vegas!"

Olivia set the tea in Bernie's hands and watched Serena stand by the back window, never taking her eyes off the clouds. Liv knew her daughter was angry about this morning, about a lot of things, but she also knew that fear was the emotion that would win out tonight. Once those clouds got close enough, they would be stuck inside, and Serena would feel trapped again, in the dark. Honestly, Olivia would prefer Serena be pissed off than scared any day. At least this time she wouldn't be alone, and they had an arsenal of candles and flashlights. She could see Elliot outside rinsing off the grill. It took less time than she figured to clean but then again, he started yesterday before Fin called. "What can I do?" she asked the older woman.

"Well, the outside furniture and anything else needs to be brought into the garage as I can see the wind picking up. We can eat outside if you want and that set gets chained down after, Elliot knows what to do with the grill. Then we need to close the shutters, turn on the radio, and wait it out." Bernie called out to Serena. "Don't worry dear. We'll all be okay." She didn't move from her spot, but Liv wasn't about to let her lose herself when the storm was still offshore.

"Serena. Go collect all the shovels and things that you've taken out as well as anything else that may blow away and bring them to the garage, then we'll stack the chairs." Serena still had her back turned and remembering what Elliot said about calling her out on her shit, Liv spoke louder. "That wasn't a suggestion young lady. You brought all that stuff out, now bring it in before it gets blown away or causes damage to someone's property." Liv absolutely hated raising her voice to her baby girl. She never had to before, but then again, Serena had changed.

The young teen startled a bit at her mother's orders but jumped at the chance to be outside for as long as she could. She did what she was told just because it was the right thing to do. Despite her anger at her parents, she would always do what they asked, within reason. Once everything was in order and Elliot was done cooking dinner, the adults opted to eat in the kitchen as the wind had really picked up, making it uncomfortable to eat outside. Serena begrudgingly brought the food in while Elliot and Olivia chained down the patio set, but they had to wait for the grill to cool before securing it.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Elliot had yet to tell Olivia about Serena's reaction to taking her pills and of course, Serena was still on a silent parental strike, leaving Bernie to try and lead the conversation. She gave up rather quickly. Liv was glad to see that despite the horror of a day the child had, she hadn't lost her appetite as she devoured 2 burgers, a hot dog, 2 helpings of potato salad and grilled vegetables. Liv was hungry herself. At least Serena had a sandwich for lunch! They heard the first rumble of thunder as they were clearing the dishes. As soon as it boomed, Serena dropped the plate she was drying and jumped about a foot in the air.

"I'm ssssooooo sssorrry Gramma" she stammered. Damn, the stutter was back but she was too damn nervous to try and correct it. That seemed to be the key to it, her nerves. She was angry, not scared when she yelled perfectly clear earlier and she was holding onto that anger as she took control when talking to Bernie, whom she was not afraid of, but that control was slipping away as the storm drew closer.

"I got it, baby. Back up" Liv said as she bent down to collect the pieces. Serena didn't move from her spot as another shot of thunder rumbled not far ahead.

"What happened?" asked Elliot as he came in from securing the grill and all the shutters. The only thing left was the patio door and he would leave that open until the very last second. He saw Olivia cleaning something off the floor and Serena just standing there.

"Nothing" answered Liv. "A plate just slipped." It was all taken care of before he even had a chance to question further.

"Okay, I'm gonna grab a quick shower. The Home Depot bags are by the front door. Serena, let's go." Serena turned towards him with a confused look on her face. She still didn't look him in the eye. "Bathroom. Dr. Paxton said you needed to pee more often and unless you want to go in the dark, get moving now." Elliot knew he sounded harsh, but he had a feeling this was the only way to get through to her right now. For two years she was treated like shit, so he wouldn't resort to that, but some things she did not have a say in and he needed her to know that.

Serena continued to stand where she was, debating her options but of course as soon as Elliot mentioned it, she instantly had to go. Elliot huffed and walked into his room, snapping her out of her thoughts. She walked towards the bathroom and stood outside with her head down. When he was ready, he turned his back to the doorway, but Serena just stood there watching him. She had no idea he was too pissed off to remember to check and she had vowed not to speak to him again, so she didn't ask. She simply stood there looking from him into the bathroom.

 _Don't give in man. Be stern, it's for her own good. Why the fuck is she just standing there? She knows I'm waiting for her!_ Just when he was about to ask, he remembered; she would wait for him to check. _God! What is that all about?_ He walked into the bathroom, placed his stuff on the edge of the bathtub, and proceeded to check in the toilet. He could see Serena standing on her tiptoes just outside the door, watching his every move. She walked in as he walked out and stood guard. He saw Olivia watching from the kitchen and as they made eye contact, she simply winked. _What the hell does that mean?_

He heard Serena hiss and try to stifle a sound of pain, but he was attuned to the Benson women, so he of course heard. He remembered the doctor mentioning the samples she took and some pain the child might feel. He didn't want to embarrass her any further by asking and he wasn't about to turn around, so he just stood where he was, silently hoping she knew that he was there for her through everything.

-SVU-

Serena quietly whimpered as Elliot closed the storm door, effectively locking out the "outside." It was just in time too as the wind was whipping. Summer storms at the beach were worse than winter storms. At least in the winter, it was straight snow. Summer meant strong winds and even stronger waves and higher tides. At least it wasn't anywhere near hurricane level and tomorrow was set to be quite pleasant. The lights had been flickering since he got out of the shower and Liv was setting up the lanterns and the candles; just in time too as she was satisfied they were all in the right places, they were thrust into darkness. They heard a shuffle but didn't see anything as she tried to light the first candle. Bernie had her lantern on first though. Serena was nowhere in sight. Liv hurriedly lit candles as Elliot turned on lanterns. When the room was sufficiently lit, just short of an overhead light brightness, they found Serena under the table by the wall with her knees in her chest, her head buried in her knees, and her arms wrapped around her head rocking, but not making a sound.

Elliot got to her first. "Come on out" he said gently, adopting the voice he uses with victims. "Look, it's not even dark." He tried to get her to look up, but she refused. He knew however that this was not her being defiant or angry, this was her reaction to the darkness, her fear of...whatever happened in that damn hole and beyond. He shined his flashlight right where he knew her eyes were by her knees. She couldn't miss the brightness. She finally looked up and blinked into the light. "Here" he said holding the fattest flashlight she had ever seen out to her. "You can have this one. The battery in that will last all summer." He thought his comment would lighten the mood, all his anger at her angry behavior gone as he remembered in that moment that she was still just a scared little girl.

She gingerly reached out and wrapped her fingers around the handle, pulling it away from Elliot. She then held it in both hands so tightly that he could see her knuckles turn white. She shined it in her own face causing her glasses to darken. "Be careful" he said. "Those glasses will only protect your eyes from so much." She simply stared at him until the thunder rumbled again. Elliot had never seen a child go from crouched on the floor to pacing by the door as fast as Serena moved. Instantly, she was out from under the table and on her feet before Elliot could even put his heels down. Movements like that only came from years of practice running away from danger. He stood over by Olivia as they watched their daughter pace the entire length of the living room, holding the lit flashlight tightly in both hands, just under her chin.

Bernie couldn't watch any longer. "Serena darling, you're making me dizzy! Won't you come sit with me and I'll read you one of my favorite stories?" She stopped her pacing for just a moment to look at her grandmother. She seemed to be seriously considering the offer when the unfortunate timing of the wind knocked against the patio set, causing a bang and she was off again.

No matter what anyone said, Serena walked the perimeter. Olivia could tell she was trying to control her breathing, but even if she started to hyperventilate, there was no way Serena would stop and let anyone put her mask on. Bernie had gone to her room hours ago, Elliot was dozing, sprawled out on the couch and Olivia was sitting on the arm of the couch next to him. His arm was laid just around her bottom. She took comfort in the deep rumble of his snoring as she helplessly watched her daughter. She had no clue how the child was still on her feet! Dr. Paxton had given her a sedative that she expertly fought off, and between that, the stress of the day, and all her terrible sleeping habits, Serena should have been in a fricken coma! Instead, she paced. Olivia had lost all track of time, but the candles were burned down to liquid when she noticed that the relentless pounding of rain could no longer be heard. Serena seemed to come to the same conclusion as she ran to the patio door and turned towards her mother.

"Check?" It was the first word she had spoken to Liv since screaming that she was a liar this morning. Yesterday morning? Anyway, Liv was not about to say no so she extricated herself from Elliot's arm and walked over to where Serena was standing. She couldn't make out anything through the door due to the frosted design on the storm windows, but she was confident nothing would happen just by peeking. The sound Serena expelled made Liv glad that she did. As they looked outside, they could just make out the orangey glow of the sun trying to rise over the water. There was still a light rain, but the wind had died down and they could tell it was going to be a gorgeous day.

Serena pushed past her mother and stood on the patio, just at the edge of the awning. She took several deep breaths as Olivia stood by her side. Storms never bothered her but damn, she was never as glad to see the dawn as she was in this moment. "I'm not going to ask you to come back inside, but please put this on" she said as she removed the sweatshirt she had put on sometime during the night and held it out to her daughter. Serena barely moved, and she just held out one arm at a time so Liv put it on for her and reached around front to zip it up.

"I am going to tell Elliot to go to bed. He's gonna wake up complaining about his neck or his back or something from sleeping the way he has been. I will be right back." Serena didn't answer, but Liv could barely make out an almost imperceptible nod before she turned to go inside.

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	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I love my EO togetherness. Finally, a feel good chapter.

Chapter 22

Elliot awoke to the sun blinding his eyes. He vaguely remembered Liv telling him to go to bed. He obviously listened as he looked down to find himself wearing just his boxers. He was also alone. After throwing on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans that he found inside out at the bottom of the bed and paying a visit to the bathroom, Elliot made his way through the house. All the shutters were open, the candles were piled neatly on the countertop and the lanterns were stacked by the front door. Did Olivia ever get to sleep? He could hear his mother humming around her room and noticed it was barely 7am. The back door was wide open...of course.

The sight he was greeted with made him smile. Olivia was sleeping on one of the lounge chairs. One of her legs hung over the side, one arm was spread across her stomach while the other was above her head. Her mouth was slightly open and despite her protests to the contrary, she was lightly snoring. Standing at Liv's feet, at the end of the patio was Serena, although standing wasn't accurate. She was swaying on her feet, fighting the exhaustion that was threatening to take over and she was losing. She was battling her closing eyelids and her head was lollying around; it would have been comical if the reasoning behind it weren't so damn sad. He walked up to her, trying not to startle her.

"Baby, come on, sit before you fall" he said as he gently grabbed her arms to lead her away from the railing. She complied stiffly. He managed to sit her in a chair before she spoke, although he knew if she were lucid, she wouldn't say a word.

"Momma fell asleep."

"Yeah, I can see that" he answered as he dragged over another lounger.

"She can't be dirty too" she mumbled.

This brought Elliot up short. "What? Angel, I'm not sure what you're trying to tell me." He squatted down in front of her, but he knew she didn't see him. He had no idea how she was remaining upright.

"I just, mehnp fjktvn." That was the last coherent (almost) thing he heard her say. She continued talking, but the words were not making any sense, they were more like just sounds drawn together.

Elliot gently took hold of her upper arms and lifted her up. She was dead weight, but she was so light he was easily able to get her over to the lounge chair he set up next to Olivia. Her head fell back before she even sat so he gently lowered her down and arranged her comfortably. He took off her glasses and put them on the table next to them. Serena was wearing Liv's sweatshirt but there was a slight breeze this morning and Liv was just in her pajamas, so Elliot ran back inside, grabbed the throw blanket from the sofa, and knelt down next to her. He touched her cheek, careful not to wake her but he needn't have bothered. She was out cold. He always loved watching her sleep. After the firecracker incident, she didn't work overtime therefore she never used the cribs to rest or doze in the car on a stakeout. After Serena's kidnapping, she rarely went home, barely slept and when she did, it was from pure exhaustion and nightmare filled, much like her daughter. Now, she looked so peaceful. He leaned closer so he could feel her breath on his chin. Her eyes were moving under her lids slowly and he knew she was dreaming; hopefully it was pleasant. He couldn't resist leaning over and kissing her lips. When he pulled away, he saw a small smile grace her face. She sighed and turned her head, nestling down further. Elliot couldn't help but chuckle as he brushed her hair out of her face and covered her with the blanket.

As he stood up. Bernie came outside. Seeing the sleeping ladies, she lowered her voice. "What a beautiful morning!"

"Yeah it is" he replied. "Mornin' Ma. You look nice."

"It's Sunday dear. I am on my way to church. Gladys' grandson usually comes down and drives us, but with the storm he couldn't come. Do you think you can drop us off? I can figure out how to get us home later."

"Of course, Mom. Now?" They didn't go to church this early when he was younger, especially in the summer.

"Well son, Gladys and I are in charge of the pancake breakfast, so we have to be there early to get everything ready. We also have to stay after mass to supervise so we won't be done until about 11:00." Bernie looked at him expectedly.

"Okay, let me get some shoes and grab my keys. Just call me when you ladies need to be picked up. I'm not having you wait around on some 'chance' for a ride." The look Bernie gave him told him she knew that is exactly what he would say. He scribbled Liv a note and left it under Serena's glasses in the off chance that she woke up while he was gone.

-SVU-

It took an hour round trip for Elliot to take the older ladies to church. He even stopped in and said a quick prayer of thanks for Serena's return. When he stepped out back, nothing had changed. Olivia was lying on her side which stopped her snoring and Serena hadn't moved a muscle. He knew that no matter how much she fought sleep, nature would win this battle and she would be out for hours. His mother was out for the next few hours, the kid was comatose, and he had the woman he loved not six feet in front of him. He was not about to waste this opportunity. He went inside and made a couple cups of coffee. Bringing the steaming liquid outside, he placed a cup right under Olivia's nose. Elliot hated to wake her, but he was pretty damn sure she would forgive him for it. It took a few moments, but the aroma made Olivia stir. Not before long she was moaning and taking deep whiffs.

"Good morning!" Elliot greeted.

"Mmmmm" was the only reply he got. She was never a morning person. She sat up and took the cup from his hands as he sat down next to her with his own. After taking a few sips, Liv looked up. "Serena?"

"Dreamland" Elliot replied as he leaned back so she could see their daughter stretched out on the other side. "She finally gave into the exhaustion around 7 this morning. Hell, she was asleep on her feet when I came out because she was out cold as I laid her down." He watched Liv smile and drink her coffee so he continued.

"So I was thinking. Mom's at church and she won't be back for a few hours, which I know for a fact since I am the one who has to pick her up. The angel is, well, you can see so I was hoping to continue what we started down by the jetty yesterday." At that she caught his eye.

Olivia was having the most wonderful dream of that exact scenario. She cocked an eyebrow and lifted the side of her mouth in a smirk. "Oh really? You thought that you would what? Bring me some morning coffee and I would give you morning sex?" She tried so hard not to giggle at the look on Elliot's face. He started to stammer some sort of apology, so she spared him. "Well...you thought right" she whispered as she leaned forward and claimed his lips.

Elliot was taken aback for just a moment, but quickly recovered to take the mug out of Liv's hands, place it on the table and scoop her up into his arms, never once breaking the kiss. He carried Olivia right into the bedroom and even though the past couple nights everyone slept with the doors open for Serena's sake, he made sure to close the door behind them, just in case she woke up, it might give them a half a second to get themselves together before she walked in. However, he was pretty confident that wouldn't happen anytime soon. They made quick work of divesting themselves of their clothing and when he came up for air, he finally got to look at Olivia. After staring at her from across their desks over 15 years and catching quick glimpses in the gym and locker room, he finally got to _see_ his partner. She was a goddess in his eyes. All that he imagined, no. He had a terrible imagination because she was so much more.

"Quit staring Stabler and keep your promise" Liv said in a voice he didn't recognize. It was sultry, seductive. Deep, a bit raspy and sexy as fuck.

"Yes ma'am" she replied.

-SVU-

Elliot was on his way to pick Bernie up from church and since Serena was thankfully still asleep, Olivia decided to make them breakfast. Or was it lunch? Brunch maybe? It didn't matter. She had worked up one hell of an appetite and she suspected Elliot did also. Plus, a nice egg bake would be easy enough to heat up when Serena was ready. As she was waiting for the timer, she took a shower and thought back on the last couple of hours. She had never experienced sex like that before. She supposed it was because it wasn't sex, it was making love. Elliot was so gentle, taking his time exploring every inch of her at first. Much like he did on the beach, he made the experience all about satisfying her. He kissed her softly everywhere. She tingled all over and exploded before he was even inside her. She still can't believe she came from just his touch. The second time, very shortly after, he seemed insatiable, the way she'd always imagined. Of course, she dreamt of sleeping with Elliot for years, but he was married and then when he wasn't, she was...well, with Serena missing she was devoid of any emotion other than sadness and anger. That time around, he was demanding. Hard and rough. He was thrusting and grunting and swearing enough to make a sailor blush, but he wasn't a sailor. He was a marine. Strong all over. Liv could barely keep up and when they came together, she almost passed out. Yes, orgasms really were the "little death".

They rested for a bit after that. Elliot knew that she had only fallen asleep once the sun came up, but she wasn't tired anymore. She was enjoying just being wrapped up in his arms. Not out of fear or sadness. Not out of despair, but out of love. They didn't speak much, just laid there. They were both marked. Elliot had scratch marks up and down his back, his arms, and even across his ass. Olivia had nips everywhere imaginable and an ache between her legs that rivaled anything a perp had ever done with a punch. But it was all so good that just before Bernie called, she rolled over on top of Elliot and took charge. That time, she was the unrelenting one. She didn't give him any leeway when she impaled herself onto him. She pumped and rolled while he just held on. He either dug his fingers into her hips, leaving bruises of course, or he grabbed her ass. He loved watching her ample breasts bounce as she pumped. After a few rounds and grinds, Liv let out a scream that would rival any damsel in distress, except this scream was of pleasure. She came so hard that it triggered Elliot to immediately join her, shaking and writhing in his own bliss. Liv collapsed on top of his chest as they both tried to catch their breath. Elliot had the wherewithal to throw the sheet over them. There was no way Serena didn't hear that.

-SVU-

 _Liv was a screamer. Dear God in heaven, she was a screamer! Kathy wasn't very vocal when it came to lovemaking. She was always afraid of waking the kids, but damn! Liv just let it out._ Elliot couldn't stop thinking about this morning as he was driving home with his mom and her friend chatting in the car. He must have had a goofy grin on his face because he could vaguely hear Gladys making a comment about it. As soon as they were sated and realized Serena wasn't going to charge in, they began to laugh. A good, hard belly laugh that neither had enjoyed in years. Elliot's heart was full just watching Liv. Her smile was wide, her eyes were half closed, her nose was wrinkled. and she had a contagious laugh. She was beautiful. Just beautiful. The only thing that would make his life perfect would be Serena's happiness. They were working on that. As soon as Bernie called, he jumped into a quick shower and Liv went to check on Serena. He caught sight of her on his way out. She was wearing his discarded t-shirt and holding her reheated coffee mug, just staring at her daughter. Serena was now sprawled out much like Liv was when he woke up. They were so much alike, which is why it was so much harder on Liv when Serena was angry. He came up behind her, his favorite position, and kissed her neck.

"You'd better stop right there, Lieutenant. Your mom is waiting for you" she jested. She was right though, he couldn't start anything again or Bernie would start walking home from church.

-SVU-

Elliot made sure to take Gladys right to her door before pulling into the driveway. Bernie went straight to her room to change as did he. Today's weather called for shorts and a threadbare t-shirt. He knew going shirtless would drive Olivia crazy, in a good way, but he didn't know what Serena's reaction would be. When he was ready, he came out to find Liv in the kitchen wearing a bathing suit under a racerback tank top and a pair of shorts that showcased her legs. He had to remind himself that they were no longer alone before his arousal was obvious to everyone. As Liv was taking the dish out of the oven, he heard his mother speak and knew Serena was awake. Well, a little over 4 hours of sleep was a start. He would make it his mission to make sure she went back to sleep tonight. There was a difference between fall-down exhausted sleep and a nice, restful, rejuvenating sleep. The latter was essential for her recovery. Liv put the casserole dish on a trivet on the counter and they both walked outside.

"Good morning!" they said in unison. Liv noticed Serena holding her head in her hands. "Are you okay?" When she didn't get an answer, she reached out and touched her shoulder. Serena shrugged out of her grasp, grabbed her glasses and walked to the edge of the patio.

"Well sweetie" Bernie began as she saw the look of hurt on Olivia's face. She stood next to Serena looking out at the ocean. "Everyone at church said a healing prayer and wishes you well. Maybe next week, you'd to come with me?" At that, Serena looked up.

"To church? Why? What has God done for me?" Her voice was especially raspy. She still sounded exhausted, but also...defeated.

"Sweetie, you, we, are all here by His grace. You came back to Olivia. I found out you are my granddaughter. Honey, God is good. He is always watching over us." Bernie knew Olivia wasn't a churchgoer, but she did have a belief in God in her own way. She had no idea that Serena would act so indifferent towards God, especially since she knew how devoted Elliot was to his faith.

"Bullshit!" she replied as she looked at Bernie with the oddest expression as she heard Elliot yell, "Hey!" "I'm sorry Gramma but it's true." Serena spoke slowly, her stutter at bay once again. "God doesn't give a damn about me, us. If He is as good as you claim, He wouldn't allow bad things to happen, and don't preach about "free will" and that "He only gives us what we can handle" because that's crap too. He put monsters on this earth. He put me in the path of those monsters sending me to the deepest depths of hell, right here in this world and honestly, I think I might still be there." No one quite understood what she meant by that, but she paused to rub her temples as if she were battling a migraine. "And Momma, who does more good for others than any other person could ever hope to do, she was tortured by God too. Having her daughter ripped away, knowing what was happening but not knowing at the same time. That is hell so please don't ask me to thank or praise your God."

Bernie was rendered speechless. She looked hurt and Elliot was also shocked at her words, so Olivia spoke up. "Serena, we do not ridicule people's faith. We don't...poo poo their beliefs, especially when we are guests in their home. You need to apologize right now." She understood her daughter's reasoning and, in many ways, agreed with it, but it was the callous way she said it that bothered Liv the most.

"I'm not going to apologize for how I feel. You always said….." She paused, let out a deep sigh, and rubbed the back of her neck in a way that was so Elliot that Liv almost laughed out loud. "But I do apologize if my words upset you Gramma. That was not my intention. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I do appreciate all you've done." She put her head down and began rubbing her temples. Elliot opened his mouth to speak, but Bernie beat him to the punch.

"You are of course free to feel however you feel dear, so you're right, you don't have to apologize for that. As for putting down my belief in God, well honey, you indeed have been through hell, so I forgive you, and so does He. And don't worry, I will continue to pray for you. Lastly, you are not a guest in this house. You are family." Bernie reached out to put her hand on Serena's shoulder, causing the girl to flinch a bit and grab the sides of her head. She sat down once again.

Liv crouched down in front of her, putting her hands on her daughter's knees. She didn't care whether or not the child was still angry, she didn't look well. "Are you okay?" When Serena tried to shrug her off once again, Liv dug her fingers in. "No. Be pissed off all you want, but this silent treatment will not continue. You will answer me when I speak to you. You look like you're in pain. Are you?" She didn't raise her voice, only changed the tenor.

Serena tossed her head up so fast it caused a wave of dizziness and she had to squeeze her eyes shut. This of course did not go unnoticed by her parents. Even her hands started to shake. "What does it matter? If I say I'm fine and don't need anything, you'll try to shove some pills down my throat "for my own good." If I say, yes, I am in pain, another doctor will force their hands on me while you do nothing. Just let me be, I can take care of myself."

Olivia was rendered speechless and for once, Bernie didn't try to make the conversation lighter, but Elliot couldn't stand the look on Liv's face. He also had an inkling as to what was wrong with Serena. He crouched next to Liv and grabbed Serena's chin, forcing her head up to look at him. Neither Benson made a move to stop him or said a word. They both knew that no matter what, he would never hurt them. Elliot pulled off her glasses and noticed Serena's eyes were bloodshot, dilated, and moving frantically.

"How often did he drug you?" he asked.

Trying to decide between fighting him or keeping quiet was too much for her pounding head to deal with in that moment. Usually when she felt like this, she was alone, and it was silent and dark. This 'family bonding' in the bright sunshine was overwhelming right then. She decided to answer without details.

"The last pills were the morning we went to Central Park. Oh, and then you let the other doctor give me a needle yesterday." She managed to free her chin and put her glasses back on her eyes. She's never loved the quick transitions more than she did sitting there.

Elliot stood up and grabbed Liv up by her elbow. She was frowning at him. "Ma, can you please get some water and a cold, wet rag?" When Bernie went inside, he addressed Olivia. "She's detoxing. How long she's been on drugs or what kind of drugs I don't know but it's been over three days now and with all the adrenaline and shit, her body is finally taking notice. It's probably why she was able to fight the sedative so easily yesterday. Extreme tolerance." Serena took their conversation as an opportunity to walk away. The kid really did move fast.

"But Dr. Paxton didn't say she found drugs in her system" countered Olivia.

"Yeah well, most drugs are out after about a day and since Serena peed all over the place before the gynecological exam began, she never took a urine test. That girl was definitely drugged for a long time and I guarantee she's feeling like shit right now, more so than before." Elliot looked like he was trying not to get physical with his mother's furniture, which was good because it was that moment Bernie came back outside.

Olivia took the water and rag. "Well whether she wants me to or not, I am going to help her. I swore she would not suffer anymore, and I intend to keep that promise." She left the Stablers on the patio and walked towards where Serena was sitting in her spot by the water's edge. Holding out the large red cup of water, Liv sat down next to her daughter. "You're going to need this. You don't drink anywhere near enough and it'll help your head." As Serena silently took the cup and lifted it to her lips, Olivia placed the cold, wet rag on the back of the child's neck, causing her to recoil but Liv persisted. "You are no longer alone. Do you hear me? I will not let you go again. Please. Please just talk to me baby."

Serena started to take deep breaths; whether it was to keep from crying or to hold her temper, she wasn't sure. She didn't have to look at Liv to know that she had tears in her eyes. It's a shame because she sounded like she was having such fun with Elliot just a little while ago. When Liv first screamed, Serena shot up, but then she realized what was going on and although she was still angry at them, she was so happy for them. This feeling wasn't worth it.

"Hhhhheeee, uh!" Serena cleared her throat and began again, slowly, taking care to think before speaking. _There is no reason to be nervous, it's just Momma. It's not like she doesn't already know._ "He was angry one minute, and very caring the next. He would say one thing and do another. Just when I thought I knew...I can't do that again." She finally turned her head towards her mother, causing the rag to fall away from her neck. It really did feel good and she instantly missed it, but she had to continue now, or it would fester. "You were _always_ completely honest and open with me and I know I was gone for a long time, but that shouldn't be a reason to stop being that way. I've already been punished." She got quiet and fumbled for the rag once again. She readjusted and went back to looking at the ocean. The sun was so bright, she had no breakfast, nowhere near enough sleep, and she needed to use the bathroom, really for the first time in days but she couldn't bring herself to move.

Liv was dumbfounded for a moment. "I am not punishing you. Please don't think that. All I want is what's best for you. I didn't lie, I just...I can't take it back. I won't take it back, I made the right decision for my daughter's well-being and I am not sorry about that. But I am sorry if I made it seem like I was punishing you. I never meant to have you feel violated or hurt. I...I…" She couldn't speak anymore so she just expelled a breath and took over holding the rag to her daughter's neck unintentionally adding a little extra pressure.

"Please don't do it again" Serena said after a few moments. "I have the ultimate say in what happens to my body, nobody else. I need you to do what you say, say what you mean and stick to it. No more talking around things. We've both suffered and it's time for that to stop. It's not us, or at least it didn't used to be. I have changed but just...talk to me instead of issuing orders. I think I deserve that." She bent her neck back so her head rested on Olivia's hand.

Liv still didn't say anything. Serena knew she felt terrible about the incident at the clinic and they've spent too much time apart for anger to separate them again, so she decided to move them passed this bump. "You know how you're always trying to get me to "get some rest?" Next time maybe you can remember to close the windows and turn on the air conditioning in your room. The hum of the motor might drown you out a bit and I can stay asleep." She smirked that same shit eating grin that's always plastered on Elliot's face as she heard Liv hold the last breath she took in.

Squaring her shoulders and clearing her throat, Liv managed to get some words out. "I still have three questions." She heard Serena mumble "shit" under her breath but decided not to challenge. The language was acceptable in light of everything. "What EXACTLY did you hear this morning?"

 _Oh, that's an easy one!_ She turned towards her mother, still smirking. "You and Elliot finally had sex. At least this time you'll both remember it." Seeing Olivia's face turn five shades redder and her eyes go downcast, Serena continued. "Don't be embarrassed, Momma. I'm happy for you. You sounded like you were really enjoying yourself and that's wonderful! Sex can be quite pleasurable if it's with someone you love. I think…"

Olivia didn't want to read too much into those last words, but she smiled. "Yes, it is. Okay, number 2 is a combination question, a part A and part B." When Serena nodded, Liv continued. "How often did he give you pills?"

The repeat of Elliot's question wasn't exactly unexpected, but Serena knew she couldn't dance around her answer this time. It was against the rules of three questions. It was something that Olivia needed to know and the "open and honest" went both ways. "It started when he first came down the first day. He gave me pills for the pain. He said it would help the headache that he knew I had as well as help with the pain to come. I didn't know what he meant by that, but I found out soon enough. After, he gave me different pills, but he didn't say what they were for. Sometimes they were different colors and shapes. Sometimes they really did take away the pain, sometimes not. Almost always they made me feel fuzzy, like I couldn't control moving. I couldn't think straight and there would be like...rainbow fog in my eyes sometimes. I know that's weird but it's what it was.

"When he took me to the room, he would give me large white pills to take before going up the ladder. They would often get stuck in the back of my throat, but he said it was because I was fighting them and should know better. And still I'd get different pills once we got back and I was awake again. I never remembered coming back down the ladder." She paused and shook her head. That was more than she intended to share but she wasn't finished, and Olivia Benson's daughter never did anything half-assed. "When he started taking me outside, I'd take two little white ones. They didn't do much though so I'm not sure why, he never said. What's part B?"

Liv would process all of this later, cry, perhaps scream but right now she wasn't going to miss a beat. "How do you feel right now? Withdrawal can be a real bitch."

Serena took another sip of water before answering. "I am so fricken tired, Momma. It hurts to move, it hurts to think, it hurts to breathe and when I went to pee last night, that hurt too. But it'll pass. There were plenty of times I've had this feeling and I'm used to it." Her matter of fact answer caught Liv off guard, but she recovered quickly. She would deal later.

Liv was just about to ask question number three when she saw Bernie getting closer. She let out an exasperated "Motherfucking timing!" under her breath, which Serena heard loud and clear. She even giggled. _Thank you, Gramma!_

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	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Family togetherness. We also hear a bit about the baby so heed any triggers.

Chapter 23

Three days. Of course he's gone much longer without contact with Olivia, but not since they got together. They have spent so much time together since Serena was taken, and now that she's back, he wants to spend every moment with the two of them. He missed the hell out of them. He was practically pushed out the door by Liv shortly after Sunday dinner. She wanted him to text that he got back safely, get some sleep, and catch the bad guys. The three women insisted that they were all exhausted and would turn in early. The exhausted part he had no doubt, but like hell Serena was turning in early and of course Liv would stay up with her. He texted, she quickly texted back. He felt like a teenager forced to leave his summer camp friends behind because school started and so here he sits, early as hell on Humpday staring at the same form that he is supposed to sign, having no clue what it says. He tried to focus.

-SVU-

He watched Olivia and Serena talking on the beach before deciding that he needed to do something productive or risk punching something, so he went grocery shopping. After all, Serena and Olivia would be living there all summer and he didn't want his mother to go out of her way for anything. It helped calm him to wander the aisles on a quiet Sunday, picking out things he knew Liv liked, things he remembered Serena used to like, and the staples they used up in only three days and would need more of. Liv fed the kid like a horse and Serena ate everything served. Lord knows she needs it. He was just about ready to check out when he got a text from Liv that said simply "no bottled water." Okaaaaay. He walked back down the aisle and replaced the two cases he took out back on the shelf. What was that all about?

By the time he got home, Bernie was next door. Apparently since both ladies were alone, they took to cooking Sunday dinner together. Today, they were both more than delighted to cook for the three extra mouths. Serena was sitting up against the mini wall with her head between her legs and Liv was sitting next to her reading. After Elliot unpacked all the groceries, he went to sit with them. He hadn't really spoken to Serena since before they went to the doctor. In fact, he hadn't really spoken to her since she came back, not in any conversational type of way. He left it all up to Liv and when he did speak, he fucked it up by being angry.

"Hey." _Yeah, that was good_.

"Hey yourself" answered Liv as she looked up from the book. Grimm's fairy tales. He didn't even question.

Glancing towards Serena, he asked, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes" Liv answered. "She has a terrible headache among other things, but we are making the most of the day."

"Actually" Serena interrupted as she carefully lifted her head. "I'm going to go help Gramma and Ms. Gladys. She supposedly has the best kitchen on the planet and I want to check it out." She stood up with Liv but pulled her mother down a bit to whisper in her ear. "You won't have to close the windows. I'll shoot you a text when dinner is ready."

Liv stood looking at her daughter in disbelief, her mouth open but no sound coming out as Serena graced her with a huge smile. Elliot just looked confused as she walked towards the neighbor's house.

"Okay, what the fuck Liv? She's…" he started to raise his voice when Olivia put her hand on his arm.

"You're leaving in a few hours. Yes!" she emphasized as he began to shake his head. He didn't want to leave at night; he didn't want to leave at all. He would just get up extra early. "I want you to get a good night's sleep instead of moments here and there of sleeping on the couch or squished in bed with two grown people. She's giving us time, El" she finished as she looked at him with a small smile and raised eyebrows, hoping he would understand.

It took him a minute, but he caught up. "She knows?"

"Well, we need to close the windows or get soundproofing if we are going to continue." She was blushing. Olivia Benson, his tough as nails partner was blushing! It was sexy, and he loved it.

"Sonofabitch" was all he said before leading her back to the house.

-SVU-

Fin walked in just before 8, followed closely by Carisi with Rollins bringing up the rear. Fin noticed Elliot was in his office, so he popped his head in. "Hey. All good with Baby Girl?" He asked every day and Elliot only answered in the short 'fine.' Today, he elaborated.

"Which one?" Elliot asked. Yeah, all was great with him and Liv, but he and the kid needed some work.

"Both" countered Fin, but from Elliot's tone, he knew something wasn't right.

"Well, Olivia is good. Aside from being physically exhausted from staying up with the kid, she is still emotionally all over the map as Serena lets little details slip. But you know Liv, she's fine." Elliot paused for a moment. "Serena is going through withdrawal, or at least she was when I left." He saw Fin's eyes widen.

"From what?"

"No idea, but apparently it isn't the first time. We managed to take her to the clinic to get checked out. Don't even ask. You can read for yourself in the medical report I finally got."

"Well, Dodds and 1PP are very determined to get the people on Whitlock's list. They say if he was planning on using it as a bargaining chip because of the type of men that participated, they want to go after every single one to show that power doesn't grant immunity. Or some shit like that. But man, TARU is having a bitch of a time getting anything off the camera card. Too degraded by the weather they say." Fin seemed to think about his next words carefully. "Hey man, ya think Serena might give 'em up?"

"I honestly don't know" Elliot confessed. "She doesn't exactly speak to me and Liv only gets bits and pieces when she asks something specific. It's funny. For 20 years I watched that woman get the most hardened scumbags to confess and the most fragile of child victims to open up, but she doesn't want to upset Serena by probing. Personally, I think she's afraid of what she might hear. But she talks to you..." It's true, they only knew as much as they did because of Fin.

Fin shook his head and walked back to his desk. Elliot could just make out a few expletives as he was leaving. He couldn't blame him. Interviewing children was always the most difficult but interviewing a child that you loved, was hell.

Melinda walked into the bullpen around 12:30, on her way to lunch. She did not look like she had good news, but before Elliot could question her, in walked Chief Dodds.

"So, you spent the weekend with the kid Lieutenant. I'm sure you check in with Sgt. Benson daily. What do we know?" _Knew that was coming._

"She doesn't talk much sir. We had her checked out by a physician and that report is on my desk. I could list her injuries, but I'd rather not. We also know that she was drugged, repeatedly enough to suffer withdrawal symptoms. That's about all. I know it's not much more, but she is very fragile right now and I won't risk losing her in any way." Elliot made sure his voice held the authority that said his word was final.

"You do this for a living Stabler. I thought you would have more information by now." Chief Dodds sounded pissed and disappointed.

"With all due respect sir, if your daughter was kidnapped and sexually assaulted repeatedly, would you pump her for every detail her first few days home?"

Dodds didn't miss the "your daughter" part as Stabler was once again claiming ownership over Benson's child. "What does Sergeant Benson have to say? Did she get any more information than you did?"

"What my daughter and I talk about is private Chief." Everyone turned around in surprise to see Olivia and Serena standing in the middle of the room. She looked fabulous! Olivia was wearing a salmon colored sleeveless dress that came just to her knees and a pair of Converse. She told Elliot yesterday that she forgot her flip flops, but the sneakers complimented the outfit since they were white, and the rest of Liv was now a deep tan. The highlights in her loose hair were very pronounced and reflected the poor lighting in the room. That's what happens when you spend all day outside on the beach because your daughter doesn't like the indoors.

Serena was standing next to her looking ten times better than when he left. She was wearing brown leggings that came just under her knees with a pretty multi colored dress and a lightweight beige sweater. She was also wearing a pair of colorful Converse, and her hair was styled in an elaborate braid that had Liv written all over it. While everyone was still speechless at their sudden appearance, Olivia walked over to Elliot, stood on her toes, since without heels she was a few inches shorter, and kissed him.

"Hi!" she said when she pulled away, throwing her sunglasses on top of her head.

"Hi yourself" Elliot replied with a great big smile. That was certainly unexpected, here at least. "What are you two doing here?"

"Well, your mom is having lunch with your daughters. Serena isn't ready for that kind of socialization" she replied. Fin interrupted.

"Hey there Baby Girls! You both look fantastic. The beach really agrees with you Liv." That garnered him big smiles from both Bensons.

"Hi Uncle Fin. I brought you this." Serena walked over and handed him a container full of very good-looking muffins that he immediately picked up and bit into.

"Damn! These are delicious! You have not lost your touch." He said the last part with his mouth full as he polished off the first muffin. Serena's smile was priceless.

"Hey Detective, ya gonna share those?" asked Carisi eyeing the full container almost drooling. Serena's face fell, like she made a mistake but before anyone could comment further, Dodds spoke up.

"Sergeant, Miss Benson. I wasn't expecting you today. Usually when someone takes personal leave, they stay far away from work."

Liv looked a bit confused as she looked at the crowd in front of them. "Well Chief, Melinda called and since I was driving Mrs. Stabler into the city, we decided to speak in person. What's going on?"

It was the first time anyone noticed the seasoned M.E. was still standing there. She ignored everyone else and went to hug Olivia. "Hi Liv. It's good to see you and Fin is right, you do look great." She turned towards Serena. "Welcome back young lady. I took over this case. It's family. I have a few questions I hope you can help me out with."

Serena was about to respond when she noticed something on the monitor. It was a news report but muted, so she couldn't hear what was being said, but she stared at the screen intently.

"What is it angel?" asked Liv as she immediately noticed the change in her daughter's demeanor.

"That's Judge Charles Sorotsky" she whispered. Everyone turned towards the monitor which had moved onto a new story.

"Pull that back up!" Elliot commanded.

"How do you know Judge Sorotsky?" asked Barba as he made his presence known. He had come in while Olivia was hugging Melinda. The bit about Judge Sorotsky was replaying on the screen. Something about reforms at Rikers.

Serena glanced at Barba, but since she didn't know him, she settled her eyes on Fin. "Hhhhheeee….hhheeee...Fuck!" she swore loudly since her mother allowed it and stomped her foot before taking a deep breath. "He came to all the celebrations. Sometimes he paid extra for private time."

Thank God for Fin because Liv was momentarily stunned, and Elliot was clenching his fists and his jaw. "Are you absolutely sure that is the man?" he asked as he paused the playback on a relatively clear photo of the judge.

Serena nodded. "His wife has some kind of condition that caused her to gain weight and she can't get around without a wheelchair. She says it hurts to have sex because she can't keep her legs up or wide open. He has a small penis, so he can only have sex with her from behind because of her size, but she can't stay on her knees or her stomach or anything anymore. It looks like the tip has a piece missing."

"A piece of his penis?" asked Fin as he saw Rollins hit the computer.

Again, Serena nodded. "His looks different than all the others. Some had skin that would scrunch back, some were longer or fatter than others, but they all kinda looked the same, like breasts. His was the only one whose tip looked like it was cut off or something. It didn't stop him from getting hard the minute he saw me. Every time. He stayed that way for a long time, even after he relieved himself, he stayed stiff. He liked to go again and again." She looked down, embarrassed. The matter of fact way she spoke unnerved everyone.

Rollins found what she was looking for. "I can't find any information on his wife's condition but there are a few pictures of the two of them and as you can see" she said as she threw the pictures up onto the big monitor, "she is heavyset and in a wheelchair. This is them together when he first got elected." That picture showed a much thinner Mrs. Sorotsky standing proudly by her husband.

"Pick him up" commanded Dodds and Barba in unison.

"Miss Benson" asked Dodds as Rollins and Carisi gathered their stuff to carry out the arrest. "I don't want to have to deal with any other...participant trying to make deals for lighter sentences or privileges by saying they can give names. I need you to give us names so we can say screw it and throw the book at each and every one." He looked smug, like that was the greatest idea in the world and the easiest to carry out.

Serena moved like lightning stepping back and ended up against Elliot's wall of a chest. Instantly she flew to stand and hide behind him. Dodds creeped her out, even when he came to the beach house. He reminded her of so many of the others and she didn't know who the other guy in the suit was.

"Okay, no! We've established that no one talks to my daughter besides Fin." Badass Benson was in full defensive mode and no one in the squad room dared make a sound. Rollins and Carisi stopped dead in their tracks at the exit, turning to watch the exchange. "With all due respect Chief, you have no idea how to speak to victims, so you need to stay at least 10 feet from my child at all times. If you have a question, you ask me or Lt. Stabler. If you need to convey information, you tell me or Lt. Stabler. If something breaks and you need a new statement, you ask me, Lt. Stabler, or Detective Tutuola and we talk to Serena. Is that clear?" She stared him down and for the first time, Chief Dodds really understood why so many perps caved so easily.

Silence filled the bullpen. The two younger detectives were hesitant to leave, Barba and Melinda just stared, while Fin and Elliot stood on either side of Olivia: not threatening, just supporting. Dodds didn't like feeling cornered.

"Sergeant, I know you are under a lot of stress and I have given you plenty of leeway, but I will not stand here and suffer insubordination!" He raised his voice causing Serena to audibly gasp and flinch, still hiding behind Elliot.

"There is no insubordination as I am not speaking as a cop, I am speaking as the parent of a vulnerable and traumatized young lady. If you don't like it, take it up with 1PP but before you do, you should be aware that I just came from there. I put in my paperwork. I am taking all the paid time due me and then, I am signing off. All my time and energy will be devoted to helping my daughter put this behind her and thrive as she should. So as I said, if you need anything Chief, go through me."

Dodds turned on his heel and headed out. Unfortunately, Rollins didn't get out of his way fast enough. "I told you to go make an arrest! Do you need directions detectives?" he remarked snidely.

"No sir!" they said in unison as they made their way around the chief and out the door. The air was still silent.

"Hot dogs Uncle Fin" came the small voice behind Elliot, causing everyone to turn.

"Come again? Hot dogs?" he questioned.

"Yes. We were up early and only had cereal for breakfast and Momma said we can have hot dogs when we got here. Will you take me and we can eat outside, and talk?"

Fin turned around, grabbed his keys and said, "I'm not going to that dude on the corner here, it's a roach cart for sure. I know just where to go." He looked to Liv for reassurance as he waited. Serena was just about to walk over when Elliot pulled her back with one arm to hold her against his side.

"I am so sorry angel" he said in a low voice. "I've been a shitty father and I just...I love you, you know that right?" There was so much he needed to say to her, do for her and he has done nothing but lust after her mother and get irritated at what he perceived as her defiance. He had to make things up to her. He pulled her closer. Serena didn't hug back, but she didn't pull away either. In fact, she leaned into him.

"You have never been a shitty father, and I do know you love me" she spoke tentatively, not saying it back and still holding her arms at her sides. He just smiled, hugged her tighter, mindful of her still sore ribs, and kissed the top of her head. Olivia joined the hug on his side since Serena was still unwilling to get touchy-feely with her mother. Barba and Melinda gaped a little and looked at each other in disbelief. If Fin was surprised by anything, he never showed it as Serena pulled away and walked in front of him.

"Dr. Warner, do you want a hot dog too?" she asked as she stopped abruptly and turned around. Melinda did call saying she had questions after all. As long as she was outside right now and with Uncle Fin, she would be okay.

Melinda followed Fin's lead and didn't hesitate. "I know that roach cart, Fin" Melinda smoothly replied as she walked towards them. "They should have shut him down years ago." The conversation dimmed as they opened the door to the stairs.

Liv's grip on Elliot tightened. She hadn't let Serena go anywhere more than Gladys' place next door and before that, it was just Elliot or Carmella and now here she was walking away with Fin, in the middle of Manhattan.

As if reading her mind, Elliot repeated the words Liv herself uttered just a week ago. "She's with Fin. She'll be okay."

"Yeah" she replied and ducked her head into his chest.

Barba was uncomfortable. He heard the rumors about these two. He didn't really believe them. He did have a bit of a crush on Olivia so maybe he was blinded to any clues. This? He could not deny the connection they had. And someone just won quite a bit of money as it was just confirmed that they shared Serena. He had to get the story behind that. He cleared his throat and spoke up. "Well, I, ummm, I am just going to be in my office. Please call me when the judge is ready to be questioned. I want everything done by the book. I know I don't have to explain to you two."

Liv and Elliot agreed and walked into his office, to wait.

-SVU-

They walked around the corner and three blocks down before they found the cart that Fin was comfortable eating from. The bonus was, it was located across the street from a park, so they got lunch and sat down at a bench table.

"Okay go" she commanded. Fin didn't miss a beat. He pulled out his phone since he didn't have the recorder and placed it in the middle of the table. Not only did he have to file a report, he knew Elliot and Olivia would want verbatim and he needed to make damn sure he didn't misquote or miss anything.

"Melinda, I'm assuming you had questions about the baby?" he asked the doctor. When she nodded, he continued. "She's willing to answer now."

"The infant was stillborn" she began wasting no time and then looked at the teen. "Do you know what that means?"

"She was dead when she came out." _I was there. I remember._

"Right. So you do not have to worry about getting into trouble. There are no judgments or accusations. Nobody blames you. Okay?" When Serena nodded again, Melinda continued. "The fetus was about seven months along before you gave birth. Do you remember, do you have any idea if you felt the baby stop moving at any point?"

Serena had stopped chewing and stared at the fountain close to where they sat. The adults were wondering if she was going to answer and Fin was about ready to interrupt her thoughts, but she wrinkled her brows before speaking. "I remember it was really, really cold. We just had a big snowstorm because The Doctor said that he was postponing anymore celebrations because I was too heavy to carry or drag back through the snow. He complained that he had to do that every time but being pregnant made me that much heavier. I didn't even gain weight, I don't think. Just my belly grew. That was the time I had a really bad concussion. He got really mad at Steven because no one was ever supposed to touch my head, especially my face and Steven threw me against the wall and I hit the hook that was dangling. I broke my cheek right here when I fell to the floor." She touched her right cheekbone and she winced at the memory. "My head hurt so much for a long time after that.

"Anyway, the baby was really going crazy in my belly! The Doctor came down the ladder and gave me a needle, right in my stomach! I screamed. I'm sorry Uncle Fin! I tried not too, it made him angry. He always just gave me pills, never needles, not even for…." she trailed off as if catching herself from saying something that would get her in trouble.

Melinda gently prodded. "You started to experience pain shortly after?" She had an idea of what this "doctor" gave her in the shot.

Serena nodded, then remembered Fin was recording. "Yes. It was the most terrible pain ever. Worse than anything that happened at the celebrations or when The Doctor fixed me up. I thought I was dying because my stomach would explode, or my insides would fall out my privates. He put a few bottles of water, a bucket, and three towels next to me and climbed up the ladder, but this time he left the bright lantern. I started screaming again, I couldn't help it. I used to be glad when he left me alone after the celebrations but that time, I didn't want him to leave me there. I begged him, Uncle Fin. Momma would be so disappointed…"

"No" said Fin shaking his head, hearing the sadness and self-criticism in her voice. "Your momma is so proud of you. You did what you had to do to survive and you have nothing, do you hear me? Nothing to be embarrassed about. Do not apologize for any of your reactions. Liv could never be disappointed in you Baby Girl."

Serena took a moment to consider his words. She looked at Melinda who nodded her head in agreement and she continued. "When he turned back to close the door, he said "We won't have to worry about this happening again, Heaven. Make sure there's no trace" and he closed the door."

Fin spoke up when the silence stretched. "How long until he came back?"

Serena shook her head. "I don't know. I could never tell the days. It seemed like forever though. He just came down with some food and supplies and began fixing me up again. The baby didn't look like it had a penis, so I figured she was a girl. I just laid her in the bucket wrapped in all the towels, even though they were bloody. When he left, he took the bucket up with him."

Melinda was regarding Serena's information. "I read Fin's report. You said this doctor wasn't sure if the baby was his. So what I'm asking is...how long from the time you were taken to the first celebration?" No one knew how many of these gatherings there were and since she wasn't exactly forthcoming, they needed to get information in any way they could.

Serena scrunched up her eyebrows in thought. "Like I said, I couldn't tell the days, but he took me the day after my birthday and I had to wear my purple jacket with a sweater underneath to school. The first time he brought me up the ladder, the sun was blazing hot and all the insects were out. I started sneezing from all the flowers as we were walking, and he was sweating when we got to the room. I felt funny for a while before that though. I threw up a lot and my belly hurt. I was always hungry. It was like all the sudden my belly got big after that time though. Sorry, I can't be more specific. I didn't know I was pregnant. Momma said I would soon have my first period and "be a woman" but I never did. I thought it was because of what they did."

"And Amir" asked Fin jumping in before Melinda could ask anything else. He also was trying to get the timeline. "When was the first time Amir came down the ladder?"

"Oh, I was down there a while before that and The Doctor came down a lot, but Amir came down only a short time before the first celebration. Remember? It was his idea. The Doctor had to fix me after Amir left and he waited until I was well enough to climb up on my own, so wait…" Serena got a very thoughtful, faraway look in her eyes and took time to gather her thoughts. "Dr. Warner, does that mean the baby really was The Doctor's? She was red and squishy from what I could see of her, but she didn't look like Amir's color. Uncle Fin, forgive me, you're black but light. Amir was much darker. Wait, you knew that."

"I can get DNA from Whitlock and compare it to the fetus. Once this doctor is in custody, we will know for sure" answered the M.E. "Serena, what would you like me to do with the remains? Did you want to bury her properly?"

Serena visibly blanched. "I don't feel good, Uncle Fin" she stated as she stood up, abandoning the rest of her lunch. The others joined her and silently walked back to the precinct.

-SVU-

It had been an hour since they left, and Liv was almost done packing up her desk. It was amazing how over 25 years fit into the confines of a cardboard box. Bernie had called and said the girls wanted her to spend the evening at Maureen's place and Lizzie was going to come in from Connecticut.

"I don't want to inconvenience you dear. I can take the train later or I'll get a hotel and get home tomorrow." Like Liv was going to let that happen.

"You absolutely will not!" she exclaimed. "Enjoy your time with your granddaughters. Serena and I will hang around. I need to get some things anyway. Just let me know when to come get you." Once they said their goodbyes, Liv looked up and once again saw Chief Dodds walk in, accompanied by Rafael Barba. She knew that meant Carisi and Rollins were coming up with the judge. Elliot, who was constantly watching her from his office, came to stand by her.

Before anyone could say anything, Judge Sorotsky began to speak as soon as he came through the doors. "Who is in charge here? I demand an explanation as to why I was dragged away from my golf game in handcuffs!" He was surrounded by the younger detectives and another gentleman dressed for golf. Liv assumed this was his attorney.

"Judge Sorotsky. I am William Dodds, Deputy Chief of the Special Victims Unit. I am sure my detectives read you your rights?" Dodds spoke evenly. Carisi nodded as he stood behind the judge and gripped him just a bit tighter.

"Why the hell am I here?" screamed Sorotsky.

"I am Lt. Elliot Stabler and you, sir, are under arrest for multiple counts of rape, statutory rape, aiding in the kidnapping and imprisonment of a minor, and anything else our illustrious ADA can throw at you." He was a mass of barely controlled rage as he signaled to Barba, who remained unreadable.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Charles calm down" said his attorney.

"Momma, I want to go…" Serena and the two men all spoke in unison as she chose that moment to come back followed by Fin. Despite Sorotsky's angry shouts, everyone's eyes were on the girl as she expelled a breath. "Oh I really hate coming here now" she said softly as she stared at the man in front of her, who suddenly went silent.

"I told you Uncle Fin. He's ready for sex the minute he sees me, every time." Everyone followed her line of sight to find the good judge was indeed suddenly sporting a raging hard on that was obvious through his tight golf shorts. Olivia moved like lightning and gave him a good, swift kick right in his erection. The judge let out a different type of scream as every man in the room felt residual pain. The lawyer was now yelling, Dodds was yelling, Liv was cursing up a storm and flailing as Elliot had his arms wrapped around her waist pulling her back, just as her fist collided with the judge's jaw while he was bent over. It was all Sonny could do to keep his grip and hold the man upright.

Serena was also bent over, vomiting into the bin by Olivia's desk. That is what finally helped Liv focus and break away from Elliot. She moved to put her hand on her daughter's back, but that just made it worse. Recalling the day she gave birth and now seeing another of her attackers was just too much for her.

"You can't touch me! I want to go home, Momma. Please? _Please_ can we go?" she pleaded in a small voice.

"Serena" Elliot interjected. "Baby just tell me one thing. Look at this man" he said as he pointed to the judge as the room once again went silent. "Do you know this man?"

"This isn't a line up" the attorney interjected but Elliot couldn't give two shits right now.

She nodded, but after a moment said out loud, "Yes."

He continued. "Where do you know him from?"

She took a deep breath and stood up, looking at her father only. "He is one of the men who forced me to have sex. Can I go now?" She was ghostly white, but Elliot couldn't be prouder.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Some serious mother/daughter bonding takes place. Adult subject matter but then again, the whole story is.

Chapter 24

The ride was 20 minutes of utter silence. Olivia was just about ready to pull into her parking garage when Serena spoke up. "No. I wanna go home!"

Liv was confused. "We are home baby. This is where I park."

Serena was whining. She never whined, not even when she was little. If the answer to something was no, and that was rare, she just took it in stride. Once, she even tried to convince Olivia to change her mind, not by whining, but by reason and it almost worked. Now was not like that. "No. Ssssssorrry. I, I mmeant the beach h-house. Not, not, not here." Dammit! She was too far gone to even try to control it. She wouldn't even look at her mother, she just stared at the entrance to the garage.

Olivia picked up her phone and dialed. "Hey. Change of plans. I am taking Serena back to your mom's and I need a favor. Can you please get your mom after dinner and drive her back?" She didn't quite know what to expect from Serena, but she did know that her daughter was on the edge and that she, herself would need Elliot by her side tonight. Even if it was just nothing more than his presence.

"Of course. Wanna tell me why?" Elliot asked. He had absolutely no problem commuting back and forth if they needed him to, but Olivia would never ask if there wasn't a problem.

"Can't right now, but later. Okay?"

Elliot knew that was code for the kid was falling apart and she couldn't talk right now. "Do what you gotta do. I'll take care of Mom, you take care of…Drive safe and I'll see you later."

After hanging up, Liv pulled back into traffic and headed up towards the bridge.

-SVU-

After the Bensons left and the screaming matches had ceased, Sorotsky lawyered up of course. After leaving the perp in the box with his attorney, Dodds lit into Elliot.

"What was she thinking? He could turn around and sue her and this whole department! She's lucky if she'll keep her badge after a stunt like that!"

"She was thinking how dare that the sick fuck be aroused just by the sight of her 13-year-old, traumatized daughter! You're forgetting Chief that she put her papers in. Once her leave is up, she is no longer a cop so the threat of losing her badge is really no threat at all, since it's sitting on my desk. That's number one. Number two is, do you think any judge or jury on this planet will blame her for what just happened? He's lucky I held her as tight as I did because she would have castrated him in the next blow and they would've given her a medal." He was done with Dodds and turned towards Barba. "So?"

"So?" replied the ADA as he adjusted his $300 tie. "So, now I get a warrant for pictures of his body to match what Serena told Fin. Then, we put him behind bars for the rest of his life. Anything else he gives us along the way is gravy." With that, he grabbed his suitcase and walked out of the squad room.

Elliot was spared any retort from Dodds by the ringing of his cell phone. Seeing it was Liv so shortly after they left, he excused himself to his office. Once again, they played the waiting game.

-SVU-

Since they travelled from Liv's apartment uptown and had to go across the bridge rather than speed through the tunnel from the precinct as they normally would, the drive took a little bit longer to get to the first rest stop on the parkway. Liv had been closely eyeing her daughter ever since they got back on the road. Serena was clutching the bottom of her dress like a stress ball. Clutching was the wrong word. She would scrape her fingers along her thigh, leaving imprints in her leggings, then grip the dress material so tightly it caused her skin to go pink then white. She would hold it a few moments, and then start the process all over again. Liv could see she had a look on her face that she was desperately trying to hold herself together, so she pulled the car over.

If Serena was confused as to why Liv stopped, she didn't show it. In fact, the car was barely in park before she was running out the door and over to the side where once again, she threw up. Liv grabbed a bottle of water and went after her. She made sure Serena knew she was coming up from behind, but the kid still pulled away as soon as Liv went to touch her. That made Olivia feel both desperately sad and terribly angry.

"Last question" she said, trying not to sound annoyed.

"No."

"That's not how this works" Liv persisted as she held out the bottle of water. Serena shoved her hand aside and moved further away. _Shit! I forgot no bottles. That's another detail I need to add to my list._ "When are you going to forgive me?" Now it was Liv's turn to sound like she was whining, almost.

That stopped Serena short. She still wasn't crying, but she had stopped vomiting for the time being and she just sat on the grass under a nearby tree. "What?" she questioned.

"I apologized for letting Dr. Paxton examine you. I told you I didn't mean for it to happen like that but you still...you still won't let me near you. All I want to do is take you in my arms, hold onto you and never let you go again because I know you'll be safe there. But you seem to hate me, and you won't even let me touch you, voluntarily. Not since our first day back. Do you...why won't…" She had to stop and pinch the bridge of her nose.

"I don't hate you, but you can't touch me Momma. You can't. They're all over me. They, they're inside and crawling out all over, all over, and I don't want them on you! Don't let them on you, don't touch me." She spoke with her head between her legs practically touching the grass with her arms wrapped around her hair.

Liv felt her soul crush at that statement. She got down on her knees and grabbed Serena's wrists, forcing her to pick her head up. Liv looked her right in the eyes and yanked her forward. Serena was protesting and if she weren't so damned tired, she would've put up a better fight. She wriggled, repeated "no" and tried to get her hands to Liv's chest or arms to push her away. But Liv was her mother. She was a cop. She was physically stronger and stronger willed at that moment, but mostly, she needed this. They both did.

"I love you. When did you forget that? I love you with all my heart and soul and... God baby." She didn't know what to say anymore. She wasn't sure if she _could_ say anymore as the tears started rolling down her cheeks. Serena's futile attempts at breaking free of her mother's hold stopped and she just went limp against her chest, her arms pinned between their bodies. Between sobs, Liv said again. "You obviously didn't hear me. I LOVE YOU God dammit. I will kill every one of those bastards who hurt my baby. You are not dirty! They are no longer on you. Never..." At that point, the dam broke opened, again, and Olivia could no longer speak. Serena took a moment and moved her legs so she was no longer squatting over her mother, but sitting on her lap instead. She closed her eyes and rested her chin on Olivia's shoulder. She wasn't crying; but she wasn't resisting so Liv held on.

It was quite a while before Liv was able to control herself and Serena broke the silence. "I'm assuming that didn't count as your question."

Olivia looked into her daughter's eyes, after wiping her own on the bottom of her dress (as ladylike as that was sitting in public) and took a couple of deep breaths. "Okay, can you tell me about my granddaughter?" She knew that was what Melinda wanted to question her about and since she didn't get a chance to grab the M.E. or Fin, this was the time.

 _Really Momma? Well, it's fitting with today so far._ Serena let out a long breath and scrambled off her mother's lap. They sat leaning up against the tree trunk, side by side. "I've been thinking about that, especially since lunch. You deserve to know, but I don't think I can tell you like... this. I know you'll hear about the conversation I had with Uncle Fin today, but I didn't tell him specifics either. I don't want those on any kind of police record or in court or something. I will figure out how to tell you, but not now. I'll allow another question to take its place."

"Oh, that might be against the rules as well, but I'll accept it as long as you answer _all_ the questions I have about her as stated under the umbrella of my original question." Liv decided she would play along if Serena was willing. Anything to keep her daughter talking. Talking was healing, for both of them.

Serena found that oddly funny. "It's a made-up game so technically, if both parties agree, we can alter the rules as we see fit. Fine. I accept your terms and all details will be revealed at a later date. Last chance for the last question."

Liv was enjoying the banter even though the subject matter wasn't funny. "Okay, number three. You said The Doctor told you that he was the reason Elliot and I had you. I need to know about that. What exactly did he do? How much was he really involved? Just basically can you tell me everything you know about your conception?"

"That I can do" she began. "It was before Amir ever came down the ladder and it was just The Doctor. I knew by then not to keep correcting him when he called me Heaven. He was giving me stitches one day and he was saying how I should be glad he was good at what he did. I guess I gave him a funny look because he talked a lot that day. He asked if I wanted to hear how I was created." Serena adjusted her body so she was sitting like a pretzel in front of Olivia, who was sitting the same way against the tree on the side of a rest stop in New Jersey.

"The Doctor said that he first saw you and Elliot in Bryant Park a long time ago. You were working a case about a baby that was left in its stroller and this man was really yelling and having a fit. He said you were right in the man's face and Elliot was practically attached to your side, ready to defend or take over if you needed it, but you didn't. You were the one to put handcuffs on him and Elliot walked him to the police car. He said then you two were walking and talking and before he knew it, you were laughing and getting in your car.

"He became obsessed with you both after that. He said he followed any newspaper articles that had your name and when he wasn't on call at the hospital, he would come and hang around outside the precinct to watch and follow when you got a case. He noticed that you were always together, even when Elliot went home to Kathy, he knew he would call to check on you if you had the weekend off. The Doctor wasn't married because he said what he wanted, no woman would give him, so he decided to make it happen."

She stopped talking for a bit. She looked like she was concentrating; her eyebrows were knit, and her tongue was perched between her teeth. She used to do that when she was writing or working on her languages. Liv missed that look so much, she couldn't resist taking her finger and bopping Serena's tongue causing the child to give her a 'hey you' look. Olivia let out a small giggle. "Do you know how he made it happen? It's so odd that neither of us remember."

Serena nodded. "He was more than happy to share the details, he was very proud. He said that he noticed how after hard cases, you two would always go out for a drink to unwind. Sometimes, Uncle Fin and Uncle Munch would join you, but no matter what, before he went home, you and Elliot would go get a beer or two. He said it was a Monday, but it was slow so you both left early and Elliot was leaving you to go see his kids and The Doctor wasn't prepared for that. He had it all set up and you two couldn't separate. He shoved some kid into the street and cars started screeching so Elliot grabbed the kid before he got hit. Then you both decided to get some food instead. He knew the diner that you always went to and he put something, I can't remember what he said it was, in your drinks before they got to your table. He didn't say how he was able to do that, but I think he hurt the waitress.

"You both kept drinking and not really eating and when you went to stand, you almost fell. He said he took you both to a special place and he was talking to you. Telling you how much he knew you both wanted to "screw each other's brains out" and "fuck like bunnies." Sorry, but that's what he said." Her new predilection for cursing was still a bit uncomfortable for both of them. "When he got you inside, he had to practically shove you both together before nature took over and you had sex. He said you didn't disappoint which confirmed to him what he knew the whole time. That you were more than just attracted to each other. You both liked it fast and rough, over and over until you passed out. He then took you both home. He had to drive Elliot's car back to Queens and he watched him just walk in and apparently went to bed. By then it was the middle of the night. Elliot went to the hospital the next day, Kathy took him, but you didn't. You didn't go to work either, but The Doctor didn't know where you went."

"I went to see Melinda. I didn't know what happened: if I took some guy home, if I was attacked. I knew I had sex because it was obvious, but I couldn't remember anything! I'm ashamed to admit it but having sex with random men was something I did to unwind back then. Anyway, she kept everything off the record so no one would ask questions."

"He thought you did something like that. He continued to watch you for a while and he knew when you went to the doctor. He was thrilled you were pregnant. He said he was in the hospital when you went into labor and he got angry that Uncle Fin was there instead of Elliot and he was going to do something but then Elliot came in all crazy and out I came. He watched us until I was old enough to join him. He said he finally had the one person who would be what he needed, do what he wanted. His Heaven."

They were both quite for a while, lost in their own thoughts. Liv was contemplating all that her daughter just told her. Her conception was staged by some sicko just so he could take her for his own demented pleasures. Serena was Liv's whole world and she always wondered about her "father" and now she knew. She was wonderfully relieved that it was indeed Elliot and not some nameless ass she brought home. She always wanted her child to be conceived in love and since she and Elliot really did love each other, she supposed that is true in a roundabout way.

"I know what you're thinking" Serena said finally looking her mother in the eye. "You never wanted to have this kind of conversation with me, I understand that. I also know that Elliot loves you and he loves me, and I may not have been planned or created in any traditional way, but I know you love me and that's all that matters. Plus, now you and Elliot can really be together because if the other day was any indication, he can make you very happy."

 _I can't believe I am discussing my sex life with my barely teenage daughter like we are talking about what is for dinner!_ Olivia knew her cheeks were red, and she didn't know quite what to say, but once again, Serena took the lead.

"Don't be shy or embarrassed Momma. You and I both know the worst about sex, the horrors that men do and the pain that most people can never imagine. You see it, I lived through it. If it were up to me, I'd never think about it again, but I am cursed with the memory of every single second of every day that I've been on this earth, as long as I was awake and... never mind. But you also know the good that sex could be. I heard you Momma, and even though you were screaming, you were not in pain. Elliot brings you happiness and that is the good kind of sex. That is the love. I know that sometimes sex doesn't hurt. Sometimes when The Doctor wasn't angry, he was very gentle, so my body would feel different. It would feel like….mmmmmm...like" she was flustered for the words. This was something that was never discussed so she had nothing to fall back on.

Olivia understood and she absolutely hated what she was about to say. "Your body reacted with pleasure. Our bodies respond to the stimulus that sends pleasure signals to our brain that then allows our bodies to react. We, as women, can release fluids and contract our muscles until the wave passes. It's called an orgasm. Most of the time, we feel good afterwards."

"He didn't call it an orgasm. He kept telling me he wanted me to come, but we didn't go anywhere. "Come for me Heaven. I want to see it." Weird but yeah! When he did that, and it was not too often believe me, but my headache would stop pounding so hard or the cramps would be relieved for a while without any pills. He told me that I was good and deserved a treat. I actually didn't mind that. Speaking of headaches and cramps, can we get going home now?"

Olivia was glad for the reprieve. She had a lot to discuss with Elliot tonight, and probably a therapist later. _Jesus Christ!_ "Still not feeling well baby?"

Serena shook her head. "Usually when this feeling that I've been having for the last few days happened before, he would eventually give me more pills and I'd be fuzzy again. I haven't had a pill and I will not be taking any. Please don't make me see another doctor!"

"Of course not. Your body is healing itself, detoxing in its own way. You've had a very stressful day, which is a hysterical understatement of the past two years. But I am so glad you talked to me. It was embarrassing for both of us, but I promise from now on this is what we will do. Open and honest, no more embarrassment or holding back. You can tell me anything, ask me anything only next time, let's not do it on the side of the road." They both smiled and stood up, making their way to their new home.

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	25. Chapter 25

AN: Woo Hoo! Many thanks to piakat04 and spacekitten2700 for reviewing each and every chapter so far. I love hearing what you think, it helps keep the creative juices flowing.

Chapter 25

This case was still headline news and now that a district judge was involved, everyone wanted a piece of it. Elliot was so relieved that Olivia took Serena back to the beach, press was parked everywhere. Normally, the rape shield law protected victims' identities but all of New York was kept apprised of Serena's kidnapping and her return was uploaded by dozens of bystanders, so she was unfortunately afforded no privacy. The public wanted every detail they could get their hands on. So did Elliot, but he was going to make damn sure his kid was not put through public humiliation to get it. A warrant was quickly issued for pictures of the judge's body. His lawyer tried to protest but Barba is very good at his job. As soon as Sorotsky dropped his pants, everyone knew he would be spending the rest of his life with the perps he helped put away.

Elliot was having a shit day with this development and all he wanted to do was go home and hug Olivia. He couldn't believe how strong that urge was. There were many cases over the last 3 decades that made him want to be with his wife, but that feeling was never as strong as this. He had called Bernie and said he would stop in to see the girls before taking her home. He was leaving earlier than usual when Barba appeared in the bullpen.

"We need another statement, Lieutenant. We need to know everything she does about Judge Sorotsky. Every encounter, alone and with the others. I want these charges to stick and I want him to fry. Whitlock got the easy way out."

Elliot knew he was right. When he called Liv to let her know he would be there soon, she sounded wiped. Not tired as she has been, but like she knew something she never should have had to hear. Two years of horrors for them and now Serena would have to tell every detail of it, repeatedly while Olivia helped her through it. There weren't enough curse words in any language.

"Fin" he called to his lead detective. "I'm going to head home to the girls. We got Sorotsky, but we need a formal complaint. How about you come to the house tomorrow? It might be easier for her. Given the last two times, I'm not sure if she'll want to set foot in this place again."

Fin was getting ready to leave himself. He had an appointment and Carisi was going to stay on call for him. He turned around and grabbed the recorder and his notepad. "10:30? That'll let the morning traffic pass before I hit the road."

-SVU-

Elliot had dessert with the girls and updated them on Serena, with limited details of course. He became speechless when they handed him a basket full of chocolates, a notebook journal, fancy pen, a sketch pad with colored pencils and a stuffed purple dragon. There was a note inside for Serena as well. They did not know that she was indeed their little sister, but they absolutely treated her like one. After giving each of his daughters a fierce hug, twice, he walked his mother to the car and began the ride home. He knew Liv would want to hear the recording of Serena's lunch conversation and all the details about the judge. He wanted to know exactly what prompted the return to Long Beach Island rather than the planned stay at Liv's apartment. Mostly, he just wanted to hug the woman he loved, and his youngest daughter.

It was 8:30 when the truck pulled into the driveway. The sun was just setting, but it was still light enough to see with just the solar lights along the path. Elliot didn't bother to go inside, it wasn't raining. He found them on the patio. Serena was curled up on her side in the lounger that was pushed so close to the one Liv was sitting on that it practically became a couch. She had her knees up and a wet rag on her head and neck. Olivia was right next to her with one hand holding a cup of tea, the other holding Little Women. She stopped reading and they both looked up when they heard the truck and just waited for his footsteps. Bernie was right behind him.

"Hi!" Liv said as she stood. "I'm so sorry Bernie, we really needed to come home otherwise I never would have left you."

"Don't be silly dear!" replied the older woman. "It was me who called and said that I wanted to stay longer. I really would have taken the train or got a hotel you know. But if everything is okay, we will discuss it all tomorrow. I am exhausted!"

Liv gave her a hug and Serena got up to do the same. Her eyes caught sight of the basket in Elliot's hands. He held it out to her and she sat back down as her grandmother made her way inside. Olivia wasted no time throwing her arms around Elliot's neck. He could tell she was shaking, barely holding everything in, but being Liv, she didn't show it. He whispered in her ear and rubbed her back while he watched Serena read the note and go through the basket. The look she gave him was so worth the trip to get his mom. She immediately took out the journal, made herself comfortable and started writing. All the while, Liv held on.

"Baby, I'm gonna take your mom inside to talk. You'll be okay out here?" He knew that was a stupid question which was confirmed when he saw her right hand go up with a dismissive wave while she kept writing. "Come inside babe" he whispered to Liv as he practically dragged her inside their room, leaving the door open. As they sat on the bed, Liv couldn't seem to get close enough. She was smooshed into Elliot's side. Fists gripping the front of his shirt.

"Shhhh. Tell me" he said quietly right before she jumped into his lap and sobbed into his shoulder. He was so confused as she sat there shaking and clutching on for dear life, crying her eyes out. Serena seemed fine sitting there when he came in and she was unfazed being left alone, so what the hell is Liv hysterical over? All he could do was hold her, comfort her and wait.

Several moments passed before Olivia was able to catch her breath. Elliot's shirt was soaked to his skin but he never said a word. When she pulled herself together, she spoke.

"I'm sorry. I don't even know what this was about." She proceeded to tell him everything that Serena had shared and how she was feeling. "It's not like I wasn't expecting it. I know she was...raped but just the way she talks about it, like she was recounting her day at school is very unnerving, El. Then to find out how we were manipulated into having her, it's like, well it isn't just like, we were violated too! I mean, I wouldn't change a single second of what happened back then, well, except to remember because Serena is my everything, she is all I have so I guess I should be grateful because God knows the two of us sure have a way of not acknowledging our feelings and she never would have been conceived otherwise it's just…"

Elliot knew exactly what she meant, with one correction as he interrupted her run-on sentence. She needed to take a breath after all. "Serena is not all you have Liv, you have me, and I am not going anywhere, this I promise you." He pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

Liv pulled up short. "Let me hear the recording. I know you have the conversation she had with Fin and Melinda so let me hear it." He stared at her, seeming to debate whether or not to give in. "I asked her about the baby El. She said she couldn't tell me about it yet, she will, just in time. Please let me hear it." Not one to deny her anything, he pulled out his phone and played the conversation.

"The bastard induced early labor and left her alone to deliver the child. He knew that baby was dead because he killed it and... Dear God, Elliot. How the hell is she supposed to get passed this? I don't even know how to help her. It's like, I'm waiting for the explosion that I know is coming." Elliot hated seeing her like this, but she was absolutely right.

"We help her get through it together" he replied. "As soon as we catch Carlson Liv, I'm gonna put my papers in too. I... it's time. She needs you, I need you both, hopefully you feel like you need me, and we need to be here together. That is, if you want to stay here...with me?" She was looking at him like he grew a second head.

"You want us to move in here with you? Like forever? We can't impose on your mom like that! El, your kids don't know the truth about Serena. What if they assume...I don't want to cause a rift between your natural children and Serena. I don't want you to have to defend us all the time or pick sides, you'll end up resenting us and." He stopped her from talking by covering her mouth with his. She gave in quickly, like it was always meant to be, natural.

He pulled away when he knew she would stop arguing. "With the exception of Eli, who is in Connecticut, all my kids are adults living their own lives and when the situation is explained, they will understand. It's all evidence Olivia, not like we're making it up. They already love her like a sister. That basket is full of stuff that they thought she might like to help heal. Who does that if not family? And Serena _is_ my "natural" child, Liv. Evidently, I took great pleasure in creating her and I know I took great pleasure in watching her grow." He made it a joke, but every word was true so he paused to make sure she was listening. "I want to be with you Olivia Margaret Benson. I want us to raise our daughter, together."

"Sounds like you're proposing!" she said with a giggle. "Let's take this summer, El. Let's help her the best way we can and try to enjoy life on the beach while we all heal. Commute when you can, stay in the city when you can't. Then, we will go from there." It was all she could commit to right now, and when Elliot nodded, taking back control of her lips, she knew what her eventual answer would be.

-SVU-

They talked for quite a while, about nothing in particular. Elliot wanted Olivia to just relax for a change. He was here, he wasn't going anywhere tonight and before they knew it, he would not be going anywhere again. He cuddled with Liv in the bed until he realized she had fallen asleep. She must have been exhausted because he was able to remove her sweater and get her under the covers without her stirring. When he walked out, he could hear her soft snores and that made him smile.

He found Serena right where he left her. She was so into her writing that she didn't seem to realize he was there. Her expression brought back great memories. She had that look like she was concentrating hard, her tongue between her teeth. He remembered the day he first noticed that, back when he thought the absolute worst that would ever happen to her occurred. Those damn firecrackers. He remembers thinking even then that her expression reminded him of himself. At least he had good instincts. He walked over, not wanting to scare her.

"Whatcha writin'?" he asked while he took the seat Olivia vacated. Serena looked up at him like she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. She clutched the journal to her chest and stared at him wide eyed as if she was trying to figure out if the question was rhetorical. He put his hands up and sat back, making sure to keep eye contact and his voice steady. "It's okay. You used to write all the time, that's probably why the girls thought you would enjoy the new journal. I was just curious, you don't have to tell me."

At that she furrowed her eyebrows. That was not what she was expecting. "I...I wasn't allowed to keep anything to myself. I didn't actually have anything to hide but there was nothing...he always made me…" She broke off and shook her head as if that would dislodge the memory. "Where is Momma?"

"Asleep. She's very tired which tells me someone else is too" he stated pointedly, raising his eyebrow at her.

"I'm making her sick, aren't I?" she asked and this time it was Elliot who wasn't expecting that. "She stays up with me even though I tell her she doesn't have to. She feels like she has to keep me company or something but it's okay. I won't mind if she goes to sleep. She needs to rest so she can watch…"

"First" he interrupted. "You are most certainly NOT making her sick. She is fine. Tired? Yes. Worried? Definitely. Sad? Goes without saying but not because of you. None of it is _because_ of you. Momma is tired because she doesn't want to leave you for a single second. She knows you don't like to sleep and like any good mother, she is going to stay with you so you are awake together. She is worried because she, we, have really no idea baby. You have been telling us bits and pieces here and there and that is great, but two years and you have all these injuries and you hate sleeping...plus what the fuck am I supposed to be checking for when I look in the toilet? And sad because you suffered. You are still suffering, and she is trying her best but she's not quite sure how to help you. That's all she wants, to help you. And all of that goes for me too." He turned away from her then, his eyes fixed on the twinkling solar lights.

Serena continued to stare at his profile. "I'm sorry Elliot." She sounded so sad.

"There's no need to apologize angel. You don't have to be sorry, nothing is your fault. Momma is going to worry no matter what. It's what she does. And me, how do you think this hairline or the grey came about?" He smiled at his joke and she smiled back but it quickly faded.

"How was she when I was gone? Did you look for me?"

 _What kind of question is that?_ "Of course we looked for you! We kept your picture in the news when the other agencies said your case went cold. We followed every lead, over and over. Your momma never, never gave up. She was a wreck, honestly. She secluded herself, her job became perfunctory, that means she did her job, no more no less because it's what she had to do. But the minute we heard Fin in our earpieces, the very second he said the words "I found her", there was no question who he was talking about, even though we were looking for a perp. Momma didn't hesitate for a nanosecond. She knew. She _knew,_ and she took off. Since then, she may be all those things I just listed, but she is extraordinarily happy, relieved, optimistic."

Serena looked like she was having an internal debate. Elliot remained quietly waiting. "He, The Doctor, kept trying to tell me that I was his now. That my mother wouldn't find me so she gave up and moved on. He showed me a newspaper article that said Momma won acamation, acladation..and she was smiling in the picture so she must've forgotten about me. I didn't really believe him but when no one came, and I just wanted to die, what he said almost made sense. If Momma gave up on finding me, then it was okay for me to give up trying."

Elliot remembered when Liv got the commendation. She fought tooth and nail to be kept out of the spotlight unless it had to do with finding her daughter. The smile she wore in the photo was forced and quick. "Sweetie, your mother would die before she ever gave up looking for you. She had to continue to do her job so she could stay an active officer. It was the best way to keep your case open with the attention it deserved. There wasn't a single second of the day that she wasn't thinking about you. Ya know, she told me once that she felt you...like she knew you were hurting because she was hurting. There's no doubt in my mind that that's true."

"I never should have believed him. I'm sorry." Serena was looking down at her hands when suddenly, she shook off the sweater she always wore. She held her arms out for Elliot to see. His eyes widened as he held her elbows steady. "Momma already saw this, it was darker than now so I'm not sure how good of a look she got. I didn't tell her the truth though. I told her for this one..." she moved her finger across the jagged vertical scar on her right forearm... "I kept fighting. I lied, Elliot. When that happened, and I didn't do it, but when it happened, I thought 'just let go'. Maybe if I was dead, he would leave me somewhere that Momma could find me. I just didn't want to hurt anymore."

As far as Elliot knew, Serena hadn't cried before or after the day Fin found her baby. He didn't know about when she ran out of the hospital but she was crying now. He wasn't even sure she realized it because she wasn't making any noise, just had tears trailing down her cheeks. He gently moved his fingers over the same scar. Her arms were full of them, but this was the most prominent. He wasn't sure he wanted to know how she got it, but it looked like it was stitched several times. He now understood why she kept her arms covered. He lifted her arm to his lips and kissed the jagged mark.

"You are stronger than anyone I know, even your mother. I cannot be prouder of you and I love you so much. I know I can speak for Olivia when I say she loves you more than her own life. The look she gets when she looks at you, speaks about you...there are no words to measure. These" he traced his fingers again, "they show just how strong you are. It doesn't matter that you thought about giving up. Anyone would. Grown men. Marines. But you, my beautiful girl, you didn't. You are here."

That was all it took. She sat down on his side and the tears took on a life of its own and she cried. For the second time tonight, Elliot wrapped his arms around a Benson woman while she sobbed on his shoulder. The difference was that Serena, as hysterical as she was, didn't make a sound. Just like the day he carried her out of the precinct, she balled his shirt into her mouth and cried that way. Her one hand was strong around his arm, the other was gripping the back of his shirt. Once again, all he could do was soothe her, rub her back, and let her know he wasn't going anywhere.

-SVU-

Liv was having a nightmare. More like, she was having a very vivid memory of how she felt when thinking of Serena that first night she was taken. She felt her daughter's pain, no matter what anyone said. She was also feeling confined. That was the odd part, she never actually felt anything physical at the time, just a feeling, a connection. Now, she felt Elliot's arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her rather tight. She also felt something pressing against her chest. She opened her eyes immediately to see Serena sleeping right up against her. She felt like crying all over again. She was passed out cold and she was the most beautiful sight in the world. Olivia moved her body to wrap her arms around her daughter, causing Elliot to stir.

"She is exhausted Liv, so are you so stop fussing and go back to sleep" he said, his voice gruff.

When she got herself settled, she turned her head and kissed his nose (it was the only part she could reach in her position). "Thank you. I don't know what you did, but thank you El." She turned back around when she saw him smile and fell back into a very restful sleep.

It was well after 8am when Elliot's phone rang. He hurried from the kitchen to grab it before the ringtone carried to the bedroom. He forgot to turn the sound off after picking up his mom last night. Liv and Serena were still asleep, wrapped up in each other and he didn't care what time it was, he wasn't having anything wake them up.

"Stabler."

"It's Fin. I'm not on my way yet but I figured I'd give you a heads up. Dodds' got steam shootin from his ears. He doesn't want any fuck ups. Barba is coming with me to make sure I get a complete statement, nothing left out. His words. My words would get me fired. Anyway, just wanted to let you know. I'll hit the road around 9ish. There's a problem in the tunnel that should be fixed by then."

"Great" Elliot responded sarcastically. "Tell Barba to loosen his tie. It's hot as hell out here already."

When he hung up, he felt Liv wrap her arms around him. He grabbed her hands. "Good morning sunshine!"

"Mmmm. Yes, I guess it is" she responded, and he could feel her yawn into his back. He handed her his cup of coffee, which she took eagerly.

"Hey, how about we go for a run? It'll be too hot later, and I for one could use the exercise."

"That's a good idea El. I feel like my butt is taking the shape of the chair. Gimme a few to change." There were so many ways for Elliot to respond to her statement, but it really was a good morning and it was bound to be another rough day, so he smiled and let it go. As always, she read his mind. "Smart man" she replied as she walked into the bathroom, still drinking his coffee.

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	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

It was pushing 11:00 and Serena showed no signs of waking. Liv checked on her quite often. Every once in a while, the young teen looked and sounded like she was having a nightmare, gearing up for a big one at that but Liv would just put her hand on her daughter's back and she instantly calmed down again. That seemed to be the key. Serena stayed calm when there was pressure on her, grounding her to where she was. Safety. Liv was happy to provide it. She noticed that Serena didn't sleep with a sweater on, her arms were bare which was unusual. Olivia could clearly see all the damage she missed by the light of the stars when Serena first showed her. Battle scars, she decided. Her baby was a survivor.

After their run, Elliot called Fin to say not to hurry, they were letting Serena get as much sleep as possible. Fin had no problem with that considering Barba was caught up, one tube of the tunnel was closed and traffic was a nightmare, and the detectives from Brooklyn were back with Dodds at the helm. Fin had a feeling when he finally hit the road, he would want to hit something else along the way.

And so it was 12:30 when they got the call from the security gate that an SUV full of cops was asking to enter. The press got hold of where Serena was staying and they've been camped out at the gate ever since. Thank God his mom bought property on a private beach whose security actually did their jobs. Elliot put in a call to arrange some extra security. The Jersey Shore was full of former cops and retired armed forces. When Fin pulled into the driveway, he got out and immediately stretched, Barba got out and removed his blazer, and the back doors opened revealing Rollins and Carisi.

"Why are you two here?" he questioned the younger detectives.

"Ummm" stammered Rollins. "The chief thought we needed all the help we could get so he pulled in Brooklyn SVU and told us to come along in case something was missed. Sorry Lieutenant. I thought you knew."

"No" he replied with force. "That is where the chief can stick it. You two, turn around and get back to the station. We are not ganging up on that girl and I am not letting Brooklyn fuck with my cases. If Dodds has a problem, I will address it when I drive these two back later on." His look and body language left no room for argument.

"Okay, Lt." replied Carisi. "Can I just use the bathroom?"

"There's a bathroom at the rest stop that doesn't risk waking my daughter. Go." Liv had just come outside when the two pulled out of the driveway. Seeing Elliot's demeanor alongside Fin's barely controlled rage told her not to question it. The sun was blazing overhead and even Bernie had to concede to closing the windows for the AC.

"Come inside" she said. "It could be a while before Serena wakes up."

It was 1:15 and Liv had just popped the frittata into the oven to brown when she heard the shower start. The men had been sitting around discussing the case while Bernie made herself scarce with Gladys next door. Liv made her way into Serena's room to wait. It wasn't long before she was out of the shower and making a dash to her door. Seeing her mother made her smile.

"Good morning Momma. You okay?"

"Good afternoon, sweetheart" Liv corrected. "And yes, I'm fine. How are you feeling? Headache? Cramps? Breathing?"

Serena closed her eyes and seemed to take inventory. "Yes. I didn't need my machine last night even after crying on Elliot. At least my head is manageable, and I'm used to the cramps, but I'm hungry." On cue, her stomach growled causing Liv to laugh.

"Get dressed. Uncle Fin and Mr. Barba are here to talk to you. Fin will actually do all the talking. But eat first since you didn't eat much after you got sick yesterday. Wait, sweetheart why were you crying on Elliot?"

"Just talking about stuff. I showed him my arms. He told me I was stronger than you! Why is Uncle Fin here? I talked to him yesterday" she questioned as she put her leggings on under her dress. Liv was curious as to why she still didn't wear underwear. They'll shelf that conversation for now.

Liv knew what she was thinking. "You know how investigations go, there's always more questions, just come on when you're ready. Oh, and he's right. You are so much stronger than I am, than we both are."

When Serena came out of her room, she walked straight to Elliot's side and hugged him. Voluntarily. Olivia was a bit perturbed by that, but she would never begrudge him a hug from her. In truth, she was jealous. She still had yet to receive a hug from her daughter that wasn't a desperate emotional grip.

Speaking into Elliot's shirt, Serena asked, "Why are you here Uncle Fin?"

"I need you to give me a statement about Judge Sorotsky. I know what you told us yesterday, and it was a great identification of him, but we have questions we need answered to make sure he fully pays for what he did." Seeing the look she flashed him, somedays Fin hated his job.

Serena pulled away from Elliot. "No."

"I'm sorry?" all three men said in unison.

She stood her ground. "I said no Uncle Fin. I will not go into detail about what he, or anyone else did to me. Absolutely not. He knows I identified him, Dr. Warner took pictures so if that's not enough, then it's not enough. I'm done."

Barba spoke up then. At best he would get a misdemeanor for indecent exposure to a minor. It was nothing! "Young lady, my apologies but…" He didn't get any farther than that as Serena ran outside covering her ears. The girl was fast.

"What did I say?" asked Olivia. "Barba, no one questions her except me, Elliot, or Fin."

"We can't keep coddling her Sergeant. We need to move forward and in order to get all those men, we need her cooperation or else we have nothing."

The use of her title was not lost on Olivia. "Well then I guess we have nothing Mr. Barba because my child will not be traumatized further. I will keep "coddling" her until I know she can fully function on her own. How dare you presume to tell me how to care for my daughter! Elliot, I think it's time to get back to work. I will see you later if you can, otherwise tomorrow." She abruptly turned, kissed Elliot and walked out of the house in search of her daughter.

Fin was silent. He knew better than to argue right now. Barba though, started pleading with Elliot. "We only need one parent's consent Lieutenant."

Elliot looked at him like he grew an elephant's nose in an instant. "You have got to be kidding me! No fucking way. Liv is right though, it is time I got back to the station and since Ken and Barbie left, I am your ride so let's go." He was pissed beyond belief. He knew Liv would get what they needed from Serena. He also knew she would have cooperated with Fin after some cajoling, but to be asked to go against a mother's wishes, Olivia's wishes for Serena, that was too much. He saw them sitting by the mini wall as he pulled out of the driveway.

-SVU-

Once they heard the truck pull away, Liv coaxed Serena back into the house. Bernie joined them too, after all, she only left because she felt it was police business. Being the grandma that she is, she fixed up the forgotten frittata and all three ate on the couch.

"I'm sorry Momma. Are you or Elliot going to get in trouble?"

"Absolutely not. We will have to do some fixing, but it'll be fine. Don't you want to see him punished for what he did?"

Serena paused for a while. "No. I mean, yes of course, but he wasn't even the most vicious. He was always wanting more, and he was the only one able to keep going, but he never hit me or did half the things the others did. I just don't ever want to think about it again Momma, let alone give details to other people. And what then? Each time they catch one of them, I have to do it all again? No."

"Will you tell me?" asked Bernie. "I'm not police. I'm not a prying stranger or a reporter. But I am someone who loves you and I believe that you need to tell someone something sweetheart. Holding it all in is hurting you, your poor body, your tired mind. I see how talking to Fin, or your mom brings just a little bit of brightness back into you, like a release. I'll listen, without judgment. I'll even answer any questions you have, about anything."

Serena looked bewildered. "N-nobody's said that. Nobody's asked me to tell them what it is _I_ want. Those two men at the station-the one who came to the house the other day and the man in the suit today-they are angry to put their "perps" behind bars. Fin is wonderful, but he would live life perfectly happy not knowing any details and he only asks what he does because it's his job. Elliot and Momma already know, or at least they know their imaginations aren't that far off the truth, but I can't do that to them. Like me, they just want to put it behind them. I can't do that to you either Gramma."

Bernie could see that her newfound granddaughter wanted nothing more than to spill everything and move forward but was holding herself back. "All of that horror, all of that pain is a burden just wearing on your soul. Let us take some. We can handle it, whatever it is."

"It hurt" Serena suddenly confessed. She looked as if the words spilled out without her consent. Bernie was sitting in an oversized chair and Serena made her way over. She sat sideways next to her, her knees up under her chin even though there was more than enough room for them both to sit comfortably. Serena tucked her feet under Bernie's thigh and hugged her knees. She looked so small. "It hurt each time I was touched, no matter where or with what. Now, I still hurt all the time Gramma."

Liv moved to sit on the coffee table in front of them. Serena's voice sounded as if she was still in pain.

"You still hurt sweetie?" asked Bernie. Serena nodded. "Is it only when you think about certain things like a memory hurt or are there times when you move a certain way and you really hurt?"

"I'm always thinking about everything. You may not know it Gramma, but I have a brain that allows me to remember everything I read, everything I hear or see so I remember every moment, probably as far back as birth if I tried. It used to be great when I was in school and I wanted to know and learn everything. Now, I can't make it stop. Even the parts that are fuzzy. I can't forget so I don't know how to answer that question. I just hurt all the time so, both."

"What hurts?" Liv was eternally grateful that Bernie was on the ball today. Elliot had explained before coming that there were times his mother would change subjects rapidly or seem to completely get lost in her own fantasies. Fortunately, today was not ones of those days. She was asking the questions that Liv would ask, but she didn't want to interrupt.

Serena shrugged and simply said, "Everything."

There was no response to that. What were they supposed to say?

-SVU-

The whole drive back to Manhattan made Elliot's skin crawl. Barba went on and on about how he couldn't believe they weren't making Serena give her statement. He was going to prosecute and have her subpoenaed if he had to. Elliot would love to see him try. He knew exactly how Serena would react to that and no judge in their right mind would declare that girl competent enough to testify once she dug her heels in. She was severely traumatized, and he had a feeling she would play it up at the right moment if she really wanted to. Elliot also knew Barba wouldn't get that far. Not with Momma Bear already on a rampage.

The car ride was tame compared to what was waiting for him back at the house. Of course, the chief knew Carisi and Rollins were sent back immediately. When he found out that they also came back empty handed, Elliot had his ass served to him. Dodds was droning on about emotional incompetency, investigation by 1PP into his jacket and how close he was to his sergeant, threatened his shield. Whatever. He meant what he told Liv, they find Carlson and he is out.

The judge's attorney walked in looking for him. Luckily. Elliot saw him before Dodds stopped yelling and got to him first. "We have your client dead to rights. The press is going to love this story. The sweetheart child who was missing for two years was part of repeated sex parties with a district judge as a very active participant. When she gets on that witness stand, he'll never see the light of day again." Elliot knew it was a gamble, but he hoped the slimeball would take the bait.

"Your DA is on his way, we want a deal." Since Barba had only just left, he returned quickly.

"Lieutenant Stabler is correct. What could your client possibly offer? The victim is giving us names, so what's his leverage?" Barba was also gambling. Serena wasn't giving squat.

"He can give you the party room, which is probably where you'll find the good doctor." The lawyer knew at that moment, they would deal.

It was after midnight when Olivia heard the truck pull into the driveway. She was surprised Elliot came back tonight. She texted earlier but when she didn't get a response, she assumed he was on a case or something. She knew how the job worked. If there was an emergency, Fin or someone would call. Even though she woke up so late, Serena was actually sleeping again. When Liv heard her admit that she was still in pain, non-specific but constant pain all she wanted to do was take it away. Her poor body needed all the sleep it could get and convincing her of that was not easy. Not for Liv or Bernie, but Gladys of all people was successful. She was an all-natural remedy, old-fashioned lady and she rubbed some oils on Serena's skin (only in places that were not covered), gave her some chamomile tea with a splash of melatonin, and played soothing instrumental on the speakers. Liv could see the effects right away, but of course Serena fought them. Finally, about an hour ago, she knocked out. Liv left her on the couch, just covered her up.

Liv turned her light on as soon as she heard the front door close. She slept pretty well last night with the two people she loved squished in with her, but now she was alone and thinking. Thinking always kept her up. She knew Elliot was trying to quietly walk past their daughter as it was silent and took a while for him to get to the bedroom doorway. He closed the door behind him and fell to his knees with his head in his hands. As soon as she saw him, she jumped out of bed. When she got close enough, he reached out and wrapped his arms around her midsection, put his head on her stomach, and let out a sob that broke her already fragile heart. She immediately hugged him tight, wondering what the hell happened.

"Tell me" she soothed. After a bit she managed to get to her knees and hug him properly. He cried on her shoulder much the same way she did to him last night. It didn't take long for her to hear him trying to control his sniffles and take deep breaths. She pulled back, put her hands on his cheeks, and kissed him. "You're okay. We're all okay. Tell me."

"We got Carlson." She knew that was not the whole story. Catching that son of a bitch was Elliot's sole focus for over two years. Finally getting him would cause him to come home with bloodied knuckles or fractured toes or something physical, not these hysterics. She patiently waited for him to continue. "The judge pleaded down. He gave us the room location and that fucker was hunkered down there. Liv, that room…" He pulled away and stood up. He shook his hands and cracked his neck. Olivia remained where she was. She knew it was a house of horrors, or rather a room but it had to be unimaginable to hit Elliot like this.

After taking a few deep breaths, he turned back around and realized she was still on her knees. He held his hand out to help her up. "I'm sorry baby. Sorry for...Jesus." She ignored the term 'baby' this time, she knew he wasn't really thinking. "Liv, I don't know how she survived once, let alone however many times... Honestly, I think it broke _me_ and all I did was stand in the middle of the empty space. I can't, no I won't describe it. You don't need that image in your head. CSU is there now. It'll take them a while to collect and even longer to process everything."

"So, what about him?" She wasn't going to press any further right now. She would read the reports, see the photos if she chose to. Now that they knew where it was, she could go there herself.

Elliot gave a frustrated laugh and sneered. "When we busted in, he was surprised so there's that. He looked up, right at me, and said, "Hello Elliot." Liv, I swear if Fin didn't know me so well, I'd be in jail and that fucker would be in the morgue. Fin grabbed him and threw him at Carisi, literally threw him and they hauled him away. The only other words he said was to ask for water. They have been tag teaming him for the last couple hours. I couldn't watch anymore, I needed to be here. I needed to come home."

She went to him and hugged him fiercely. "Okay. Okay let's just, let's…" That's as far as she got before his mouth claimed hers. His need was visceral. He grabbed her and pushed her against the door. He wasted no time getting his pants down and her pajamas off. He made sure to put one hand behind her head while holding her up with the other as he rammed into her over and over. No foreplay, no prep. She didn't fight, she wrapped her legs around him and didn't make a sound. She bit into his shoulder and just held on. He needed this. A few more thrusts and she bit down hard, as Elliot came grunting. He held onto her, both panting, trying to calm down. He rested his forehead against hers.

"Fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just take...Did I...Are you okay?" She only managed a nod as she was still gripping him. He slowly put her down, holding her until her legs were able to hold her up. She would be sore in the morning. He would just have to make it up to her at a later date. He kissed her then, many quick kisses all over her face.

She looked into his eyes and held his gaze. "I love you. I hope you know how much. Now, let's go to bed. Tomorrow, well today is bound to be crap. Ya know, one day soon we'll actually look forward to the day." She walked over to the bed, _shit! Sore is not the word!_ and climbed in. She waited a few minutes for him to change, use the bathroom, and check on Serena. He left the door open, in case she woke up. When he was finally settled, Liv pushed as close to him as humanly possible without being right on top. They wrapped their arms around each other and waited for sleep that would surely never come.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"Lt. Stabler's phone" stated Serena as she answered the buzzing contraption. When she woke up around 3, she heard Elliot's snoring and found him and Olivia wrapped tightly around each other. She had closed their door, just in case. It was only 6:30 and she knew the squad didn't start their day until 8, so it must be important.

"Good morning, Serena. It's Detective Carisi. Ah, is Elliot available?"

"He's sleeping. Can I take a message?"

"Umm, I…" Serena heard rustling on the other end and a click. She knew she was put on speaker phone and hated that. A new, harsher voice took over.

"This is Chief Dodds and it's too damn early for niceties. I need to speak to the lieutenant now."

"Sir, niceties go a long way to getting what you want." _Oh no! Why did I say that to the boss?_ She had no idea that on the other end of the phone, Fin was silently cracking up behind Dodds. Even Amanda was trying to hide a smile.

"Jesus. May I please speak to Lt. Stabler young lady?" Dodds was gonna kill Elliot.

"Of course, sir. Please hold on." Serena took the phone and walked towards her parents' bedroom. When she didn't hear anything, she quietly opened the door. _Oh thank God! Still sleeping. I did NOT need to see anything else._ "Elliot? Elliot the phone's for you." She tried to shake him which dislodged her mother.

"What's the matter baby?" Liv asked trying to wipe the sleep from her eyes and her voice.

"Chief Dodds is on the phone for Elliot. I think I pissed him off." Again, unbeknownst to her, on the other end of the line, Fin shook his head smiling since he was still able to hear everything. He loved that kid. Plus, the fact that Liv was sleeping with Elliot did not go unnoticed by the chief. "He has us on speaker before you make a comment to that."

"Of course." she said with exasperation. "El! El wake up!" It took both Bensons shaking him before he opened his eyes.

"Whasamatta?"

"Chief Dodds" they said in unison as Serena held out the phone and climbed into bed with them.

"Shit" said Elliot as he took a deep breath and grabbed the phone while getting out of bed. "What's up Chief?"

"Why do you think you pissed him off?" asked Liv after she checked on her daughter's wellbeing. Serena explained the conversation and Liv just started laughing. "Yeah. That'll do it! Don't worry sweetie." They sat and waited for Elliot to come back into the room. When he did, the smiles immediately left their faces.

"Angel" he addressed Serena. "Yesterday, Judge Sorotsky made a deal with the DA. In exchange for special treatment, basically staying out of gen pop where the other prisoners would know who he is and what he did, he gave us the location of the room where the celebrations were held. We…" he didn't get to finish as Serena's eyes went wide and she shouted.

"NO! Nononononononono you didn't go there Elliot. You didn't!" When he looked sullenly at her, she bent over to vomit on the floor causing Liv to jump out of bed while Elliot ran to get a wet towel. When she stopped convulsing, she continued. "I never wanted you to. Never." She had tears rolling down her lovely cheeks, but she wasn't making any other crying sounds. He was well aware tears were part of the healing, but he absolutely hated seeing them come from her as she always tried everything in her power to hold them back. Just like Olivia.

"I'm sorry angel. I had to. We were tipped that Carlson might be hiding there and..." Again, she interrupted.

"You found him?" When he nodded, she bolted.

Liv was right on her heels, Elliot of course in stride with her. Serena wasn't watching where she was running and while they were shouting, she ran straight into the water. It was cold this early and there was a rip current. Growing up in a Manhattan apartment didn't exactly make her Michael Phelps. She realized too late and was quickly being pulled out to sea. Elliot ran faster. He was a strong swimmer, but he had to push to reach her. He grabbed her just as she went under for the third time. It took some doing, but he pulled her back to shore.

Olivia was at the water's edge, grabbing Serena from him as she choked and sputtered water. Liv's emotions were undefinable and uncontrollable. "Don't you EVER do that again young lady! Do you have any idea…" she stopped screaming and just grabbed her daughter tightly, sobbing. When Elliot straightened himself up and caught his breath, she grabbed his hand and he hugged from behind.

"Are you both okay?" asked Bernie who followed the commotion. Elliot nodded and Serena looked up.

"I'm ssssorrry. I, I, I wwasn't watching. I did didn't mean to go in the wa-water. I didn't see it." She turned around and looked Elliot in the eye as best she could having lost her glasses to the force of the waves. "Thank you, daddy" she said as she shifted out of Olivia's hold and wrapped her arms around his side.

Bernie held onto Olivia while they walked as she still seemed to be shaking. Elliot walked along half dragging, half carrying Serena back into the house.

-SVU-

No one spoke more than a few cursory words while they all dried off and changed. When they all arrived back in the living room, Elliot took charge once again. "Serena, I know. I know but please let me finish because this is important." When she nodded, reluctantly, he continued. "I was there and God Almighty I wish I never went. That room...You are an amazingly strong and brave young woman to be sitting here with us right now. We will talk about anything and everything later but I'm going to need you to be strong and brave for a little while longer." He paused at that. He was trying to figure out how to say what he had to but, she already knew.

"He wants to see me." It wasn't a question and she said it as if she were stating her name. She wasn't shaking or tearing up, in fact, she seemed calmer than she has since she returned.

"No!" he and Olivia responded at the same time. "No angel" he continued. "I mean yes, he does want to see you, actually he wants to see all of us together. Now, that's not going to happen, but Liv and I are going into the city and you are going to stay here with Grandma.

"Fin has been questioning him all night and he hadn't made a single sound. You know how Fin can be so that says a lot. Just before Dodds called, Carlson said he would answer all questions, but only if Liv and I asked them and we brought you with us. Since Dodds wasn't too happy this morning, that's all I got. What I need from you angel is, what do we expect? I mean, he held his own against Fin, who I'm sure pulled no punches, except maybe to his face. I need something to trap him with."

Serena was looking at him and shaking her head with sympathy. "I can't give you anything but me. He won't uphold his end unless you hold up yours. If he said he'll talk, he will, but only under his conditions. Trust me daddy, he only wants me. You need me there. Momma was right when she said I can't risk him doing it all again. That thought is in his head. He's learned a lot since creating me and he's more than capable. I need to go with you."

Liv spoke up before Elliot could open his mouth. "First, that man didn't "create" you. You are all mine, well now you're Elliot's too. _We_ are your parents. _We_ created you. He just pushed us together and I will never be sorry for that. Especially now because I have _both_ of you and you are so loved. Second, I know what you're going to say next, that I always tell victims they'll feel better confronting their attacker. But that's in court during due process, not in an interrogation room where...where…" She seemed to be at a loss. She really just didn't want her daughter anywhere near that man.

"Where what? Momma, it's a police station. Believe me when I say that I know a lot of shit can happen, but I'm sure not this time. He won't try to hurt me, not physically anyway. I'll be fine. I need to see him. I can't explain it but if I see him at the station with you and Elliot right there, it'll be different for me. I always see him, in my head" she absently touched the side of her temple as her voice drifted a bit. "When I do, I'm right there again, all the time but if I can see him with you two, I've never seen that before, so it won't be a memory. You two were never there, so the nightmare never changed. This will change that because I'm not in the nightmare anymore, or so you keep telling me. Let me do this so we can end it. I need to know it's real Momma. It may not make sense to you, but I need to know this is real."

There have been several occasions this past week where Serena has alluded to the fact that she sometimes believes this is a dream and that she'll wake up back in that nightmare. Maybe by getting this type of closure, if she speaks to him or not, will help her over that hump. Not that she was looking forward to it, but Olivia was waiting for the nighttime screaming, PTSD episodes, flashbacks, etc. Those she knew she could help her deal with. Those were the beginning of acceptance and healing. Those would fade in time but this ever-present sense of denial, of ethereal limbo that Serena seems to be in is unnerving. This might be the catalyst she needs. Olivia wasn't sure if that thought was good or bad. Serena was determined and if she felt she could handle it, then Liv would allow her to come and then play it by ear.

Before Elliot could argue against it, Liv spoke up. "Okay, you come, but you stay in the bullpen with Uncle Fin. Elliot and I will go talk to him, assess, see what we can do. If necessary, we will open the blinds or something, but you will not engage him in conversation and you sure as hell will not go anywhere within his reach. Is that understood?"

Serena was never on the receiving end of a Badass Benson stare down command. She didn't like it one bit. It was scary! "Yes Momma." was all she said.

-SVU-

It was after 9 when the three of them walked into the station. Elliot had called of course to say he would be late, but "they" were on their way. Rollins told him Fin had gone up to the cribs a while ago to calm down. She assumed he fell asleep and no one wanted to risk waking him since he was at Carlson most of the night. Elliot agreed, Fin has gone above and beyond since Serena's return, he deserved some vacation time. Maybe as his last act as commanding officer, he would make it mandatory. He chuckled at the thought of how Fin would react to that.

Serena stood very close to her mother and she was looking all around, not that she could see much; since losing her glasses, everything was a big blur. The last two times she was here she ran into two of her abusers. At least this time she knew he was here, she was prepared but her nerves were shot. She honestly didn't know how much more she could handle, but she wasn't about to admit that to her parents. They were already worried beyond measure about her mental and physical state. She honestly did not even see the gigantic ocean in front of her this morning until she was almost drowning in it. When she admitted yesterday that everything hurt, it was like she had taken a knife to her mother's heart. She didn't want to do that again, so she kept quiet. That she knew how to do really well.

Carisi walked up to them. "Morning Lieutenant, Sarge." He nodded towards Serena. "We got Carlson right where we left him, interrogation room 1. He hasn't lawyered up and only asked to use the bathroom once. I took him so that there was no cause to cry brutality or nothin'. By the book and all that."

"Okay, thanks Carisi" said Elliot. "Angel, go up to the cribs and stay with Uncle Fin. Don't wake him though. I don't want a sleep deprived Tutuola gunning for me." She nodded, looked around once more, and headed upstairs, several sets of eyes watching her the entire way.

She found Fin sprawled out snoring on the last cot in the corner, the one that didn't have a bunk on top of it. She quietly made her way over and sat down next to him. Even though he was asleep, she knew he would instantly wake and protect her if there was danger. This might take a while so she might as well be comfortable. She didn't lay down but snuggled up close and waited.

Elliot and Olivia were in his office taking calming breaths. They hadn't opened the blinds to the box yet, they had to prepare themselves. When Elliot pulled the cord, they saw Dr. Andrew Carlson sitting quietly in his chair with his eyes closed. He seemed so relaxed, like he wasn't being questioned and held on kidnapping and multiple rape charges. Dodds and Barba walked into his office to observe. Carisi and Rollins did too, after all, everyone was working the case and doing an exemplary job. Barba wanted to catch him on any charge he could add on and Dodds just wanted to see if his Lieutenant was the right choice to question the suspect. Liv moved to open the door, but Elliot stopped her.

"Here" he said as he went to his desk and handed her badge back. "You're still a cop and you're still my partner." She clipped the badge to her belt, put her gun in her holster and reached over to kiss him. Her work boots put her at almost eye level.

"Always." The kiss lasted a bit too long as someone cleared their throat. "But maybe you should leave yours in here?" She said in reference to his gun and was half joking and they both knew it. Elliot had to keep his temper in there or yes, there might be bloodshed and he'd be the one facing jail time. And with that they went to confront the monster who made their lives a hell that they never imagined.

Carlson immediately opened his eyes when he heard the door open. He smiled and said, "Well good morning Elliot, Olivia. It's so nice to see you again. I must say Liv, you are still a gorgeous specimen of womanhood." He made a big show of looking around them. "Where's my Heaven?" he asked.

Elliot wasn't letting this hump get the best of him. "It's Lieutenant Stabler and Sergeant Benson asshole and the only heaven I know is a divine place you will never see. Tell me, Dr. Carlson, when we busted into that room, what were you doing there?"

"Elliot" Carlson said with a sneer. "I am not going to play games. I said I would only answer questions when you two brought my Heaven to see me. I meant that. You may call her Serena, but she really is a divine child, a gift from God. Now bring her here or give me my phone call and end this."

"She's here" Liv said. "I'm not going to lie and waste everyone's time, but I have just one question. Why? Why did you drug us? Why go through all that to make sure she was born only to make her wish she were dead?"

The Doctor took a deep breath and seemed to contemplate how and if he was going to answer. "I can appreciate that Olivia. I am a man of my word and I'm glad no one's wasting time that could be spent healing. Simply put, I am a genius. Medicine was always my calling. I can do so much more but who on earth is going to give me what I want? My drug combinations and surgical repair skills are incomparable! Of course, I could have had you myself that night and believe me, I agonized over it. Drunk, drugged, uninhibited. Seeing your naked form sprawled out on your bed I could have very easily...I mean, I watched you two for months! Let's face it Olivia, you are built for sex. Those legs that go on forever, your breasts that just spill out over the right sized hands. Your strength out in the field just had to make you fierce in bed. You should be thanking me. Am I right Elliot?"

 _Don't take the bait. Don't take the bait._ Was going through the minds of everyone watching. He didn't. He just glared.

Carlson seemed disappointed. "Get her in here or get me a lawyer."

The "L" word always brings them up short. Olivia turned to leave and dragged Elliot with her, closing the door behind them. Elliot promptly hit the wall. "Easy Lieutenant" warned Dodds, garnering him a glare that could force him six feet under. Liv put her hand flat against his chest and leaned her forehead against his. It took a minute, but his breathing matched hers and he straightened up. She would rather do absolutely anything than what she was about to do.

"I'll go get her. Ya good?" She asked. When he nodded, she left the room.

"How does she do that?" mouthed Carisi to Rollins.

"Love?" she responded with a shrug.

-SVU-

Fin felt some pressure on his side and when he opened his eyes, he saw Serena leaning on him as if he were the arm of a sofa. "Hey Baby Girl. What are you doing here?" She jumped a bit at his words. It was so quiet she was lost in her thoughts. He spoke normally, but it was like a bullhorn in her ears. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." He pushed himself up into a sitting position forcing her to shift her body as well. "What time is it?" he yawned.

"10:00. Momma and Elliot are talking to The Doctor. I knew he wouldn't say anything unless I was here, so I made them bring me. I wasn't allowed to wait at your desk without them, so I came up here. I hope that's okay. I tried not to wake you."

"Nah. It's all good. I'm here for ya. Come on. I could use some coffee." Just as they were about to make their way downstairs, Liv opened the door.

"Good morning Fin. Sleep okay?" When he nodded and yawned, she knew it wasn't nearly long enough. Olivia was very familiar with that feeling. "Serena. You were right. Dr. Carlson won't answer any questions until he sees you but God, I don't want you anywhere near him! Are you sure you want to do this? He's going to bait you, he already tried to bait and insult us. You don't have to, we can proceed on circumstantial evidence and conjecture."

"Let me guess...he started talking about your body? How you are "built for sex" and tried going into detail." When Liv gave her a strange look, she knew she was right. "Hmm. I know him and I absolutely DO NOT want to face him again. I'm not sure I can walk in there without peeing or running or just passing out. But I _have_ to Momma. I can't explain it, but I will go crazy if I don't. He will only use his words, but Elliot helped me realize last night that nothing he says is true and now I know he can no longer hurt me. But let's make it quick. Can Uncle Fin be right there?" She turned to look at her favorite non-blood family member.

"Just try keeping me away" he said. Liv took her hand and Fin put one of his on her back and they walked downstairs.

As they approached Elliot's office, her breathing intensified and she gripped her mother's hand tightly. Everyone was watching her. "Wait" she said as she stopped. Everyone froze and no one said a word. Elliot walked over to her and bent down. He put his hands on her shoulders and kept eye contact. The pressure he put steadied her. She matched his breathing pattern. After a minute she said "Okay," but Elliot didn't let go.

"You are loved beyond measure angel. No matter what he says and what happens from here on out, always remember that my only regret is not being the father you deserved nine years ago." When he saw Olivia wrinkle her eyes in confusion, he admitted, "I've known since that day in the hospital. You were very out of it, but I put two and two together after you spoke to the doctor. I'm sorry I never said or did anything about it, even after the divorce." He looked back at Serena. " _I_ am your father." She smiled and nodded. He knew if she tried to speak, she wouldn't be able to go in that room and Jesus Christ, all he wanted was for her _not_ to go in that room.

Once again, Olivia led the way and opened the door. Elliot followed and right behind him was Serena.

"There's my Heaven girl!" exclaimed Carlson as Serena inched her way into the room behind Elliot. She just stared, wide eyed. "You look well. Fresh air agrees with you, but you know you can't see much without your glasses. What have I told you about..."

"You've seen her now answer. What were you doing in that room?" Liv wanted his attention away from Serena.

Carlson got up and walked to where they were standing. Elliot was at the ready. Liv had her body in front of her daughter almost covering her completely. Fin was standing by, as were the younger detectives. The Doctor didn't come too close, but he looked in Serena's eyes and held her gaze. She seemed mesmerized and Liv wasn't sure she was breathing. "Sit. Down. Doctor."

He continued to stare at the girl whose life he ruined. "She's ill. I can see the pain. Heaven, you have an infection. I can fix you up." At that Serena jumped. She knew what that meant, and it wasn't quite what everyone else thought.

"I said sit down!" Liv commanded once again as her daughter's grip was making her hand numb. Elliot was ready to strike. His whole body was taut with tension. She could feel his energy.

"She is so much like you Olivia. She's a screamer too. You really know when she's enjoying it, eh Elliot?" He was suddenly shoved up against the wall and Serena fled.

Liv was stuck between getting Elliot off him and comforting her daughter. She knew Serena needed her, but Carlson was turning redder by the second. "Fin!" she shouted as she rushed towards her partner. She needn't have bothered since Fin moved after Serena the moment she took off. "Elliot stop! STOP!" It took a minute, but he let go.

Carlson coughed but he was laughing. "Ya know what? I changed my mind. I won't be answering any questions today. I know your DA is outside…" he raised his voice to be heard even though the door was open… "I confess. I kidnapped and held Heaven, also known as Serena Benson for two years and almost three months. I plead guilty and I want to allocute in court. I'm not looking for leniency, I just want to speak on the record. Now get me my attorney." He stared right at Olivia and smiled.

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	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"What the fuck was that?" shouted Elliot as he was led away from the interrogation room and in turn, away from his own office. "You gonna allow that?" he asked Barba, getting right in his face. Elliot was a good foot taller and a hell of a lot broader, but the ADA didn't flinch.

"Allow what, Lieutenant? Allow him to plead guilty and take responsibility for his heinous crimes? You're damn right I am" Barba stated calmly.

"You saw the same thing I did, right? What is the point in an allocution if he doesn't want a reduced sentence? He just wants to humiliate Serena AND Olivia in open court by giving sick details. He's still playing whatever sick game he's been playing from day one!" Elliot's face and neck were red and the veins that were visible were standing out straight.

Olivia stepped between them. "I'm fine Elliot and I don't give two shits what he says about me. He thinks he knows us by watching, fuck him! He can say all he wants when you and I know the truth. It's Serena that…" it was then that she remembered Serena ran and she took off to find her.

She found Fin outside sitting on the steps of the precinct with Serena pushed up close to his side, her head on his shoulder. She wasn't crying, she was eerily silent once again but holding onto to Fin so tight that her knuckles were so white they were almost blue. Liv was sure the circulation in his arm was long gone, even the pins and needles were probably dormant again but he would never move nor say a word. She sat on Fin's other side, facing her daughter. "We got him baby. He just confessed to everything. There won't even be a trial, he just has to tell the judge what happened." She tried to coax her to put her head up, but it wasn't working.

Fin had an idea what the child was thinking. Like her mother, she always worried about everyone else. "What was Elliot's punishment?" When Liv looked at him quizzically, he elaborated. "For attacking Carlson. Dodds and Barba saw it so how much trouble is he in?"

"Oh! I don't know, they didn't say anything before I left. Shit, do you think his confession will get thrown out?" Olivia desperately did not want that to happen.

"Nope" they heard from behind. "Nobody saw nothin" His accent was thick when he said it meaning he was troubled, but at least he wasn't _in_ trouble. "Dodds just gave me the look and a warning that we'll talk later. Barba went to get the paperwork started. Carlson is back in the tombs waiting for his lawyer, arraignment and a nice trip to Rikers. Barba said the allocution could take place as soon as Monday if he has any say in the matter. I told Dodds that I am taking my family home."

"Elliot…" she began but he put his finger up to stop her.

"Liv, we talked about this. You're already out. I said I would be too as soon as we caught the SOB and I meant it. I'm done. This job has already forced me to make sacrifices of my family, I won't let that happen again. I want to be able to wake up and wonder what to do with you today rather than wondering if I am ever going to get to sleep at night because I'm not with you. It'll all be good, luv. I promise. I'll start the process on Monday." He sounded so confident that even if she wanted to, she wouldn't argue with him.

Dodds was making his way out when he saw them. He knew what was coming since Olivia already started her paperwork. He just held out his hand. Olivia handed over her shield and her gun.

"We're gonna get them all Sergeant. That is a statement of fact."

-SVU-

The drive back to Jersey was silent. Olivia kept turning around to check on her daughter who sat behind Elliot. Her eyes looked far away and she almost seemed to shrink, physically and mentally. If Liv didn't see her chest moving, struggling to fill her weakened lungs, she could pass for a wax museum figure. Just being back in the same room with that man set her recovery back to the beginning, maybe worse. Serena admitted to being confused about reality and now Liv was going to have a harder time convincing her otherwise. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Pull over to the shoulder Elliot" she said. He didn't question and when it was safe, he complied. Olivia got out and jumped in the back. She slid to the middle while he pulled back into traffic. Serena didn't seem to notice. After she buckled, Olivia slid all the way over, putting her arm around the girl's shoulders. That got a reaction, albeit a negative one. Serena shook her mother off and buried herself as far as she could into the door, pulling her feet up onto the seat and her knees under her chin; but her stubbornness was inherited from the best and Liv was not about to give up. Serena kept saying that she didn't want her mother to touch her and Liv assumed that was because she felt dirty. Well to hell with that, but words didn't seem to be enough. What worked this past week were actions so Liv didn't say anything, she just pulled her feet up on the seat sideways, placed her left hand on Serena's shoulder and her right went across Serena's waist to grab her left hand away from the door handle that she was holding onto. The kid went limp...at first. Liv bend her head to rest on the hand that was on Serena's shoulder and refused to move. It wasn't the most comfortable way to travel, but her comfort wasn't important; keeping her daughter grounded was and physical pressure seemed to work. Not before long, while her head stayed turned towards the window and she didn't move any other muscles, Serena's right hand grabbed Olivia's wrist tightly. Neither let go for the rest of the trip and the rain began to fall.

Once they arrived at Bernie's, where despite having two separate apartments everyone now referred to as home, Serena got out of the car and ran towards the mini wall. Rain was coming down in buckets so it took longer to get back than it normally would. She was quickly soaked to the skin as she bent over, holding onto her knees. She seemed to be expecting to vomit again, but she had nothing left in her stomach. None of them had anything to eat since lunch yesterday, yet no one was hungry. Liv attempted to pull Serena's hair from where it was stuck to her face at the same time thunder rumbled. The child snapped up and screamed. She screamed and screamed and screamed, not at Liv, there were no words just screaming as if the lid was blown off the pressure cooker and steam had to be released. All the sound got lost in the crash of the waves and rain. When she had nothing left, she fell to her knees, her head touching the sand. This time when her mother touched her back, she didn't shudder, she had nothing left.

The waves were almost touching her forehead, so Elliot bent down and lifted her into his arms. She stayed curled up, so it was easy for him to use one arm to hold her, the other to help Liv to her feet. When they reached the patio door, Bernie was waiting. Without saying a word, she led them to her bathroom where she had a hot bubble bath waiting. Elliot placed his daughter on the lid of the toilet and left her to his mom. When he returned to the kitchen, Liv caught his eye and once again made her way out into the pouring rain. She jogged to the exact spot she just stood and repeated her daughter's actions. She screamed and screamed and screamed into the cacophony of the storm. Elliot joined her, it was a good release for them both.

When she couldn't scream any longer, Liv just started swearing at the sky. She shouted every curse word in the book before making up a few of her own. All Elliot did was watch. When she turned her attention back to the ocean, he repeated a few of her finer words and smirked. He knew how she felt but he couldn't help teasing her. The situation called for some levity; they were shouting into the Atlantic during a tumultuous rainstorm, soaked to the bones, exhausted and spent.

"Wow, I think I'm gonna call Webster. Better yet, start using those around the station, start a trend." His attempt worked, she let out a small laugh with a heavy exhale while shaking her head. The respite passed quickly as her head shake turned into a whole-body tremble and her laughter turned into tears. It was hard to tell due to the water pouring down on them, but Elliot was so attuned to her and he immediately pulled her to him. She tried her best to calm herself quickly, but she felt the uncontrolled hysterics coming. It would have been a full-blown episode had something not caught her eye. She pushed away from Elliot and walked closer to the water. He watched her carefully, unsure of her intention but once again ready to spring into action. It wasn't necessary. Olivia bent down and began to dig something out from under the wall.

When she stood up, she was holding Serena's glasses. Miraculously just one lens had a crack and the middle was broken but finding them meant so much more. She clutched them to her chest and the waterworks began again, these not coming from the sky. Elliot watched her for a moment, but he could never let her feel alone and seeing her upset broke his heart.

-SVU-

When he brought her back inside, Elliot saw his mom hovering by the door to her bedroom. He knew Serena was in the tub and she was giving her privacy while being close if she was needed. Bernie looked up when she heard the door slam only to find a repeat of the scene she saw not 20 minutes ago only this time, it was Olivia folded into her son's arms. She nodded towards the hallway bathroom and went back inside her room. Elliot carried Liv straight into the shower. He turned on the water and waited until it got hot before stepping with her under the spray, shoes, clothes, everything. After all, they were already wet. It took a few moments, but she calmed down enough to stand. He helped her undress and undressed himself. The water began to loosen the tension in his muscles, and it seemed to do the same for Olivia. It wasn't even two in the afternoon and she could barely keep her eyes open or her head up. Her emotions were exhausting.

As much as Elliot wanted to make her feel wanted and loved physically, and he could use the release himself, now was just not the time. Olivia stood shaking under the hot water, desperate for it to relax her strained muscles, wash the image of that fucker taunting her daughter from the forefront of her mind. He poured soap on his hands and began to rub it all over her as she leaned into him. It was caring, sensual and that soothed her more than anything. When the heat of the water began to wane, Elliot wrapped her in a towel, grabbed one for himself and walked them to their room.

Before going straight to their room, Liv stepped back to poke her head into Serena's room and saw her sitting on her bed. She thought that was odd, so she quickly threw on one of Elliot's t-shirts and a pair of yoga pants and rushed into her daughter's room, not bothering with a bra or panties since they didn't seem important and she didn't want to waste time. Serena was on the edge of the bed wrapped in a towel. She had the towel that was used to dry her hair draped over her shoulders and the fleece blanket that laid on the end of the bed covering her legs. The only skin visible was her forearms and her feet. She stared straight ahead at the doorway where her mother stood. Liv heard Bernie put the music on in the kitchen in addition to banging pots and closing cabinets. The steady rain continued to fall.

Liv closed the gap and knelt down in front of the bed. "Do you need help getting dressed?" She couldn't understand why she just sat there like that when normally she was clothed in a flash so that no skin was showing. She watched her daughter shake her head and open her mouth as if to say something before closing it again. She waited patiently until finally Serena spoke.

"I'm here now, with you." It wasn't a question so Liv didn't answer, just nodded. "I just took a bath." Again, nod. "He's not coming back." At that Olivia shook her head.

"No baby, he's not. You never have to see him again. You don't have to be in the courtroom, you'll stay here with Bernie." She wasn't sure where this was going.

"Then, that means yes, this really is real. Huh, I was right, it worked. I need you to see. I need you to see so you can help me. Will you see and help me Momma?"

Liv would kill, steal, and die to help her daughter but she didn't know what she was supposed to 'see'. "Of course, baby. I will do anything in my power to help you. What is it that you want me to see?" Elliot was now leaning against the door frame as confused as she was. Serena took a few deep breaths and slowly pulled the towel from her shoulders.

"I need you to see me, like me now, not like you remember." When she removed the towel, she pulled her hair back and Olivia was mesmerized. On Serena's shoulders were two deep, jagged indentations that looked haphazardly stitched. They looked like holes with the skin stretched and sewn together. Surrounding those, and it took a few moments for Olivia to move her eyes away, were several smaller scars. Some were surely bite marks, others unidentifiable as to what caused them. Dragging her eyes downward, Liv could clearly see cigarette and other burns and raised scars leading to the edge of the towel Serena held around her chest. She had a feeling what was hiding underneath.

Serena quickly pulled that towel away surprising Olivia and causing Elliot to immediately turn away. She now sat naked, the only covering was the fleece laying across her lap. Burns and brands marked her once perfect skin capturing Olivia's undivided attention. "You can turn around Elliot. You should see too." She watched Elliot's back as he took several deep breaths and tilted his head to the ceiling, like he was preparing himself before he turned around. His eyes went wide, and his breath hitched as he slowly approached and knelt by Olivia's side.

"Fuck" he breathed out. That about summed it up. He was fixated on her breasts. She was tall and thin and still developing but since Liv was larger breasted, he assumed Serena would be also. He was unprepared. It looked as if she had been bound by her breasts. They were misshapen and one had the nipple almost completely off, leaving jagged stitches in its absence. Dr. Paxton had mentioned this, but at the time she had mentioned so many things that they all blurred together. There were what he thought were brands, burns in the shapes of various items, some old and faded, some that looked so red and fresh as if they had just happened. He could see her ribs clearly and she had almost no muscle tone or an ounce of fat on her. Her stomach had angry red lines going in every direction-knife wounds, maybe whips. He didn't realize that he had tears going down his cheeks until he heard Liv shudder beside him. Her eyes were glued to Serena and roaming her body just as his were.

"Are you okay Momma?" Serena asked as she sat pulling the towel back to her chest. There was no hiding the emotions that were rolling off Olivia. She could only nod. "Almost done. The Doctor said I am infected, and I think I know where. I need you to see it. Will you?"

Olivia stood up, turned around and covered her face with her hands. Elliot stood up too. "A minute angel, okay?" he said. He tried to put his arm around Olivia, but she shook him off. She needed to compose herself and if he touched her, she would fall apart. Serena stayed on the bed, pulling her hair into a ponytail. It was a few minutes before Liv turned around.

"Open and honest baby. I don't think I can see anymore. I know that right now, I can't look at the damage done between your legs and…" She didn't finish her sentence before Serena interrupted.

"NO! I am NEVER showing you that! No, I meant my back!" She whipped the fleece off her lap to reveal her capri leggings. She had to smile at the deep breath that Elliot exhaled. "I can reach between my legs easily and take care of what's there, but I can't see or reach my back. Momma, having you see down there...Elliot couldn't be in the room! I will tell you the damage if you want to know, but please see my back? You need to see to help me."

Olivia ran over to her daughter and cupped her cheeks, kissing her face. She looked so relieved, but distraught at the same time. She sat on the bed next to Serena as the teen turned sideways and rearranged the towel so she was just holding it in front, bringing her back into full view. It was all Liv could do not to vomit. She thought she would be able to handle this, but she was wrong. Covering Serena's back were dozens of lashes. She was whipped, repeatedly. Many, many other scars from jagged stitches donned her spine including more burns, brands, and various sized holes. Liv could tell that Serena must have terrible back pain. Her discs were visible, and she was no chiropractor, but she looked out of alignment. There was an especially nasty bruise on her ribs, which made her look like an emaciated animal that Liv assumed was the cause of her broken ribs. This is what she was referring to. The wound looked as if a chunk of skin was missing, swollen and indeed infected. It was right on top of a particularly large burn scar.

"Can you help me fix it? You can use the creams that Dr. Paxton gave me, but I can't do it myself. I would if I could. I'll even take the medicine if we can crush it in some water, so it'll go down. I don't want to be infected anymore!" Liv silently nodded her head and looked towards Elliot who had not moved from his previous spot. For Serena to offer to take pills meant the pain was close to unbearable, not that she would admit it out loud. He caught her eye and left the room to get the supplies. When he came back in, he nudged Olivia out of the way, he was going to take care of this. She skooched around to the other side of the bed and faced her daughter.

As Elliot went to work, Serena spoke to Olivia. "I needed someone to see. I needed YOU to see and to know it's real. Can you...Do you still…" She exhaled and said, "I'm sorry" and she looked away. That got Olivia's focus.

"You have nothing to be sorry for! I've said this before and I will continue to say it a hundred times, none of this is your fault. I love you, I think even more now than I did before if that's possible. I don't know how you are sitting here letting Elliot tend to you and just...baby…" She pulled her into a hug before Serena hissed sharply causing Liv to quickly remember and let her go.

Serena looked confused. "You, you still want to hug me? But you've just seen and…" Elliot interrupted this time.

"I'm going to hug you so tight once I know you're not in pain and I'm afraid your mom is never going to let you out of her arms, but Angel, right now I need you to straighten up. I am going to wrap you up like they used to do with broken ribs. It will help keep the bandage in place so the creams can be effective." She did as she was told, and Elliot tried to gently but firmly wrap the bandages around her body. He paused when he had to wrap his arms around the front of her, trying to be careful not to touch her breasts which was going to be very hard to do. Olivia took over and pulled the towel away and wrapped her front and together they managed. Liv grabbed the t-shirt that was next to them on the bed and pulled it over Serena's head. She watched her mother's face the whole time.

"Momma, you're really quiet. You look like you're gonna be sick." Liv didn't wait for anything else, she jumped up and ran lifting the lid just in time to vomit into the toilet. She was shaking and crying and generally making a mess of herself and she was not quiet about it. Elliot stayed where he was on the bed, but Serena got up and walked over to where her mother knelt resting her head on the cool seat. She ran cold water over a washcloth and wiped Olivia's face before placing the cooling rag on her neck. "Are you scared?" Liv only nodded. "Me too. What are you scared of?"

"Failing you." They both looked shocked at that revelation. "I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to help you. I thought I knew what to do. I thought I had a good idea of what you went through but Jesus! You show me and I run screaming. Now look. _You're_ comforting _me_!"

"You're not failing me Momma. I don't think you could. I know you can help me, that's why I needed you to see and when you think you can handle it, I might show you the rest, or at least describe the rest. Don't be scared anymore because you're doing it right. You are doing it all right." Serena sat on the floor next to her mother and for the first time in over two years, she initiated a hug. That sent Liv going all over again, and she just held on, forgetting the wrapping around Serena's ribs. She was not going to let go ever again.

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	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Barba had called and said The Doctor was being arraigned late that afternoon. It was the holiday weekend and since the courts were closed tomorrow and this is a high-profile case, the arraignment wouldn't wait. The whole squad, minus their two leaders were present with Fin front and center. Barba decided not to call Elliot or Olivia. If Carlson was pleading guilty, this would only take 5 minutes, a waste of time away from their daughter; besides, they probably just got home. Carlson stood nonchalantly next to his attorney when the judge asked for his plea.

"Not guilty, your honor" he stated loudly.

"What?!" Fin shouted as he stood, surrounded by loud murmurs. The judge banged her gavel and Rollins pulled Fin's arm until he sat.

"I will not tolerate any outbursts in my courtroom, detective" she said before turning her attention to The Doctor. "Mr. Carlson, I was under the impression that you told the ADA that you were pleading guilty to the aforementioned charges. Are you changing your plea?"

"Yes, your honor. I was attacked in that interrogation room, my life threatened. I would have said anything to keep them away from me. Now that I have had a change to reflect and understand my rights, I am telling this court that I am indeed not guilty of such heinous charges. I want to have my day in court."

"Your honor" interrupted Barba. "I was present at the interrogation and I can assure you that Dr. Carlson's rights were not violated, and he was never in any danger…" he didn't get to finish before Carlson's attorney interjected.

"You call having an enraged lieutenant almost strangle him to death while being handcuffed, unable to defend himself not being in any danger?"

Before Barba could respond, the judge spoke. "Save it. Your plea is so noted. I am assuming you are asking for remand Mr. Barba?" When he answered in the affirmative, she continued. "Granted. Dr. Carlson, you will be remanded to Rikers pending trial, date to be set as soon as possible. Dismissed."

Everyone was in shock. As soon as the gavel was pounded, voices rose above one another, all speaking in protest and disbelief. Fin watched as they dragged Carlson away, smirking as he walked.

"Mother fucker!" he exclaimed.

"Look" said Barba. "There's nothing we can do except go over the evidence and get all the information we can, starting with that child. Build our case, make sure it is airtight. If I could make him fry, I would." He saw all the disappointed and shocked faces. "You do your jobs and I'll do mine. We will make that puta madre pay.

He was right. Right now, they were stuck. Everyone would do what was needed, but first, Fin had to call Jersey.

"Hello?" said Elliot as he breathed heavily into the phone. He had just finished hitting the heavy bag in the garage. He had to hit something after seeing all that.

"Arraignment's over" said Fin and he decided to keep it short and to the point. "He changed his plea, El. Said he's not guilty. Held at Rikers until trial."

"What else Fin?"

"Ya know Barba is gonna need to know everything. He's not going to settle for anymore bits and pieces. Serena is gonna haveta testify. I'm sorry man." And he _was_ sorry. He didn't want to see his favorite kid have to sit in the same room with that fucker and listen to all that shit. She lived it once, she shouldn't have to relive it in front of a room full of strangers.

Elliot sighed. He needed to get back to the bag before he drove to Queens and finished off what he started in the interrogation room. "It's okay Fin. Thanks for letting me know. One more thing: go home. Leave all your shit on your desk and don't even think of returning until Monday. You deserve more but for now this is all the break I can give you." He wanted to convey his gratitude for all that the detective has done for Serena, for Liv, and in turn for him. He just wasn't that type and after the afternoon he had, he couldn't muster it.

Fin knew, he heard it in the silence. "Thanks man. Look, you enjoy your family this weekend" he said as he ended the call. No one had to tell him twice, so he told Carisi and Rollins to hold down the fort and he took off.

Elliot however had to tell Olivia that she would have to break her promise. She told Serena she wouldn't have to be in the courtroom, and now not only would she have to tell her story, she would have to do it in front of him and a full court. He decided to wait until Sunday to tell them both since there was no need to ruin everyone's weekend. As far as they were concerned right now, it was over, and he was going to keep up the charade. He went back to hitting the bag.

Inside, Bernie had been cooking the entire time, trying to stay out of the way and the smell alone is what brought Olivia out of the bathroom. She heard Serena's stomach growl and hers joined in. After all, they both vomited out of emotion, not illness.

"This is dinner you two so noses out of the pots" Bernie admonished. "I made your favorite for a late lunch because I know you both must be hungry." When they turned towards the table, they saw two steaming bowls of tomato soup next to perfectly cooked grilled cheese sandwiches. It put a smile on their faces as they simultaneously reached over to kiss Bernie's cheeks. She shooed them away with the dish towel and they sat to eat.

"Gramma, where's Elliot?" questioned Serena after seeing only two place settings.

"In the garage dear. He felt the need to hit something and after almost smashing my countertop, I sent him to set up his punching bag."

"I'll go out there" Liv said as she started to get up.

"You will do no such thing dear" said Bernie, stopping Liv mid-stand. "My son rages at things, we all know that. You cried, he punched. He has to deal with it and calm himself down. He hasn't been in there long so give him some time to work it out. Now eat, the both of you."

Liv was struck at that. The way Bernie spoke to her was so loving, so...familial. "Yes, ma'am" was all she could say as she began to eat. Serena looked at her with raised eyebrows and an expression that mocked saying "you got in trouble" and "what on earth was that?" Liv started to giggle causing her daughter to join while they enjoyed their comfort lunch.

It was about 45 minutes later when Elliot entered the living room, beer in hand. Liv was going through case files trying to see how to tie up any loose ends while Serena and Bernie sat doing a puzzle. Technically, Serena was feeling the edges sine she couldn't make them out with any picture clarity. Liv looked up immediately when she heard him enter and her eyes went wide. He was bare chested and covered in sweat; his jeans were tight; his knuckles were bloody, and his chest was heaving. Damn! He looked hot, sexy, and Liv was caught up on the sight of him. Sure, they've been intimate these past few days, but she's never been able to openly focus on him like this. She was filled with...want. He seemed oblivious however as he tilted his beer to his lips, downing half in one gulp.

"Momma you're drooling" teased Serena. That caught Elliot's attention. He looked over and Liv quickly turned her head back to her papers, her mouth open like she was trying to hide an embarrassed smile. Despite everything that happened today, moments like this were too good to pass up, so he didn't.

"Like what you see, eh?" he teased as he flexed his arms up showing off his muscles. He was making such a face that Serena burst into a fit of giggles, Bernie jokingly admonished her son, and Liv's face turned four shades redder. He walked over to where she was sitting. She finally looked up, not sure of his intentions when he suddenly bent down and grabbed her in a bear hug, lifting her off the couch. He rubbed his wet face and neck all over her and held her tight while she struggled and protested.

"Ewwww, El, stop! That so disgusting!" she screamed as their daughter bent over in laughter.

"You didn't look disgusted a few moments ago" he teased just before his mouth landed on hers. When he came up for air, and Liv was gasping herself, he made a confession. "It's just rain luv. I was standing outside for a bit and it's still coming down pretty hard." This caused her to smile with a scrunched-up nose, which he promptly kissed and put her down.

She slapped his chest and pushed him back. "It's still gross, El. Go take a shower!" He went to turn when he realized that Serena was still giggling. He walked towards her. When she saw what he was going to do, she screamed in laughter and ran, but there was nowhere to hide, and she wasn't really trying. He caught her easily, although she was still so fast and hugged her in much the same way. It took a moment, but the laughter stopped, her body went rigid, and her eyes went wide and glazed over. Elliot put her down immediately and Liv was right there. "What happened baby? Talk to me" she pleaded.

She was taking short breaths through her mouth. "Elliot smells. His breath smells like…" she frowned and looked like she was desperately trying to stay in the moment. Liv turned her head and gave Elliot a quick sniff.

"He smells like sweat...and beer? Is that it baby, the beer?" Her answer came in the form of a slow nod and Elliot quickly backed away.

"They were always drinking...all the bottles open...spilling all over...their breaths." She cleared her throat and squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, she took a deep breath and forced a smile onto her face. "You stink daddy. Momma's right, it's gross!" Elliot felt terrible but if she was trying to joke to cope, he would play along. He made an exaggerated "fine" face with a sigh. Before he turned away, he remembered something and reached into his pocket. She had such a look of surprise on her face that it was his turn to laugh. He couldn't do anything about the crack in her lens, but he was able to fix the middle of her glasses, without the use of duct tape, so she could wear them until she got another pair. He handed them to Olivia so he wouldn't get close to Serena again until he showered and brushed his teeth. She put them on and blinked to adjust. He didn't realize how bad her eyesight was until he had to look through the glasses to make sure the alignment was correct. Watching her now, he knew it must have been like coming out of a thick fog into clear skies. She looked up at him. "I thought I lost them when the waves knocked them off. Thank you, now please go shower."

-SVU-

After Bernie retired to her room for the night, Elliot came out of the bedroom from taking a phone call. He sat on the couch next to Olivia. It had finally stopped raining, but Serena was still inside writing on the couch.

"That was Kathy. July is my month with Eli. I explained things and he's going to come out for three weeks in August instead." His eyes looked far away.

"Oh Elliot. You didn't have to do that. You get so little time with him as it is. Serena and I could…" Liv began before Elliot cut her off.

"You can what Liv? Go back to your apartment? She'll be so uncomfortable there after being out here with the water and the sunshine and the freedom to just go outside whenever and sleep under the stars. No Olivia. I made a promise, and nothing is going to cause me to break it. Besides, Eli has been wanting to go to this baseball camp that Kathy has been denying him because of our time. Now he can go be happy, and we can continue to heal." Serena, who was watching and listening intently, walked over to him.

"I'm sorry Elliot. I never want to get in the way of your children, but Momma's right. We could go back to the city so you can have Eli. Central Park is right there and it's full of open spaces. You shouldn't sacrifice anything because I can't...because I don't…"

He grabbed her to him and held her tight to his side. She never hugged him full on and he could certainly understand why. "Four of my children are grown with children of their own, well at least one anyway. And you forget, _you_ are my child too and you need me right now. You need a sense of security, a sense of normalcy, not a house full of chaos. Eli wasn't too sad, especially since he could play baseball now. He'd rather be on his game than out in the water anyway. He will visit, just later." Serena looked sad and so did her mother and Elliot was pained by that. He was formulating a reply when his phone buzzed once again.

"Hey Maureen. Everything okay?" He had just seen all three of his girls the other night so for Maureen to call again was a surprise. "Dammit I forgot! Shit. Ummm, hold on baby." Both Bensons looked at him questioning. "Tomorrow is the fourth of July" he began, and he could see both of them doing the calculations in their heads. They all lost track of time. "The kids usually come out here to hang out, swim, barbeque, and watch the fireworks display. I totally forgot to cancel."

"Why would you cancel?" interrupted Serena just as Liv was about to ask the same question. Elliot furrowed his brow and he looked dumbfounded. "I mean, if this is what they always do, then you should continue. Don't change your plans for me, you already pushed Eli back. It's only one day Elliot. I can do it."

Elliot looked to Liv who was watching her daughter in awe. "If she gets overwhelmed and the company or anything gets to be too much, she and I will take a quiet break. Go ahead El. You said we all needed to heal and this is a step in the right direction." She was holding Serena's hand and they were both looking at him. He went back to his phone.

Liv watched him intently. "Hey Maur, sorry. Yeah, noon sounds good. I'll get the burgers and hot dogs going and the usual setup only I already told your mom that I can't have Eli until Aug..." He must have been interrupted because he got silent. "Really? O...Okay baby. Yeah. I love you too. See you tomorrow, drive safe."

He got a wistful smile on his face as he hung up the phone. "Kathy called her immediately. Marcus is driving up to Connecticut right now to get Eli so he can enjoy the day with us. He'll spend tonight and tomorrow with them and they'll bring him home on Saturday." He got quiet again and Olivia leaned over to kiss him.

"See, now you'll have your whole family with you" Liv said as she laid her head on his shoulder. He opened his other arm and Serena walked in for a side hug.

-SVU-

It was hours after Olivia and Elliot had gone to bed, still with the door open. Serena had to convince Olivia she would make an attempt to relax in just a little while because it had finally stopped raining and she needed some air. Otherwise her mother would still be up with her and although she hated being alone, she hated keeping her mother awake more. After all, Liv was on the same emotional rollercoaster, only a different track. She didn't lie, she was sitting outside in the fresh air, but there was no way in hell she would willingly fall asleep. While she was sitting on the patio with her journal and sketchpad, Serena was deep in thought. _Funny how things can change in an instant. Ms. Gladys helped me feel a bit better without pills. Elliot came home last night and said this is where we're going to live from now on. Then that chief called and ruined the morning. God I thought I was going to pee all over the precinct floor again. The Doctor was there, talking to me! He said things that I can tell embarrassed Momma, but I wonder if they're true. She told me about sex, but are we really that much alike? I'm so confused about that whole thing._

 _He got so close! I could feel the rage coming off of Elliot and Momma squeezed my hand just as hard as I did hers. I am infected. That's what he said and damn I know he's right! Elliot put the cream on and Momma crushed the pills in juice but, I still don't feel right. I'll never forget the look on her face when she saw my scars. It wasn't how I imagined it. Yeah she was shocked, horrified, and disgusted; I mean she did throw up but I don't think she was disgusted with me. I really think she was just sickened by what was done to me. I wonder if I can tell her a bit. That might be too much. I don't want to upset her anymore._

 _The Stablers are coming over tomorrow, well, later today. There are so many of them and they are all so loud and rowdy and they don't know that I am their sister. Will Elliot ever tell them? Will they hate him for it? Will they hate me or Momma? I don't want that. They can hate me all they want, but neither Momma nor Elliot had any control that night. They were violated and I hate using that word, but it is true. They were made to do something they wouldn't have normally done. Yes, they loved each other even then but they never would have had sex if The Doctor didn't drug them. Truth be told, I'm not sure that I'm glad he did. I wouldn't be here, but I wouldn't have suffered either. Momma and Elliot might have finally figured it out how in love they were and maybe have had me eventually, but things would have been way different._

 _Going to the precinct was okay even though there are hundreds of people there, because Uncle Fin always keeps me separate and focuses just on me. How will I be able to focus tomorrow? I don't want to be around Elliot's family honestly. You can tell they all really love each other and from what I remember, they all tease but get along really well and that's great, I just can't handle it when I am barely holding myself together. They'll all stare or put on fake faces to try and not upset me. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, I can do that enough for everyone. If I stay inside, then Momma will too and that's not fair to her. I know how much she cares for all the Stablers. Gramma and Elliot would also stay inside with me but again...I guess I'll suck it up. Maybe if I write things down like this, it'll be easier. If I sit and write, no one will ask me any questions and they can feel free to ignore me to have fun. Writing is using your words to convey messages so if I write the hard stuff down and Momma reads it...yeah that might work._

She was still writing when Bernie came outside with a glass of orange juice in hand. "Please tell me you at least took a nap." When Serena looked up with guilt in her eyes, Bernie sighed and passed over the juice.

"Thanks" she said sipping the juice. "I got lost writing. I used to write about a lot of things but of course not since...and then the girls gave me this journal, and I had no idea what to write! Now, I do."

"Will you read some to me?" Bernie asked drinking her coffee.

Serena shook her head. "I'm sorry Gramma. Not right now, but maybe soon. Is that okay?" The last time she said no to her grandmother she got scolded by her mother.

"Of course darling! I've told you before, you don't have to share anything that you don't want to. I know how you feel. When I am painting, I get lost in the picture and I don't want anyone looking over my shoulder until it is signed."

"Mornin' Ma" greeted Elliot yawning. "Morning angel. Did you sleep?" It was always the first question he asked. She gave him the same look she gave Bernie not five minutes ago and he got his answer. "We are gonna have a very busy day today and you told your mother that you would rest." He knew he couldn't accuse nor push or force her to lay down and sleep, he just needed her to see the importance of it.

Bernie saw Serena's face fall and steered the conversation elsewhere. "What makes today hectic?" She was already in bed when Maureen called to make arrangements.

"It's the fourth of July Ma. The kids are all coming out as usual. I hope that's still okay with you?" He realized that he has been taking command of the decisions of his mother's house a lot lately when he should always defer to her.

"It's Independence Day already? Oh my! I've been so caught up this past week that it totally slipped my mind. Serena, are you up for the Stabler invasion? It can get quite hectic and it lasts well into the night. How do you feel about that?" Of course she wanted to see her grandkids and Maureen's little boy, but not if it made Serena uncomfortable in any way.

"It's okay Gramma. I've already told Elliot that we should try and keep everything as routine as possible as Momma suggested. I'll be okay." She tried to keep her voice as even and calm as possible. She's had a lot of practice faking it.

"Well since we all forgot, I have to hit the supermarket to get barbeque supplies. Ma, any requests?"

As Bernie shook her head, Serena spoke up. "I need new bandages, wraps and honey please."

"You got it. Now go lay down with your mother" he ordered only half joking. He wanted her to at least lay down without reading, drawing, or worrying. He hoped that if she laid down for a minute, that her exhaustion would win out and allow her to get at least a few hours of sleep.

When Bernie announced that she was going to start "getting the house in order", Serena walked into her parents' room to find Olivia just waking up. She crawled into bed next to her and since Liv was still in that half-sleep, not wanting to accept it is time to wake up stage, she wrapped her arms around her daughter and closed her eyes once again. Serena could tell that she easily went back to sleep and she was glad. If she remembered correctly, and she always did, Olivia was always nervous when they spent time with the Stabler children, even though they weren't children anymore. She once told Casey that she felt like a mistress trying to insinuate herself as the new matriarch. She had to look that one up but knew that it was the furthest thing from the truth.

As she laid there listening to Olivia lightly snoring (not the deep, loud, from the gut snoring that came out of Elliot) she thought of all the ways she could talk to her mother. She really wanted to tell her mother everything now that she saw the scars, she just didn't know how. Her eyes started to drift close and her breathing slowed but before sleep could pull her under, she heard the truck door slam, followed by another car door and yelling. She and Olivia both sat upright, and the day began.

-SVU-

Serena's room was at the end of the hall across from Bernie's. Someone would have to walk past Olivia's room to use the bathroom, but not hers. This is where she sat looking out the window ever since she watched Olivia quickly dress while swearing under her breath and go out to meet their "very early" guests about 90 minutes ago.

"Are you going to hide in here all day?" The voice coming from behind made her jump as she whipped around. "I'm sorry!" apologized Kathleen, the most outgoing of the Stabler children in Serena's mind. "I didn't mean to scare you. I was just wondering if you were ever gonna come out and hang with us?"

Serena had been contemplating that very question since she found out they were coming yesterday. She liked all of Elliot's children and they always made her and her mother feel welcome, like family, but now that she knows the truth, she wasn't sure if they would still feel that way once they found out. Plus, she may have hated the silence when it was quiet, but the volume of the litany of those five voices was something she dreaded. However, she knew she couldn't stand here in silence ignoring Kathleen's question.

"You guys _want_ me to hang out with you?" She was always on the outskirts of friendships, even as a young child. The other children wouldn't actively engage her in play because she had a tendency to point out all the mistakes or spout some random knowledge. When she was old enough to figure that out, she of course stopped and just played along, but it wasn't fun for her. Her mother always said never diminish yourself for someone else. People should like you for who you are, all of you. Yes, that was true, but unhelpful when kids begrudgingly include you because they are forced to, and you end up playing _next_ to them rather than _with_ them.

Kathleen seemed surprised at that question. "Of course! You used to hang out with us all the time. And now that you're finally old enough to be cool, suddenly you don't want to? Fine!" she said as she turned to leave. Serena had an idea that she was kidding, or using reverse psychology or something, but she wasn't good at reading people anymore and she didn't want them to think she didn't want to.

"No wait!" she shouted and ran towards the door at just the same moment Kathleen came back in, causing them to collide. "Oh!" they both exclaimed but Serena was the unbalanced one and she ended up landing on her backside. When she saw the look of horror on Kathleen's face, she couldn't help but chuckle.

"Are you okay?" the blonde asked as a smile formed on her face as well. She bent down to help Serena up when she noticed that the young girl's sleeve had been pushed up, revealing all the scars on her left arm. The laughter immediately ceased when Kathleen took hold of Serena's elbow. Neither girl pulled away and Serena sat watching her examination. Kathleen sat cross legged in front of her and removed the watch from her wrist. "I admire you. I can't imagine what you've gone through, Dad never said anything don't worry and the news is full of shit. But I wanted to give up once." She showed Serena her wrist which had a raised scar across. "I kept thinking, 'life sucks' and I figured I could just make it stop. Instead, I ended up getting arrested, going to rehab, medication, rehab again." She chuckled but there was no humor in it. "It's still a battle but I see these..." she said pointing to Serena's wrist…"and I am put to shame. You are so strong and what right did I have to think my life was so horrible when you survived literal hell?"

"You can't compare Kathleen. What happened to me is seriously atypical, something no one would ever imagine. Whatever you were going through, that's how you felt, and you have every right to your feelings. Momma says no one can tell you that what you're feeling is wrong and no two people react to a situation the same way." She stopped abruptly when Lizzie appeared in the doorway.

"You always were too smart for your own good. Olivia must be very proud. I'm proud to know you. I remember meeting you after one of my soccer games. You had just gotten out of the hospital and Dad kept telling Olivia that you needed air and socialization, so he dragged the two of you along. I knew you were still in pain, but you tried your best to keep it to yourself. I remember banging a header and thinking, "God now I have a headache and I just want to be sidelined" but then looking over and seeing you smiling so your mom wouldn't worry made me realize how selfish I was being. Kat, you scared the shit out of me when you did that" Lizzie said as she pointed to her sister's wrist.

"Believe me when I say that I am definitely not the poster girl for positivity or self-control" Serena said trying to steer attention away from her and the dark conversation. "Lizzie, if your head hurts, it's not selfish to stop and take a quiet moment." She had to laugh at that. "Actually, that's something I have to take my own advice for. It's true, I don't want my mom to worry about me hurting, she does enough worrying about me already and these past two years have caused enough worry for her to last three lifetimes. And I am not that strong. I wanted it to end too. Three times. Life, nature, God, something just didn't allow it to happen and..." They all got quiet. "I would very much like to hang out with you all. Let's not…. let's have fun." She extricated her arm from Kathleen's grip and as she stood up, she pulled her sleeve down, hooking her thumb in the hole she made in all her sleeves. She held out both hands and as each girl grabbed hold and stood up, they all smiled.

"Yeah."

"Let's go." Lizzie and Kathleen said in unison as all three girls made their way outside.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: I can't believe this is chapter 30! Time for some Stabler family bonding. Thanks so much to everyone still reading this story.

Chapter 30

"God! I can't believe Grandma Bernie is letting you stay here all summer. She's always kicking us out after just a long weekend!" Dickie exclaimed. They had been sitting at the water's edge for almost a half hour. Maureen hadn't arrived yet with Eli and her little family. Dickie didn't even look up when the girls came out together and he barely acknowledged anything that didn't involve the game he was playing on his phone. Here he was, an adult with a full-time job in security and he was acting like a bored teenager.

"That's because you're obnoxious Dickwad" interjected Lizzie.

"Gramma says that what you do for fam…" Serena started to answer as she normally would, but she remembered that they didn't know. She stood quiet as three pairs of beautiful blues stared at her.

"I knew it!" Dickie screamed. "I knew Dad was sleeping with Olivia. He was never home, and Mom kept…"

"No!" Serena screamed back. She figured her mother would come running any minute, but she had to set the record straight. "Richard, Elliot never slept with my mother. Amend that, Elliot never deliberately slept with her." She took a deep breath and looked for Olivia. She was up on the patio with Elliot and they seemed to be arguing over something with the grill. While she had the courage and the opportunity, she told the story of her conception to her half-siblings, minus the more colorful details.

When she was finished, the Stablers sat and stared quietly. "So you see Richard, they were the first victims of The Doctor, the first players in his game to get me. Momma didn't even know who my father was until I told her last week. She thought my father was some drunken one-night stand because that happened a lot back then and she didn't want to pursue it. She had no idea Elliot was also drugged because Kathy took him to a Queens hospital, so the Queens police didn't make the report public to Manhattan SVU. I think Captain Cragen knew, but he wasn't going to advertise it. You can hate me, resent me all you want. After all, it is me he was after but please don't blame Elliot and don't you dare blame my mother for separating your parents." She said that last part with emphasis. She was as protective of Olivia as she was of her.

Dickie burst out laughing. "Damn! You sure as shit got the Stabler fire! You hide it well. No wonder the daughter of Badass Benson and the often-unstable Elliot Stabler survived seven levels of hell. Pure stubbornness running through your veins little sister." He doubled over in laughter as the three girls looked on.

"Are you high?" asked Lizzie and that just made him crack up louder. It became contagious and within a few seconds, the three of them were laughing. Serena was confused but it didn't feel like they were against the fact that she shared their dad, so she relaxed a bit. When the laughter died down, Dickie spoke again.

"It's Dickie ya know. My friends call me Dick, but family calls me Dickie."

Serena was so grateful for that that she let out the breath she had been holding. "Sorry, but I can't call you that. That name, that word isn't something that should be assigned to someone...I mean it's your nickname but... That word should never... Plus, I'm a bit afraid of..." she said quietly fading. All three Stablers knew there was more to that statement.

"Me?" asked Dickie as Serena reluctantly nodded. "I'm sorry. What did I do?" All laughter was gone. His tone was serious as his voice dropped.

"It's not...it's not you or something you did. Elliot and Uncle Fin are the only…" she blew out a breath. She might as well put it all out there. "Fuck it. You are so much like Elliot and I've seen him when he comes out of the water and his shorts are clinging to him like, everywhere. It's still hard for me to comfortably hug him and I can only do it from the side. You're a man Richard. A big man and like Elliot, I imagine that doesn't stop with just your height or muscles either. You have a temper and men use their size...mmmm…" she couldn't seem to get her point across. She felt herself getting wound up and wanted to run.

Dickie slipped off the chair and knelt down in front of her. She tried not to shift but ended up pushing back a little. Dickie put his hands up at his sides as if in surrender and sat on his heels. "Sorry. Serena, please know that yes, I am a guy, a big guy and yes, my size can be to my advantage in many situations. I use it in my job every day, but I would never, _ever_ use it against a woman, especially not the size of my dick." Normally this would be the point where either he or his sisters would make some sort of gross sound or penis joke, but nothing about this situation was funny. "I promise not to crowd you and be quieter around you and keep my Stabler temper in check but please, please don't fear me. I will never hurt you, but I will hurt anyone who tries to." He stayed there and held her gaze as she studied him.

"I know, really, that you won't hurt me. Like I said, you are so much like Elliot, it'll just take a little while to be comfortable, I think. Please don't change for me, except maybe your nickname" Serena said as she smiled.

"Yeah "Richard". Maybe it's time you graduated to an adult name not associated with porn stars" Kathleen stated about 3 seconds before a used tissue was thrown at her head.

-SVU-

Olivia had stayed close to the house since the kids arrived. She had dressed and greeted each of them upon arrival and as Elliot pulled his eldest son to the side to catch up, she and the girls unpacked everything and chatted a bit. She saw Kathleen and Lizzie holding Serena's hand as they walked out the back door a little while ago. Every maternal instinct in her wanted to go and protect her from...whatever. Liv knew her daughter was on edge more today with the Stabler "invasion" as Bernie called it. She also knew that once again, she spent the night awake. This morning, Liv made sure not to move when she awoke for the second time because she knew Serena was just about to be pulled under, finally, when the invasion began, three hours early. _Fuckin' A. Couldn't get stuck in traffic for another ten minutes?_ Now, she held back and watched from afar. She knew they wouldn't do or say anything to intentionally hurt Serena and she wanted to give them time to reconnect. They were just talking after all.

Elliot distracted her of course. What the hell did she know about grilling? If she wanted a steak, she ordered from the take-out menu so why was he trying to explain why he had to cook certain things in a certain order? Laughter caught her attention and when she turned, she saw the three Stablers bent over in hysterics and Serena's head going back and forth as if watching a tennis match. She couldn't see her daughter's face from this angle, but she didn't seem to be upset. Just then, she heard the security guard ring up, Maureen was here. Elliot closed the grill on the burgers and hot dogs that he just put on and grabbed her hand.

Eli was the first out of the car and Elliot ran to pull him in for a hug. The kid got so tall! He was lean and still had his blonde curls. Elliot didn't let go of him as he greeted Maureen and Marcus. But once little Declan was out of his carseat, all bets were off, and Grandpa took over. Olivia greeted everyone as well and helped them all gather their things and come inside. By the time they decided to make their way back outside, Olivia was holding the squirming 8-month-old and Bernie was standing at the grill, flipping the burgers. When everyone greeted her and Olivia handed over her great-grandson, she looked to her left and was glad she had nothing to hold onto that might have slipped from her grasp. She let out an "Oh!" and covered her mouth with her palm, causing everyone to turn in the direction she was facing.

Elliot came up behind her and wrapped his arms around. "See?" he stated smugly as he smiled. Olivia was watching a volleyball game that just started. Kathleen and Lizzie were on one side, with Serena on the other side with Dickie of all people. He seemed to be encouraging her to hit the ball a certain way. It was this sight alone that allowed Olivia to relax her breath and think that she might just be able to enjoy this day.

"I know what I see" said Maureen as she worked her way down the stairs calling for her husband and her little brother to follow. "I see a game that is going to end in tears and bloodshed!"

"Oh yeah!" answered Eli enthusiastically as the three of them began to walk over to their siblings on the sand.

"They're not killing each other without me" said Elliot as he dragged Olivia along behind him, eager to play with his family. He stopped and turned addressing Bernie. "Ma, can you…" He didn't need to finish as she readjusted the baby and shooed him off, keeping an eye on the grill.

The three siblings greeted the newcomers happily. Maureen walked over to Serena smiling warmly but didn't attempt a hug. Serena smiled back with a nod as Eli came up behind his big sister. Marcus held back and she didn't acknowledge him. She didn't mean to be rude, but what she told Richard was true and there was only so much male she could take at once.

"Hey Serena" Eli said. "Aren't you sweating wearing a sweater and pants? It's so hot out here!"

"Eli!" admonished Maureen and the boy looked confused. Olivia and Elliot finally caught up.

"It's okay Maureen. Hey Eli! We were going to play volleyball, wanna play?" she asked without answering his question.

"Duh! What are the teams cuz I want the team that's gonna win?!"

"Okay" Dickie took over then. "Serena is on my team with Dad and Maur. Marcus, you go with Liv, Kat, and Lizzie." He lowered his voice so only Serena heard, and since Kathleen was standing next to him, she heard also. "Where should Eli be Sissy?" When Serena gave him a surprised, questioning look, he said, "Hey, I'm not saying this will be easy, that it won't be an adjustment for all of us and there's still a lot to discuss, but not today. Today is a day for family fun. Besides, if you can change my nickname, I can change yours." Kathleen smiled and wrapped her arms around her brother's neck. No one else knew what was going on so they all looked dumbfounded, except Liz, who had a vague idea. "Kat come on man!" he said as he shrugged her off. She kissed his cheek and skipped away, all eyes on her.

Serena whispered back. "Eli's not threatening. I'm still taller and he still has a little kid body so you might want him on our team since I'm fast but not strong in any way yet. You need the extra player."

He nodded and raised his voice. "Okay. Eli, you're with us dude!" Eli punched the air as he made his way over. Olivia caught Dickie's eye and he just winked, making her smile.

The game was fast and fierce. There was no mercy and Serena liked it like that. No one coddled her. The language of all the Stablers and even Marcus would have made hardened criminals blush. Eli kept pretending to cover his ears, but everyone knew he was having a great time. Bernie came to sit close by with little Declan in the sand under an umbrella. When it was a point game, Serena was up front with her back to the net while Eli served. The moment she turned around, she found herself up very close with Maureen's husband. He was certainly a sweetheart when she met him a few years ago at Thanksgiving, but so many of her perceptions have changed. Marcus was tall and heavier than Elliot or Fin. Bernie called his husky. His skin was chocolate and he was sweating profusely since he was wearing a muscle shirt. Serena froze instantly, causing the ball to hit her in the head, knocking off her glasses, again. Liv was at her side instantly and everyone began to gather.

"I'm sorry!" shouted Eli. "Why didn't she move?"

"It's okay baby. It's just Marcus. I'm right here" Olivia kept repeating trying to break Serena's horrified gaze from Elliot's son-in-law. Marcus quickly backed away, squatting in the sand next to his son and Bernie as if trying to make himself less threatening.

"Okay, guys, back up" Elliot said taking control. "Why don't we get some lunch? I am starving." Everyone took their cue and headed back towards the patio. Serena was frozen in her spot, gripping the net like a lifeline. The ropes were wrapped around her fingers making them red and swollen but he didn't dare touch her. Her eyes told a horror story that they had to wait for her to get through. He picked up her glasses and came into Serena's vision as Liv continued to try to get her attention. It didn't take too long.

"I'm sorry" she finally whispered. "I didn't expect him to be so close and he just filled my whole line of vision and he's so big and" she was ranting and if she didn't calm down, she was going to slide back down the rabbit hole.

"It's okay" cooed Olivia. "But I need you to take a deep breath. A deep breath and let it out." She began to model her breaths until Serena copied her.

"I'm hungry" Serena said suddenly. Olivia knew she was beyond embarrassed and ashamed of her reaction. She kissed her head and led her back towards the house where everyone was already digging in.

"Hey!" said Elliot. "Were you raised by wolves? Jesus Dickie, one at a time!" he admonished as he saw his son's plate piled with two burgers, two hot dogs, and enough potato and macaroni salad to feed a small village. When he turned around, he saw Serena's plate nearly as full as his son's, he shook his head. "I'm gonna have to make another market run at this pace!" He took his plate that Olivia offered and sat down to join his family in lunch.

When everyone was almost finished and small conversations took over, Elliot heard Dickie speak to Serena with his mouth still full. "Damn Sissy, you can really pile it in! That's what I like, a girl who is not afraid to eat."

"I have a couple years to make up for Richard. I need to build up muscle so that I can kick your ass at volleyball next time, boys against girls. Plus, I take after my mom. She's always hungry and never shies away from a meal." Olivia made a face and stuck out her tongue as Elliot burst out laughing, Dickie right with him.

"Did you just call her Sissy?" questioned Eli. "And since when is your name Richard?"

"I heard that too" interrupted Maureen as the other Stabler siblings all looked guilty. "Spill it."

Olivia looked to Elliot who seemed as confused as she was. What the hell were they talking about earlier? They both looked at Serena, who had her eyes downcast. Lizzie spoke up.

"Well Maur, here's the condensed version. Dad and Olivia were targets of this psycho doctor who heavily drugged them and force them to have…" she stopped when she remembered Eli was listening intently. "To sleep together. Neither had any memory of it and bing bang boom, Serena came along. Dad found out a few years later but kept it to himself for whatever reason that will be discussed at a later time. Olivia had no clue until last week. So, we have another Stabler sister but fortunately, we already like her." She winked at Serena who was silent.

"Serena is our sister?" asked Eli. "I don't understand."

"Dad had a baby with Liv a long time ago squirt. Turns out, she was already part of our family" explained Kathleen as she got up and sat down on the same chair as Serena, pushing her over in the process. They were squished together but Kathleen didn't seem phased by the lack of personal space. "She may not be blonde and her eyes may not be blue, but she has the Stabler stubbornness and dedication to her family. She is our sister kid." She ran her hand down Serena's head and rubbed a few circles on her back, causing the young teen to smile shyly before swerving away from Kathleen's hand. She was rebandaged and still very raw and sensitive, but she didn't mind her sister's touch because it was not in anger.

"Careful with my back please Kathleen. I'm sorry Elliot. I know you wanted to be the one to talk to them. It just kinda happened. I'm not even sure how." She furrowed her eyebrows like she was trying to solve a problem.

"Oh that's easy. Dic-Richard was being an ass, running his mouth as usual. She has a fierce protection of you Olivia. Despite everything, she went toe to toe with an angry Stabler man to make sure your name was clear, so to speak" explained Lizzie.

Elliot put his arm around Olivia's shoulders and kissed her temple. "Just like her Momma."

The rest of the day went smoothly with everyone having a great time. Serena even got a chance to hold little Declan. She seemed wistful but was so gentle with the little boy while Maureen looked on. Elliot and Olivia were down playing frisbee with the others. Bernie was dozing in the lounge chair. "Did you ever want a little brother or sister?" asked Maureen.

Serena didn't even have to think about that. "No" she stated emphatically. "This is going to sound super egotistical, but I really liked having my mother's full attention. She came home every night, even if it was just for a couple hours to shower, change and see me and we would play, color, cook, talk. We did everything together and she never kept anything from me or made me feel like a little kid, even though I was one. Uncle Fin and Uncle Munch treated me like no other, like I was the center of the universe. And Elliot, he treated me like a father, even before he or I knew he was. I was never lonely, but I wasn't indulged in terms of toys or things like that. Momma always made sure to instill charity, great compassion because let's face it, she exemplifies compassion like none other, and a work ethic. I never wanted to have to share that." She paused while she handed the baby to his mother.

"Then, while I was gone, I knew every moment of my mother's life was spent trying to find me. That wouldn't have happened if I had a sibling because she would have had to divide her time. But, after a while I thought she gave up and I got so angry at myself because she _should_ have had another kid. She needed someone to dote on, to snuggle with and give all her time to. That child may have helped take away some of her worry and I was so selfish all those years for consuming her life. I mean, she just quit her job, the job she was born to do, that she was good at and that she loved. She quit so she could help me. Now, I'm back to thinking that I'm glad because I need her now more than ever and I know the worst is yet to come."

Maureen thought carefully over what she just said. "Well, as the oldest of five kids, I can certainly understand. It's not selfish, it's all you knew and you were happy. You both were, that was blatantly obvious. You were wrong though, Liv never gave up. She never would. And I've learned a few things from my dad over the years. You said "the worst is yet to come" but I don't believe that. I mean, it's not going to be a cakewalk. I don't know if you have nightmares or whatever, but I do know that you already survived "the worst." The rest can't hurt you. Besides Dad and Liv won't let it and now you have five other Stablers to help you through. You may not have ever wanted a little brother, but you got one along with three older sisters and an older brother who seems to be channeling someone else whenever you're around. Even a nephew to boot! You're stuck with us."

Serena didn't know what to say to that. She got this funny feeling in her stomach and her eyes started to sting. She was glad her glasses weren't see through. Crying was never an option. Maureen got up. "Come on, I'm going to put this little guy down and then we'll go show them the proper way to play frisbee."

-SVU-

They all sat around the fire pit roasting marshmallows while waiting for the fireworks show to start. Elliot sat back watching, taking it all in. Serena had never done this before, but she didn't seem to be enjoying herself. The day had gone beautifully. Everyone was laughing, having a great time and his youngest daughter started to loosen up. She was social as long as she wasn't crowded around, joining in conversations and asking questions. She completely avoided Marcus, but he seemed to understand. As the night grew darker, she got quieter.

"She hates fireworks El" whispered Liv. "Ever since that day. Plus, I can't imagine that she enjoys loud noises in the dark of night."

Elliot cursed himself for not realizing that ahead of time. He could tell that she was beginning to obsess and worry and would continue until daylight. God bless his mother because at that moment, she came over and shimmied her way into the small space next to her new granddaughter, forcing Serena to twist and curl into her.

Olivia watched the scene play out and she didn't resent Bernie, but she wanted to be the one Serena cuddled with when she was upset. Fortunately, which was laughable, but Serena was more than exhausted. The emotional stress of yesterday alone should have knocked her out but she didn't even close her eyes last night. Hopefully, if there is a merciful God, she would be too tired to fight sleep tonight. They heard the first screech and saw the bright burst of color and Olivia decided to sit and enjoy while she could. They heard a boom in the distance and Serena quickly separated from Bernie and stood staring at her mother who eagerly opened her arms. Serena contorted her body so almost every inch of her was touching her mother in the narrow chaise before she buried her face in Olivia's neck. She laid her arm across Olivia's chest to rest her hand on her shoulder and Liv wrapped her up, kissing the top of her head. She could feel Serena shudder for the first few loud booms, but then she just felt dead weight. Olivia couldn't see her face, but she silently prayed that her baby had finally given in to sleep. That hope was dashed about 20 minutes later when the finale streaked across the sky, Eli started cheering, and everyone clapped causing Serena to jump almost all the way off her lap and yelp.

When all heads turned to look at her, she shook her head. "Sorry. I'm okay."

"Hey" said Liv. "Why don't we go get comfortable and lie down sweetie?" She watched as Serena kept shaking her head as if she was trying to make music with a rattle.

"No Momma. I'm good" she stated as she kept opening her eyes wide to prevent them drooping.

"Dad! I mean Grandma B, would it be okay if we crashed here tonight? I really don't wanna sit in the car for two hours tonight" asked Kathleen. Dickie and Lizzie shot their heads up, with expressions of happy anticipation on their faces.

"Oh of course dear. You know I love my house full!" replied Bernie. Elliot deferred to his mom. After all, she did own the house, but he was so glad that his kids wanted to stay and spend more time.

"I wanna stay too!" complained Eli. "Maureen can we? Look, Declan looks like he's about to fall over anyway." He waited patiently as the eldest Stabler whispered to her husband before raising an eyebrow to her grandmother, who smiled.

"We'll have to get creative with the sleeping arrangements though since we took down the bunk beds."

Everyone looked confused at that remark. "What did you do with the bunks?" asked Maureen.

"I asked if I can remove them. I'm sorry, Gramma said you guys only come once in a while and I couldn't keep sleeping with Momma and Elliot. He snores so loud, I don't know how he doesn't keep her awake!"

All eyes turned to their father. "I saw her room and assumed she was sleeping with just Liv. So, how long has this been going on?" asked Kathleen, wiggling her eyebrows.

Liv had her eyes down and Elliot finally spoke. "Serena can sleep with us so Maureen and Marcus can have her bed. The girls can sleep on the pullout. I can either drag the bunk mattresses into the living room or the boys can use sleeping bags."

"Wait" interrupted Serena. "Guys, when it's not raining, I sit out here under the stars at night. It's great! If there's sleeping bags and mattresses, why don't we bring them out here? We won't need to turn on the air conditioners…" her voice faded when the Stablers stared slack jawed. She really needed to learn to stop rambling.

"A campout?" asked Eli. "On the beach? You're so lucky Serena! I'm in!"

"Me too" said Dickie followed by his sisters.

Olivia seemed surprised but Elliot looked smug. Serena actually asked the Stablers to stay and hang out with her which was a 180 from how she felt this morning. Her daughter may not sleep again tonight, but she wouldn't be out here alone, and that was a big step forward.

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	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

 _What a day! What a night! Oh just look at her. I can't believe she's here, let alone smiling while surrounded by people. No, not just people: family. This is her family, our family. That is going to take some getting used to, for both of us._ It was going on 3:15 in the morning and Olivia was snuggled up into Elliot, her back to his chest with his arm wrapped around her waist as they sat in the widest lounge chair on the patio. The back of her head was nestled into his shoulder, his head tilted in her direction. She didn't have to look back to know he was peacefully sleeping. She could feel the deep rumble in his chest along with his breath against the top of her head. He wasn't the only one who gave into sleep. Eli was the first to konk out around 11 when everyone was concentrating on a particularly interesting game of gin rummy. Kathleen knocked out around 12:30 claiming her meds kept her on a regular sleep schedule after which Dickie and Lizzie got into a heated debate on the use of certain drugs. Elliot tried to put a stop to that immediately, not only for obvious reasons, but mainly because he thought Serena would be uncomfortable. But that kid of theirs always surprised her. She joined in their debate and freely offered up her knowledge of how drugs affect your brain and body. It was fascinating to watch her go head to head with Dickie, who finally conceded on many points. He retreated into his game after that and fell asleep not long after. Maureen went to join her husband who decided that he would take the opportunity to get some sleep in the "tiny" bed alone (his words) a while ago. Serena had a full-sized bed and Marcus was a big man and everyone assumed Liv shared the bed with her daughter until she let it slip. Elliot played it off and Olivia was not going to argue that. They could claim that Serena felt safer when he was around, but she didn't want to deny their...relationship? They really needed to define what they were becoming. So now Olivia sat, sleepily watching Serena and Lizzie work together to create what should be a beautiful piece of artwork. They had taped together several sheets of large sketch paper and after intense discussion, went to work creating...whatever it was they were creating. She didn't have a good vantage point but it didn't matter, she just enjoyed the scene in front of her.

The next thing she knew, she heard shouting. "I didn't do it!" It sounded like all hell was breaking loose which made Elliot jump up from behind her.

"Damn it!" he muttered as he struggled off the chair and stormed inside. When he opened the door, she smelled something horrible. Olivia decided to let him handle it since they were his kids after all. Funny thing though, they weren't kids anymore, yet they still went at it like youngsters. Having been an only child, the idea of arguing so intensely with your siblings always fascinated her. The shouting was getting louder as they were all trying to talk over one another, and Olivia quickly wondered where Serena was in all that chaos. As soon as she stood up, she got her answer as her daughter flew out the back door and ran straight for her spot by the water. Liv didn't care what was going on inside as she ran to catch up. When she stopped, Serena was kneeling in the sand much like she did the other day, on her knees with her forehead down. She had her hands covering her ears, wrapping around her head and she was mumbling something into the sand. Liv knelt down beside her, careful not to touch. She put her head level with Serena's so she could hear and be heard.

"Serena, it's okay baby. It's okay you're safe. You're here with me." She repeated this over and over a few times until Serena's rocking and mumbling abruptly stopped. She shot upright and stared at her mother although Liv could tell she didn't really see her.

"Ssssoo mmany. Ssssooo ma-many shouting. So many shouting and and laughing. They, they were laughing and shouting so many and no one stopped. Nobody said no!" She was imploring Liv to understand. Unfortunately, she was confused.

"Who Serena? Who wouldn't? One of the girls? Dickie? Who baby?" As Serena vigorously shook her head no, it finally clicked, but before Liv could respond, Serena continued.

"So many mmmmen. So many men and they were shouting over, over each other and then laughing. They all were laughing and shouting at the same time. Grabbing. Tight. So tight. I screamed and they laughed. I tried not to; I tried to hold it in. I screamed and they shouted at me and each other. I, I, I, mmmmm...they w-w-wouldn't stop. Not one. They just laughed." She kept repeating this and she had such a far off look in her eyes. She was stuck in this flashback and Liv had to get her out. She couldn't wait for her to work through it as is recommended, this was torture for them both.

Olivia put her hands on Serena's arms, trying to get her to take them away from her ears. Every other time Liv put pressure on her body, it seemed to calm her, ground her to the present, let her know this was reality, not the nightmare. She held Serena's hands tightly against her own chest, hoping her child could feel her heart beating. "You are here with me Serena. You are here and you are safe. No one is going to hurt you, Serena. I won't let them. No one is laughing at you and I will personally scold each and every Stabler in that house for being so loud and careless. Serena, just breathe." She hoped that repeating her name would help her connect since The Doctor berated her and referred to her as Heaven. "Serena, breathe with me. Look at me baby." Olivia took deep breaths while massaging her daughter's hands and holding her gaze.

Serena was violently shaking but Liv could tell that she was desperately trying to come back to the present. It took a while but Serena finally gripped Olivia's hands back, just as tightly. She began to take deeper, shuddering breaths and Liv kept encouraging her, saying her name and massaging her hands. She was vaguely aware that the patio door had slammed. She didn't care what else was going on, right here, right now was all that mattered.

Elliot finally came into view and he approached slowly, making a large arch around so as not to come up directly behind their daughter. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew it wasn't good. He situated himself next to Olivia but didn't make any other moves or say a word. His eyes were locked on their daughter until she seemed to mimic Liv's breathing pattern.

"Mmy na-my name is Serena. Momma! My name is Serena!" she shouted before hurling herself at Olivia, wrapping her arms around her neck and banging right onto her lap with such force that Liv almost toppled over backwards. Luckily, Elliot was right there, as always, to keep her from falling. Liv held her just as tight, forgetting about the bruise on her back until Elliot repositioned her hands for her. He rubbed Liv's back for a few moments and just watched as Serena didn't cry, just held on for dear life repeating, "My name is Serena. This is real" over and over.

He kissed the top of both their heads and stood up, motioning to Olivia that he was heading back inside the house. She continued to hold her daughter for hours, minutes, days. She would hold her for all eternity if it meant she wouldn't have to relive a single horrifying moment ever again. Serena shifted on her lap so both feet were situated on one side and Liv could look down and see her face. Olivia shifted to move herself but was stopped by Serena's shout.

"NO! Don't let me go, Momma!"

"Like hell" she replied in the style of Elliot. "I'm just making us both more comfortable honey." Liv was able to move them so her back was against the wall for leverage. They sat quietly for a while, Serena still shaking some, when Olivia heard car doors slam and saw Elliot approach again. She put her hand up in warning. Serena was finally calming but Liv was still on edge. Whatever he was about to say or do had to be said or done with extreme caution around her right now. He stopped not far from them.

"I am taking everyone for breakfast because...well, let's just say we need to be out of the kitchen for a while. You are both more than welcome to come." He knew Serena wasn't about to go eat in a public restaurant with the Stabler crew, but he had to ask. "Or I can bring you back something?"

Serena looked up at her mother with a confused expression before going back against her shoulder. Liv spoke for both of them. "You're taking everyone out for breakfast, _now_?" It was his turn to look confused as he nodded his head. Liv knew deep down it wasn't his fault at all, but she was kind of pissed. She smelled the kitchen, heard the ruckus, and he knew Serena was not in a good mindset right now but whatever. "We're fine. El."

"She…" he began. He knew whatever just happened was awful and he just caught the tail end of it, but Liv seemed angry when she interrupted.

"We're fine, Elliot. Go take your family to breakfast" and with that she ducked her head and began to whisper to Serena, essentially dismissing him.

"I'll bring you something" he said as he turned away. When they watched the two cars pull away, Serena spoke up.

"I nneeeeed...ugh!" She stopped for a moment, burying her face in Liv's shoulder trying to will herself to stop stuttering while Liv stayed quiet, urging her on. "I need to know if we're the same Momma! I need the truth because I am confused. You may not want to answer and that's okay, but I need to know so…" She blew out a breath.

"Remember open and honest?" Liv stated. "You can ask me absolutely anything and I will answer. I don't care how embarrassing people might think it is, my Serena wants information and I will give it to her." She looked down and kissed her daughter's nose eliciting a calming sigh from the teen who continued to breathe deeply.

"The Doctor said we are both so much alike. He said I am just like you with sex, but he never had sex with you. He said he watched that night that you and Elliot made me, and he almost hurt you. I heard you scream the other day and I knew you liked sex but I screamed all the time, at first. You said you gazzmed and that was good but Momma, does that mean I liked it? Because I didn't like it! At all but I did those things just like you. I gazzmed and I screamed and…" she started to get worked up again and Liv was dying inside, but stopped her right there.

"No. Serena, no. I told you, your body, women's bodies have reactions to certain stimuli. Do you know how often I hear rape victims tell me they orgasmed, and they are so ashamed that they want to die? It's not your desire sweetheart, it's your body's chemical reaction." Serena finally looked up into her mother's eyes, intrigued. Olivia loved that look; it reminded her of when her child was little and was invested in learning something new. "Okay, when you touch something hot, your body reacts and pulls away. The nerves in your fingers send the message to your brain that they are being stimulated and need to react, without any thought from you. You know that right?" When Serena nodded, she continued.

"Women have these little bundles of nerves. These nerves are...programmed to react to stimulus as well. They react differently than when your fingers get burned; they react with pleasure, again without any thought from you. It's what they are designed to do. For some women, the minute something touches that little bundle of nerves, they orgasm. I've heard of women orgasming when they wipe themselves after using the toilet and they accidentally touch. We have no control over it. If you orgasmed at any time, you had no control over it. Yes, I orgasm all the time, but I have no control over it. If I did, believe me, it would happen...anyway, it is not an indication of consent or of pleasure. It is an indication that your body, your nerves are doing what nature intended, they react when stimulated. That's all." This was killing her. Not just the fact that it happened to her daughter, but that Serena is taking his words and turning them into shame and blame. A reaction that so many people strive for and making it into something horrible. She held Serena's gaze and watched as she took in the information.

"I never gazz...orgasmed during the celebrations. I was touched there alot but so much other stuff was happening also and all I did was scream and try to get away. Actually, I could have...who knows? Things went numb, even my brain" she stated with a furrowed brow and a shrug. "It was only after the celebrations stopped and The Doctor would let me in the house towards the end and it was just the two of us. If he was happy with me, he would bring me up the ladder into the house and lay me on the carpet. He was gentle. He would tell me to breathe the whole time. I could feel my stomach tingling and my legs would shake and I would get the strangest feeling. I tried so hard not to move but then, I would jerk up and my legs would shake, and I would see stars behind my eyes. I couldn't breathe the way he wanted me to, it felt like I was running. He would whisper nice words and smile. It was those times when he would shout "Oh shit! Oh shit!" And he would shake too and go stiff before being out of breath. Wait, do men orgasm too?"

 _I will personally castrate him and shove his dick up his ass._ "Yes, baby. Men orgasm too."

She paused to take that in. "Sometimes, I got the feeling more than once because he kept going, sometimes I would wet myself. He would laugh when that happened. He didn't even get mad. He would shout, "That's it! She's a squirter, just like her mother! I knew it!" Is that true Momma, do you orgasm like that?"

 _Jesus Fucking Christ!_ "Yes baby. Sometimes. Actually, Elliot makes sure of it. But it's different Serena." She really did NOT want to have this conversation. Flashbacks, PTSD, sleepless nights, she could handle it all, just not this fucking conversation at this moment.

"How? Momma, how is the way it happens to you and the way it happened with me different?"

 _How the hell do I answer that? It's loving the person you're with that makes it different, but I can't say that. Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ She was saved by her daughter.

"It's okay Momma. I, it's okay. Don't answer that now. Later, we'll talk again later." Olivia pulled her up close once again, but as long as they were talking, she tried one more.

"I still have one more question from when Grandma interrupted the other day." She heard Serena sigh and nod against her shoulder. "How many celebrations were there? I've been trying to get a handle on how many men to look out for and how many charges to file."

"It doesn't matter" she stated in a matter-of-fact way. "One or fifty, why does it matter?"

"Every time matters sweetheart. Every single time someone touched you. Amir is dead so he's already been punished I suppose, and the judge made a deal so piling on a specific number of times doesn't affect that. Fuck me, this sucks!" Olivia couldn't help herself. "Sorry."

"It does suck. Uncle Fin says 'fuck me' alot too but I don't know why. It's kind of an odd saying considering." That made Liv chuckle. "At each celebration, there were 5 men. The first one was 10, but that was way too many and they started to complain that they couldn't move properly. Steven said he didn't want to "stick it in some manhole". The Doctor told me then he could have more with less. The men were the same for the most part. There were times when someone new came but then I'd never see him again. Momma, can we be done talking about this?" With that, Liv hugged her daughter fiercely. Five or so men, how many times? One was too many…

-SVU-

When the cars pulled back into the driveway, the Bensons were done cleaning up the kitchen and were headed to the eye doctor that Liv was able to get an appointment with. Olivia had no idea what happened, and Serena seemed to block everything out once the shouting started. Whatever happened this morning made the kitchen stink to high heaven and Liv wasn't about to leave that kind of smell, or mess for Bernie to live with or attempt to clean. If she was being honest with herself, cleaning the kitchen just then was necessary to expel her energy (the little she had from such lack of sleep), but it was disgusting, and she couldn't believe Elliot just left it like that. Poor Bernie! When everyone walked through the doors, they were all subdued. Elliot took a quick look around and frowned.

"Why did you clean up? They were going to do it" he said looking quite pissed off himself.

"Seriously? We were supposed to live with that smell and mess until you all decided to come home? A few days ago, you were pissed off at Serena for having an attitude, but the kitchen was almost destroyed, and you decide to treat everyone to breakfast? If her excuse wasn't good enough, what was theirs?" she pointed as her voice rose in pitch and volume, but she didn't give him enough time to reply. Turning back to Serena she asked, "Are you ready to go?"

Having packed her journal and pencils inside her bag with her portable tank, she nodded and walked to the door.

"Where the fuck are you going?" he didn't know what the hell was happening, but he was pissed, basically because she was and he didn't understand.

"Out, why?" She knew she was being a bitch and his children were watching, but they weren't children anymore and maybe that's what made what she was feeling worse.

"What the fuck Olivia? You never mentioned going anywhere. I have a right to know where you're going as long as you're living under my family's roof!" He knew he said the wrong thing just by the look she gave him.

She stepped back, took a deep breath and said to Serena while looking right at Elliot, "Let's go baby." She turned to follow her daughter out to the car just as he grabbed her elbow. Her reaction caused him to let go instantly. She spun around and jerked her arm away with a look that would cause anyone to beg for forgiveness. Anyone else that is. "This was your idea, but I've been taking care of my daughter her entire life just fine so don't worry, we don't have to live under your family's roof anymore." Then she was gone. By the time Elliot realized that he was standing there like an idiot, Serena was already strapped in, Liv started the car and drove off with no hint as to where they were going but more importantly, he didn't know if they would be back.

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	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Staring at the clock on the nightstand, Elliot let out a frustrated sigh. 1:15am. He lay wide awake after such a shitty day. Granted, today was nothing in the grand scheme of shitty days that he has had in his life, but still, shitty in its own right. After Liv drove off, the kids began gathering their things to go. He didn't understand what the hell happened. They had such a wonderful day yesterday. Serena got along with everyone and they were having a great time together, as siblings. She saved him from having to explain himself. Breakfast brought up that conversation, but no accusations were hurled and since they already thought of Olivia and Serena as family, the kids just accepted their inclusion. Serena was the one who suggested the campout, Liv seemed to be content and enjoying herself for a change, so why is he lying here in the middle of the night trying to sleep alone when she should be here next to him with their daughter in the next room? He knew he fell asleep first, but he wasn't sure how long Liv was asleep before the chaos began. The fucking kitchen chaos. You would think four adults could manage to make breakfast without all hell breaking loose, but they were the Stablers and damn. He knew the bickering got outta hand. He knew Serena was caught in one hell of a flashback because of it. Whatever she told Liv upset her to the point where she was on edge more than she has been. He wished he knew what caused her to jump down his throat. His mother lit into him as soon as her tail lights disappeared. She also let the kids know that she was displeased with them, which was a generous word for how she felt. Bernie was right though; they were all too old for that kind of nonsense. So, the kids left and Bernie retreated next door and then to her room leaving him alone all day with the silence of his thoughts. Except they weren't silent, they were screaming.

 _Jesus Olivia!_ _I didn't ask you to clean up the kids' mess. I didn't make you live with...fucking hell. That's it. Liv's never had this kind of organized disarray. Serena has never been loud or messy and there was never anyone to argue with. She said she felt like she was trespassing. She cleaned to make up for it, like she owed it to mom to keep the house in order no matter what. Dammit Olivia! When are you gonna realize you are family? This is your home too? The fuck Stabler? It's been what, a whole week and you expect her to conform after 19 years? There was so much happening so fast-too many changes at once. Who am I to dismiss her feelings? I'm an asshole. I gotta let her know. If I haveta beg her to come back, to come home, I'm ready._

He reached for his phone and hit number 1 on speed dial but hung up before it could connect. If by chance she was sleeping, and that was a big "if", he didn't want to wake her or disturb Serena who was sure to be right by Liv's side. He sent a text instead and waited.

-SVU-

Liv tried to breathe as she drove away. It didn't work. She had to pull over about a mile down the road in order to calm down. Serena unbuckled and put her arm around her shoulders. Liv knew what it felt like to want to comfort the person you love most, and children felt the same way, so she leaned into her daughter and let out the sobs that were building. She was angry and sad and disappointed, but she didn't let herself go for long. She took a few deep breaths, reigned it in, kissed Serena all over and was able to drive away. After Elliot left, she called around and was able to make an appointment with an eye doctor for Serena. She couldn't keep wearing cracked lenses and when Eli hit her with the volleyball, it cracked the elbow so whenever she shook her head, the glasses wobbled. She was lucky to be able to get in on a Saturday. When they walked into the kitchen though, all coherent thought went out the window.

"Wow!" exclaimed Serena right next to her. That was an understatement! With the exception of Eli, who was old enough to know better but still should have been watched, everyone was an adult. The kitchen was a wreck and smelled like a rhino threw up and someone tried to get rid of the smell by lighting the place on fire. "Has Gramma seen this? She loves her kitchen very tidy."

Liv didn't say a word. She grabbed the rubber gloves and went to work, Serena grabbed the broom and they wordlessly cleaned the kitchen together. They had just gotten ready to run in order to make the appointment on time when the Stablers came home and what happened? Elliot gets mad at her! Now, it's 1:15 in the morning and all is quiet. Serena is sitting in the chair writing in her journal, wearing the glasses that the doctor was able to repair while they wait about ten days for the new ones to come in. The lens was still cracked, but at least she was no longer in danger of the lens shattering in her eye or having them fall off anytime she moved.

 _Oh, you made a huge mess and almost burned the house down? Let me treat you to breakfast. What the fuck was that? But then, Serena is copping a 'tude and being rude by expressing herself so let me get frustrated and angry with the traumatized child. Let's leave the mess while we go enjoy ourselves, Liv won't mind. No, of course I won't mind. I just spent over a half-hour consoling my daughter and having the hardest conversation I've ever had. Adults. They are all fricken adults! Spoiled adults, no wonder they act the way they do. How am I supposed to walk away from that mess and the smell!? We are guests in Bernie's house, and I am supposed to ignore that? No. Then he demands to know where I'm going. I'd tell you Elliot, but you were being a dick._

Truth was Olivia was hoping he would be back in time to come with them. She was concerned with Serena's eyesight and wanted to make sure she took in all the information the doctor would tell her. As it turned out, she was by herself listening to the doctor talk about eye strain and vision loss. Her prescription was so strong that if they didn't do everything possible, she would be considered "legally blind" before she is an adult. Fortunately, she is getting help. She may need what used to be called "coke bottle" glasses, but she could see clearly and that's all that matters. To lighten the mood, they stopped in the phone store to get Serena a new phone. Apparently, Kathleen and Lizzie promised to call and message or snap or something for fun and to keep in touch. Serena was so excited, and it made Liv happy also. In fact, she got herself an upgrade.

She is no longer seething, but she isn't in the forgiving mood either. When she pulled into her garage, the outside of her building was swarming with reporters. The arraignment of Carlson as well as the judge's plea was probably the top story everywhere. She had to turn off her cell yesterday because it wouldn't stop ringing. Once she set up her new one, she shut that off as well. Finally, she called Fin. She knew Elliot had given him the day off and she hated to bother him, but right now he was the only one she could call. It didn't take long. Before dinner, there were two guards posted downstairs by the elevator and stairs and two more posted right outside her apartment-at the top of the stairs and just outside the door. No one was getting passed them, not even Elliot (she warned them that he would flash his badge and demand to come up). She wasn't in the mood to talk to him so unless he got a warrant to enter, he would be escorted away with anyone else who couldn't prove that they lived in the building or had a legit reason to be there. She needed time to recoup. To think.

-SVU-

Elliot couldn't stand it anymore. Liv didn't answer his text and he sent two. He tried calling as soon as he woke up knowing that if Liv fell asleep, Serena would be awake at the break of dawn. It went straight to voicemail, only now her voicemail was the generic computer generated one. It never occurred to him that she may have turned off her connections to the outside world. He finally tried the landline at 8:00. Nothing, just ringing, not even the machine. He was tempted to call Fin to go check on her but decided to go himself. He had to be ready for work tomorrow anyway. That fucker was pleading not guilty and he would make sure to do everything in his power to degrade Olivia and Serena and there was no way he was going to sit idly by and let that happen. Olivia may be angry, but he wasn't gonna let her go that easy. He took his mom and Gladys to mass, made sure they had a ride home and that Maddie would be here in the morning for his mother (who seemed exhausted after everything) and went to put his family back together.

Liv forgot the landline. That number was completely unlisted and only a handful of people knew the number but at 8:00 in the morning, the shit rang. She was able to doze off and on during the night. Serena was able to do the same, she thinks. She didn't totally give in to sleep, but Liv opened her eyes once to find her daughter had hers closed and was dozing in the chair. When she couldn't take the ringing anymore, she picked up, ready to ream out whoever was on the other end of the line.

"Olivia, it's Rafael. I've been trying to get a hold of you since yesterday. Is there something wrong with your cell?" ADA Barba calling at 8am on a Sunday morning was not a good sign.

"No, I turned it off because of all the reporters. What's the matter?"

"Now that we are proceeding with trial, I really need a full disclosure statement. Carlson's attorney is claiming Serena never actually admitted he raped her. I went over all the recorded conversations and he's right. We need a complainant. I'm asking you to get your daughter to talk to you or Elliot or Fin. Better Fin since he can technically be considered unbiased. We have time, but the more she tells us, the better we can come up with solid evidence to convict."

"Wait. What are you talking about? He confessed so why do we need to do anything else? I'm not putting my daughter back in the same room with that sick fuck and I don't give a shit what he has to say." She was confused because he spoke as if this was commonplace.

"Dammit! Fin swore he told Elliot." Pause and silence on both ends. Barba took a deep breath. "Carlson changed his plea. Spouted bullshit about illegal entry, forced confessions, Elliot threatened him. We're going to trial. His lawyer says all we have is circumstantial and he is right. She never said what Carlson did. She danced around everything. Serena has to testify as the victim. She is our only witness besides Sorotsky and he's tainted. Serena is our evidence. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, I thought you would know by now. I'll keep in touch." With that he hung up, leaving Liv angrier than before and scared for her daughter, who was looking right at her.

"No" she said barely above a whisper. "You said we didn't have to go. You said we didn't have to see him again. You said it was over!"

"I'm sorry baby! I didn't know. He's pleading not guilty." Before she said another word, she picked up the phone and dialed. It went to voicemail after a few rings which meant he was on the other line or unable to answer.

"What the fuck Elliot? When were you gonna spring that on me? The day before she has to testify? I am an NYPD sergeant for chrissakes. I do not need your overprotection!" She made sure to slam the phone on the cradle as she hung up.

Serena could NOT think about this right now, so she switched gears. "He's fucked up a lot these days huh?" she said, trying everything she could to stay calm and calm her mother at the same time. "Why do you think he didn't tell us?"

Liv sighed. She would never bad mouth Elliot to anyone, ever, especially their daughter. "You know Elliot, sweetheart. He always tries to protect the people he loves, and I think he didn't say anything so that we, you, wouldn't worry. It wasn't right, we have the right to know all this information first, but I can't think of any other reason right now." Serena just nodded and got quiet once again. "Tell me what you're thinking honey. Please?"

"Did he change his plea because of what Elliot did? Will he get fired? Will Elliot have to go to jail?" Just like her mother, always worried about others.

"I don't know. Mr. Barba didn't go into detail because he thought I already knew. I'll call Uncle Fin later and get all the information. I don't think Elliot is in trouble or else Barba would have definitely mentioned it. It's not the first time he attacked a perp; at least he has a really good excuse this time if he needs it...you. Look, the way trials are scheduled, we have plenty of time. CSU is testing every bit of evidence and now that it must be presented, I will have them recheck everything. Barba is adamant about putting you on the stand. He's going to want details, especially your feelings. If we can come up with enough, we may be able to avoid that."

The words were barely out of her mouth when Serena answered. "No! I never wanted any details to come out. I don't want anything on record for others to read. I wasn't even going to tell you anything but you keep… you have this way…Isn't my room evidence enough? The things Amir said? Judge Sorotsky? Dr. Warner has the baby she said she could compare to prove she was really his. It doesn't matter how I felt. I am starting to feel better, at least I was and now it's all going to shit!"

"Yes" said Liv as she knelt in front of her daughter. "Well no. Your feelings do matter, then and now. You baby, you matter, and this is all about you. Those feelings are what flash through your head when you get stuck. We have to acknowledge them, work through them so they eventually become distant memories that don't affect you so harshly. Everything you've said so far has been very straight forward, but you say it so...detached. I know the horror baby. It's okay to admit it. Please, always let me know how you felt, how you feel. We will work through it together. That is the way for you to get better."

"But it just hurt, I don't know what you want me to suppose to feel." Serena indeed looked confused. She also was extremely overtired, frustrated, and scared of what happened between her parents and what might happen in court. It was written all over her face.

"I don't _want_ you to feel any particular way. What I mean is your emotions. Okay, how do you feel right now?" Liv needed to get her focus off the trial months away and back on her recovery.

"Umm...tired, scared, I don't wanna go to court!"

"No baby. I see your brain working things out. Let's put court aside for now. Yes, you are tired, why are you tired? What makes sleep so terrible? What are you thinking about? Do you feel scared, angry, confused…? That's what I mean. Yesterday, when you had that flashback for example. You were shaking against me and you sounded so scared. What exactly were you feeling then?" She had to try and get her to understand that her feelings are most important.

"Oh, first, I really didn't take part in that whole mess in the kitchen Momma, but I'm guilty because I didn't say or do anything to stop it either." Funny how she felt the need to explain when no one had accused her. Liv rolled her eyes and shook her head to dismiss the notion, so Serena continued. "Then they all started screaming at each other. It was like it went from silence to deafening shouts like that" as she snapped her fingers. "And then just the same way, in my head I wasn't in the kitchen anymore, I was in the room, not my room, the one up the ladder and I didn't see the Stablers in front of me, I saw all the men. All the voices sounded the same, but I was stuck in the room and I realized that I wasn't really stuck, so I guess I knew I was able to move so I did."

If Olivia were in any other profession, she would have a very difficult time following Serena's story and understanding what she was saying. Olivia watched Serena's eyes glaze over and her breathing picked up while her voice got lower. "I ran the way I wished I could've run so many times, but I could still hear them laughing, screaming, cheering, cursing. I could still feel them grabbing, holding me down, pulling at me, twisting me, bending me over, sometimes backwards and I would feel things inside me pulling, tearing, breaking because my body didn't normally go that way. I felt them shoving inside of me, hands and…" She stopped short and took a breath and swallowed before continuing… "harder and harder in every place that they could fit, sometimes not even taking turns but two or three at once. I felt them breathing on me and I was shouting in my head, but nothing was coming out of my mouth. Then I heard you." She finally looked at Liv. "I heard you say my name. No one called me Serena for the whole time I was away. My name really _is_ Serena. You told me you were with me and I was safe. I felt your hands grab mine and hold them. They didn't hold my hands. They just grabbed anything they could to keep me down, but no one held my hands. I knew I was safe when you held my hands. Your touch feels different. Your voice never sounds angry with me, even when I was mad and spoke poorly to Gramma. Except when I came out of the water and you yelled, you sounded angry, but I understood that. I felt so scared in that kitchen like I woke up back into the nightmare. So scared, terrified because I could actually hear them and smell them and feel their hands on me until I felt yours. Then I felt like I was dreaming because you chased them away and I wasn't in the nightmare anymore. Your touch is so much better. That's why sleep isn't good because no one can hold my hands and I'm stuck in the nightmare. Is that what you meant? Is that right?"

Liv had to take a moment before answering, so she held Serena's hands up to her lips and breathed. It felt like she was warming them with all her love. She knew about the celebrations, about all the men but to finally hear Serena talk about it just pierced right through her very soul. She imagined some fucker holding her down for his pleasure, not five at a time for hours. She had to make sure her voice was steady before speaking because Lord knows all she wanted to do was scream and cry for her daughter's pain. "There is no right or wrong way to feel Serena. I know you understand that, but this is exactly what I was talking about. Talking like this will help you in the long run. This is not a dream baby. That nightmare is behind you and you are here, with me. I am real, this is real. So the next time you feel held down, or laughter puts you back there, I will know what to do and you will be able to come back to me. Just reach for me, I will be there and I will understand. It will get easier and easier for you. Talking is healing. Not just telling me the facts, but sharing the experience helps you put it behind you."

"Like I told Gramma, I just hurt. All the time, inside, outside, in my head." She closed her eyes and took a breath. "Will we ever go back to Gramma's?" she asked changing the subject. "I know you're mad at Elliot and I'm not too happy with him either, but you know that he is going to work tomorrow so he won't know if we go in the opposite direction back to Jersey. I think she liked having us there and we didn't even say goodbye. Can we just go back and at least say goodbye, pack our things? We can't even leave this apartment and Uncle Fin has his people guarding us. If I knew we were leaving, I would have soaked up some sun and take it with me."

Olivia knew she was right. She just walked away not saying anything to Bernie or goodbye to the kids. It bothered Serena to just leave without warning and it bothered her too. If Serena was the average, deceitful teenager, Olivia would have great cause to worry about her way of thinking, right now it worked in their favor. "You're absolutely right. It wasn't fair to her or to you. Actually, I think when everyone's eyes are on the SVU and the DA's office since word has spread, and the media circus is focused there, it would be the perfect time to hop in the car and drive in the opposite direction. We'll go uptown over the bridge like last time, avoid downtown altogether. The more that I think of it, it's a great idea!" With the plan in mind, they spent a quiet day at home, no more talking about such heavy topics and they both managed to doze on and off during the day. Olivia did gather a few of the things she wanted to bring, just in case.

-SVU-

Elliot finally found parking seven blocks from Olivia's apartment. Damn Sundays. The walk helped him focus on what he was going to say at least. He checked his phone one last time before he hit her street. He had a voicemail but didn't remember a call coming in. When he checked the time, it was when he was calling Liv so the lines must have cancelled each other out. He pressed play. "What the fuck Elliot?" drew his immediate attention. Shit. She found out about the trial. Worse, she found out that he was the one who didn't tell her. As if he wasn't already in the doghouse with her, now he had another thing to explain. Great. When he approached Liv's street, he saw the media parked outside, some staring up at her window, others on their phones. They noticed him immediately and shoved microphones in his face and started asking questions. He pushed his way through and when he got to the door, an older woman was walking out so he ran up to grab the door from her. As he held it open, he noticed two men standing in the lobby. Just standing there, watching. His cop instincts were finely tuned so he approached the elevator when one of them spoke.

"Excuse me sir, but do you live in this building?"

"What? No, who the fuck are you?" _Did the building get new security?_

"Sir, I am going to need to see some identification and ask why you are here." The man was burly, bigger than Elliot and unrelenting.

"I am Lt. Elliot Stabler of the NYPD and why I am here is none of your concern. Now move or I will make you move."

To his credit, the man stood his ground as his equally sized partner approached from his spot by the stairs. "Lt. Stabler, Sgt. Benson doesn't want to see or talk to you, or anyone. I have my orders to ask you and anyone else who does not live here or have a legitimate invitation to be here, to turn around and leave her be. So, please, _sir,_ don't make _me_ move _you._ "

Well shit. She hired private security. He couldn't blame her with all that was going on outside, but he was not deterred. Where the hell did she find these guys on such short notice? "Did you just threaten a police officer with bodily harm?" He was hoping their brains weren't as big as their bodies.

"No sir. I threatened no one. I told a man who is trying to use the power of his badge to infringe upon someone's right to privacy, to leave. There is no reason for you to be here. The person you wish to speak to does not want you so unless you get a warrant, and good luck with that, you are not getting upstairs. Now, those reporters are watching closely. Do you really want to give them another news story?"

Fuck. This was not their first rodeo. Elliot turned around and saw some of the reporters watching him carefully through the glass doors. He took out his phone and redialed her cell-straight to voicemail. Landline-not even the machine. She really did cut off all connections to the outside world. Looking at the two men in front of him, he simply said, "Just do your job and keep them safe" before walking away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Another night spent alone in his apartment. Funny, he's been divorced three years and spent most nights here, but he has never felt so alone. They've only been a couple for just over a week, but he missed Olivia lying next to him. He missed holding her while she slept. He missed trying everything in his power to get her to sleep, since she refused as long as Serena was awake. He missed seeing her smile in the sunshine, wet and covered in sand with her hair blowing everywhere in the summer breeze. He missed Serena. He finally got the chance to be the father she deserved, and he fucked it up. Liv hired security to keep him away. Him! Well, okay not _just_ him since the media frenzy was parked right outside her apartment, but those goons said they had orders not to let him up, no matter what. Him by name. That hurt.

He was up early and in his office by the time most others were just shutting off their alarms. He was going to make things right, whether she wanted him to or not. Now that Carlson has been remanded and would probably never see the light of day again, he was going to make good on his word and begin the paperwork for retirement, effective after the trial. It would give him time to tie up loose ends, get a new sergeant, and break in his replacement. He would take some time off and then maybe do some security work, consulting, something to keep busy during the days so he can devote every single night to making Olivia happy. To show her how much she is loved. To be the rock of a father Serena needed and deserved. He would request more time with Eli. First, he had to reconcile all the shit that piled up on his desk.

Fin rolled in around 7:30 looking a hell of a lot better than he did when he left. Good for him. Elliot called him into the office. After the usual pleasantries and catching up, he asked the question that has been irking him since he left her building yesterday morning.

"Hey, did you arrange the security at Liv's apartment?" Olivia had connections and could surely arrange anything herself, but those guys could only come from the man in front of him.

Fin answered immediately, not even looking guilty. "Yeah. She asked for the favor and I was happy to help. Those guys owed me one. I'm assuming you saw the zoo outside?" He was ready to defend, even though Elliot was his superior.

"Yeah. No, thanks man. I appreciate it. If I can't have her back, at least I know they're both protected" Elliot conceded. Fin just nodded and turned to walk back to his own pile of paperwork.

-SVU-

Olivia watched from behind her curtains as the reporters weren't yet up and ready for the big news of the day. It was way too early. Serena was up pacing the living room all night. Liv couldn't get her to sit and relax no matter how hard she tried. They were both exhausted, but Serena was practically sleepwalking. Jersey really was a good idea. She seemed able to let her body rest there and Liv didn't see a point in waiting any longer so, they grabbed their bags and headed out. The two men who guarded upstairs greeted them and helped carry their stuff down since Serena didn't use the elevator.

"Don't you guys sleep?" inquired Liv. They had been guarding them since Saturday morning. Even though Liv didn't leave the apartment at all yesterday, she knew that they wouldn't have left without notice or else they would have had to answer to Fin.

They both smiled but the smaller of the two, Stefan, spoke. "Don't worry Sergeant. We know what we're doing. When we were Rangers, we learned to sleep standing up! Anyway, we were going to take a break and switch out today but seems to me like you won't need us today" he said indicating their bags and the early hour.

"No but thank you. I'm not sure when we'll be back but please, get some rest." They nodded and were met by the other two guards downstairs who made sure the way to the car was clear. Olivia thanked them all profusely before heading towards the bridge. Once they hit the first rest stop on the parkway, the same one they stopped to talk at just a few days ago, Liv put the top of the mustang down. Serena always seemed to be freer when she had the sun hitting her face and the wind blowing her hair.

The ride was relatively quiet. They kept the music on in the background since silence was a no no for Serena. Traffic was light this early in the morning and they made good time. In fact, they pulled up to the security gate when Olivia's alarm would have normally been snoozed. When she pulled into Bernie's driveway, the older woman practically ran outside. Her home health aide, Maddie, had just pulled in next to her car.

"Olivia darling! I am so glad to see you" she exclaimed as she pulled her in for a hug.

Before Bernie could say anything more, Olivia spoke quickly while holding her tighter. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to just run out on you. It wasn't you or this place, it was all me. I...I…"

"Shh" Bernie comforted as she rubbed Olivia's back. "No dear, you don't have to apologize. I was right here and saw it all. I let Elliot have it, don't you worry. And the kids who aren't kids anymore? They got a piece of my mind as well. You don't have anything to be sorry for."

Liv pulled back a bit. "I ran out on him. I tend to do that ya know. He's probably so pissed at me but God" she let out a deep breath and seemed to deflate. "I am just so tired and, and I don't know what." She felt as if all the exhaustion of the past few days slammed down on her at once. This place really was a haven. Bernie placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Come on inside. Rest. You're home now." Olivia suddenly felt like crying and before she could stop herself, she was. Not a sobbing or even the kind of cry that takes your breath away, just tears that needed to be released. "Your room is waiting dear." She practically pushed Olivia through the doors and once she made her way to Elliot's room, her room, their room? she collapsed on the bed.

The whole time, Serena was standing back, watching. When her mother had gone inside, she stepped up. "Can we stay for a little while Gramma? Momma needs to sleep, and the apartment is just so small and there were so many people outside that we were trapped and hi Maddie" she said. She was making sense up to a point, but it was obvious that the child was practically delirious.

"Hi honey!" welcomed Maddie as Bernie placed her hand on Serena's back, urging her forward into the house.

"Will you take care of us too while we're here? I need bandages and Momma doesn't like changing them." Maddie nodded and agreed as they all walked towards the bedroom where Olivia lay dead to the world already. Between the two older women, they got Olivia situated into a more comfortable position on the bed and got Serena tucked in next to her. The child gave into sleep immediately.

"She knows she's safe here Maddie" explained Bernie. "They both do. They know they are home."

Olivia was wakened by the sound of screaming. It took a minute for her to get her bearings, but Serena was screaming and thrashing in the bed beside her. Screaming was an understatement. She was letting loose with blood curdling shrieks that rattled Liv's bones. Bernie and Maddie arrived at the doorway but only stood there. Liv grabbed her daughter's hands and pulled her upright. "Serena, open your eyes and look at me. Open your eyes Serena. Wake up." She had to shout over the screams in order to be heard. Olivia rubbed her thumbs over her daughter's hands and kept talking, gradually lowering her voice until the teen stopped screaming.

She tried to force air into her lungs, which was exceedingly difficult. Each gulp seemed to make her chest rattle. "He's dead, Momma. He's dead." She briefly scanned the room before squeezing her eyes shut once more. Serena continued to wail for quite some time, breathing heavy and holding onto Olivia's hands.

"It was just a dream Serena. You're awake now baby. It's okay." She continued to soothe her child until she calmed down enough to wheeze. She had been doing so well these last couple days that she didn't need the oxygen tank, but Liv knew she wouldn't be able to function without it today. Maddie seemed to read her mind as she came fully into the room and easily manipulated the cannula into place.

"I made breakfast, but I wasn't sure you'd be up yet. You were both so exhausted that I thought you'd sleep all day!" stated Bernie, trying to bring some normalcy back. Liv looked at the clock. 10:22am. Bernie was right, and it was going to be a long day.

-SVU-

What a day for Elliot. Since Carlson was arraigned so late on Thursday and then everything was closed for the holiday weekend, the press was itching to pounce for details, especially after being told he changed his plea. As the head of SVU as well as being personally involved with the child in question (thank God the press still didn't know he was her father) he was dodging questions outside of the station house, but thanks to the chief, he had to give a formal statement in the afternoon. Liv was still disconnected with the outside world with her cell going straight to voicemail (meaning it was off) and the landline not even connecting (meaning she probably unplugged it). He wasn't about to embarrass himself again by showing up uninvited at her door, so he had much time to stew, wallow, and rage. He had to tell her what happened. It had to come from him.

"Hey Fin" he called out from the open door of his office. When the detective poked his head in, Elliot plunged ahead. "I need a favor man. I'm not on Liv's list of people to see, but I've gotta tell her the details about Carlson. What his attorney is claiming. Since I didn't tell her right away after you called, it's gotta be me man. Can ya help me out?"

Fin looked confused for just one second before he composed himself. "My guys said Liv and Serena left very early this morning. She told them that they had to get out before the press pounced. My guys got them to the car around 4:30 and watched them go. Da'Shawn said they each had a bag and she thanked them all, so it didn't seem like they were returning today." It was approaching quitting time, close to 8pm and he would call his guys back if he needed to.

"They head towards the bridge?" When Fin nodded, Elliot knew. "Sonofabitch! She headed back to Jersey." He had such a look of concentration on his face that Fin just walked back to his desk. Elliot called his mother. "Hey Mom, are the girls there? I mean, Liv and Serena. I know she probably asked you not to tell me, but Ma, I just wanna make sure they're okay. Please?"

"Hello dear" Bernie sounded so chipper. Different than the last time he spoke to her, which is a great thing. "She didn't tell me to keep their presence a secret so yes, they are here. Exhausted though son. More tired than I could ever imagine. They arrived at the break of dawn and got a bit of sleep, but Serena had such a nightmare! I've never heard such screaming. It took a long time for Olivia to calm her down and neither has relaxed since. I'm hoping I can coax them back to bed now that the sun is setting, but you know Serena."

"Damn" he expelled. "Okay Mom, I need to speak to Olivia. She's not gonna wanna talkta me, but she's just gotta listen. Put me on speaker if you need. Please Ma." After being the consummate professional all day with the press and the brass, his accent became thick now that he was talking to family. He needed to hear her voice. He needed to be the one to tell her the details that he now knew inside out before she heard it on the news. Thank God no one in that house was much for television viewing and Serena listens to music without ads. He heard his mother call for Olivia before putting her hand over the phone, making the only sounds he heard turn into muffled mumbles. He held his breath that she would take his call. Before he had a chance to become concerned, he heard her voice.

"Hello?" That's all she said. Curt, crisp.

"Hey. Liv I know that...we gotta...okay don't hang up." He had to get his thoughts straight and he didn't want her getting impatient.

She had to interrupt. "Elliot. Stop. Are you okay?"

At least she was still concerned about his well-being. She was Olivia after all, he shouldn't have been surprised. "Liv, I'm fine but... I...I needed to be the one to tell you. I shoulda as soon as I knew. I'm sorry that..." Her end of the line was silent, which Elliot knew was not necessarily a good thing. She tended to overthink things and something like this she was bound to overthink and put the blame on herself. "Liv, I can't see you so ya gotta talk to me luv." Terms of endearment were always good.

"Okay." She said 'okay' to almost everything, but she sounded so hollow. "Okay, it's fine. Thanks for calling. I need to check on Serena. Bye Elliot." That's all he got before she hung up. Well screw that! She was angry with him for something he had no clue about, she hired security and made sure they kept him away, and now they have to deal with another potentially life-altering situation, and she brushed him off as if he told her he was cancelling an appointment. No. That's not gonna fly. He checked his watch. She couldn't keep him away from his mother's house. He could be there before they went to bed, because as hard as his mom will try, they were not about to go to sleep, especially after hearing that.

He grabbed some files and his keys before locking his office door. "Okay, I'm out. Goodnight everyone. Get some sleep and I'll see ya all in the morning. Maybe we can get back to some kinda normal or…" he didn't finish, just waved and headed towards his truck. With Liv gone and him having one foot out the door, there would not be some kind of normal for them for quite a while.

-SVU-

Serena was having such a horrible day! After waking up screaming after barely four hours of sleep in as many days, she was walking on pins and needles swearing that The Doctor was dead. Olivia never knew her daughter to be clairvoyant and since Carlson was currently rotting in Rikers, she dismissed the dream to nerves and worry over the trial. All day long she was on edge, never able to sit still, then Elliot called.

"What happened?" Serena asked as soon as her mother hung up.

Liv took a deep breath. "Nothing baby. Elliot wanted to tell me the details of what happened in court, but I don't need to know that right now. You are my only concern."

Serena wrapped her arms around her midsection as if holding herself together. "You have to tell Elliot to check The Doctor's teeth." She got a pained expression on her face like she was saying something forbidden. "He has a molar cap filled with cyanide just in case" she finished.

"Serena, how do you know about the cyanide?" she questioned. _Please, please, please just let it be from him talking about it. Please don't let her be his experiment._ Somehow, deep down, she knew that is exactly how.

"He was so proud once he perfected being able to keep them in your mouth without them breaking and killing you. You can't even feel it let and no one can see it unless they know what to look for." The look on Serena's face twisted and her chest started heaving right before she burst into tears.

"Jesus!" Liv swore under her breath as she grabbed her daughter close. Serena fought her hold at first, wailing as her attempts to push away were easily thwarted. She finally went limp against Olivia's chest and cried, for a long time. Olivia could kick herself; she kept wondering when the tears, flashbacks, and PTSD would assert themselves because she could handle that. Well, as she fought to hold her child still while her own face was covered in tears, her chest ached because her heart was breaking in her arms. Olivia would indeed tell Elliot, only she would tell him to smash the piece of shit in the jaw so the cyanide would take effect and the good doctor would rot in hell. For now, she tightened her grip and tried to breathe. When Serena finally cried herself out and was down to a few hiccups, she tried to speak.

"He won't tell anyone. (hiccup) He always said what happened would stay between us even if little bits got out. (deep, shuddering breath) He won't tell. He'll keep his promise, that's what the molar is for. He said he'd die before anyone knew." The tears started again, and she stammered for breath but didn't say anything else. Liv had so much to say to her. Keeping the details a secret only hinders the healing. The secrets allow him to win and unless you confront them, they will continue to eat at your soul. All these things and more were on the tip of her tongue, but once Serena put her arms around Liv's neck and pulled herself closer resting her cheek against her shoulder, Liv figured those words could wait for a calmer time. This is what she's wanted, for her daughter to want to find comfort in her arms. She was not about to spoil it.

"You're both so tired Olivia. What can we do?" asked Bernie who stood alongside Maddie, who stayed later than usual claiming she promised Serena she would take care of them too. Liv didn't know what to tell her. She had tears streaming down her own cheeks, she was tired in her bones which was nothing compared to what Serena was feeling but neither was willing to lie down. Liv was content to sleep sitting up as long as her daughter was in her arms. It was Maddie to the rescue.

She was aware that Serena wouldn't swallow pills, but she was able to make a concoction of Dr. Paxton's sleeping pills and the painkillers for the child to drink. She also finagled a sleeping pill into Olivia's juice, so they were absorbed rather than digested. They were potent so both women should sleep deeply and hopefully peacefully, which they both desperately needed and neither Benson was the wiser. Maddie claimed they both needed to hydrate and the juice in her hand would help. Serena had to be cajoled and the glass had to be held for her, but she drank hers down eagerly. Liv followed suit. Before either knew what was going on, they were swaying in their seat. Both women helped them into bed once again making them comfortable hoping they would stay asleep for longer than a glorified nap.

Elliot arrived shortly after 10:15. He had to park half up on the sidewalk because Maddie's car was still next to Liv's in the driveway. He thought that was strange because the aide didn't have to come when the girls were there, so why was she spending the night? The house was dark save for a nightlight in the living room. He didn't think anyone besides his mom had gone to sleep. Liv and Serena must be out walking the beach but when he made his way into his room, he stopped short. Liv was sleeping on her stomach, which was something she hardly ever did, and she was spread out on his side of the bed. It didn't seem like she "just" fell asleep either. Her right hand hung over the side while her left held onto Serena's. Liv had her head turned away from the doorway and one leg bent. Serena was on her back with her machine doing her breathing for her, the rise and fall of her chest creating a steady rhythm. The ac was on and they were covered perfectly. Elliot knew his mother must have tucked them in, meaning they didn't voluntarily lay down. He got here rather quickly after his phone call, so something must've happened like another trigger for the kid, but they were both out cold and looked peaceful and that is all that mattered. He kissed his daughter, walked over to the other side, kissed Liv's head and sat down to hold her hand. He sat there for the longest time counting his blessings and kicking himself for making her feel less than she is worth. He would make it up to her. Both of them. He watched and listened to the hum before succumbing to his own exhaustion.

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	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Elliot's back hurt. His neck was stiff, and everything creaked. That's what happens when you sleep in a chair all night. He woke up around 2am and when he saw that neither Liv nor Serena had moved a muscle, he could have easily laid down on the couch or pulled out the sofa bed, but he didn't want to leave their side. When his phone alarm went off, he practically fell out of the chair to silence it so it wouldn't wake them. He needn't have worried because sometime during the night, Olivia changed positions and was hunkered under the covers, still out like a light. Serena was also still resting comfortably. Hmmm. He left them a note before kissing them both goodbye and headed to his apartment to get ready for work. Now he sat at his desk feeling like an old man cursing the damn chair when it was his own fault. He had the whole Carlson fiasco to file plus two other cases were coming up in court. He had to put his damn papers in. He was done. Today was going to be a long day.

Olivia felt heavy. She blinked and yawned and went to sit up when she realized she was on her stomach. She pulled her head up and rested on her forearms to take in her surroundings. Serena was next to her, her eyes moving rapidly under closed lids. The sun was shining bright and the clock said 9:42. Wow, last time she looked at the clock it wasn't even 9pm. She sat herself up and stretched but before she could move to get out of bed, Serena jumped a little and opened her eyes, looking around frantically. Nightmare.

"Good morning baby" she said calmly hoping her child would ease awake and realize she was safe. She did, but it was probably more due to practice controlling any outbursts than any morning greetings Liv could offer. As Serena removed her mask and reached to shut off her machine, Liv noticed a note on the nightstand.

 _Good morning luv. I just couldn't stand being away from you. Leaving things the way they were between us was not an option. I am so sorry Olivia. I never wanted to make you feel like I was choosing between children, one family over another. I have just one family and you are the biggest part of it. I never meant for you to feel like a guest, this is your home. Always. I'm also sorry for not telling you about Carlson's plea as soon as I found out. I...I came here ready to beg forgiveness but when I saw you both in bed, looking so peaceful for a change, I knew I didn't deserve either of you. I said a prayer last night Liv and you know it's been a while. I am just so grateful for you. I suck at using words with you Olivia, but I hope you know how much I love you. Both of you. Please call or text when you're ready. El._

Olivia held the note in her lap and while she read it a second time, Serena already had her glasses on and was reading over her shoulder. "We forgive him right Momma?" Her voice was raspier than usual due to last night's crying and sleeping so long with the mask on. She looked a little sick and her words were a bit slurred. "I mean, he was just being Elliot and we can't really blame him for that. Plus, he realized his mistake. So, do we?"

Liv found it funny how Serena would stay mad at Elliot if it's what she wanted. It was a matter of principal and solidarity between them after being just the two of them for so long. Liv smiled. "Yeah. I should call him but are you okay?" she asked. Serena was pale to begin with, she seemed to have lost her natural caramel tone after being imprisoned underground for two years, but right now she was as white as a sheet. She was also sweating which was odd since the ac was on and the room was cool. As Liv studied her face, Serena's eyes were moving rapidly around as if she was doing an internal inventory before making a very odd noise.

"Mmmmm-Momma, I don't feel good." She sat hunched over with her eyes squeezed so tight she must have been seeing stars. She let out a low whimpering sound.

"Serena, what's the matter? Do you feel like you have to throw up?" Liv was already grabbing the trash bin from over by the table.

"IT HURTS!" she shouted loud enough to be heard down by the water.

"MADDIE!" shouted Olivia, not knowing that Maddie spent the night in Serena's room and not even sure if she was coming back today but she needed help. "What hurts baby?"

"Mmmmmm...everything. Everything is burning!" Serena mumbled and began retching, however nothing came up. Maddie and Bernie both rushed to her bedside. "It's burning Mom-"

"She's burning up Maddie" Liv said barely able to keep her voice from sounding as panicked as she was. Serena's skin was dripping and clammy.

Maddie already felt the child's head and was currently holding her wrist and taking her pulse. "Get dressed Olivia" she said before taking Serena's glasses off to check her eyes. When she noticed Liv hadn't moved, she turned to her and raised her voice. "Olivia, get dressed now! We have to take her to the hospital. My brother is a burn specialist at Children's Specialized Hospital in Tom's River. It's a bit farther than our local hospital, about a half hour, faster if we say you're a cop and speed. Olivia, she has a raging infection somewhere and that is where she is going to get the best treatment. We need to leave now."

Liv just stripped and dressed right there in record time. Maddie drove a brand new Range Rover (she wondered how a home health aide could afford that, but was grateful for the spacious seating) and since Liv was not about to let go of her daughter to get behind a wheel, Maddie helped Bernie into the front seat before coming back in to help Olivia get Serena into the back. As soon as they pulled away from the house, Maddie called her brother and explained what was going on.

"Okay Olivia, they're going to be ready for us when we get there. I hope it's okay that I told him he could contact the clinic here to get Dr. Paxton's exam results?" Maddie knew she was not family and had no rights to even speak to her brother about Serena, but she knew it was the only thing to do right now and she had a feeling she would be forgiven.

She was right. "Maddie" began Olivia with a quaver in her voice as she held Serena's head in her lap. She was still moaning and burning up. "I can't even...thank you." Olivia thought Maddie must have been a NASCAR driver in another life because she had her foot on that pedal and weaved expertly around traffic. "Maddie, can I borrow your phone? I think I left mine on the bed." When it was passed back, Liv dialed immediately.

Elliot was in the middle of his never-ending paperwork, hoping Liv would call or text. It was almost 10:00 so she was either still sleeping, which was quite possible, or she was still angry, which was more likely. His phone rang and he jumped up but deflated when he didn't recognize the number. "Lt. Stabler, SVU."

"El? It's me. Oh God, El! We're on our way to Children's Specialized Hospital in Tom's River. We...Serena? Serena? Baby, answer me!" Her daughter went limp in her lap. "Maddie, she passed out!"

"Okay honey, we'll be there shortly" she replied while almost hitting 90 on the speedometer.

"Olivia! What's going on?" shouted Elliot as he already had his keys in hand out of his office. He stopped abruptly and called for Fin.

"Serena?" he asked. When Elliot nodded, he flicked his arm indicating that his lieutenant needed to leave, and he would handle everything. He shouted before the door to the stairwell closed, "Keep me posted!"

He flew down the stairs and was headed for his truck, still trying to get Olivia's attention since she never hung up the phone once he heard her say Serena passed out. "Liv?! Baby I need you to talk to me." She finally answered.

"She woke up complaining everything hurt. She was bent over and dry heaving but El, she's on fire! She's dead weight and sounds like she can't breathe. Maddie took her vitals and swears it's an infection. Carlson said she was infected, and we thought we took care of it on her back. Elliot…" she started to whimper herself with barely controlled panic.

"Okay Liv. I assume Maddie is driving. You're heading towards a great hospital and I will meet you there. Do you hear me? Just follow Maddie and let the doctors do their thing. I. Will. Meet. You. There." He needed her to do what she does best, compartmentalize. At least until he got there. He took full advantage of his rank and put on his flashing lights as he sped through the tunnel.

-SVU-

When he arrived, he was met with a sight similar to what he remembered vividly from years ago: Olivia was pacing the hospital corridor, barely containing her emotions. He took a moment to compose himself when she must have sensed him. He wasn't in her line of sight and he hadn't said a word, but that is how they worked. There was nothing either of them could ever do that would sever that pull, that connection. Nothing that couldn't be forgiven. In that instant, everything else was forgotten because ultimately, it didn't matter. Liv immediately sought out his eyes and when he stepped forward, she launched into his arms, rambling.

"Liv. Liv honey I can't understand. I need you to calm down." He shushed her and rubbed his hands over her back as she struggled to calm down. Finally, she explained exactly what happened.

"The doctors, she has several with her right now, they all say it's an infection and one said she may be septic and another was talking about surgery and they wouldn't let me stay with her…I can't lose her El. I can't lose her again!" That's all that was coherent for a while. She held on so tight and he was not about to let go. After some time, he managed to walk her over to where Maddie and his mother were sitting and together they sat, still holding on.

Maddie had taken Bernie down to the cafeteria for something to eat and still no word. Olivia folded into herself and she had a vacant look in her eyes that scared Elliot more than any gun pointed at him ever did. She was convincing herself that they were going to lose their daughter, but he didn't understand how. He watched them sleep last night. Serena looked so peaceful and the machine was doing its job. How could she go from that to being in surgery with possible sepsis? He couldn't take the silent waiting anymore and as he was about to go find some answers, a doctor came into the waiting room.

"Serena Benson's family?" Liv jumped up with Elliot right next to her.

"Here! Me, I'm Olivia Benson. I'm her mother. How is she?"

"I'm Dr. Regan. I am a nephrologist, one of the doctors working on Serena. Please, let's sit down." When they were all sitting, the doctor took a moment before continuing. "Ms. Benson, your daughter is a very sick young lady and before I begin, I must address the condition her body is in. She is severely underweight, has no muscle tone, weak reflexes, and scarring beyond imagination. Now. Ms. Benson, I must report her condition to…"

Elliot interrupted at that moment. "We are police officers, doctor. Manhattan SVU to be specific. I am Lt. Elliot Stabler, Olivia is my sergeant. We are the ones who you would call if we were in New York, however, obviously no one told you about our daughter." When the doctor gave him a blank stare, as if preparing himself for hearing excuses he has heard more times than he cares to count, Elliot continued. "Serena was kidnapped from her school over two years ago. During her captivity, she was beaten, raped, tortured, starved, burned, gang raped, you name an atrocity, it fell upon our child. Whatever you were about to say is not necessary. This is all documented for you to check out but later, please, tell us how is she?" He spoke with a clenched jaw just trying not to hit this man with the accusing eyes.

The doctor was taken aback at that. He had heard about this girl on the news and thought it was tragic. Now, he was treating her. "My apologies to you both. Please know that I wasn't making any accusations or presumptions against you. I am just looking out for the welfare of my patient. Serena is being seen by several specialists. We managed to discover the source of her severe infection. There is a particularly nasty burn just inside her rectum. This burn looked like an antibiotic cream was applied but it wasn't applied or cleaned properly. The infection spread very quickly since she is in such a weakened state. Her kidneys are under a lot of stress and infected. Left untreated as she was, she was on track for a serious threat of renal failure. She is concurrently being treated by our top pulmonologist, gynecologist, neurologist, and gastroenterologist who specializes in hepatology. They will come out to speak to you as they conclude their exams. I will go back in and explain your daughter's situation. It will help clear some things up and help us to proceed with her specific recovery in mind. Most of our team are men. You can understand why I mentioned that."

"What" Liv had to clear her throat. "What about her burns? You said she had a nasty burn and we spoke to one of your specialists on the phone on our way here. How are you going to treat that burn and what about the others? How long will she be at risk of infection?"

"Dr. Kendall is the one you spoke to. He is one of our best. He was the one who discovered the source of the infection. He will be with her the longest given the severity and sheer amount of her burns. Unfortunately, I cannot give you more specific information other than my own specialty." Dr. Regan went on to tell them about Serena's kidneys and bladder, his plans for treatment, and how best to ensure a proper recovery. Thank God Maddie came back to stand right behind them because all that information was going right over their heads. The doctor stopped speaking when she came into view. Elliot spoke up.

"This is Madeline Reston. Dr. Kendall is her brother, she was the one who called him and got my girls here. Please continue because Maddie here is going to have to translate and reiterate everything you are saying for us later." He was eternally grateful when his mother's aide stepped in.

-SVU-

Four days. Serena has been unconscious for four days. It seemed to Elliot that every doctor at the hospital was attending to his daughter. When they performed surgery, they thought it best to do what was necessary in one shot, so she had extensive scar tissue removed from her abdomen due to the horrible birth experience and hysterectomy that they still had no details about. She also had her one ovary removed, and a transfusion. He remembered that from Dr. Paxton's original report. She hasn't moved or given any indication that she is aware. There was a machine that breathed for her, one that eliminated waste for her, one that fed her, tubes and lines attached everywhere but the worst thing for him was the heart monitor. It was a slow and steady beep, but the beep wasn't coming from his angel's heart alone. _She_ wasn't making her blood flow and that beep was a constant reminder of the fragile thread that she was hanging by. That beep went flat several times already causing Liv to almost lose her mind, no exaggeration. Olivia was also hanging on by a frayed thread, hardly sleeping, hardly eating, barely moving from her chair outside the door. An infection. A god damn fucking infection! The worst part was for Liv. With such a severe infection and "organs failing" no one was allowed to touch her. The doctors and nurses were practically in hazmat suits to prevent the chance of spreading germs and exacerbating Serena's infection. They were only able to sit in an observation section where hospital personnel were monitoring the machines. There was a speaker that they were encouraged to speak through. Such bullshit.

It was 11:30. Elliot was dozing in his chair and the nurse left to use the bathroom like clockwork. Olivia couldn't take it anymore. There were no germs that she didn't already share with her daughter and after 2 years of breathing and living in dirt, what harm could Olivia's exhalations do to her that had machines cleaning her blood? She took off her shoes, pulled her overshirt over her head, and slipped out of the jeans she was wearing for however many days. She wanted to contaminate the room as little as humanly possible. She disinfected her hands and tiptoed into the room. All of Serena's tubes and wires hung off her left side for ease of monitoring so Olivia gently shifted things around and climbed into the bed with her daughter on the right, taking the extra blanket to throw over herself since she was left in just a cami and undergarments. She rearranged Serena's hands so that she was able to hold both the girl's hands with one of her own. The other was under her head and wrapped around her daughter's shoulders. No matter how old or how tall Serena got, she would always be her baby, the little living doll with the heart melting smile. Liv's forehead rested against her child's and she spoke ever so softly.

"I need you to hang on baby girl. I know you are tired, so, so tired. I know you are in indescribable pain and you want it all to stop. I need" she paused, cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "I need you to find just a little more strength my love. Take it from me, all you need. You fought so hard for two years, and you've been pushing through since you got back but please, please don't give up!" Tears were freely flowing, and she was struggling with each word. "I am right here. Fight angel. Give me your pain. Give it to me, I will hold you up I promise. I will hold you up and Elliot will carry us both, without hesitation and this time, I will let him. I'm right here Serena. I am holding your hand like you asked and I am not going to let you go." She couldn't speak anymore without sounding incoherent or needing a tissue. She leaned impossibly closer and kissed Serena's forehead when she felt it. She thought she imagined it at first but no, there it was. A gentle pressure on her hand. Her baby needed her touch; it's all she kept saying, even when she didn't come out and say it with words. Liv relaxed the slightest bit as her tears fell onto her child's forehead.

Elliot awoke as soon as he heard Olivia get up from her seat. He was confused at first as he watched her strip but then he listened. He would sure as hell carry them both, every day from now on. He let too much time waste and he will spend the rest of his life making that up to them. He didn't interrupt as much as he wanted to wipe Liv's tears away. She needed this and he couldn't see how it would harm Serena, no matter what the doctors said. When the nurse came back, she almost flipped.

"Don't. Please? Please let them be. If that child is as bad as you say, how can you deny her mother the opportunity to comfort her before… I beg you, please?" He was so desperate. The nurse turned around and walked back out. She returned a very short time later with Dr. Egar, the pediatrician who was leading the team. She must have been in the on-call room.

"Lt. Stabler, just what does Sgt. Benson think she is doing? That child has a serious infection and we need to prevent any contamination or spread of germs. Her being in that room could…" But Elliot wouldn't let her finish.

"Could what?" he was pissed. "Exactly what could happen because you came in here this morning and pretty much said that you think we should prepare our daughter's funeral. Every single team member said she has shown no signs of improvement and you were unsure how to proceed. I know you have your science and your statistics, but my daughter is special. Yes, you've heard that before too but for the last two years she has been kept in a pitch-black hole in the ground. Silent. Terrified. Alone. The only human contact was when some sick fucks, plural, did every unimaginable thing to her body, mind, and spirit only to leave her alone again. Tell me doc, how can her mother's loving touch harm her anymore?" Liv fell asleep almost immediately and he was going to make damn sure no one disturbed either of them. They both finally looked peaceful.

Dr. Egar looked thoughtful. She had been filled in on Serena's circumstances from Dr. Regan and the team worked very well together to care for all of her injuries but to hear that come from the girl's father brought her up short. She didn't like it, but she wouldn't fight it because he was right. Serena was not doing well and holding her hand was better for her mother than preparing to say goodbye. She addressed the nurse instead. "Continue to monitor closely, paying particular attention to…"

Elliot tuned out at that point. Liv would get to spend the night comforting their daughter and he was sure that comforted her as well. They could monitor anything they wanted, he would watch. When the doctor left and the nurse took her station, Elliot brought the two chairs together and made himself comfortable. As long as Liv was asleep, he would let himself go too.

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	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Olivia's left side was full of pins and needles and her right hand felt like it was in a vice. She heard a constant beeping, but it was her hand that brought her out of sleep. When she opened her eyes, she looked right into her mirror image. Serena was awake!

"Good morning my love!" she exclaimed. She swears she's never seen a more beautiful sight than when her daughter looks at her. She looked as if she could hardly keep her eyes open, but she was conscious. Liv looked towards the glass and saw Elliot standing guard with a look of relief on his face and a sheen in his eyes. The nurse wasn't at her station, so Liv assumed she went to get the doctor. The machines were making different sounds than they've made for the last four days and she could only hope that was a good thing. Before Liv could contemplate that anymore, she saw Dr. Egan come in with the nurse and prepare to enter the room.

She greeted Olivia with a curt nod and handed her a pair of hospital scrubs. "This room is about to be filled with several doctors, nurses, and other professionals. I didn't think you would want to hang around in your underwear." Liv could make out a crinkle in her eyes, indicating a teasing smile behind her mask.

Liv forgot that she removed her clothing in an effort to keep any outside contaminants away. She shifted and graciously took the pants. As she moved to get up, the grip on her hand tightened and Serena had her eyes open wide. "Shh, baby. I told you I would not let go and I won't. But I didn't mean quite so literally honey. I am not going anywhere, I just need to get dressed. Elliot is the only man who gets this view" she joked as she turned towards Elliot and winked. He graced her with a smile, and she was able to extricate herself enough to throw the pants on before climbing back in.

She kept that promise because before long the room was a flurry of activity with each of her doctors coming in to check. Unfortunately, with the exception of Dr. Egar, they were all male which put Serena on edge. It was evident on her heart monitor. "Okay wait" Liv commanded. "Is it necessary that you all come in and perform the same tests? You've been checking her monitors for days, rechecking her blood pressure and looking at her isn't going to make anything clearer. Dr. Egar, please?"

"She's right gentlemen. I gave her a thorough check when she woke up. We will run new bloodwork and any other tests as necessary, but all of us poking and prodding will only upset her and set her back. We will coordinate outside." Liv let the doctors fight amongst themselves as she gave her daughter her total attention.

"One squeeze for yes, two for no. Okay?" Squeeze. "Good. Are you in any pain right now?" Squeeze. "Where?" When Serena furrowed her eyebrows, Liv realized her mistake. "Sorry. Okay, let's see. We'll just run down the list I guess." Before she could start, Dr. Egar came back in.

"Can I begin?" When Liv checked with Serena, she felt a squeeze, so Liv nodded. The doctor began her list of questions, most of the answers were an unfortunate yes. Luckily, Serena was adept at letting a machine breathe for her, so she was able to relax her lungs which in turn helped her whole body. "Serena, the other doctors all agreed to act as consults from now on. They will continue to monitor you through the glass as necessary so you will see them coming and going. Eventually, each one will have to...touch you, one at a time, but you don't have to worry about that for now and you will never be alone with them or made to feel uncomfortable. Do you understand?" Squeeze. "However, Dr. Kendall is waiting outside, and he does need to be in here with you. I will stay and of course, your mom won't leave your side. Can I ask him to come in now?" Liv liked the way she gave Serena the option, even though she really had no choice in the matter. It helped give her back some power, some control and Liv truly appreciated that.

Serena looked at her mother questioningly. "Dr. Kendall is Maddie's brother baby. He is a burn specialist and it was he who found the source of your infection. Maddie called him for us and that's how we ended up in this special hospital just for children. I trust him sweetie and he's right out there with Elliot." She pointed towards the glass that Serena noticed for the first time. When she saw Elliot, Liv could tell from her eyes that she was trying to smile. She raised her right hand full of tubes for just a moment to wave. It made Liv smile when Elliot made a face and waved like an idiot. She felt Serena's chest move in a way that told her she was amused. "She's laughing at her goofy daddy. I am too!" Liv joked which only prompted Elliot to act goofier. With Dr. Kendall smiling next to the man she loved, Liv said, "Come in Dr. Kendall."

When Maddie's brother was all covered and entered the room, Serena's grip on Olivia tightened. He seemed to sense her discomfort and spoke up. "You can call me Antoine. My sister calls me Ant Man. She liked to tease me when we were kids." When Serena crinkled her eyebrows, he took that as a good sign and continued. "I don't know what she's told you, I mean, I know she loves to talk about me all the time. I'm the cool sibling after all, she wishes she was the cool one." When Serena made that sound again, Liv laughed too.

"We adore Maddie, Antoine. You definitely have some competition for cool sibling."

"Hmm, we'll check that again before you leave. May I come closer Serena?" Squeeze. "I'm not going to hold anything back from you, and I am not going to tell your parents something that I will not tell you. This is your body and you are old enough to know everything about it. In turn, I want you to let me know anything that hurts or doesn't feel right in any way, even if you think it's stupid or doesn't matter. Agreed?" Dr. Kendall expected Olivia to give him her daughter's answer, but none was forthcoming. Instead, Serena was studying his face. Her eyes were working along his features from his eyes to his mouth to his stance. She then flicked to Elliot outside the window. After taking some time, squeeze. "I like that. You took time to think, to assess and make an informed decision to the best of your ability. I promise to do right by you, even if you may think it's wrong at first. I need you to trust me. I know that's very difficult, but you can always have Maddie kick my butt. She can you know. Plus your dad out there, he's scary."

Through the intercom, they heard Elliot speak. "Her Momma can kick my ass doc. She's scarier." Squeeze.

Dr. Antoine Kendall proceeded to tell Serena about how he removed all the dead skin from every burn and treated them properly. They would need to be medicated and dressed, some for longer periods than others. They would feel raw for a while, then itchy, and that meant she would heal lots better than she would have before. The burn on her rectum, the reason for this specific hospital stay, was particularly tough. He is concerned that she may need a skin graft, but it is in such a place that since no one would see it, the graft isn't totally necessary. They would play it by ear. Then, it was time to check and redress her burns and she panicked a bit.

"I am going to show your mom how I do things, because it will be her job to continue after you get out of here. I'm sure Maddie will help, but moms are better. Hey Dad?" He said over his shoulder, finally turning towards Elliot. "How about you go get this lovely lady a cup of coffee, maybe a bagel?" Everyone knew he had to check Serena in some very intimate places and she didn't need an audience. Elliot also didn't want to seem like he didn't want to be there, which he really didn't need to watch but this gave him an excuse. He caught Serena's eye and waved before finding Liv's eyes and blowing a kiss. They both smiled and waved back, watching him go.

-SVU-

Serena was on the last of her 11-day hospital stay. Since the day she woke up in the isolation room, she has made unprecedented progress. When Dr. Kendall went to examine her burns that morning after Elliot left on his "coffee run", she had to be sedated. She trusted him to a point based on the fact that he was Maddie's brother and her parents seemed to trust him, but she still couldn't let anyone touch her, especially in such private places. No one objected though since she was still in quite a bit of pain. After that day, Liv and/or the nurses cleaned and changed her dressings until she got to the point where she could change many of them properly herself.

When Olivia had to help change the dressing on Serena's arm nine years ago, she almost wasn't able to. The scarring and discoloration turned her stomach, broke her heart, and made her so angry all at the same time but she managed to push through because her daughter needed her. That night on the patio when Serena showed her forearms to her was ten times worse. The fireworks were bad, but they were an accident. These wounds were deliberate and repeated. After Serena was sedated and Antoine meticulously described how to treat and dress each burn, Liv saw her daughter's entire body, which she felt was like an extreme violation. Serena never wanted her, or anyone to see. Other than her face, there was barely a spot on her that wasn't scarred from stitches or some sort of burn. She saw her upper half in the bedroom when Serena whipped off her towel, but fuck…her inner thighs, her buttocks, her… It was almost too much for Liv to bear. She stopped trying to participate and just stepped back to watch. For each dressing, she only did a few and had the nurses do the rest. It was a relief when Serena was able to treat most of them on her own.

She was being weaned off her antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, and pain killers. Since they were all given intravenously, she never had an objection to them; however now that she was getting ready to go home, she would rather go without than take anything in pill form. Dr. Egar and her team didn't object, she was stronger now. The entire hospital knew that anyone who would come near this child had to remove their white coat. Dr. Regan got the full brunt of Serena's reaction when he first went to examine her and that's when Liv remembered herself and explained. She didn't mind anyone on the team in small doses because Liv never left her side. The only time she slept was when the drugs made her, and she fought the effects with everything she had, no matter what the doctors tried to say or do. Her saving grace was that otherwise she was a model patient so as long as she was healing properly, they would take her sleeping anyway she could get it. Nature will always take over. The only thing keeping her from being released, was a session with the hospital therapist. Her entire team couldn't understand why Olivia hadn't made that a priority after what she had been through. She was only home for two weeks before all this happened! Anyway, Liv knew her daughter and she had a feeling this session wasn't going to go as smoothly as the rest of her stay. Not to mention, Serena reverted back to being non-verbal as soon as she woke up. She hadn't said a word since she passed out in the car.

When the therapist walked into Serena's room introducing herself, Liv watched her daughter do a quick assessment (she was doing one too). They were told that Dr. Wells had a wonderful way with children and Liv could see why; she was practically one herself! She looked to be right out of grad school or something. She was dressed in jeans (as were many of the doctors here) and wore her hair in a high ponytail. Trying not to judge her by appearance, Liv welcomed her.

"Hi. I'm Olivia, this is my partner Elliot. Nice to meet you." Serena gave Liv side eye. "Uh, I'm sure you're aware that Serena hasn't spoken since our arrival, so I'm not quite sure how your session will go. She signs though and I'll be happy to translate."

"That's okay Olivia. I know all about Serena and don't worry, we will do just fine." Dr. Wells smiled and made herself comfortable. "It's usually better for the child to speak without the parent present. I'm sure in your line of work, you can understand that."

Liv decided she really did not like her at that point. "Well, I can tell you that you do NOT know all about Serena because if you did, you would know that given the circumstances she doesn't like to be alone in the same room with strangers so good luck with that." Before the doctor could formulate a response, she turned towards Serena. "We'll be right outside and yes, I will leave the door open." She kissed her forehead, waited for Elliot to do the same and walked out the door, propping it open much to the chagrin of Dr. Wells.

Once they got to the waiting area, Elliot spoke. "Damn Liv! You went all Badass Benson on that poor girl! I liked it!" As soon as Serena was released from isolation to ICU (where she didn't stay long), he had to go back to work. He had yet to put his papers in because now he was waiting for after Carlson's trial. He wanted to make sure he had his badge to protect his daughter when he needed it. Once Serena was out of immediate danger and Olivia was thinking clearly, she told Elliot about the molar cap. Rikers' doctor found not just one, but two and they had to sedate Carlson before examining him for fear that he would activate them. Elliot was right there when they woke him up afterwards. After spouting about illegal searches and violations, which raised the lieutenant's blood pressure, The Doctor just had one more thing to say.

"You're used to beating confessions out of your perps and coercing the intimate details out of your victims, but not this time. I'm sure you've seen her scars and you may have even taken her to get a medical exam, but no one will be able to determine what was used or how. Other than Charles, which was a fluke, she hasn't described anyone or the celebrations has she?" Seeing the fury roll of Elliot let him know he was right. "In fact, unless you get my Heaven girl to spill the details, which I know will never happen despite the small confessions she may have been pressured to disclose, those two years will remain a mystery. Whatever she has said in her so-called statements only scratched the surface. Anyone who saw that room, and you were there Elliot, knows that I am not exaggerating. Olivia will never know the depths of her pain, the torture she endured. Those wonderful days and all that occurred will remain between just the two of us. This conversation didn't even happen." He looked so smug that it took every ounce of control Elliot possessed not to run forward and beat the crap out of him. "That child will have pain, physical and emotional, nightmares, hell daymares and be haunted by me forever."

Elliot shook off that memory. He wanted to be present right here with the woman he loves, taking their daughter home. Olivia smiled and hugged him. It had been too long since they could just breathe each other in and relax. "I just want to take her home and get back to some kind of normal before it all goes to hell again. Is that too much to ask?" Olivia had barely left the hospital; only for a shower every few days if Elliot, Fin, or Maddie (with Bernie) were available to stay with Serena. Oddly, Elliot and Fin had to remain on the other side of the room, outside of arms reach. That was the biggest change for them since they were the only men she could be next to after she was rescued. Liv hadn't slept at home for the last 13 days. Right now, she was content as she stood rocking in Elliot's arms with her eyes closed for the longest time. They were interrupted by Dr. Egar, who was holding the release papers waiting for the shrink's signature. Before they could discuss anything, they heard clapping from behind them. They all turned and saw Serena standing in her doorway with a pissed off face that mirrored Elliot's so much that Liv would have laughed out loud under different circumstances.

She clapped again to make sure she had their attention before waving them in. As soon as the three of them stepped foot inside, Dr. Wells stood in confusion and Serena began emphatically gesturing. All eyes were on Olivia.

"I don't understand what you mean by that sweetheart."

"No, no Liv. Come on. Please? You know I can't follow." That was the part that Elliot hated most; Serena stopped talking and started signing and Liv was the only one who could understand her. The doctors said there was no physical reason for her silence, and he knew her head was messed up and she just had to work through it. Didn't mean he had to like it.

Liv sighed. "She asked if Dr. Wells was a real therapist or was this some sort of test or joke." While everyone glanced at the doctor, Liv locked eyes with her daughter who continued.

 ****A/N: Serena's signs are in italics and should be read as if Olivia is simultaneously translating.**

" _This is the last thing, the last thing before I get to go home so this has got to be some sort of joke. I mean you leave and all she does is stare at the door as if willingly it to close and when it doesn't, she turns back and doodles on her pad. She has to be doodling because neither of us is making any sounds. I'm sure as hell not going to volunteer anything so I wait-forever. When she finally decides to look at me she asks, "Do you have the desire to harm yourself or others?" Seriously?"_

Liv chanced a glance at the therapist. "Why would you ask her that?" Before Dr. Wells could answer, Serena was gesturing again.

" _Really. I fought like hell to survive in the dark to get back to you and then I fight again here. I know what the doctors said Momma, I know I almost died, I was really bad. I felt it, in a way still do. Anyway, I didn't go through all that to think about offing myself now. What the fuck Momma?! I'm done, this is bullshit. I'm not talking to her anymore, so to speak._ She turned towards her pediatrician. _Can I go home now?"_

Elliot was chuckling and shaking his head, causing all heads to turn to him. He knew it wasn't funny, but he couldn't help himself. "She even curses in sign!" to which Liv shot him a look of daggers. "If I can't get you to hyphenate your name, I need to at least get Stabler on your birth certificate angel. That fire of yours is all me, and I proudly claim it. Whaddya say Doc? Can we go home?"

-SVU-

Dr. Egar didn't say a word before handing Serena's release papers over to Dr. Wells to sign. To save face, the therapist spouted the same speech Liv and Elliot have both heard and given hundreds of times. How important it is for victims to get help. Talking about what happened is the biggest part of the healing process. Once her speech was over, she signed her name and bid them all good luck and farewell. Now, Serena just stood in the middle of the sand with her face turned towards the sun. She was still underweight, weak, pale, and exhausted, but she was on her way. Olivia was inside taking a comforting shower while Elliot was cleaning off the grill. It was late on a Tuesday afternoon and he had to go back to work in the morning. He took today to bring Serena home. He was out of excuses after this, so he was taking full advantage of the day.

Bernie walked over to her granddaughter and put a sunhat on her head. "Darling, I know how much you love the sun, the way it feels on your face, but you haven't been exposed for so long and it's dangerous. You not only need plenty of sunscreen, but a hat will help." She put her arm around her shoulders and they both basked in the freedom. After a few, Serena leaned her head against the older woman, bringing a tear to her eye that did not go unnoticed. "Oh sweetie, I just found you and I almost lost you! Please dear, don't do that again. Stay with us, okay?" Serena smiled, nodded, and leaned into her grandmother.

After dinner was quite peaceful. Serena sat at her mother's feet working on the beautiful picture that she and Lizzie had begun on Independence Day. Liv was going over her notes and reports as she had to appear in court first thing Thursday morning. It was a brutal case involving two women and one abusive boyfriend and she needed to be sure of her facts so she wasn't accused of being out of work too long or something. She had cases to finish, victims who depended on her for closure and she wouldn't let them down. Elliot was talking quietly with his mother because she would be in charge of Serena whenever Liv wasn't around. He remembered his childhood and he knew things were different, but he couldn't help it. Technically Serena didn't need watching, she was more than capable of caring for herself, but after everything, she was still a thirteen-year-old girl who shouldn't have to.

Serena clapped to get her father's attention. Liv stopped what she was doing to speak. " _Elliot, do you think Lizzie and Kathleen would come back and hang out again? I know we didn't say goodbye the last time we saw them but maybe you could ask? I would really like her to help finish this picture. Gramma said we can have it framed."_

Liv answered immediately. "Honey that was all my fault, but while you were in the hospital, I did speak with all of your new siblings and apologies were made on all sides. They all wanted to come and see you, but we agreed it wasn't the best idea in the hospital. However, this is their home and they shouldn't feel they need to be invited to visit. I will call first thing tomorrow but I'm sure Lizzie and Kathleen would love to spend time..."

Elliot cut her off. "No Liv, we talked about that….whatever. If you want to call them, of course but how many times am I going to have to tell you? This is your home now too and if you have a day when you don't want the company, tell them. It's been brought to my attention, by several people, that they are adults and don't need coddling."

-SVU-

Elliot was on the phone with Carisi regarding developments in another case when Bernie walked over to say goodnight before retiring to her room. After putting his detective on hold, Bernie turned and pointed to Olivia. When he looked, there was Olivia sitting up on the couch, surrounded by paperwork, passed out. Her reading glasses were crooked on her face and her mouth hung open slightly. It made Elliot smile. He thanked his mom and bade her goodnight and finished up with Carisi, telling him he would be there in the morning.

When he approached the couch, Serena looked up and he pointed. When she turned around and saw her mother, she got a sad look in her eye. "What's the matter angel? She just fell asleep is all." She held one finger up to her father indicating he should wait a moment while she ran to her room. She came back carrying a spiral notebook.

" _She's exhausted because of me. She didn't really sleep well in the hospital and when she did, it couldn't have been restful squished on that bed with me_ " she wrote.

They were so much alike. Serena blamed herself for Olivia's exhaustion and Liv blamed herself for not doing enough to help Serena. "You two are gonna be the death of me" he said simply as he kissed her forehead. Now that she was home, she didn't flinch at his proximity. "Come on, help me get her to bed and make her comfortable." When he put his arms under Olivia's knees and around her back to lift her up, she began to stir.

"No, El. (mumble)….No sex-day. Too tired." That brought the biggest smile and exhaling laugh sound from Serena that Elliot hadn't seen or heard in a while. He just shook his head and he might have blushed. Liv may have been comfortable talking about sex with the kid, but he sure as hell wasn't.

Serena helped tuck Olivia in and returned to organize the living room, so all her work was once again neat and filed properly. When Elliot came out of his bedroom, he caught Serena's eye and flicked his head towards the bathroom. She rolled her eyes and dropped her shoulders. "None of that" he admonished as she dragged her feet to walk. Several things were made clear as a condition of her release and relieving herself regularly was a close second (just behind getting regular restful sleep). She figured since that wasn't going to easily happen, she had no choice but to follow the bathroom request. She had to make sure toxins didn't have a chance to build up and since that particular burn, the cause of it all, was still angry and painful to touch, but healing better than she could have ever imagined. She was always extremely conscious of it of course, but now she had an even less desire to use the toilet than she did before. It always hurt like hell to move her bowels, and now she was just afraid to. That on top of…

She waited outside the bathroom while Elliot did his customary toilet check, shaking his head as he chanced a glance at her. He still had no clue what the hell he was supposed to be checking for, but she still wouldn't go voluntarily and if this helped, then he would do it. He knew it wasn't just him; she had Liv do it too. She watched his actions and stood on her toes just inside to check for herself. She really had to go since she has been eating a lot more, but she dreaded it. At the hospital, she had a catheter to reduce the risk of exacerbating the infection and to keep it clean and untouched. This time, she couldn't quickly squat and release, she had to sit and quite possibly push. She looked towards Elliot who stood in the hall as always with his arm and leg visible. Her stomach was flipping and she knew, she had to go.

Elliot heard a stifled whimper which almost made him turn around, but he refrained. The sound came again and he was shaking, trying to resist the urge to go to her. "Honey, you okay?" He remembered she stopped talking so he wouldn't get a response. He heard her taking deep breaths that sounded like she was trying to keep in tears before hearing the sound of the special water tool the doctor gave her to use instead of toilet paper. Finally, he heard the flush and the sink as she washed her hands. When she came out, she was walking slowly and had her sleeve stuffed in her mouth. He couldn't see her face since she had her head down. He grabbed her elbow and when he saw her eyes, they were swimming in tears. "Angel, what…?" She pulled away and walked outside. He followed.

He came up to her and tried to pull her hand away. He never understood why his Benson women never wanted to cry out loud. It was so natural yet they both held it in as much as they could. When they did cry, it was always done as quietly as possible. He managed to unstuff her mouth and she let out a sob that made him wish he didn't. "That must've hurt. I know the doctor said your burn was in the worst place possible, but it is getting better. Didn't it hurt more before?" He had to be right, right? A healing burn has to feel better than a raw, infected one so why was she crying in obvious pain now and not before? She was just shaking her head from side to side, trying and slowly failing to hold in her tears. He didn't know what to do since she rarely hugged him before and she hasn't made any physical contact with him since she entered the hospital. Carlson's words popped back into his head. It pissed him off that The Doctor was right, they may never know the full extent of her suffering. It killed him to see her holding it all in. An idea came to him. Kathleen used reverse psychology all the time. He turned around and walked inside, making himself comfortable on the couch.

Serena was immediately on his heels, which told him she was in fact distressed because she never gave up an opportunity to be outside, with or without company. She stood before him taking very fast, shallow breaths and he just held his arm out. She stuffed her sleeve back into her mouth and gingerly curled into his side. As soon as he let his arm fall to her back, he felt her body shake with sobs. Silent, deep sobs that he felt and barely heard other than her struggle to breathe. "It's okay angel. It's okay." He tried to soothe and calm her. She finally put her arm around his chest and grabbed his shirt, holding on tight so he took the opportunity to wrap his other arm around, enveloping her and she sunk into him.

She cried for quite some time. He was always very cognizant of her fragile emotions and mental state, but she walked, ran, and played with what he thought was ease but was heinously mistaken. Fucking Carlson! When he saw the sheer number of doctors, when they were told to prepare for the end, the long list of IV meds she was given, it hit him then. His youngest daughter was a monument of strength. She must have had the highest level of pain tolerance of anyone on the planet. Now, the simple, natural act of taking a shit hurt her to the point of tears. He couldn't stand that. He just held on tight, she held on tighter.

Something was shaking his arm. No, not something, someone. Liv. He opened his eyes to see her trying to wake him quietly. Her smile did it. "Come to bed" she said simply. He went to move when he remembered Serena was wrapped up in his arms. Liv looked at her and fruitlessly tried to tuck the errant strands of hair behind her daughter's ears before catching his eye.

"She's okay" he said as he lifted her up and took her with him. Instead of depositing her in her own bed, he tucked her into theirs. Liv climbed in next to her and he wrapped himself around both of them.

-SVU-

Elliot heard his phone doing the buzzing dance on the nightstand. 4:45am. He scrambled to answer and, in the process, got his fingers caught in Olivia's hair, waking her up too. He had already hit the answer button but didn't say hello just yet.

"I'm sorry luv. I didn't mean to wake you, especially this way." It took both of them to extricate his fingers and it was Liv who reminded him that he was on the phone. "Shit. Stabler." Rollins called to informed him that their case had a new development and he was needed. She loved hearing the terms of endearment between her superior officers; catching the brief moments of the life they now shared. They deserved it.

He sunk his head back into the pillow and held his fingers on the bridge of his nose. "Go. They need you" said Liv sleepily. "I mean, we need you too, but we'll get along" she sighed and shifted her position in bed. He just stared at her. She spoke again with her eyes closed. "I'll see you tomorrow morning. I'll stop at the precinct before court."

He brushed his fingers across her forehead, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I miss this. Soon, I won't be getting these early morning phone calls. Soon, I won't have to leave you." That made her open her eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him. She missed this too.

"Soon. But not now so go. I'll see you tomorrow." She cuddled down back into her pillow and he smiled as he moved to get out of bed. "Wait" she said suddenly, propping herself up on her elbow. "What happened with Serena last night? She just got home, why was she crying?"

"You knew she was crying?"

"I'm her mother Elliot. Wanna tell me why?"

"I can only guess. I told her to go to the bathroom. I checked and waited as usual, but I heard her whimpering and trying to hold in her cries. I wasn't about to go in while she was sitting on the toilet Liv. Anyway, when she came out, she had her sleeve stuffed in her mouth but was clearly very upset. I think yes it hurt to go, but I think she was more _scared_ to go. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but that's the feeling I got from her." He was still at a loss.

"Okay" said Liv, thinking. She decided to get up when Elliot went into the bathroom. She made him some coffee to go. They hugged and had a proper goodbye before he head into the city.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Gladys had Serena busy learning new recipes in the kitchen next door. She didn't admit it, but Olivia could tell that she was still in physical pain, albeit a fraction of what she had before. They had to remember that she had scar tissue removed so not only was she recovering from sepsis and having almost her whole body scraped for burns, she was recovering from abdominal surgery as well. It was a battle of wills since she was still reluctant to use the bathroom this morning, even to pee so Liv knew she would have a battle for a bowel movement later. Serena loved to cook and bake so being in Gladys' amazing kitchen was very relaxing for her. It gave Liv agita, so she stayed away.

Bernie conspired with her best friend to keep the teen busy so she may have a few moments to talk to Olivia. "Olivia dear, walk with me awhile" said Bernie as she walked away, fully expecting Liv to follow. She did of course. As they walked down the beach, Bernie turned serious. "Olivia, I've done something that you may not be too happy with, but I can't, no I won't change it so it's something that you'll just have to accept." She kept walking.

 _Well, don't stop there!_ "Okay" Liv said nervously, expecting to be asked to leave or something equally horrible.

"You know dear, my grandkids only visit when it suits them, and I understand that of course. They are all grown up, well except Eli, and they have lives to lead but the thing is, they hardly ever came to visit. I always went into the city to meet Kathy for lunch with them and of course they would come for Easter and my birthday. I barely saw Elliot as you know, until you got involved helping my Katie." Bernie spoke while facing the sand and her voice took on a melancholy tone. "When Joe died, I sold the house and bought this one. I needed fresh air, freedom and my son couldn't accept that. Now I'm not saying he kept the kids from me, but he didn't encourage it either.

"Anyway, Lord knows I'm not getting any younger. Elliot has his apartment in Brooklyn, which I have never been to mind you. Eli lives in Connecticut with Kathy, Maureen took over the house in Queens, Katie and Elizabeth love Manhattan, being in the thick of things and Richard, well I love Richard."

Olivia was waiting for Bernie to get to the part that she was dreading.

"And then came Serena. Another grandchild for me and she is wonderful. I thank God for her Olivia, and you too. You have kept my boy safe and tried your very best to do what you could for his family. What you don't seem able to accept dear, is that you are family too. Serena is a lot like me. She loves the outdoors, the sun, the fresh air and freedom. She's damaged but determined to live her life her way. She's nothing like a Stabler and yet she is Stabler through and through and when Elliot told me we could lose her…." she paused and shook her head as if coming out of a daze. "So now that she is on the mend, I will do everything I can to help you help her thrive. I met with my attorney Olivia and I put this house in Serena's name so she will always have a home. There is no mortgage that you have to worry about, and it is in a trust until she turns 18, but I want her to have something from me when I'm gone."

Olivia was speechless and she stopped walking. It took Bernie a few more steps before she realized she was alone. She left Serena her house. This wonderful, safe haven that Liv has felt at home in since she first set foot just a month ago. "I…" she kept opening her mouth to speak but nothing would come out.

"Even if things don't work out between you and my hard-headed son, which I of course do NOT see happening, this house is yours, well Serena's but yours." Bernie waited for a response. "Olivia, is that okay? Are you okay?"

"I've always been the one to look out for my daughter. To keep her safe and make sure she knew she is loved beyond belief, often overcompensating, I'll admit. Elliot and the guys love her, but it was always just me. You give her so much, both of us and this, this is…." She was shaking her head. "It's not my right to refuse but I'm not going to say no because I know that Serena absolutely loves it here. She loves you already, and so do I. Oh my God Bernie, thank you. I can't...thank you so much!" She stepped forward and hugged her tightly.

"That means the world to me Olivia. I wasn't so sure because you can be as stubborn and hard headed as that boy of mine. Come, let's keep going." They walked and chatted some more and, on their way back, Bernie approached the second reason for her arrangement with Gladys. "Olivia there's something else I would like to discuss with you."

The look on Olivia's face made the older woman laugh. "Gladys has Serena cooking up some dinner and desserts. Take them to Elliot tonight dear. I know you have to leave very early in the morning, and I would hate for you to be late so just leave tonight. Surprise him. Have some alone time." When Olivia didn't respond, Bernie continued. "I know that Elliot doesn't trust me alone with Serena. He has terrible memories of my flighty-ness and impulsive decision making but I promise you Olivia, I will take very good care of her. Besides the fact that she is very self-sufficient, I asked Maddie to come spend the night so she could be here if Serena has a flashback or panic attack and to change her dressings. I won't…" But then Liv interrupted.

"Elliot may have trust issues, but I don't. Bernie, I see you with her and I would have no trouble going away for a month knowing she was under your care. It's not you, it's me. I have never spent the night away from her, not before she was taken and not after. How am I going to separate?"

"You are going to be with the man that you love who loves you back tenfold and your daughter is going to stay with her Grandma, family. You both have new phones and neither of you will be alone." Liv just nodded. She was thinking about surprising Elliot and now she could.

-SVU-

Olivia had asked Fin to shoot her a text when Elliot decided to leave so she could heat the food in time. He was finally on his way, oblivious of the fact that she was here, on the floor of his living room, sitting on a picnic blanket with dinner ready, wearing only a satin robe. He called earlier but she blew him off and he promised to call when he got home. It really was hard for her to leave Serena. It wasn't Bernie, no, not at all and she was glad that she was able to put that idea out of the woman's head. It was just her over protective motherly instincts. Her daughter practically pushed her into the car but Liv held on, smothering her in kisses, making the young teen smile. When she pulled away, she was comforted to see her baby surrounded by her grandmother, Maddie, and Gladys who decided to stay for dinner since the prep was done in her kitchen and it all smelled so good. Serena had made a spread that would make Bobby Flay jealous and Liv's stomach was growling just sitting here smelling it all. She had just peeked through the window and saw Elliot walking from his car. It wouldn't do any good for her to be caught like this if he wasn't alone. She finally heard the key in the lock and positioned herself.

The first thing he noticed was the flickering lights before he was even fully inside. Candles? The second thing he noticed was a delicious smell and when he finally closed the door behind him and took the two steps in to reach his living room, he saw one of the most beautiful sights. Olivia, his Liv was laying on his floor with those damn long legs bare and stretched out to the side. He raked his eyes over her thighs to the cleavage the open robe revealed and finally, he found her face where his gaze rested on her eyes.

"Hi." _Hi? Smooth Stabler. Look at her. Look at all this and all you can muster up to say is hi?_

"Hi yourself" she said, straightening up so she was sat on her knees. "Care to join me for dinner?" She opened her arms to make a big show of the display in front of her. "Our daughter thought you might be hungry and she'd rather you not have fast food."

"Serena made this? She graduated from pies and muffins I see. Wait, you left her? Liv, I'm not sure that was the best idea for overnight."

"El, stop. She will be fine. They will be fine" she insisted as she pulled him down to his knees and began kissing his neck. Her hands were expertly unbuttoning his dress shirt and roaming his bare chest. His hands entangled in her hair as he pulled her mouth up to meet his. Before either of them knew it, their make out session led to Elliot sitting with Liv in his lap with him wearing nothing more than his boxer briefs and his socks. He laid her down on her back as he held himself over her.

"Liv, I'm hungry" he said in a low, raspy tone.

That brought Liv up short. "Okay, well the food is hot and…"

"The food is not the only thing that's hot luv, and it's not what I wanna eat" he clarified as he worked his mouth down her neck towards her chest, opening her robe and settling on her pebbled nipple. He coveted these breasts for almost twenty years. "Liv, how long has it been since a man worshipped you?"

She was so caught up in anticipation that she lost her filter, forgetting ot be embarrassed, answering immediately and encouraging him to continue. "Too long. El, you're the last man to touch me. Before the night I woke up drugged, I don't remember."

 _Damn! That was both sad and a huge ego boost._ He knew what it was like to go without and have to self-serve, but not for over a decade! He hadn't had sex with anyone since before the divorce until that fantastic morning last month that he took his mom to church, so he knew the longing. While he sucked, pulled, and teased her perfect breasts with his tongue, his other hand was working its way down to her core. He discovered she was drenched. "So wet already" he muttered as he made a trail of kisses down her abdomen until his mouth met his hand. Liv let out a gasp as he spread her legs wider, fitting his shoulders in between. He owed her gentle attention after their last encounter up against the door. As his lips sucked her clit, he pressed one finger inside and felt her clench already. She wasn't going to last long. He licked and stroked up and down her folds as he inserted another finger inside, stretching and curving just the slightest bit upward. She screamed. There it was, the sound he loved so much.

Elliot continued to work his fingers faster as his lips sucked on her little bundle of nerves. She was writhing on the floor and he had to reposition himself to hold her steady. He chanced a look up and saw her with her eyes closed and her mouth open, panting in ecstasy. He knew it was time and with one more swipe of his tongue, she exploded. His fingers were trapped inside as she clenched through her orgasm. Just when it felt like she crested the wave and was on her way down, he used his teeth, ever so gently and she was lost, again, screaming as her legs were shaking, her hands pressing down on his head that was trapped between her thighs. He was not about to stop and let go yet. He wanted every bit of her. But the best part was that his chin and hand were dripping, and the blanket was soaked. He loved being able to do that to her. His Liv. His partner. His soulmate.

 _God damn this man! Holy fucking shit. The things he can make me do with just his hands, his mouth, his...shit!_ As Elliot was removing his fingers, Liv's thoughts got the better of her as one more orgasm shot through her. She was breathing so heavily that she thought she might need a mask and tank herself as her eyes rolled in her head. As she slowly came down from her high, she heard Elliot laughing, his head still between her wide open legs. Since he had stopped his ministrations when the third orgasm hit her, he was in a position to just watch her body's reaction. It was sexy as fuck.

"What's so funny?" she managed to say.

He stopped chuckling for a moment to speak. "Where did that last one come from? Damn woman!"

"Fuck you" she managed to say as she straightened up and caught his lips. She could taste herself on his tongue. He pulled back and had to have a witty comeback.

"Not yet, baby. Soon. Let's feed you first."

-SVU-

As they ate, they chatted about all sorts of things from what will happen once they were both "retired" to Liv telling him everything that she learned from Serena before her hospital stay. In retrospect, Liv realized that may not have been the best idea for conversation. Elliot was so pissed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you" she said sadly.

He popped his head up. "No! Liv, no. I want to know...I _need_ to know everything. That child is going to have such a screwed-up view of sex because of that motherfucker and we need to be able to help her." It rendered Liv speechless. He studied her face and realized he could stare at her this way for eternity. Her hair was mussed, her face was flushed from three consecutive orgasms, her mouth was full, and her robe hung open. Catching quick glances across their desks for all these years was so much time wasted when he could just sit and devour her with his eyes. She however, seemed self-conscious after a while and ducked her head. He reached out and held her chin, forcing her to look at him. She raised her eyebrows in question.

"Liv, why exactly did you leave?" When she furrowed her eyebrows, he clarified. "We were having such a great time with all the kids and then the kitchen thing happened, and you got angry, which made me angry and then you left. I still don't understand." He looked genuinely confused.

"El, let's….this is so wonderful and we don't get this, at all so please…" she begged.

He shook his head. "No, we're not doing that anymore. We are not running away Liv; do you understand that? Either of us. No. More. Running. No more avoiding uncomfortable issues, hell I just had my tongue inside your vagina so nothing can be uncomfortable anymore!" At that her eyes went wide, and her cheeks flushed a deep red and her jaw dropped. "Don't be embarrassed. It was absolutely incredible, and I am looking forward to when you'll allow me to do it again." Her eyes were downcast when he spoke and now she closed them, but smirked. He still couldn't get over the fact that his tough as nails partner, who could dominate any man, including him anytime, is shy when it comes to declarations of how wonderful she is. Must come from lack of praise and displays of affection as a child. He vowed to change that too.

He softened his tone and once again tilted her face up. "What I'm saying is, we have to be beyond that now. It doesn't work. You have this thing with Serena about being open and honest. It's scary how you two talk sometimes but we need it to be that way between us too. Yeah, we will piss each other off, probably more often than not but that isn't new. We may need space from each other but please, _please_ from now on just let that space be like outside by the dunes or a shopping trip or something. I don't want to spend another night away from you that is not essentially work related, and you know that won't be for much longer. I want us to talk, yell, cry, whatever it takes to communicate how we feel Liv. You told Serena her feelings matter, she in turn told the girls that their feelings matter so you have to know that our feelings matter too. You matter. Shit, I... This communication thing isn't as easy as it seems in my head."

Liv searched his eyes for several moments. She didn't realize just how much she loved him until this moment. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She repeated the action a couple more times while he waited patiently. She took a deep breath, let it out, and the words finally formed. "I promise, no more running. Yes, I was angry. I was so angry at you that morning, at your kids. Now I realize it wasn't real anger, more of a type of jealousy. I love your children Elliot, all of them. I always have but it wasn't until then I understand how it feels to think that your children can do no wrong. The difference was, Serena never has done anything wrong. Never, but they did that morning. You...no. I felt that you are always so frustrated with her, impatient which is surprising, but not out of the realm of belief. But to concentrate on that day, I was running on so little sleep because hanging out with the entire Stabler crew has always stressed me out a bit." When she saw the look on his face, she corrected.

"What I mean is, I spent so long standing behind you, keeping my distance, just being an outsider and family friend that it is hard to be with them and stand beside you as... Couple that with the anxiety that was rolling off Serena, then wondering what the hell happened that caused her to run out of the house in that state. She was stuck in a flashback caused by the chaos in the kitchen. The kids were all screaming at each other and it triggered her. Then suddenly you come out and calmly say you're treating everyone to breakfast and I thought, 'Well that doesn't seem fair.' When she calmed down enough, that was when she told me how confused she was about her physical reactions and what The Doctor told her. That shit is hard enough to explain to an adult victim that was raped once, let alone my thirteen-year-old daughter who was cared for and tortured by the same man. So, I hope you can understand that by the time we were both able to get on with our day and we walked into that kitchen, saying we were taken aback is a bit of an understatement.

"Then you were angry that we cleaned. What the fuck were we supposed to do? Yes, you said leave it, but we were hungry and we didn't know when you'd be back. We are guests in your mother's house and what? We were supposed to ignore it? Stand there and prepare food around that mess? The smell was atrocious, and you acted like we were at fault! I snapped. I felt like…" She just shook her head.

Elliot took a deep breath. When his mother ripped into him, he figured out that Liv was beginning to feel like an equal and he inadvertently made her feel like that outsider again. "Yeah, Mom let me have it. I'm so sorry Liv. I never meant to make you feel less than you are to me. I have never picked one child over another but you're right. That day, Serena...well not just that day but she terrifies me, and I don't know how to handle that. It's hard to explain but the blondes are familiar, natural to me. I know how to handle them all, good and bad but that little mini-you...I feel inadequate around her, like I have no idea what I'm doing when I have been a father for over three decades and an SVU "expert" for almost as long. I seem to do everything wrong around her and you had every right to get angry. When the two worlds collide…" he released a breath and shook his head. He still wasn't explaining it right, but Liv now knew. She understood.

She reached over and placed her hands on his cheeks. "You're getting better at this communication thing" she joked before leaning in and kissing him. "Before we move on to dessert" she said as she pulled back. "Let's check in. I left before dinner and I need to make sure Serena and Bernie are okay. Well, I mean I know they're okay, Maddie is spending the night, but this is the first time…" she seemed to be embarrassed and stopped herself from finishing the sentence. Serena was fricken thirteen and essentially on her own for the past two years.

Elliot stroked her cheek. "What did we agree on? Don't be embarrassed for how you feel luv. This is the first night away from your daughter, literally, not just since she got back. You have every right to want to check-in. Come on" he said as he stood up, pulling her with him. "Let's call my mom about our daughter."

There was quite a lot of noise in the beach house when the phone rang. Bernie answered right before the machine picked up. "Hello?"

"Hi Bernie, I know it's late, but I was just checking in. I figured Maddie would answer. What are you still doing up?" Liv could hear laughter in the background; Serena's laughter.

"Hi dear, we are all fine. Great in fact. How was dinner with Elliot?"

"Wonderful, thanks. What's going on over there?" Liv knew that Bernie usually retired around 9:15 and it was well after 10:30 yet it sounded like three in the afternoon.

"We all went for a walk after dinner when we saw my neighbor Adelaide on the beach. Adelaide lives about 6 houses down and hardly ever leaves her house to socialize, plus she's not the most welcoming woman after all so it was unusual to see her. Well there she was scolding her grandson, she's always scolding him for something, and he is the most polite, respectful young man. Anyway, he was holding two dogs with a rope. Apparently, it was his fault that Adelaide's golden retriever got pregnant and it was his job to find homes for the litter. He had two left and as soon as we came close enough, they slipped away and ran right to Serena. They hopped around her feet until she bent down and then they just attacked her with licks and kisses, tails wagging. She got the biggest smile Olivia and she was giggling. What was I supposed to do?"

Liv had a feeling Bernie didn't try very hard to do anything other than take those puppies home. "So, what are their names?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh I'm so glad you're not angry. I wasn't sure how you would react, this are bound to get a bit rowdy, but I had a good feeling. There is a completely black one, which is rare for a golden, and a very orange one-Samson and Delilah. They are just the sweetest things Olivia. You're going to love them, and they have been making Serena happy for hours. I'm just glad we were able to save Salomon from Adelaide's tirades. Poor boy." Bernie moved into the other room and lowered her voice. "She still hasn't spoken dear, but she went to the bathroom when Maddie asked her too; however, she had Maddie hold her hands when she moved her bowels and she got teary. I think she's still in pain but she's been puppy playing ever since."

Liv was able to relax a bit more knowing Serena used the bathroom and seemed to be happy. "Please send me a picture? And thank you so much again. A house and puppies all in the same day!" They laughed as Elliot just looked on in confusion. "Good night Bernie, I'll see you sometime tomorrow afternoon."

After she hung up the phone, Elliot gave her the oddest look. "Wanna tell me something?" he asked.

"We now have two new puppies. Golden retrievers named Samson and Delilah. Serena is already attached." She began to walk towards the bathroom knowing he was right behind her. She looked over her shoulder and said, "Oh, and Bernie put the house in Serena's name, in trust until her eighteenth birthday." With that, she closed the bathroom door. She meant it as a great surprise for him. How amazing was it that the home he so desperately wanted them to feel was theirs, now actually was?!

Elliot had half a mind to barge right in, instead he spoke loudly through the door. "My mother left the beach house to Serena? Why?"

Damn. This is exactly what Olivia was talking about earlier. She finished up and opened the door, not at all surprised to see Elliot standing right in the doorframe. "Why shouldn't she leave the house to Serena?"

He answered instantly, which he was quick to realize was not the best idea. "Because she has five grandchildren who may want to share that house." Yep, that look she just gave him was like a punch in the face. "I mean…"

"I know what you mean" she interrupted. "She has six grandchildren Elliot. So, Serena has to stand in line behind the Stabler children who, according to Bernie, have never spent more than a total of eight full days in that house over the years? You may not want to believe it Elliot, but your mother knows what she's doing more often than not, and she has every right to do as she pleases with her own house. It's not the "family house," it's hers. Serena loves that place, she adores her grandmother and she deserves to call it home." She pushed past him into the bedroom where she grabbed her bag from the floor and put it on the bed.

"Right, so what we just talked about meant nothing. Go, go ahead and run I can't believe you!" He yelled and walked into the kitchen to get a beer.

Liv threw on her favorite sleep shirt and pulled out her moisturizer before grabbing a pillow and blanket off the bed. She stormed into the kitchen after him. "You asshole! So what, my promises aren't worth anything? I told you I wasn't going to run and as soon as we have a disagreement, that's what you think? You just assume without asking!" She threw the bedding at him and turned away. "I deserve more than that. My daughter deserves more than to be last in the pecking order because she didn't grow up a Stabler. She finally has someone else who wants to do right by her, and I damn well am not going to stand in the way. Have a good night Elliot!" she yelled before closing his bedroom door and locking it. She jammed the chair under the knob for good measure. She could have gotten dressed and drove home, or at least back to her own apartment, but she did say she wasn't going to run, and she won't if for no other reason than to prove him wrong.

-SVU-

 _She just slammed my own door in my face. My fucking bedroom door! She locked herself in there and...she didn't run. We fought and she didn't run. She said she wouldn't and...fuck! I am an asshole. I just royally fucked up._ Elliot laid on his couch for quite some time, berating himself for his behavior. He jumped to conclusions that he promised he wouldn't, no wonder she was angry. She had every right to be. She came here to surprise him, and he should be in that room making love to her. Instead, he's out on this fricken hard ass couch while she's alone in his bed. Well, he had to do something about that. He looked at the clock, 12:15. He knew she wasn't sleeping, not after everything.

She heard him knock and didn't acknowledge. She knew having a relationship with Elliot wasn't going to be easy. They were both stubborn, hard-headed, opinionated, and dominant but she was more than willing to try. So, so willing that she realized she wanted it more than anything. He was wrong. He was wrong and she was right. She had to keep telling herself that before she opened the door and begged him to forgive her for making such a big deal. Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Liv, I know you're awake. Please open the door."

She turned her face into the pillow that smelled so much like him. She didn't realize that she was holding back tears until she had to take a breath.

Could he have been wrong, and she was actually sleeping? There was nothing but silence on the other side of the door. She could ignore him better than anyone but come on! He was just about to shout a little louder when he heard it. He heard her take in a breath that sounded like she was swallowing a sob. _God damn it! Why the fuck is she crying? I'm the one who was the asshat._

"Liv, honey please? Please open the door?" pleasepleaseplease…. He heard the shuffle and something move. Did she block the door with something? Was she assuming I was going to barge in? Well, she had every right to if that's what she was thinking. When she opened the door, his heart dropped into his stomach. She stood there looking down, with her arms crossed against her chest. Her hair was messy like she was tossing and turning and what he could see of her face made him want to punch himself out.

"I'm so sorry. I…" he began when she looked up. Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears, but she was losing the battle to keep them at bay.

"You said… I promised…" she couldn't get the words out. He could tell she was fighting anger, but sadness was winning, and it was his fault. He reached out to grab her. She shook her head and stepped back saying, "No, no, no." He felt like he was stabbed through the heart, but he wasn't giving up. He wrapped his arms around her, and she released the sound of the tears that she was trying desperately to hold in. Liv cried so much these past two years, but not counting the night in the alley, she always tended to do it silently so as not to draw attention to herself. Liv never wanted to be a burden on anyone. He's only heard this sound a handful of times over the last twenty years, the sound of her heart breaking, and it was always when she was desperate. A proper, uncontrolled cry. He hated himself for causing her to make it now. He held on tighter and finally, she wrapped her arms around him also.

"What hurts my love?" She was gripping him and shaking when it hit him, the answer to his own question. " _I_ hurt you. I told you we could have space to talk or cry or be alone and then when you do just that, I got angry and accused you of running away. You always kept your word and I didn't believe you." He pulled her impossibly tighter and she held on except now her cries have gone quiet once again. "It hurts because I love you. It's the first time that you've had that. I am so sorry honey."

That was it. She couldn't put her finger on it. The two of them have gone head to head, loudly, for years but this argument was different. She felt physically hurt and she couldn't understand why. Now she knew. Love hurts. Love hurts like a mother fucking bitch. Other than her mother, Elliot was the only one who could make her heart hurt. But this now, his arms securely around her, acknowledging her feelings and apologizing, this made her feel better.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: Two months! I hang my head in shame for not updating sooner, but I am packing up and leaving good ol' New York and headed south! I hope you will forgive me as I bribe you with an extra-long chapter.

Chapter 37

The next few weeks passed by in much the same fashion. Serena still wouldn't voluntarily sleep and would consequently pass out on the couch, the outside lounge chair, and once right on the patio stairs. Liv would never wake her no matter the time or place, except she did have to move her from the stairs. Bernie had to help with that. Whenever she slept, it was only for a short time before the nightmares would cause her to wake thrashing and screaming bloody murder, shaking so badly her teeth would chatter. It always took some time to quiet her down and convince her that she was no longer in that nightmare. When she was screaming was the only time Olivia heard sounds coming from her daughter as she still refused to speak. It was very disconcerting to say the least. Liv couldn't figure out why and when she returned to the doctor for her post stay check-up, the doctors couldn't figure it out either. Everyone agreed therapy was essential, everyone except Serena. Since leaving the hospital, she had gained weight as well as some color. That was glorious to all who were around her. She spent every day and almost every night outside with Samson and Delilah, her constant companions. Those dogs were almost like an extension of her. She was the only one who could control the unruly puppies and she did it all with signs.

Olivia never had a second thought about leaving her job to help her daughter. She spent every day making sure Serena knew she was here, she was safe, and most importantly, she was loved. There would be moments when a flashback would happen that would drain what energy Serena was able to build and she would stay very close to her mother, but she didn't crawl into bed with her anymore or lean into her while they were sitting and reading. Olivia couldn't understand why she kept her distance. Did Serena blame her for the hospital stay like she did the clinic visit? That seemed unlikely but the renewed distance and silence worried her. At least when she was having a panic attack or a flashback episode Liv had an idea of what was going through her daughter's head. Most nights, Elliot was able to make it home before Bernie retired, others it was close to midnight. Recently he had to spend the entire weekend on the pull-out Cragen left in his office when a multiple kidnapping took place. After that night in Elliot's apartment, she knew she would never be able to go back to having two separate places and not being able to wake up every morning hearing him snore in her ear.

Olivia had three court appearances to make this month and then her caseload would be permanently closed, other than Carlson. Eli was scheduled to come for a three-week visit, but after much deliberation, it was decided between Elliot and Kathy that he would come down only on the weekends through Labor Day. Between Bernie and Olivia doting on Serena, it just wouldn't be fair to the ten-year-old. Plus, the nighttime rituals were a nightmare for everyone. Liv got about as much sleep as her daughter and that was not a lot. Bernie would never admit it, but she was exhausted also. After all, she was older but not yet deaf. She took to napping in the afternoons on the nights that Serena fell asleep and woke up screaming. Liv felt horrible about that. She even offered to take Serena back to Manhattan for the month of August and that almost caused a four-way argument.

Kathleen was coming to spend some time with them instead. She was told about Serena's nightmares, so she is prepared. It will be easier for her to deal with than Eli. The young lady was studying to be a therapist specializing in anxiety and depression. She had an opportunity to take a three-month-long internship at a mental health facility not too far away. It required working seven days a week for the month of August, but since she was currently commuting to Rye from Manhattan, this was a chance for her to salvage her summer and spend time on the beach with family. Kathleen has spent the last week and a half living at the center to get a feel for how it worked. She would now be part of an activities committee and was even able to partake in some group sessions, which she really looked forward to. She would be driving Eli down with her this weekend after going home to gather more things and Elliot would bring him to work on Monday where Kathy's husband will pick him up. They were on a trip to Atlantic City.

Serena was very excited to have her big sister staying. She had Elliot pull in one of the bunk mattresses so that Kathleen could take her bed and she'd stay on the mattress on the floor when Eli wasn't around. No matter what was said, she stood strong and Liv felt it wasn't worth arguing over since she barely slept anyway.

"Oh my God!" the blonde exclaimed as she and her little brother walked onto the patio and were attacked by some very enthusiastic little golden retriever puppies.

"Cool!" shouted Eli. "When did you get puppies? How come we never got puppies?"

"Trust me" said Liv as she came over to hug them both. "They weren't planned. I wasn't even here!"

Serena called off the dogs as she hugged Kathleen and high-fived her little brother.

-SVU-

"Hey kiddo. Want to come with me?" Kathleen walked out of the room in typical Stabler fashion, expecting Serena to automatically follow. It was a grey Saturday and Eli was down by the shore digging a hole with Elliot while Olivia took Bernie shopping. She had spent every possible moment with her daughter so now that a few people were around and Serena wouldn't be left alone, she took the opportunity to step out with the elder Stabler woman. Serena turned to head towards the beach when she realized that Kathleen was headed towards her car. She wasn't sure what that meant. Serena only left the house when Liv took her to the doctor and since that was over, she always just stayed put. Where on earth did Kathleen want to take her?

"Where are you going?" she signed and although Kathleen didn't speak ASL, she understood by the expression on her sister's face.

"I want to show you where I work. I think it may help you" the blonde said simply as she stood holding the car door open. Serena knew she worked at a therapy place and after the experience she had at the hospital, she wanted nothing to do with it. She didn't even like being out in public since it seemed everyone knew who she was. She felt claustrophobic sometimes even when Kathleen and Eli were together with the family. She didn't go near the car; instead she stood back and shook her head.

"Serena, I've been here for a week. You fell asleep once in your room for like three hours and when you woke up, people could probably hear you screaming in China. You konk out on the couch or in the chair and you never let yourself relax. It's not good for you. It's not good for anyone who loves you. I know you've been through hell, well actually I don't know since you haven't said anything. Neither has your mom, or dad, or Grandma and that is part of it. The press tells bullshit stories, but I've seen the scar on your arm, and I know that there is more than one man involved. His trial is coming up and that has to bother you. I think, I think I can help. Just come with me once and listen. You don't have to say a word and I will never leave you alone, just come, see, and listen. We won't be gone long, I promise. Please?"

Serena was torn. She knew she was being a burden on everyone with her unwillingness to close her eyes. When she finally passed out from exhaustion, her body was so tired that it would keep her under far too long and she had to literally fight her way out of her nightmares, which is why she screamed so loud. She learned a long time ago never to make noise and she wished she could get that ability back. Gramma was right when she once said that the brightness comes back each time she tells Momma something. It's like, sharing her secrets leaves a bit of the darkness behind her. She wanted so much to be able to tell Liv everything, but she felt so guilty. Maybe...maybe she could just see what Kathleen means. Her sister wouldn't let anything happen to her. She looked back towards the beach. She couldn't see Elliot or Eli from the driveway, but she knew it was a good day and Momma was finally taking some time for herself. Olivia spent far too much time awake with her. Serena took a deep breath and got in the car.

It wasn't long before Kathleen pulled in front of a massive building and Serena started to breathe quicker. Remembering that Elliot said physical contact grounded her, Kathleen turned to face her and put her hands on the young girl's shoulders, applying some pressure. Together they breathed slowly until Serena was able to get out of the car. Kathleen could tell the girl was shaking, but she didn't hold her again. She led her inside with just the slightest pressure on her lower back. "I promise, an hour from now we'll both be walking back to the car."

Before they entered the building, Serena's phone buzzed. It was a text from Elliot.

-Where are you? Is everything okay?-

"Yes. I'm with Kathleen, and I'm okay. We'll be home in a bit." They walked into a nondescript room that had very comfy looking chairs situated in a circle facing the middle of the room. Several very sullen teenagers walked in and started filling up the chairs. Serena stayed glued to her sister's side when she realized she knew one of the boys. He was Ms. Adelaide's grandson, the one who gave her the puppies. Great. Lovely. Fucking wonderful. When there were only two chairs left, Kathleen led Serena to one while she sat next to her in the other.

"Good afternoon everyone" greeted a very odd-looking woman. Her features were average but what made her odd was the way she carried herself. She seemed to be in her forties (Serena thought she was older than Rollins but younger than her mother), black hair that hung straight down, blunt bangs, a long, flowy flowered skirt, a short sleeved white blouse with puffy sleeves and a vest that seemed to be made out of straw. She had all kinds of beads, necklaces, and bracelets dangling from everywhere and she was barefoot, so she sat with her feet tucked under her. Serena liked her on first sight. It was as if this woman was here to do a job, whatever that job was, and it didn't matter if she looked what everyone considered to be professional because she would be effective regardless. She still didn't know why she was here. What did Kathleen hope to accomplish in this weird classroom?

"I am Rachel and I say that because we have a few new faces with us today. Welcome back to Kathleen (who smiled and gave a general wave) and welcome to you all." Aside from Serena's impromptu visit (that Kathleen had prearranged of course), there were two new girls who would be residents for a bit and a new boy who was considered an outpatient. "This is a safe place, free of judgment, ridicule, and blame. You are free to speak your feelings using any words you choose that are not derogatory or demeaning. We all take turns speaking and we try to stay as calm as possible, although sometimes we just need to let out some steam. The only other rule we have here is that everyone speaks; no one gets away with sitting in silence."

Serena's head turned towards her sister so fast it would have made most people dizzy. She wasn't even a patient here! These were strangers and there was no way in hell she was opening her mouth. The look she gave her sister caused the blonde to look visibly uncomfortable. Rachel noticed.

"I know that you are only visiting. Therapy has not been ordered but it is recommended so consider this a test run. Having said that, you are not required to share anything today, but you are of course free to do so." That made Serena able to release her breath and sink a bit into her chair. She was going to kill Kathleen. Moreover, Olivia was going to kill her. She brought her to therapy alone and without her mother's knowledge! She didn't have time to plan her sister's demise as Rachel was still talking and since she was always a good student, she tried to pay attention. "Today, in light of all the newbies we will discuss why we are here. What caused the damage? Yes, I know for some that is a harsh word, a word to deny but it is not meant as an accusation. You will learn that here, in this circle, we don't censor ourselves. Today, we will discuss your first time. Your first time for what, is up to you but it has to relate to why we are all here. Our regulars have come to terms with their assaults and have openly discussed their experiences so we will start with them. It's always a good idea to revisit the beginning to continue to move towards the future. On average, sexual assault happens to someone only once but for this group, well you are all here because you have suffered on a number of occasions."

One by one a few of the kids that seemed to be there a while told their stories, or some parts of their stories. They were all equally horrifying, boys and girls. Serena sat and listened, mesmerized at how familiar it all seemed. Some asked questions or added comments or statements of support. Some cried while they spoke while others cried as they listened. Serena was so caught up that when Salomon, the puppy boy, a very well-built kid with long dreadlocks was describing how his family reacted when they found out about his abuse by his coach, he paused for in thought.

"Blame" Serena continued for him as he nodded in agreement. _Whoa! Where did that come from?_ Kathleen was shocked since she hadn't made a sound since she passed out in Liv's lap a month ago. Serena was more surprised than anyone, but she didn't say anything more as he finished his story.

Rachel turned to Serena. "Thanks for contributing. It's nice that you felt comfortable to jump in. Would you like to share something else? About yourself maybe. It doesn't have to be heavy." Serena turned to Kathleen and then looked back at Rachel. "I understand it may be weird to speak with your sister listening in but I can assure you, Kathleen is bound by our code of confidentiality both here and at home; however since I've never had family members sit in on group therapy sessions, I can have her leave the room just this once?" Serena nodded. She felt bad about having Kathleen leave, after all it was her idea to bring her here, but no family member was going to hear anything before her mother did. Kathleen nodded, stood and rubbed Serena's shoulder in support on her way out.

It took a few minutes for Serena to gather her thoughts, especially since every pair of eyes were now on her. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Why couldn't I just keep my big mouth shut?!_ "I-I-Iffff you w-w-watch the news, you know who I am. Mmmmy name is Serena." _Damn! Calm down. You're making a fool of yourself with the stutter!_ "I'mmmmm sssorry. When I g-get nervous, my words…" Breathe. "I didn't want to speak in front of my sister because I made a promise that the first person to hear anything about what happened would be my mom. The last two statements she got second hand from the police recordings and that's just not fair to her, to either of us. Knowing that, if I can get through this, I will go home and repeat everything to her, so she knows from me and no one else.

"I was kidnapped two years ago from my middle school. I don't remember exactly how it happened, only waving goodbye to my mom and then, then I opened my eyes to darkness. At first, I kept thinking "stupid, your eyes are still closed, that's why you can't see." But no, once I realized that my throat was killing me and my head was pounding, I knew that I was wide awake, in total darkness." Once she began to speak, the words flowed out surprisingly easy. Maybe it was because she had a specific directive, tell about the first time. More likely it was because she NEEDED to tell someone something. _I can do this._

"You know how people say, "Oh I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face!?" Well, they really have no clue, but I do. It was the day after my birthday in April and I was freezing. Since I was rarely sick, the headache and nausea were all new and bothersome. I sat there wondering what the hell happened when suddenly there was a loud noise and light coming from above. A door opened from above me and I realized I was in a cave of sorts. I came to learn later that it wasn't a cave, but a room dug out of dirt, just dirt like you would dig out an inground pool only smaller, just for me. Anyway, a ladder was thrown down and an older man stepped onto it, closing the door over his head, but he had a lantern. He seemed so happy to see me. He kept calling me "Heaven" and when I tried to tell him my name is Serena, he slapped me. My mother never even raised her voice let alone her hands and the men in my life would kill anyone who tried to touch me. Oh, I should mention my parents are cops, sex crimes detectives technically. Ironic. Anyway, the slap was like being hit with a brick." She got silent for a moment. "Now I know that slap was just a tender touch compared to what was to come."

Serena took a breath and continued to look at the floor as she spoke. "He was a big man, not exactly tall but he had a big belly. I used to love wearing dresses, with perfect tights and shiny shoes. I guess that hasn't changed too much!" she chuckled a bit as she looked down at the dress she was wearing. Only now, she wore leggings underneath and if she wasn't barefoot (well at least wearing socks) she always had on sneakers. "He took one hand and pulled my dress right up over my head. Then he tore off my stockings, taking my panties with them. Momma always told me about how no one should see your private parts unless you love them or they're a doctor. She was partially right; he was indeed a doctor." She cleared her throat and continued. Everyone in the room was silent. "He shoved me down on the ground which was so cold since it was just dirt and he laid down on top of me. I couldn't breathe. I had an accident when I was little that weakened my lungs, so they aren't that strong to begin with and all his weight was on my front. He held my arms over my head with one hand and with the other he pulled down his pants.

"We just had this lesson in school where they separated the boys from the girls and talked about puberty and reproduction. Do they do that in schools here too?" she asked, chancing a look up and when every head in the room nodded, she continued. "My mother and I discussed it further when I got home since she was special victims and she needed to impart every ounce of truth and knowledge that she could so I knew about sex and rape but what was never explained was how it would feel. He sat up a bit and held his penis in his hand. "Tell me Heaven, isn't this perfect? You're in for a real treat. This is meant to be. Not only do you get to see one of the things that makes me special, you get to experience all that it can do" he said. I'd never seen a penis before other than that weird drawing that they show in the school video. He laid back down on top of me and I didn't have a chance to catch my breath when I was stabbed between my legs. That's what it felt like when he rammed his penis inside, hard. He did it over and over until he was sweaty and grunting. I thought I was going to die, be ripped apart from the inside out. I kept thinking, people do this for pleasure? I'm dying. I knew I was bleeding and I could feel the ripping, the tearing inside each time he shoved. It didn't last long, thankfully. He actually apologized for it being so quick. He said he had been waiting my whole life and it must've gotten the best of him. He finally rolled off me and smiled, laughed even. I just laid there and cried. I'm not a crier either, never had much reason to be. I still don't…" She cleared her throat and looked up at Rachel when she realized that she told that part with her eyes closed. "He did it again a short time later, and again after that for a long time. When he realized that I got cut up on some rocks and branches that stuck up from the dirt, he "fixed me up." I'd rather not explain exactly what that entailed. Anyway, that was my first time."

After a few silent moments of some teenagers staring at her and some looking down or had their eyes closed as well, Salomon spoke up. "Well shit. Everyone in this room was violated more than once but you, in that one day, got fucked up more than some people in this room in total. I gotta say, the fact that you're sitting here talking about it like you're ordering a pizza is awesome." _Awesome? What is he…?_ As she looked around, most of the kids were nodding. They were able to relate in one way or another, each was different, but they had this in common. "I'm Salomon. It means peace and calm. Much like Serena." It is definitely not what Serena would have liked to bond with, but she did feel a bit of a bond, like Bernie said, something was lifted. She gave a small grin and went back to memorizing the floor pattern.

"Gianna, please go tell Kathleen she can come back in" ordered Rachel before addressing Serena. "Thank you everyone for sharing. For some, this is old hat and speaking about first experiences of abuse comes a lot easier. For our newcomers, relaying that first experience might still be fresh and the hardest thing you've done since surviving it. How do you all feel?" Serena had to think about that while Kathleen reclaimed her seat.

 _How do I feel?_ She didn't really know yet, so she shrugged and made a 'whatever' face, pretty much like everyone else, which made her feel like not so much of an outsider anymore. "Can I come back again?" _Wait, what? Where did that come from?_ Kathleen was surprised by that question, not knowing what was said while she waited outside for longer than expected, but Rachel simply smiled.

"We'll talk after. Okay everyone. We regroup in three days; I will see each of you in my office at some point before then. Remember to keep one new journal entry before we speak. Have a good day everyone!" As the teens who knew the routine walked out, Serena, along with the two new girls and boy, stood up and looked around, not knowing what happens next. For the girls, another woman came in to escort them somewhere since this place was to be their new home for a while. Rachel pulled the boy away to speak privately while Kathleen spoke to Serena.

"I wasn't expecting that. I'm proud of you." She gently punched Serena's arm playfully as Rachel made her way over.

"Serena, I would love for you to join our group sessions, maybe even some private sessions as well." When Serena's eyes grew wide, Rachel didn't falter, but she didn't push either. "Today was a special circumstance. When Kathleen asked if you could come observe, it was completely unprecedented. This type of therapy is usually emergency doctor or court mandated and not for public display. This isn't AA after all. When I realized who you were, I thought that I could help in some way. It's so wonderful how you just jumped in and shared. You looked like you surprised yourself. Let's say we meet with your parents on Monday around 8am? It's early I know but I have a packed schedule and we cannot allow you to continue without getting permissions, forms, you know about paperwork. Would that be okay?" Serena smiled and nodded. She suddenly felt a tremendous wanting to be here and talk to these people again. "Great. Kathleen, you are on duty this afternoon so why don't you take your sister home and when you return, I'm sure Dr. Feshmon will want to speak to you about ethics. Good day ladies."

"Shit" Kathleen mumbled under her breath before leading Serena out to the car. It was about 90 minutes later than when they pulled in, but Serena felt lighter and she knew what her next move was going to be. She remained silent on the car ride home and Kathleen was lost in her own thoughts. Asking to bring Serena was unconventional but Rachel agreed. What wasn't explained was that the girl's parents had no idea that she was there. There was no consent, no prescription so to speak and technically bringing her today was completely unethical. She was in trouble after less than two weeks on the job, but when Serena spoke, she shared and when she asked to come back, well that made everything worth it, even if she lost the internship.

-SVU-

Elliot and Eli were deep in conversation about going to the go-kart track. He and Liv were waiting for Serena to come back. When she and Bernie came back from their shopping trip, she was extremely surprised not to find her daughter home. In fact, she seemed more than a little upset by it. Not that Serena would actually go to the track, but Elliot vowed to include them both in everything and he would keep that promise. The clouds had rolled in, it was lightly raining, and just like the rest of his blonde children, his ten-year-old never knew how to entertain himself outside of a video game. Liv's attention was focused on the road leading towards the house, they were gone for quite a long time. She had immediately tried Serena's cell, but it went straight to voicemail which meant it was turned off. Olivia assumed her daughter knew never to turn the phone off but since they didn't technically have that conversation, she would have to make sure the girl understood that the phone was their lifeline to each other.

 _Where the hell did Kathleen take her? Serena never wanted to be in public so what was Kathleen thinking? Why the fuck didn't Elliot know where they went? Serena said she was fine, but she probably didn't want to make her sister feel bad._ Liv had no such compulsion and would definitely be having a chat with one of her favorite blondes. She let out the breath she was holding as Kat's car rolled down the street. Olivia curbed the urge to go run and greet them; instead she stayed put, waiting. Before she knew what was happening, the dogs were barking like maniacs and she saw the car's taillights head back towards the gate. _Sneaky girl did a drop and run! Well, there's always later._

When the front door opened, all discussion stopped, and everyone turned towards the young brunette. She looked a bit shell shocked and self-conscious as she crossed the room, signaled for the dogs to quiet down, which they immediately did, grabbed her mother's hand, and pulled her towards her bedroom. Liv didn't hesitate and Elliot decided a trip to the go-kart track wasn't a bad idea after all, just to keep his son occupied and give the Bensons time to...whatever.

The ladies sat on the bed in much the same way they sat that day on the side of the road, cross-legged, facing each other. Liv studied her daughter, curious as to her whereabouts before and what she was thinking/feeling now. She was screaming inside to tell her to speak, sign, something; tell her anything but she resisted and sat silently, giving Serena time. She watched as her daughter closed her eyes and bowed her head, seemingly having an internal debate before jumping up, grabbing Liv's phone, and setting it up to record. This surprised Liv but she made no comment either way. Liv put her hands out, palms facing up. Serena took what she offered and grabbed her hands, pulling them up to her forehead and releasing a few staggered breaths.

"I broke a promise" she said, barely whispering so that if Olivia wasn't so close and so acutely tuned in, she wouldn't have known she spoke. She was thrilled to hear Serena's voice again but was concerned with what she was saying.

"What promise, sweetie?"

Serena spoke up, now looking at her mother instead of her knees. "I made a promise to you, well maybe it was to me, or the universe but I promised that I wouldn't say anything else about my time away unless I told you first. You had to hear the recordings twice from Uncle Fin, but it should have been me. You love me more than anyone and you were hurting like I was, am, differently but hurting and you deserve to hear everything first." She gripped Olivia's hands and put them by her mouth and closed her eyes. Liv could feel her breath come in short bursts. The room was silent, waiting for her to continue. "Don't be mad, well you can be mad at Kathleen because it wasn't her place, but don't be mad. Wait…" She shook her head in obvious confusion, so Liv spoke up.

"Why don't you just tell me what happened, and I'll be the judge of who to be mad at, or not. Okay?"

Serena seemed to think about that and nodded, finding her mother's gaze and holding it. "Kathleen asked if I wanted to see her new job at the hospital. Actually, that's not how she put it, she kinda worded it weirdly and tricked me into getting in the car. Anyway, we walked into a room that had group therapy. There were all these teenagers, not as young as me, just a little bit older but not quite grown-ups and we all sat around a circle. Kathleen arranged my visit with the therapist, so I was expected by everyone but me…and you. Since there were three other new kids, she had everyone discuss the first time abuse took place, as much or as little as we wanted to share. Momma, their stories have similarities to some of my days while I was away. The kids who have been in group for a while talked like they told the story hundreds of times and the new kids spoke quietly and not much. When one boy was talking, he was a boy that's been there a while but he doesn't live there, he was trying to explain himself and I chimed in. Momma, I don't know where it came from, I wasn't going to say a word but it sorta just came out! Then, when Rachel, she's the therapist, she asked if I wanted to share, I did. I'm sorry Momma. I shouldn't have done that without your permission or you being there to hear it." She was speaking quickly and looked under stress.

Liv pulled her hands out of her daughter's and placed them on her shoulders. "Baby, stop. It's okay, it's okay. I'm not exactly sure why you're apologizing. Did you tell your story?" Liv was curious as to what Serena felt guilty over.

"Just about the first time, that's what the directions were. I didn't mean to, but once I said that my name is Serena, the story just came out. But YOU don't know Momma. I never told you and I should have done that first." Before Olivia could respond in any way, Serena hit the record button, took back her mother's hands, pulled them up towards her mouth, in turn pulling Liv closer and repeated, verbatim, the story she told the group. They sat for a moment, Serena's breath warming Olivia's hands before she released one to stop the recording. "But I didn't tell them Momma that that time was the easiest. They all made it sound like the first time was the worst of their sex abuse and I'm not belittling that, one time is horrific for anyone to go through, but not me. If that was all it was those two years, I wouldn't be so...so...I'm crawling out of my skin. My head doesn't work the way it used to. There are so many more worse times after that first, not counting the celebrations; times none of them could ever imagine and I pray no one ever…" She let out a frustrated breath and returned her attention to her knees, in the process moving Liv's hands to her forehead.

Olivia just sat quietly, her hands holding onto Serena's just as tightly. She has heard hundreds of stories similar to the one time that her daughter just spoke about, but to hear it from the child that she birthed was more than she thought she could handle. To speak as if that horrible day was the best of two years made it impossible to imagine what else the girl was holding on to.

"I'm sorry for not talking to you first Momma, but now you can give this to Mr. Barba. He said that he needed me to say what specifically The Doctor did, to make the complaint. I didn't use his name in the therapy room, just for the recording here but c-c-can I go, go back? Rachel said I could be a regular part of the group, not to live there like most of them, but to just go and talk like a few do. I promise to tell you everything we discuss but…"

"No angel. Don't apologize for seeking counsel from others. You are free to talk to whomever you feel comfortable with as long as you let it out. Of course, you can go back. You can go and talk whenever you need, knowing that I am here to listen also, to as much or as little as you want to tell me." Serena thought that her mother looked like she was about to cry; if she knew her at all, she was crying on the inside and trying her damndest to hold it in for her sake.

"Don't worry Momma. Some things I'll never tell, and some things I'll only tell you...when I'm ready. Maybe talking to others that had things happen will help make me ready. Rachel said she wants to meet you on Monday morning at 8 to discuss how I can become a regular group participant. Is that okay?" When Olivia just nodded, Serena continued. "Momma it's just, I am so tired. Even though things got fixed and the hospital helped, which I will deny once this conversation is over…" she made a face causing Olivia to smile, albeit fleetingly… "my body is indescribably exhausted. I can actually feel it, weird. My head though, my head is not right. It's like my brain is constantly firing and it won't calm down enough to just rest. I have to watch and be prepared even though I know I'm no longer in danger but after I heard those kids tell their experiences today...some were hurt by their own family members! Then I shared mine and I couldn't control it, I didn't mean to, I didn't! But I felt like, like someone else could understand. It's hard to explain." Watching the emotions play out over Olivia's face confused Serena. "Say something Momma. Tell me what you're thinking. Please don't censor for my sake. Are you mad?'

It took a moment for Serena's question to register but when it did, it brought Olivia out of her head. "No baby, I'm not mad. Serena, I'm just...you scare me." Olivia couldn't believe she said that and let go of her daughter's hand to stand up. She walked over to the open window and was surprised how much time had passed. She could see that the light rain had disappeared, and the day was simply overcast once again.

"Me? Why?"

 _God! That came out wrong. How do I explain this? I can't fucking think straight!_ Olivia thought with panic rising. She ran her hands through her hair. "I need a minute." She needed a year to sort out all the shit going through her head. The only sound she heard was Serena getting off the bed and the floor creak as she was walking out. Liv turned around quickly. "No! I didn't mean for you to...I'm not mad, I promise I just…" _Yeah, I'm the daughter of an English professor and can't even get a fricken sentence out._

Serena stopped at the door. "I know, it's a lot. I could use a few minutes myself" she said before walking out, uncharacteristically closing the door behind her. She knew Olivia would be affected by anything she divulged about the past two years, what parent wouldn't? But it was exponentiated by the fact that she was exhausted in every sense. Serena walked towards the kitchen where Bernie had started thinking about dinner prep. "Gramma, could you please help me?"

Bernie instantly stopped her search and looked at her newest granddaughter. "With anything" she replied. She did take note that Serena went into the room with Olivia, but came out all alone, but at least talking again. The girl seemed upset but reigned it in. Barely.

The puppies were striving for Serena's attention. "Samson and Delilah, heel! Go play!" The dogs immediately went silent, startled and confused by hearing their master speak. She sighed and signed her instructions instead. When they obeyed, she turned her attention back to her grandmother. "I had a talk with Momma and she needs a few minutes to absorb everything. Actually, she needs more than that, but you know how she can be. I think she's too tired to really think straight. In fact, I _know_ she's too tired to think straight because _I_ can't think straight. Momma needs to sleep but she won't until I do and I just...Gramma, can you do what Maddie did for me that night before I went into the hospital? I know she drugged us, please don't deny that you know."

Bernie looked right in her eyes. "I'm not denying anything dear. It was my idea."

Serena appreciated her honesty. "I didn't dream that night and Elliot said Momma didn't move at all. But I can't swallow a pill. I won't ever again. Just standing here asking you to crush it makes me...If you could do what Maddie did, then I can sleep, and Momma will too. She needs it."

Bernie marveled at how although Serena did acknowledge her own exhaustion, she put her mother's well-being first. "Of course, honey. Can you tell me which bottle it is? I can barely remember my own." Serena showed her which pills but didn't watch as she prepared them. Instead, she walked out to the patio chairs. Since it rained, albeit briefly, the breeze picked up, so the late afternoon was not scorching. Before she could settle in a chair, Bernie walked towards her with a small glass of juice. "Here you go darling. I hope it does the job."

Serena drank the whole thing at once. The effect was probably all in her head, power of suggestion and all, but the sleeping pill took hold instantly. She grabbed Janie, laid down and felt herself go limp.

Liv walked out of Serena's room a few moments later, finding Bernie cleaning the already spotless kitchen counter. "I'm assuming Serena's outside?"

"She's sleeping dear" replied Bernie as she handed Olivia a small glass of juice.

"What?" Liv asked quite surprised as she drank the juice down while walking outside. She saw her baby sound asleep on the patio. She didn't hear Elliot come out as well when she turned towards Bernie. "How did you get her...you drugged her." When Bernie didn't respond with anything other than a look towards the empty glass Liv was holding, she knew. "And me too. Thank God, I'm so tired!" she found herself whining. Her reaction surprised everyone. Bernie reached forward and took the glass out of Olivia's hand as she rubbed her forehead with the other. Elliot moved forward and came up behind her, startling her a bit since she didn't realize he came home.

"Come on Liv. Let's get you to bed" he said, wrapping his arm around her waist. She practically fell into him and he lifted her bridal style.

"Bring her in El" she said, slurring her words together, wrapping her arms around his neck laying her head on his shoulder. Those were the last words she said before he tucked her into their bed, already asleep in his arms.

Elliot came back outside and picked his daughter up in much the same way. "Ma, grab her glasses please."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Olivia opened her eyes to find that it was dark outside. _Great, I slept all day and now I'll be up all night, again._ When she looked at the clock, she realized it was not the middle of the night, but the early morning. 4:42. Twelve hours! _Wow! Well, hopefully Serena slept as much. I need to explain today._ She slowly crept out of bed, making sure she didn't disturb her sleeping partner and quietly walked into Serena's room. Eli was face down on the floor mattress, Kathleen was spread out on one side of the bed and Serena was curled on her side next to her, still sound asleep. Liv kept the door open and went to the bathroom. As she was walking towards the kitchen for coffee, she stopped short, all bad thoughts pushed aside thanks to uninterrupted sleep. _Everyone is out cold, and I have the world's sexiest man sleeping in my bed. Why the hell am I making coffee?_ As she made her way towards their bed, she closed both bedroom doors and removed the t-shirt she was wearing. She slipped out of her bottoms as she climbed on the bed, she pulled the sheets off Elliot's waist. By the sound of his snores, she was not disturbing him in the least. Well, she needed to remedy that.

Olivia marveled at the bulge in his boxer briefs. He had been wearing pajama bottoms for Serena's sake, but she figured since he knew she was given a sleeping pill and would not be climbing into their bed, why not be comfortable? She took a few moments to look. Sure, they have had sex on and off since she came out here, but it was always straight sex on her part; Elliot had gone down on her twice, but she's never returned the favor. Seeing him like this, right now she wanted nothing more. Carefully she pulled down the waistband of his underwear, releasing his member. He jerked a bit in his sleep, but he settled immediately. Liv took two fingers to lift his member up before encircling the tip with her lips. As she lowered her mouth down further, Elliot's breathing picked up. Liv knew she was waking him so she pushed a little further. Since he wasn't yet aroused, she was able to take him all in and still have room. That changed quickly.

"Liv, what are you doing?" came a raspy voice filled with sleep. His eyes were still closed. She released him from her mouth but kept her hand in its place.

"Well, if you have to ask, I must not be doing it right" she stated and went back to her ministrations.

Elliot's eyes opened and he was instantly awake. He was also instantly erect as he looked down and saw Olivia, his beautiful Liv, with her ass in the air and her glorious mouth sucking on his dick. She jerked back a bit and smirked when she looked him in the eye.

"You are on the other side of 50 and you have the arousal rate of a 17-year-old!"

"Well damn woman! Waking me up like that, what did you expect?" He let out a slow moan as she licked up the underside of his shaft. "Fuck!"

"Not yet" she countered and took him in again. He was a lot bigger now that his blood was flowing and she could no longer take him all in, so she used her hand to help. As she went up and down his erection, she could see him getting impossibly fatter and longer, so she went faster. Licking, sucking, circling, blowing all while Elliot's breaths quickened and his moans deepened. She started giggling which caused a new sensation to flow through him.

Elliot took a deep breath in an attempt to control himself and looked down once again. Liv was totally engrossed in what she was doing when he realized that he could reach to pleasure her as well. She was not situated between his legs, but on his right side. He took his right hand and stroked her core, causing her to yelp.

"Shhh!" he admonished.

She looked him in the eye with a playful glare as she squeezed his balls. "No fair!"

He laughed and continued to play with her clit, which made his fingers instantly wet. He loved that Liv was not only a screamer, but a soaker. It seemed to surprise her too at first which led him to believe he was the only one to coax that out of her. With each stroke, she moaned, causing her lips to vibrate on his cock and he moaned. He went faster and so did she. Seeing her head go up and down his member brought immense pleasure and feeling her wetness, knowing that he caused that reaction in her, almost made him lose his shit right then. He grabbed Liv's ass and moved her over. He kissed her outer thighs and moved towards her inner thighs. He took his other hand and spread her legs so she was straddling him. He leaned forward and licked her folds. As she jerked backwards, he hit her clit, causing her to screech. She took Elliot back in her mouth to keep herself quiet. With every lick each took, their moans got louder and louder.

"Shit, shit, shit Liv! Don't scream!" That was the last thing that she was able to make out before he exploded into her mouth three seconds before she clenched around his tongue and drenched his face. It was hard for her to swallow as she couldn't breathe from the intense pleasure of both giving and receiving, but she took all he had to give as he lapped up all her juices. It took a few minutes for them both to calm down enough to move. As Olivia shifted around the bed, she rested on his chest after wiping it dry with the top sheet and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"I've been dying to do that for forever," she said wistfully. "You feel so good inside, I needed to know how you tasted, but you had to be greedy."

"Come on! The ass that I have been fascinated with for almost 20 years was sticking up close to my face and I was supposed to let it go? It's too beautiful. You're too beautiful. I had to participate. By the way, what the hell time is it? What brought this on?"

"Ummm, last time I saw the clock it was like a quarter to five. Everyone was asleep, I checked and my man was here next to me and I don't know when we'll have another chance so I decided to wake you. I hope you don't mind the early hour…" She pressed herself closer into his side and draped her leg over his.

"Mind? That was fucking amazing luv. You can wake me up anytime." He held her impossibly closer and before long, they both drifted back off.

-SVU-

Serena felt heavy. She hated pills but sometimes they were necessary, like yesterday. Today is a different story though. Drugs made it hard to wake up and she was struggling. She suddenly heard what she thought was a yelp and that woke her immediately. She quickly realized it wasn't a shout of horror, but her mother once again. _Funny. I fall asleep and she takes that as her cue to have sex. Hmmm, whatever makes her happy._ Serena had to pee, but she wasn't about to interrupt them to check the toilet. She got out of bed, grabbed her journal, and sat on the patio to wait. Before she was able to open her book, she heard another silenced scream and smiled to herself. She couldn't get over how they tried so hard to be quiet when all of her experiences were drenched in noise. They were in love, that should be shouted from the rooftops. She continued writing. Rachel had mentioned to the others that they had to keep up with their journals, so she knew she was on the right track. She just completed her first full "story" when the puppies came tumbling out, yapping for attention. She stood up and signalled for the little furballs to follow.

She walked with them along the shoreline, watching as they jumped in the water and retreated quickly. She was trying to teach them commands using her voice as well as signs when she saw an older golden bound up to them. She watched as Samson and Delilah playfully attacked the older dog when she heard a whistle from behind her. As she turned, she saw a familiar face.

"Mornin' peace girl. Whatcha doin up so early? Usually Nina and I rule the shores at this hour." Salomon was jogging towards her while trying various whistles to get his dog to heel. With the two little ones going nuts, Nina was caught up and his commands went unnoticed.

"Really? I'm out here every morning waiting for the sun to come up and today is the first day I've ever seen Nina. Granted, I'm usually hanging out on the patio so…" _Why am I talking to him? Look at him!_ "Most boys your age are still in their dream states this early in the morning." She can't believe she's having a conversation with him. Since hearing his story in group yesterday, he didn't scare her like other boys do. Boy wasn't the right word; he may have been young, but he was built like Richard, only beefier and his dreads conveyed a look of toughness. She couldn't put her finger on it.

He smiled at that. "Well, I'm not like most boys. Sleep isn't much of a haven but I guess you can understand that." He came to stand in front of her, arms crossed and an open look in his eyes.

"Yeah" she responded. "So, I think it's great that Samson and Delilah get to see their mom every now and again. Being separated sucks, even for dogs."

"True, but it doesn't have to be "every now and again." Like I said, we're out here every morning and now that you've ventured off your patio, you can join us...with the puppies of course."

She thought it was amazing how he didn't scare her or give her that off feeling, like every other male does since… Maybe there was that unspoken understanding? Well, technically it was spoken but...Rachel said they weren't supposed to censor themselves, but did that mean outside the therapy room too? Well, she had to ask. "Are we supposed to talk? I mean, outside… I mean…"

"I try not to. Outside of group, I really don't talk to anybody. I go to school online so I don't have to deal. I've learned a long time ago when and where to say what and I find it's best to keep therapy in therapy. Separating it makes my days easier. I don't have the support system outside of that room like you seem to have, but if you want to talk about anything, I'll listen. Otherwise, we can compare dog training techniques and make fun of Mr. Wallace over there who insists on wearing a speedo with his shape at his age. Whatever."

Serena smiled at that and before she knew it, she was laughing out loud and hard. Salomon couldn't resist laughing with her and before they knew it, they were sitting on the sand cracking up with the dogs licking their faces. The moment of joy was brief and rudely interrupted.

"Salomon! Boy, What're you doin?" Ms. Adelaide came sauntering over, dressed in her housecoat but otherwise looking like she was getting ready for a fancy event. "You plan on talkin to yerself? Word has it this child don't talk."

"Grandma" Salomon tried to interrupt but she continued as if he wasn't there.

"Girl, you need to stay away from my grandson. He can't do nuthin for yer, he ain't got no dick, just a piece of plastic to make him pee. Save yerself the heartache child." She then turned her attention to the humiliated young man. "Boy, grab that dog and git on home. I'm leavin in a bit." With that, she turned and walked back towards her house. Salomon didn't say a word nor did he look at her, he just got up, whistled for Nina who obeyed this time, and ran after his grandmother.

Serena was livid. She's never been angry before, upset yes but never outright mad until now. She was so angry at that woman. How could she say things like that? Even if it was true, why would she embarrass him? She had the oddest feeling as she stomped back towards the house and up the patio stairs. The dogs didn't need to be summoned, they sensed her mood and followed obediently. Olivia had just come out on the patio holding a mug of coffee, watching her approach.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She's never seen her daughter in such a state. She didn't have a chance to inquire further because Serena went off, waving her arms and raising her voice.

"How could she? She's so...so mean! He's her grandson, her family and she just...I was mortified for him. For me! She doesn't even know me and still! I'm just so, so angry and... how do I get over it because I just want to scream?! Uuuhhh!" She stomped her foot and held her fists straight down as she paced rapidly across the planks. Liv was getting whiplash watching her, so she reached out and grabbed her shoulders, holding her in place.

"I need you to pull into the station so I can hop on board your train of thought." Olivia said. The incredulous look she got made her smile.

Serena tried to focus and explain. "I don't understand. Maybe it's because it's been just me and you for so long, but you would NEVER, Gramma would never, Elliot on his worst day wouldn't…"

She was shaking and Liv was still at a loss, but Elliot had heard the conversation since Serena stomped up the stairs. Never in her life has that child made so much noise and he cannot recall a time when she was angry, at anything, despite all that's happened. He opened the screen door and gestured with his hand. "Come with me." If anyone knew about shaking with anger, it was Elliot. He led Serena quietly through the living room, out the front and into the garage with Olivia on their heels. No one said a word as Elliot pulled a pair of gloves off the shelf.

"If you are making fists…" he indicated hers and she didn't even realize she was… "You need to punch something. You're a Stabler. Use the bag, it'll make you feel better." She didn't even wait, she just swung. Her whole body shook with the impact. "Don't hurt yourself. Like this." He demonstrated and explained and before he could step out of the way, his youngest daughter was attacking the heavy bag with vigor. He gave Liv a questioning look and she just shrugged, never taking her eyes off the young teen. She was definitely a Stabler, she caught on quickly, it came naturally, and she was relentless, not even grunting. Serena gave the bag a couple of kicks for good measure before resting her forehead against it. She was breathing heavy, but not the way she usually does.

"Did it work?" asked Elliot. She just nodded against the bag, looking spent.

"Ready to tell me what that was all about?" asked Liv. She was concerned as to what prompted this.

Serena turned around and looked at the floor, seemingly embarrassed. "Last night you said that I scare you Momma. What did you mean?"

Elliot raised his eyebrows, but Liv didn't take a beat, not with Serena in this state. "I'm scared to lose you again. I told you last time, sometimes, you pull away, won't let me touch you. You go quiet and no one does silent the way you do. I'm scared I'm not qualified enough to help you, that I'm…. I just love you so much. You are my whole world and after our conversation yesterday, which wasn't even news, I expected as much but… I'm terrified."

"Momma, no. I only pull away because I still feel them, I told you and you're…" She was shaking her head. "I'm sorry, please don't let me. If I pull away, grab me and pull me back. I don't mean to and sometimes it just feels like everyone expects me to act, be, feel a certain way but I don't or I can't. It's not you Momma. Please don't be scared of that because you're the one who keeps me here, who keeps the nightmares away. You know what I need, even when I don't know or I don't want it. We don't have to go tomorrow, I won't go back to the group room, I promise I'll only talk to you when you ask. Elliot told you to call me out on my shit, listen to him." Olivia gave a small smile and nod and Elliot wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. He didn't know what they were talking about since Liv fell asleep so early and talking this morning wasn't a priority.

Serena continued. "Ms. Adelaide. Have you ever met her?" Liv shook her head but Elliot nodded knowingly.

"She lives down the strip. She's always so miserable and seems to make it her life's mission to take everyone with her. What'd she say?" Serena looked up at her mother, then glanced at her father, who got the hint. "If she was mean to you in any way angel, I need to know."

"No daddy. I'm okay. It wasn't aimed at me." Elliot looked confused but he knew that Serena wanted to talk to Liv alone. He would make sure to get Liv alone later, keep his hands to himself and get her to talk.

"Okay." He leaned forward and kissed her head. "I'm going to leave my two Badass Bensons to sort things out. I promised Mom that now that Eli's here, I'd make more of an effort to take him to church so I'm playing chauffeur to her and Gladys. I love you both. You are the strongest, bravest women on the planet, like ever. Never forget that. I'm going to shower." He leaned in and captured Olivia's mouth with his and she responded enthusiastically, causing Serena to clear her throat.

Once Elliot winked and left, Serena held her arms out and Olivia undid the gloves. "I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you this, but you're my mother and that trumps everything. Ms. Adelaide's grandson was in the therapy group that Kathleen took me to. I heard his story." She paused for a moment, just looking at Liv. She understood the gravity of those words. Serena didn't need to explain that meant he was a victim of repeated sex abuse, so she continued. "His name is Salomon. He said it means peace and calm, like me." She went on to explain the mornings events to Olivia. "Salomon never said anything about his body so I don't understand why she would embarrass him like that. It was cruel Momma and he could've been my friend out here." She stepped forward and just put her head on Olivia's shoulder when tears started to fall. Tears of sadness for the boy who was nice to her, tears of anger at the atrocity itself, and tears of humiliation for both him and her.

Olivia didn't hear her crying; she just felt the wetness on her shoulder, so she wrapped her arms around Serena tight. She knew this was a different type of cry. Now she understood that bag episode was not just Stabler genes asserting themselves because she was outraged herself. That poor boy! How embarrassing for him but also for Serena to sit there and be told that right in front of him from someone who supposed to love him. "I'm sorry baby. I can't even…"

They stood in the garage like that for a long time, neither wanting to let go. They didn't realize how long it was until they heard the car doors slam and Elliot stuck his head in. "Everything okay?" They both nodded and smiled, giving hugs and saying see-ya-laters before walking back into the house.

"First, yes we are still going to meet with Rachel tomorrow. We will talk about the who's and what's after. Second, I think I need to have a talk with Ms. Adelaide" said Liv once they were back in the living room. When she saw the stricken look of fear on Serena's face, she amended. "Of course I won't mention anything about therapy baby. I'll just keep it to her comments on the beach this morning. Regardless of Salomon's past or his situation, the things she said were highly inappropriate for a thirteen-year-old girl to hear. Not to mention, the jab at your silence."

Serena took a calming breath as Liv led her to the bathroom. Her mother knew her so well. When she was finished, Olivia headed for the shower. There was something about that boy that Serena liked so she head back to the beach.

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	39. Chapter 39

A/N: Sorry for the update delay. I moved from NY to South Carolina and wow! What an adjustment. Anyway, I'm trying to get back in the writing groove so here is the next chapter.

Chapter 39

 _Oh what the hell am I doing?_ That question kept rolling around in Serena's head, but she kept walking up the strip towards the house that looked so much like Bernie's, only dark green and unkempt. She got passed the house next to it when she heard the dog bark.

"Peace girl. Forget something?" She couldn't see the body behind the voice and that set her nerves, causing her to stop on the beach facing the back deck, her breath quickening, her eyes darting all around.

"I can't see you. P-please show yyyourselfff." She couldn't stop the quaver in her voice but if he was the type of boy she thought he was, he would understand.

"I'm sorry" he said as he came up from under the deck, making her jump back a little. "I didn't mean to scare you. Wasn't thinking, but then again, I wasn't expecting anyone."

"Well, we weren't finished talking. You were telling me about Mr. Wallace. I say, if you got it and you're proud, flaunt it!" She waited to see if he would push her away or play along.

"Where did you come from?" He had a confused look on his face.

Serena stammered a bit. "Ummm, my gramma's house. I don't...I" she stopped when she saw him smile and shake his head.

"No! I meant, like life. You are nice. Genuinely nice, even after what you've been through. I know you didn't come here to talk about speedo dude and yet you just…" He looked down at the sand. "I'm sorry about what my grandmother said about you not talking. And that you had to hear...what you did in that way. I've been in that group for over a year and nobody knows. Grandma doesn't understand."

"Well, it's not her story to tell. Actually, I could say a lot to that but as someone told me, I learned a long time ago what to say to who and when." With that, she caught his eyes, and a shy smile. They talked about nothing for a while, something Serena was not used to but found she thoroughly enjoyed when suddenly, she heard her name. "That's my mom. Why is she shouting so loud? Sheesh!" Together they walked towards the shoreline and as she turned around to wave her location, she saw her mother's face.

When Olivia came out of the shower, she didn't see Serena inside, so she assumed she went back onto the patio. It was shaping up to be a beautiful day, everyone would be home from church soon and she wanted to get breakfast started. She had to tell Elliot about Serena's therapy and she had to make sure he, and Barba knew about her "official complaint." She dressed and threw her hair up in a ponytail. "Serena, can you make some muffins while I get breakfast started?" No answer. She went outside to look, and she wasn't there. The puppies were now trailing her feet and she couldn't see her daughter by the wall or her spot by the water. "Serena?" Her voice started to waver. _Nononononononono. This is not happening. Not again._ "SERENA!" She shouted as she ran down the steps and walked towards the water, looking everywhere. "SERRREEEENNAAAAA!" she screamed as loud as her voice would go. There. She saw her waving from down the strip, walking with some boy. Liv ran, but she was already out of breath.

Olivia looked terrified which confused Serena at first, then she realized she never told her mother she was leaving the patio and since they were practically under the deck, she was nowhere in sight. "Oh no!" she said causing Salomon to give her a questioning look before she went running. When she caught up to her mother, they both stopped. "I'm sorry! I'm right here, I'm fine Momma. I'm right here." Liv was breathing like she ran a marathon. Her mouth was open and her eyebrows were furrowed, then suddenly, she stopped inhaling. "Shit Momma. I wasn't thinking. I should have told you I was walking away. I'm sorry but you need to calm down. I'm here. Look! I'm good." She put Liv's hands on her cheeks and kept eye contact. She knew what her mother was feeling all too well. Liv was searching her eyes frantically and Serena knew she must have been reliving the day she found out she was missing. She grabbed both of Liv's hands to her chest. "Salomon, get me a cold, wet paper towel please. Hurry." He was big but he was fast. "It's okay, take a breath. Feel me." When the boy came back, she let go for only long enough to grab the towel and wrap it around both of Olivia's wrists, then trapped her mother's hands in her own again. They were shaking.

"Is she okay?" he asked. Kids in therapy act like this sometimes when they first begin to confront their abuse, but he'd never seen an adult act this way, especially one he knew was a cop.

"She is having a sort of panic attack. I know exactly what those are like. I was upset earlier and I stupidly walked away while she was in the shower. I imagine that when she couldn't find me, she just... She'll be okay, won't you Momma? I'm right here and I'm okay." Serena was getting very concerned. She tried to remember reading exactly how long someone could go without breathing before they passed out when suddenly,

"Never do that again!" Liv blurted out, effectively taking in air but not relaxing her grip. "You are grounded for life young lady." She sounded like her badass cop persona; Salomon looked scared, but Serena knew better.

"Okay" was all Serena could say before her mother grabbed her in her arms and held her as tight as she did that day in the park. Serena was in an awkward position so it was a bit painful, but she wasn't about to complain.

It was obvious to the young man how much these two loved each other. It pained him a bit because it was not something he could relate to. He didn't want to leave, but he felt weird just standing there watching. His discomfort was alleviated when Serena guided her mother around, back towards the house.

-SVU—

Serena made it her mission to make it up to her mother by doing everything she was supposed to do. She even volunteered to go to the bathroom, before Elliot could tell her to. The only thing she couldn't do was voluntarily go to bed. Kathy came to get Eli after dinner since they were already on their way home from Atlantic City. That worked out perfectly since Olivia had just told him about their appointment with Rachel in the morning. He seemed quite surprised but glad that she was willing to talk to someone. He didn't intervene when Liv had a discussion with Kathleen about boundaries, even though he didn't understand what the "big deal" was. Neither Benson had mentioned Liv's episode once they were back in the house. Now she was laying on the chaise lounge on the back patio, looking up at the stars. She couldn't turn her mind off.

 _Salomon is so big, how could anyone hurt him? He all but admitted that he really didn't have a penis but how could it come off? Did his coach cut it off? Did he get an infection and have to have it removed? Does he pee from a straw? No, that's stupid. Worst of all, how could his own grandmother treat him like that?_ These are the questions she kept replaying in various ways. Couple those with her being a bit nervous about therapy, and she was up for the long haul tonight.

Olivia knew her daughter wouldn't be sleeping tonight. She too, was lying awake in bed thinking about the day's events and what tomorrow would bring. When Kathy called and asked if they would mind if she picked up Eli on her way, she was thrilled. She loved that little boy, as she loved all of them, as her own but it would make the morning logistics much easier. Kathleen was properly chagrined after their pretty much one-sided discussion, but Olivia was secretly so glad that the young Stabler did what she did. Serena would never have gone to therapy on her own, no matter how much cajoling Liv may have done. She was surprised that it was group therapy of all things.

Liv got out of bed carefully so as not to wake Elliot and made her way outside. Sure enough, there was Serena sitting like a statue, just staring into space. Literally. "What's on your mind? Worried about our meeting tomorrow?" she asked as she scooted her daughter aside so she can fit comfortably. If Serena didn't want company, she would have chosen the chair or the steps or something that didn't fit two people. She knew her mother as well as her mother knew her.

"No. Salomon. What could have happened that caused him to lose his penis?"

"Honey, you and I know better than anyone the atrocities that humans can inflict on one another. If Salomon knew about your injuries, he'd probably be up asking himself the same question."

Serena snuggled down into Liv. They always fit perfectly together, no matter how tall the teen got. Liv felt her body instantly relax as did her daughter's. "I'm scared Momma. Not like, scared for my life, but scared nonetheless."

Liv ran her hand up and down Serena's arm. "So am I baby. What are you afraid of?" She vowed to be honest and she knew that her honesty brought out Serena's.

"I can't explain it. The Doctor promised he would never tell anybody anything and I know he won't. I just know it. And I just hate that people know anything, let alone them finding out any sort of details. Some of the things I did were just… Anyway, I don't want you to look at me like you look at the women who you help. You have this look, and your voice changes and I don't want that aimed at me. I just want to forget and be normal-well as normal as I can with everything. Why are you scared, because I already told you twice that you are not failing me in any way?"

Olivia didn't miss what she said about the things _she_ did but filed it away for now. "Believe it or not, I'm scared of knowing." When Serena turned her head up to look at her questioningly, she clarified. "As your mother, I need to know everything that happened to you. _TO_ you sweet girl. Whatever happened, whatever you did was not your…"

"I know" Serena interrupted before trying to stifle a yawn. "But I was little, and a girl. Salomon is such a big boy...never mind. Thank you, Momma. I haven't said that to you but thank you. I'm good now because of you." She turned on her side and wrapped her right arm around Liv's chest until it rested on her left shoulder. Olivia just pulled her tighter, adjusted the blanket that Serena had resting at her feet, kissed her head and just felt the moment. It wasn't long before they were both sleeping under the fading starlight.

Elliot heard his alarm and immediately shot his hand out to silence it before it woke up Liv. He knew he needn't have bothered the minute he felt the cold sheets next to him. _I've gotta get that kid to sleep so Liv can stay in bed through the night._ He loved waking up next to her. If she was laying on her side, she was snuggled in like a child resting on her hands with the covers up to her nose. If she was laying on her back, her hair was always disheveled and spread out on the pillow, her mouth slightly open and lightly snoring. He could listen to that like a lullaby. On the rare occasion that she slept on her stomach, he knew she was too exhausted to move. He stretched and scratched and got ready for work. When he left their room, he walked outside and even though he hated that they weren't in bed, he loved the sight that greeted him. Both Bensons were cuddled up looking like angels in the morning sun. If it were any other day, he would have kissed both their heads and went straight to work, but they had their appointment with Serena's therapist today and they couldn't be late. He went back inside, greeted his mother in the kitchen, and made a cup of coffee. He went back and held it under Olivia's nose as was his new way to wake her. It took a few minutes, but she finally began to stir.

Serena smelled the coffee first. "Mmmmm, five more minutes" she mumbled as she rolled over. Elliot let out the biggest guffaw that caused Olivia to open her eyes and blink back the morning sun. She just stared at her partner, at a loss as to why he was laughing so heartily this early in the morning.

"Baby, I would kill to hear you say that on any other day" he finally managed as Liv took her mug. "Sorry angel but today I'm told we have to meet with a possible therapist, so we need to get moving." Both brunettes sat up, yawned and stretched.

"Good morning Daddy" said the young one with a bright smile. Both adults just stared for a moment before Serena jumped up and ran inside. "Bathroom, come on! I gotta get dressed!" Elliot raised his eyebrows to Liv, who kissed his lips and shooed him inside as she immediately followed.

-SVU-

When they were finally escorted into a meeting room, they were greeted by no less than five people, dressed as if they were going grocery shopping. It was supposed to make them seem approachable to the kids they treated. Serena was excited until she saw the reception and she quickly grabbed Elliot's hand and hid behind his back. There were four males: the lead psychiatrist, the head administrator, two others and Rachel. After all the pleasantries were complete, they sat down. Serena sat between her parents with their chairs very close on either side.

The head administrator, Dr. Feshmon, was not too keen on the idea of Serena just joining group. "Ms. Benson, I understand that there have been no mandates for therapy for your daughter, but after what she's been through, and I assure you I only know from what Rachel and Kathleen have told me, it is highly recommended. This facility is a residential treatment facility above all else. We treat everything from bipolar and other mental/emotional disorders to suicide watch to victims of all types of assault. Everyone benefits from a full submersive experience. We believe that adolescents who are suffering in any way need to have round the clock specialty care and a specific routine that accommodates their needs. Now, if we agree to treat Serena, I would need her doctor to mandate therapy with a specific treatment plan in mind and we can get her processed. You would be able to visit her daily during visiting hours and her length of stay will be dependent upon her participation in her own recovery. We find that we can outpatient after six weeks but with someone who has had Serena's extent of trauma...well frankly I have never seen anyone with that extent of trauma so I will not even postulate a time frame."

"What?" Elliot questioned.

"NO!" shouted Serena.

"I'm confused" stated Olivia as all three spoke at the same time. "We were told that our daughter could come and attend group therapy sessions as long as she is willing and now you're telling us that she has to move in here. Is that my understanding? Because that is not happening."

Dr. Kahn, the lead psychiatrist, spoke up. "Ms. Benson…"

"Sergeant Benson" Olivia interrupted. These guys seemed like sticklers for titles and she earned hers as well. She would love to have them call her Olivia, but she wasn't feeling that connection yet.

"Forgive me Sergeant, but now I'm a bit confused. Wouldn't you like your daughter to get treated. We find that residential treatment is most effective, especially in cases where the child is experiencing PTSD and flashbacks, which I assume Serena has begun."

Elliot spoke up then. "Yes, she has and you may be experts in your field, but we are experts on Serena. We have found that the ONLY thing that calms her, is her mother, who is absolutely amazing with her. She also needs the freedom to be outdoors at any time of day or night. And I have to say, how could you think of separating her from us when she was gone for two years? That makes no kinda sense! She'd be going from one type of prison to another."

"I wanna go home please" Serena whispered to Olivia. "I wanted to talk to kids who could understand, but I don't want to be here all the time! I wanna stay with you, Momma!" She turned towards Elliot. "Daddy, please let's go home."

"Ms, Sgt. Benson, Lt. Stabler" Rachel interjected. "When Kathleen asked if Serena could sit in on a group, I took the chance and I'm glad I did. She was willing to participate on her first day and what she shared...well, I believe she would benefit from her time in group tremendously, but she also must have individual sessions that are tailored just for her situation. That is essential to her recovery and this facility requires residency and gradual reintegration. She needs to learn to calm herself and cope on her own, without being dependent on anyone, not that you aren't doing a wonderful job with her, but our success rate is unprecedented. You can surely agree with that? I mean, the fact that she asked to come back tells us how much she needs this."

Olivia stood up and Elliot immediately followed. Serena was ready to run. "I, we have been dealing with victims of sexual assault for over two decades, so I have practically seen it all. I agree she needs professional help and I will make sure she gets it, but she does not need to be taken away from her family to receive it. The days of her being out of my reach, out of my sight are over. Thank you so much Rachel for your time and efforts. I appreciate you all meeting with us. Good day gentlemen." And with that, she grabbed her daughter's hand and walked towards the door.

They took two cars since Elliot had to go to work. They walked to the parking lot in silence. When they got to the mustang, Elliot bent down to look his daughter in the eye. "If this is what you want, just tell me and I'll make it happen. If you want to be here just for group, I'll fight them all the way to the state board. The choice is yours."

Serena kept her eyes downcast while shaking her head. Elliot held his arm out to the side for a hug but she surprised him when she jumped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist as he stood up. He held her just like he used to when she was little, with her face buried in his neck. Liv gasped as she watched before placing her head on her daughter's back. They hugged for a few moments before Elliot's phone rang. He let it go to voicemail, but they all knew he had to hit the road; he was already late. He put Serena down, kissed her forehead as she got in the passenger's seat, grabbed Liv in a fierce hug before kissing her goodbye and got in his car.

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	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

 **Wait...did that say chapter 40? Wow! Thank you all who have stuck with me on this crazy journey. 40 chapters! I hope despite the subject matter, they are entertaining. Let's keep going…**

The ride home was quiet, both Olivia and Serena lost in thought. When they pulled up to the house, Serena immediately walked towards the water. "Serena, are you hungry? I can have breakfast ready in ten minutes." Liv just needed to make sure her daughter didn't go silent. She knew the girl was disappointed, her demeanor did a complete 180 from just an hour ago and she didn't want her to wallow or get lost in herself again. Serena's only answer was a shake of her head. "Baby, I need to know if you're okay. Talk to me please?"

"I'm okay Momma. I just need to think for a bit." She graced Liv with a brief smile before walking slowly to her favorite spot and sitting in the sand.

Although Liv was thrilled to know that she didn't revert to silence, she was disheartened to see that when the puppies came bounding outside towards where Serena sat, she didn't engage them. She wanted so desperately to hover but knew she couldn't. Instead, she would give her daughter the time it took to make breakfast to think and then all bets were off.

"Hey peace girl! Nina and I didn't catch you this morning" Salomon said as he came up to her side. She didn't acknowledge him or the dog, who was now chasing her puppies into the water. "You have interesting knees you know" he said as he sat down. That got her attention.

"What are you talking about, Salomon?"

He smiled because he knew that would get her. "Manny. My friends call me Manny, well back when I had friends. You can be my first friend now. Anyway, I saw you staring at your knees like they were doing something special so... What's gotcha looking like you lost your best friend?" The response he got he certainly wasn't expecting. Serena burst into tears, her head falling onto said knees. "Holy shit! I'm sorry! I didn't know. Did someone really die?" She didn't so much as get glassy eyed the other day when she told that horrific story and even when her mother was panicking, she remained calm so he felt she earned her name but unless something terrible happened, he had no clue what could have brought her to tears. He was at a loss.

 _Shit! Shit! Shit! Stop you idiot!_ Serena ridiculed herself for her outburst, but she couldn't help it, it just came pouring out. "They won't let me join group unless I live there, and I can't live there! I can't leave my Momma or Elliot and now I have a Gramma and…" hiccup... "I liked talking to everyone there, listening to what they had to say. I felt like I understood what everyone went through and we could help each other but they won't let me because of some procedure or rules or other bullshit and…" shuddering breath. _Oh no!_ "And they want me to sit with a shrink alone in a room?!" The last sentence was almost incoherent. She began hyperventilating as the tears poured down her cheeks and her nose ran away from her. She needed her mother. She quickly turned to first look him in the eye and then looked towards the house, pleading for him to understand because she was taking in short bursts of air, but none were coming out. He saw the same look on Olivia yesterday, so he immediately got up and ran for Bernie's house.

As he approached the patio, Olivia was just coming out the door, curious as to who was so heavy-footed on the steps. She looked at him quizzically. "Ma'am, I'm Salomon, my grandmother is Ms. Adelaide from up the strip a ways. We met yesterday, kinda, up by my house. Anyway, Serena is crying down by the beach and she's breathing funny, well, not really breathing at all." He remembered what she said about her lungs not being strong so he was hoping her mother would know what to do. Liv was already down the stairs before he finished his sentence.

She was at her daughter's side in seconds. Serena stopped breathing all together, she just sat with her mouth open like a fish trying to get air with her eyes popping out of her head. Olivia grabbed her hands and made sure to speak pretty close to Serena's mouth so air would go in, one way or another. "Baby take a breath. Now!" Liv blew out air into the girl's face, which only caused her eyes to widen more. "You have to breathe Serena. I'm right here now get some air." Her voice was louder and more firm, trying to break through the fog that was clouding the young girl's brain. She could tell the teen was trying, but she was going to pass out any minute.

Liv spoke to Salomon who came back next to her. "What were you two doing?"

"Just talking ma'am." He explained the conversation of the last two minutes while Olivia could feel her daughter's heartbeat against her palm. "Then I ran to get you. It's amazing how strong she really is." He was nodding as he made eye contact causing Serena to make a shocked sound, inadvertently taking a breath. Manny kept talking smoothly while Olivia encouraged her in a quieter voice to continue mimicking her breaths. "Seriously, after everything I can only imagine, you still worry about other people and have this freshness...I don't know peace girl."

"I-I-I'mmmmmm not not brave, jjjjust look. I'mmm all also nnnot normmmallly a crier. Ttttears lead to more…..thiiiiiiissss is so emba, embar" she couldn't get the words out. She was mortified. "You, you don't havvvvve to t-talk to me anymmmmmore." She couldn't stop the torrent of tears still streaming down her face nor could she control the stutter, but she hated that this boy was watching her in this state.

"But I like talking to you. Like I said, you are my first friend now, and my now has been a hell of a lot longer than yours. I'd like to be the same for you, if you'd let me." He was sitting calm and still on the sand beside Olivia, who was watching the exchange intently while still holding onto Serena's hands. "Rachel got you hyped up and you were expecting a different outcome and things got fucked up by those who wouldn't know pain if it bit them in the ass. Oh, I apologize, excuse my language ma'am. Tears won't chase me away. If someone told me it was okay to cry back then, maybe I wouldn't be making my _first_ friend right now. It's an odd trait you share with your momma, the not breathing thing. The only trait I share with my dad is the way we both snore like chainsaws. So, if crying helps, go for it. Better to let the feelings out than stuff them down. That's what they say in therapy anyway. Let me know and I'll stub my toe or watch one of those soldiers returning home videos and join you."

Serena expelled a breath that sounded as if she was trying to laugh through her tears. "I did didn't hhhave mmmannny fffriends before." Shaky breath. "Not lllllike I'mmmmm sh-sure you did but bbbbut I'd like a fffriend now." She finally grasped her mother's hands back. "Momma, thhhhhhisss is my my fffriend SSSSSalomon, bbbut I'mmm going to c-c-call him Manny." She had to stop then and try to breathe normally. Her head was pounding, and her chest hurt like a bitch. She was going to have to spend the afternoon attached to her cannula, maybe even the machine if she didn't stop the waterworks.

Olivia turned her head towards the young man. "It's nice to meet you Manny and Serena's first friend now gets to call me Olivia." She didn't have to ask what they meant by "now." Nearly 20 years in special victims and she just knew. The time of their lives was divided, before and after abuse; then and now. Living and surviving. Hopefully they all were both on their way to thriving. They all got quiet for a few moments while the young girl tried to compose herself. When she made to stand up, they all did.

"Are you going to be okay Serena?" It was the first time he used her actual name outside of group. When she nodded, he continued. "Yeah you look it. I'm going to go for a run, I think I need to expel some energy. You know where to find me and if it's okay, Nina might want to see her puppies later?" Again, she just nodded so he bid farewell to Olivia, whistled for his dog, and took off as mother and daughter headed home.

-SVU-

The damn tears wouldn't stop and as they flowed, she tried desperately to catch her breath. Olivia kept her arms wrapped around her as they walked up the steps. "I, I, I don't nnnnnn, know what's wrong with me. I can't maaaake it sssstop!" They were walking towards the bathroom when Serena stopped short in the doorway.

"We are going to the sink sweetheart. You have to try to calm down." Reluctantly, Serena walked towards the pedestal. It was inconceivable that just a couple hours ago she was dragging Elliot in to check the toilet, excited to start the day and now, she was falling apart at the seams. Liv thought it was good though. Serena hardly cried on her own; it was almost always caused by some nightmare or pain. This was as if her body was telling her it needed release and it was taking it anyway it could get it. They always said that one needed to break in order to heal but did that apply to someone who has been broken repeatedly?

Olivia thought about Manny's comment. Neither she nor Serena ever had panic attacks before, so she didn't realize they both handled, or rather mishandled, them the same way, hyperventilating to the point of being unable to breathe. They were both so much alike. She had Serena lean over the sink as she pulled her daughter's hair into a ponytail and tied it up. She wet a washcloth and pressed the cold rag to her neck causing the teen to gasp and grip the sides of the basin. She continued to wet her down and reassure her that all would be okay. Serena kept sneaking glances at the toilet as she tried to control the tears. No one checked it yet. Olivia moved to lift the lid, but Serena threw her arm out to stop her.

"I d-d-don't have to go. It'ssssssssssss just… Can we sit?" As they moved into the living room, Olivia grabbed two cups and filled them with water before sitting on the sofa. She made Serena take a drink and she did the same. Her chest continued to rattle with each gasp for air and the tears still cascaded down her cheeks. Olivia ran to the bedroom and grabbed the cannula with the tank, helping to ensure it was in place while Bernie, who was silently unseen until now, closed the windows, leaving the screen door open, and turned on the ac. By the time the water was finished and Liv stopped using the cloth, the oxygen began doing its job and the girl's breathing slowed down and once again, the eldest Stabler was nowhere to be seen.

They sat on the couch for another fifteen minutes or so until Serena was able to take a breath without a struggle and her beautiful cheeks no longer showed signs of salty tear tracks that she spoke. "Momma, can you please get the journal my sisters gave me? It's in the drawer of my nightstand." Once Olivia sat down again, Serena clutched it to her chest. Now that she was relatively calm, her stutter was once again under control. "You asked me a question when I first came home and I said I couldn't answer it, not then. I figured out a way to tell you Momma. I wrote it down, like a story for you to read. Will you read it?"

Liv knew exactly what she meant. She was going to tell her about the baby. After the brief explanation that her daughter told Fin and Melinda, Olivia knew how difficult it would be for her to open up. The pain and humiliation she suffered for over two years probably paled in comparison to that day. She wanted so desperately to know, but then again, she was terrified of the knowledge. But, since the girl had found a way to tell her story, Liv was going to listen, or in this case read. The tumultuous emotions of the morning were still playing on her; Olivia realized that Serena only told of the horrors when pushed to an emotional limit. She didn't even discuss her nightmares, nor cry over them once she was awake. Olivia didn't speak, just nodded and held out her hand.

-SVU-

Before Olivia put on her reading glasses, Serena stood up. "I don't need to read over your shoulder, I have a headache. I'm hot in these jeans and my shirt is now gross and wet, thanks for that, so I'm going to change. Be right back." Liv knew they had fallen asleep while the stars were just beginning to fade and as usual, that was not enough rest for either of them. Then she went on that emotional roller coaster and this was the first time the young teen admitted to having a headache, which probably meant she had a mind-numbing migraine. Liv vowed that after reading the journal, she would save her questions for later and try to get Serena to partake in some calming activities for the afternoon and oh yes, there was the small matter that neither had the chance to eat breakfast. At least Serena wouldn't fight her on food. Opening to the marked page, Olivia began to read.

 _What to write, what to write... My brothers and sisters gave me a basket full of goodies today because they thought it would make me feel better. They still make me anxious when they're all together, but they really are sweet. Momma, you asked me to tell you about the baby and I just can't, not out loud so I am writing it all down for you. Hopefully this will fulfill parts A and B as well as any addendum you stipulated in our last round of 3 questions._

 _When Dr. Warner asked me what I wanted her to "do with the remains" I almost had a stroke! I remember what I had to do with the remains the first time. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Okay, I suppose I should start at the beginning. It's so weird Momma, but I never realized that you can learn to ignore pain and push it away. I remember when they had to change the dressing on my arm, and it felt like I was on fire each time. I tried so hard not to cry but when they didn't sedate me, I couldn't help it. I thought that nothing could hurt worse. Naive._

 _After The Doctor came down the ladder the second time, I realized that if I bit the inside of my cheeks, I can keep the screams in. Man do I have scars in there! Anyway, I learned that I can float and imagine that I was home with you so that the pain was something that was just outside of where it could hurt. Now that I've read that, it sounds like it doesn't make sense but it's the only way to describe it. He had come down many times plus Amir and one celebration before my belly really felt weird. I got sick once, as soon as he rolled off me, I rolled over and threw up. He wasn't happy with that but before he took his usual action, he said the oddest thing. He said, "Heaven, I can see it in your eyes. Damn!" He jumped up and got dressed and up the ladder so fast I was so confused. Usually, I couldn't wait for him to leave but as I said, I felt funny. He came down again and it was the same day, or night and he had his bag with him. I hated that bag. He took blood from my arm and held a stick between my legs and told me to pee. I didn't want to do that at all, not after Steven._

 _In addition to learning how to keep the screams in and the tears at bay, I learned not to say no. After we sat for a few minutes, he threw the stick at me and disappeared for a couple of days. The stick was plain white with a little temperature window that only had a plus sign in it. He never mentioned it again. I realized I was pregnant during the second celebration. It was Judge Sorotsky that commented on how my belly was nice and round but the rest of me was skin and bones. It was a big joke after that. Honestly, I thought I was becoming like one of those starving children you see on television. I never even got my first period, so pregnancy never occurred to me. Guess that's something else I'll never get to experience._

 _I know you heard the recording from Uncle Fin, but I'll write it here anyway. Makes the story flowy and more interesting :) I can pretend things are not happening to my body and I can ignore the aches and pains pretty well, but when my head hurts, it's too hard to do that. I can't think straight, and Steven gave me such a wallop that I hit the hook and broke my cheekbone. I ended up with a bad concussion. My head hurt for like, a year after that (remember I couldn't tell time down there). They got into a huge argument and he only came to one more celebration before The Doctor cut him off, but that's a different story that I can't promise I'll ever tell. I'm not sure how long it was after, but I was finally able to see without stars and blurriness, even with my glasses but then the door opened, and he came down with that bag. He prepared a shot and I tried to scoot backwards but I was already up against the wall and when he gave me that look, I froze as always. I held out my arm, but he jabbed the needle right in my stomach! I watched as he plunged the clear liquid inside and packed up. He put three bottles of water, some towels, and a mopping bucket close by and he left. I got scared because almost immediately, my stomach was exploding. I begged him not to leave me, that he had to "fix me up" and I can't believe I actually said those words. I think it shocked him too because he stopped midway up the ladder. He said not to "leave a trace" and I had no idea what that meant because then my head was pounding with each flip of my stomach._

 _I don't know how you did it, Momma. How on Earth do women give birth every day and then want to do it all again? Kathy has five kids! God, it feels like your insides are going to run out. It hurt worse with each breath I took, and it lasted a long time. I'm sorry Momma, but I screamed for you. I tried not to do that while I was gone once I realized the consequences because I didn't want you anywhere near him or them, but I was all alone and I didn't know what was happening. I thought I was going to die. It wasn't the first time I thought that, but it was the only time I was by myself when I did. I was used to bleeding coming from between my legs; it felt different than when I peed myself but this time, it felt like both. Wet, wet blood and lots of it. It was hard getting my sweatpants off but when I checked, my vagina looked different than it usually did, even after the celebrations with the bruises. Something was stuck in there and it was sliding out. When I realized it was the baby (I mean duh, how can I be so smart and so stupid about some things?), I tried to keep it in. I tried to push it back up, but it hurt so bad. I leaned back up against the wall and used both hands to pull. I figured if it was trying to come out and I couldn't put it back, maybe it was better to help it out._

 _The head came all the way out, but it wasn't crying, it wasn't doing anything. The shoulders, I had to turn the shoulders because I was afraid I would break the little bones. Once we got past that, it slid out all by itself. It was so tiny Momma, but it didn't have a penis so I figured it was a girl. Maybe it hadn't developed yet since I wasn't sure how long I was pregnant, but I couldn't keep saying "it" so she's a girl. Dr. Warner confirmed it. I used to read a lot of books and I knew how babies were made, but I never read anything on how to deliver them. I knew she was supposed to be making noise, but the only one screaming and crying was me. I was still gushing blood and some gross stuff that looked like 10 times worse than snot and there was a part of her body that was still hanging from inside me to her little belly. I tried to pull it out but that was torturous, and I think I must've passed out because I went from sitting up to leaning almost all the way down on the floor. I went numb and since the baby wasn't crying or moving or breathing, I knew she came out dead. I figured I was going to be dead soon too. I wrapped her up in the towels and just held her in my lap. That piece was still attached but I knew better than to try to pull it out again._

 _It was a long time before The Doctor came down the ladder. He started shaking his head and clicking his tongue and told me how much smarter he was than me and that I should be glad he was there to fix my mess. Being fixed up was always horrible, another kind of nightmare, but afterwards whatever was broken or bruised was better. I remember my head wouldn't let me think straight and the blurriness and throbbing were just constant and I was barely able to keep my eyes open to watch. I always watched even though he never gave me an antibiotic or knocked me out or anything. Funny since he gave me some type of pills almost every day. This time he used his scalpel to cut under my belly button and when I felt him slapping me to wake up, he gave me ibuprofen, took her from my lap still wrapped in the towels and brought her up the ladder. I don't know how long it was until he came down again; I still didn't move from the spot. I couldn't really feel anything below my chest. He said I'd been laying still for too long and had to get moving so he made me stand up and walk around a bit. After a few laps he made me climb the ladder. I was going to die at the top Momma. There was no way I would survive a celebration right then, I don't even know how I made it up the ladder I was shaking so much and having to climb up, well it wasn't pleasant but he didn't take me the way we go to the room. We went to the flower patch. Each step was excruciating which is why I started counting them, as a distraction. That's how I knew to tell Uncle Fin exactly where to go. When we got there, the bucket with the baby still wrapped in towels was just lying on the snow. He said he didn't want any trace of a child that probably wasn't his and he wouldn't care for another person and handed me a shovel. I did my best to dig a good hole for her because Elliot used to say that when you buried someone, it was sacred. I took her out of the towels when he told me to, and I laid her in the ground; then I covered it back up. Carmella once told me that when her bird died and then her daughter's gerbil, that she put each of them in a box before burying them. My baby never even got a box so it's a good thing she never knew she was supposed to have one._

 _I could barely stand up but that wasn't unusual. He always had to drag or carry me back from the celebrations, but I was kind of mobile this time. When we got back to the ladder, he threw down a few more water bottles and told me to clean up the mess so he would never be reminded. He threw down some food and told me to remember to walk around or scar tissue would form and I wouldn't heal properly. It's the same thing he told me all the time. I didn't use the water to clean up the floor though, I washed my hands and used the rest to drink. I covered the blood with dirt and that's all. It was a long time before we had another celebration and once the men knew I couldn't get pregnant, that's why he cut under my belly, they did things differently._

 _I'm sorry I can't make you a real grandmother one day Momma. I tried to keep her, but the choice wasn't mine. It's okay, I'm not sure I can take care of someone else, someone so small and fragile. Samson and Delilah are enough of a handful! Writing this wasn't so bad after all. Please don't share this with anybody else, even Elliot. I mean you can tell him if you want, but I don't ever want anyone else to read this. I know you're probably crying right now and it's okay; just remember I am here, and I am fine-well, getting there with your help :) Yes, you can hug me tight, my ribs are all healed._

She was so caught up that Olivia didn't realize she and Serena had switched places from this morning. It was now her who had the never-ending cascade of tears down her cheeks and who was struggling to breathe. She wasn't sure her nose would ever stop running. Her heart was pounding, and she was trying to take unstaggered breaths. It took her a moment to realize that Serena hadn't come back yet. Granted, only a few minutes had passed, but Serena was usually dressed in less time that it took Olivia to cross the room. Closing the journal and looking around, Olivia stiffly stood up. She felt like she was sitting forever, her back and her joints were stiff. Olivia took the cloth she was using on Serena, which was only slightly damp by now, _Jeez! How long was I sitting here?_ and wiped her own face with it, grabbing tissues along the way in an effort to clear her nose. When she got to Serena's room, she was met with a sight that made her want to giggle and cry, again, at the same time.

Serena was sat on her bed, essentially sleeping sitting up. She had her jeans and socks off and her arm was across her lap as if to pull her shirt over her head before she stopped. Her eyes were closed, but her head was lollying around while her body tried not to topple over. The room was uncomfortably warm, even with the window open and the ceiling fan on. Besides the living room, the only other room with an air conditioner was Elliot's. Kathleen had been complaining about it for quite some time; even Eli questioned it yesterday morning. They couldn't appreciate the fact that Bernie and Serena loved the breeze coming in, no matter how hot that breeze was and since she didn't really sleep inside anyway, it didn't matter. Today though, Olivia felt the stifling heat shuffling through.

She searched her daughter's drawers and came up with a pair of cotton shorts and a light tank top. It wasn't something Serena would normally wear but no one else was home and wouldn't be for hours, so it didn't matter if she wasn't completely covered. Liv had already seen everything intimately during her last hospital stay and Bernie never pointed out anything that would make the girl self-conscious. Olivia squatted down and placed both Serena's feet in the shorts. The girl's eyes opened a fraction. "Come on baby, let's make you comfortable." Thanks to years of practice, her voice was steady. She was answered with a grunt, but the girl managed to stand up and put her hands on Olivia's shoulders. As Liv was pulling up the shorts, she made note that although she bought Serena many different types of undergarments from boy shorts to briefs to hi-cuts, the girl never wore any. She also noticed that Serena still lacked any visible signs of puberty. She should at least have a small batch of dark curls, but beside the scars, she was smooth. As she disconnected the cannula to remove the long-sleeved shirt while noting lack of a bra, she noticed Serena's underarms were the same, baby bottom kissable. She had one viable ovary and she tried her best to hide severe monthly cramping and period symptoms so Liv knew the hormones were there, but despite the hysterectomy, given her age and trauma she should be in flux right now, especially given that she gave birth. Most girls her age were learning to shave. Add that concern to the ever-growing list.

Olivia wrapped Serena's arm around her shoulders as she half dragged her to the living room. "It's cooler in here angel." Serena didn't protest the movement; in fact, as soon as she hit the couch again, she flopped down onto her back. Smiling and shaking her head, Liv quickly repositioned her child as Bernie closed the patio door.

"It was letting all the coolness out" she stated as she made her way to the back of the sofa and placed a soft blanket over her granddaughter. Although her breathing seemed steady now, Olivia dragged the oxygen tank next to the couch since she didn't want Serena sleeping without her cannula, especially after the workout her lungs got this morning.

Before her mother placed the tubules under her nose, she spoke softly and slurred a bit. "I can't fight it anymore… don't go anywhere okay?"

Closing her eyes against another rise of emotions, Liv responded. "Like hell I'm going anywhere baby. You don't have to fight anymore, leave that to us. Give in and rest, I'll be right here." She was answered with some unintelligible mumbling, but Serena immediately relaxed into the cushions and Liv once again let the tears fall.

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